Chapter 38 #2
“Let’s get through security, Curls. We have a few hours to kill before you get all weepy on me, okay?”
I suck my cheeks in and blink. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to cry right now.”
He sets my duffel bag on top of the suitcase and takes my face in his hands. “This doesn’t have to be goodbye.”
My lip trembles. “But it could be months before I see you again.”
“I know.” He presses his forehead to mine. “God, I know. I don’t like it, but if this … if you love me as much as I love you, we’ll figure it out. Maybe I can come to Texas before Cincinnati and after New York?”
“But you don’t know for sure?”
He shakes his head.
“Once school starts, there’s no way I can fly to you on weekends. There won’t be enough time. If I get this job, I’ll be spending my weekends creating lesson plans and grading papers and—”
He shuts me up with a kiss. “No ifs, baby. You’re getting the job. You’re taking it. I’ll be home for a bit in November and for all of December. We can do this.”
His unwavering faith in us, his belief in me, would have me feeling foolish for being so concerned if it weren’t for the pain in his eyes. He hates this as much as I do.
I’m stuck in an impossible state, wedged between the man I’ve unexpectedly fallen for and the job I’ve always wanted.
“We can do this,” I echo.
But can we? There’s a niggling worry in the back of my mind. What we have is so new, so fragile that it might not survive the time and distance apart.
“You stay here,” he says once we’ve found my gate. “I’ll grab breakfast.”
As he walks away, I sit and clutch my backpack to my chest. I pull out my phone and text Lucy an update. She’ll be waiting at the airport when I land. I miss her, and a big part of me can’t wait to see her. But I dread it all the same, because seeing her is going to make all this even more real.
I download a couple of e-books and audiobooks for the plane ride since I’m not sure what will ultimately keep my attention.
When Noah returns, he plops down on my left side and hands me an iced coffee from Starbucks.
“Bless you.” I take a long sip. “That’s wonderful.”
Chuckling, he pulls an egg sandwich from a small paper bag and hands it to me. My stomach rumbles, reminding me that I’ve been up for hours and haven’t eaten anything.
“Lucy’s picking you up, right?”
Mouth full, I simply nod.
“And you’re staying with her?”
“For the foreseeable future, yes.”
After the months I’ve been traveling with him, I’d have no trouble getting my own place, but I know if I spend too much time alone, it’ll be hard on my mental state, and my friends have insisted I stay with them.
“Good,” he replies, rubbing his hands nervously on his shorts.
I’m still wrapping my head around his presence. The man bought a plane ticket he had no intention of using just so he could keep me company. I don’t deserve him.
“I’m going to miss you,” I blurt.
He looks at me, a crumb stuck on his lip.
God, he looks so young and boyish in this moment that it breaks my heart all over again.
How am I supposed to leave him? I brush it away, letting my fingers linger on his lips.
Once I’m on that plane, we’ll have to wait who knows how long to see one another again.
“I’m going to miss you too. Don’t think for a second I’m not hurting over this.”
When I’ve finished my sandwich, I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes in an effort to pretend we’re alone.
Too soon, they’re calling for boarding.
“You’re up first.” He gives me a nudge.
“What?” I ask stupidly.
“First class.”
My lips part and I groan. “I should’ve known you’d splurge.”
He picks up my backpack and holds it out so I can slip my arms through the straps. Then he spins me around and cups my cheeks, his head lowered to mine.
The people around us are getting a show, but I don’t care. I’m leaving the love of my life and I don’t know what happens from here. I don’t know whether we’ll make it work or whether he’ll become just a memory. A hey, remember when I was with that tennis player?
“I love you,” he whispers against my lips. “When you’re sad, don’t forget that.”
I grip his hoodie, desperate to hang on for as long as possible. “I love you too.”
With two fingers beneath my chin, he tilts my face up. “Call me the second you land, okay?”
With a thick swallow, I nod. “I will.”
“I mean it. And text me when you find Lucy and when you get to her house and—”
I cover his lips with my finger. “I will. I promise.”
“You have to go,” he says. He doesn’t let me go.
“I know.” I make no move to release him either.
His mouth finds mine in a long, slow kiss. I’m sure people are staring, but I can’t find it in myself to care.
“I love you,” he says, taking a step back.
The lump in my throat threatens to choke me. “I love you too.”
He walks with me to the boarding area and watches as I scan my ticket and step onto the jet bridge.
Does he know I’m leaving my heart with him?
Just before the jet bridge turns, I look back and find him still watching.
I lift my hand in a wave.
He does the same.
Fuck, I hate goodbyes. We didn’t say the word, but that’s what this is.
I make it onto the plane and find a sparkling water already waiting for me. Not that I’ll drink it. I’ve never understood the appeal of carbonated water. I settle, pulling out my headphones in the hope that I can drown out my thoughts and shoving my bag beneath the seat in front of me.
It hits me now, that because Noah purchased a ticket, I won’t have a seat mate. It’s a blessing. I don’t need a stranger witnessing my impending breakdown.
I hold it together while the flight attendants go over the safety guidelines and as we taxi to the runway, but once we’re in the air, the tears finally fall. I look out the window, wondering if one of the specks disappearing below is Noah, and let myself cry.