Chapter 8
Lexi
I feel like a total piece of trash. I was scared enough to move in with Rafe and Leo, to let them protect me.
I played house with them, best friends and a happy family all rolled in to one.
Then I screwed it up by kissing Rafe after my nightmare.
We got past that, just barely, and I brought in disaster.
I slept with Leo when he was hurting because I was lonely and scared and wanted to be touched and held by someone I cared about, someone who cared about me.
I’d never had that before. I’d had sex, sure, but not like that.
I was afraid to face Rafe and tell him the truth, afraid to be rejected and kicked out like I had been all my life.
Afraid that I’d come between two best friends.
But I had to respect him and our relationship enough to tell the truth even if it cost me everything that mattered to me.
I asked them both to have dinner with me at the house because we needed to talk.
Rafe came in with two bottles of wine after work. “So what’s with the family meeting? It sounded serious.” He kissed my cheek as he put down the wine .
I stirred the chicken and pasta I’d made, already steaming on the stove.
“That smells great. My mom never even cooked like that. Can I make a salad or anything?”
“You can get the biscuits out of the oven,” I said, turning away from him, away from the fact that I wanted to go into his arms and cry and beg forgiveness.
Leo came out of the bathroom in a towel and went to get dressed. I couldn’t look at him. I was ashamed of what I’d done, how I’d wrecked my own life and possibly even theirs.
A few minutes later, I put down the glass of wine Rafe had poured for me and served the food.
We sat together, and I looked at them, so overwhelmed with a flood of regret.
I could have had this sweet camaraderie, the friendship and protection of two extraordinary men, and I’d let my hormones run away with me.
“Guys,” I said, clearing my throat, taking a long drink. “I need to tell you both something. I’m moving out. Tomorrow.”
“What? No,” Leo said. “You don’t need to do that.”
“Yeah, I do. I screwed up. I took advantage. Rafe,” I turned to him, my heart twisting in my chest, “It’s almost like I set out to sabotage the best thing in my life.
I owe you an apology. I know I kissed you after I had that nightmare, and that was over the line.
I just wish it had stopped there. But this morning, when I stayed here to meet Leo after his shift—God, it’s hard to admit this.
I waited for Leo. I took him to bed because I wanted to.
Not because he was upset over the casualties from the wreck he’d just come from.
I’ve been attracted to him from the beginning.
But that’s not even the worst of it. I feel the same way about you.
I’m so embarrassed to admit this, but you both deserve better from me.
Honesty is the least I owe you. I have feelings for you both. So that’s why I’m leaving.”
I swallowed hard, biting my lip and waiting for Rafe’s reaction.
He stared at me for a moment before speaking.
“No way,” he said. “I mean, I can’t pretend I’m glad you slept with Leo, but I’m not surprised either.
I always knew it would be one of us. There was no avoiding it.
We were living in close quarters, both drawn to you.
I wish it had been me, but I’m not going to kick you out over it.
What about you? Do you want her to leave? ” he asked Leo.
I drained my glass of wine and poured another, never taking my eyes off them. I felt like the verdict over my whole life was hanging in the balance. That called for a bucket of chardonnay. I noticed Rafe was hitting the bottle of red just as hard.
“Hell no. And I see where you’re coming from. I kind of thought it would be you, too. I was honestly surprised by it, but I’m not sorry it happened, bro. I hope you can forgive me because I might as well confess, if we’re admitting all our sins here, that I caught feelings.”
“Oh God, not you,” Rafe laughed.
I couldn’t believe he was laughing.
“What?” I said, not following the joke.
“Leo is the worst. He hooks up and moves on. The joke is if he ever catches feelings the world has ended, and hell froze over.”
“Then Satan’s skiing down a snowy mountain right now,” Leo said with a lopsided grin. “Because, and I’m trying not to brag here, but it wasn’t just next level hot. There was, and feel free to laugh your ass off here, some kind of major connection when we were together. ”
“So essentially you’re saying that she screwed your brains out completely and left me with Dr. Phil for a roommate?” Rafe said, glowering at Leo with so much amusement in his face that I let myself feel a little swell of relief.
I was totally and completely confused. It was not the reaction I had expected at all.
“And as for you, Lexi, I don’t want you to leave.
This is the situation we’re in. We wanted you to move in.
Then we both wanted you in our beds. We wanted you to choose if you wanted one of us, not to try and guide you one way or the other.
I’m not going to be a sore loser. Yeah, it sucks to be me right now, but it would be worse if you left, if you moved out because of it.
So, stay with us. We both want you here.
And if you feel the need to hook up with Leo, just lock the door.
I don’t want to go in to borrow his phone charger and find you on top of him.
I honestly have to jerk off enough as it is with you living here. ”
“What?” I said, nearly choking on my wine.
“So much jerking off,” Leo added, “It’s a constant need. You literally bend over to pick up the remote and I have to head to the bathroom.”
“Or when you come out of the shower in the pajamas with the sheep on them.”
“God, yeah, the pink ones? It’s so weird but the way they cling to you, it’s just sexy as hell.”
“My sheep tank top? And the flannel pants?” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.
“Yeah,” Rafe said with a sigh. “And that one night you fell asleep with your head on my chest.”
“When we were watching Sports Center,” Leo said. “I remember.”
“I was so hard for you,” Rafe said a little sheepishly. “I almost dumped you on the floor so I could go rub one out and get some relief.”
“If you’d told me I would’ve started wearing a robe and kept my hands to myself. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was just driving you both nuts. Why didn’t you say something?” I said.
“Gee, I don’t know, Lexi. Wouldn’t it sound creepy? If the guy friends you lived with announced shit like, ‘damn you look tasty in those shorts, I’ve got to go jack off in the bathroom now,’” Leo said. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“But wasn’t I making you uncomfortable all along?
I didn’t mean to like entice you,” I said, but even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t true.
I’d considered wearing a baggy t-shirt instead of my favorite sleep tank, but I’d decided they could handle it.
Apparently, they’d had to ‘handle it’ a whole lot thanks to that tank top.
“Don’t stop wearing it,” Rafe said. “God, sometimes I think that the promise of that tank top is keeping me alive.”
He groaned, and I laughed, “Is it that bad?” I teased.
“Come here and see for yourself,” he said. I got up and went to where he sat at the table across from me.
Rafe pulled me down onto his lap. I felt the shiver of his touch, the hard rod of his arousal against my side as I sat there.
“Damn,” I said, not meaning to react but unable to hide how impressed I was, how turned on it made me to know that he was that wound up.
I met his eyes, feeling my face flush. His arms were around me, and his eyes were dark as he looked me over. “I can’t help myself,” he muttered, his mouth on mine.
Rafe’s tongue was in my mouth. Not soft and questing like it had been after my nightmare.
It was full and filthy, his arm hard around my hips, one thumb stroking the underside of my breast. I felt myself tremble, the deep, lusty kiss rocking me to my core.
My hands were on his shoulders. He tipped my head back so he could mouth my neck, licking and sucking until I knew he had to be marking my throat, but it felt so good.
The haziness of the wine warmed my veins.
I arched into his hand until he took my breast in his palm, the achy nipple hardening like a bead in his fingers. Gasping, I pulled away.
“We made a pact,” he said, low and raspy, his mouth still brushing mine, “Leo and me. We’d let you make the first move, that we wouldn’t get jealous or let it come between us. So tell me you’re making a move. On me,” he said.
I kissed him hard, desperate with longing.
I cut my eyes to Leo. His eyes were bright, his lips parted.
He had been watching us. Not only had he watched us making out, he had liked it.
I saw the arousal in his face, in the taut lines of his body, tense and motionless.
I climbed off Rafe’s lap, reached for Leo’s wineglass and drank from it, the sultry red rich in my mouth.
Boldly, I slid toward him, “Your turn,” I breathed.
“Oh God,” he said, opening his arms, “come here, Lexi.”
Leo stood up, his arm anchoring me to him, pulling me flush against his hard body.
My own body flared in response, remembering a few short hours ago when that thick hardness was buried inside me, stretching me to grip the heavy thrusts.
I swallowed hard, gripping his arms for balance as he backed me up.
We were on the sectional couch, and then his fingers were on the buttons of my blouse, sliding them free.
His big, hot hand moved inside the fabric to find my breasts that were already achy and heavy with arousal.
He palmed one with the big, rough hand and I knew he felt me shudder.