37. Noah
CHAPTER 37
NOAH
I’ve just tucked my shirt in when Sabrina appears, looking utterly at peace.
“Nice spa day?” I ask.
After I left her this morning, I called them to make sure she could get in. Like I figured, they were booked solid, so it cost me a pretty penny to get them to open things up for her. It was worth it.
“You have no idea.” She closes the door behind her and drinks me in, assessing the fresh pair of dress pants and the starched button-down shirt. “Do you have another interview to go to?”
“Nope. I’m taking you out to dinner. Get dressed.”
She frowns, a wrinkle marring her brow. “What about Maddie? Can she come?”
Fuck.
This woman. The way she cares about my daughter softens me to her more and more every day. The bond they’ve formed is more than I could’ve hoped for.
“Maddie’s being spoiled beyond reason. Fisher is taking her to one of her favorite restaurants, then Harrod’s. I promise you, she’s not thinking about us. Now”—I clap my hands—“get dressed.”
Eyes wide, she hurries to the closet. “How about this?”
She pulls out a black dress with a bow at the back. It’s short, but not too short, and the way the skirt flows out makes me think of a tutu.
“Perfect.”
“Do you have reservations or something? How much time do I have?”
I check my watch. “Can you be ready in an hour?”
“No problem.”
Forty-five minutes later she emerges from the bathroom, dressed and with her makeup freshly done.
“I changed my mind.” I wrap a hand around her waist and kiss her gently, careful not to mess up her makeup. “We’re staying in. You’re beautiful and I want you all to myself.”
Cheeks heating, she swats at me. “I was ready to crawl into bed after all that pampering, and you made me get ready. We’re going.”
When she puts on her favorite pair of boots instead of one of the many pairs of heels she now owns, my chest pinches with affection.
In the car, when she slips her hand in mine, I turn my head, hoping she can’t see my dopey smile. I’m usually the one reaching for her; for her to initiate the contact sends a thrill through me.
“Where exactly are we going?”
The dopey smile morphs into a sly one, and I turn it on her. “You’ll see.”
She rolls her eyes. “Why not tell me now? What makes the surprise so tempting for you?”
“The look on your face.”
She presses her lips together. “That was cheesy.”
Brow cocked, I shrug. “It’s true.”
She’ll see what I mean when we get there.
An hour in, when we’ve left the city, she fidgets beside me, her focus more intent on our surroundings. “You’re not taking me to the middle of nowhere to murder me, are you?”
“Do you think I’d hire a driver to do that? Why bring a witness?” I skim my fingers over the inside of her knee, and when she shivers, a jolt of satisfaction hits me. It would be so easy to slide my hand higher, to push her panties aside and sink my fingers into that sweet pussy.
“No, I guess not.”
I drag my fingers along her soft skin until they disappear beneath the hem of her dress.
“Noah,” she breathes. “What are you doing?” She eyes the driver who’s right there .
Angling close, I press a kiss beneath her ear. “If you want me to stop, just say so.” To the driver, I say, “Can you turn the radio up? I like this song.”
He meets my gaze in the mirror, his expression knowing, but without a word, reaches over and turns the volume up.
When I find the soft material of her panties and stroke over the fabric gently, her lips part and her breath catches. As much as I want to tease her, make her beg for it, we’re close to the estate, so I have to use my time wisely.
While I’m rubbing her panties, I look out the window, pretending to be unbothered, all the while my cock is so hard I worry I’ll break through my zipper.
When I’m sure she’s good and wet, I push her panties aside.
It takes all my willpower not to groan when I come into contact with her liquid heat.
I turn and bring my lips to her ear. “So fucking responsive. Your pussy loves me, doesn’t it? I bet you’ve never been this drenched in your life. You’re going to leave a wet spot on this seat, aren’t you?” I suck on her skin where her neck meets her shoulder.
Though she doesn’t speak, her eyes are hooded with pleasure.
I push my fingers inside her, thumb on her clit, and curl them against that sweet spot. The music is loud enough to drown out the sound of her drenched pussy milking the digits.
“You’re so pretty,” I whisper in her ear.
We’re nearing our destination, so I make sure to give her clit a little extra attention. I can’t leave her hanging. I’m not trying to edge her. Not this time.
“Noah.” My name is a soft exhale.
When I sweep my tongue into her mouth, she loses it. I keep my lips sealed to hers to stifle her cry of pleasure as her core pulses. She comes down slowly, and only when her spasms have abated do I remove my fingers from her body and return her panties to their proper position.
Then, with my eyes locked on hers, I lick my fingers clean.
Her lips part and a gasp escapes her, though an instant later, the car rounds a bend and gravel crunches beneath the tires, stealing her attention.
Outside the car, I pull a handful of cash from my wallet and pass it to the driver.
“Thanks.”
One brow raised, he takes the money and tucks it away. Then he’s gone, slowly rolling down the driveway.
“Oh my God.” Sabrina buries her face in my shoulder. “Did you just pay him off?”
I tug on my sleeves. “He deserved a tip after that, don’t you think? Or”—I cock my head to the side—“maybe the show was all the tip he needed.”
“Noah,” she scolds, her expression withering. “I can’t believe you said that.”
Hand on her waist, I urge her up the stairs. “Worth it, though, right?”
“Yes,” she admits a tad reluctantly. Halfway up the steps, she stops and tips her head back, lips turning down in a frown. “Where are we? This place looks like a castle.”
“It’s Wellmere Castle,” I answer. “It’s mostly used as a museum these days, but they host dinners twice a month. I was able to get us in.”
“This is incredible.” She turns carefully and surveys the grounds. “It’s so beautiful. How old is this place?”
“I’m not sure. I know some estates similar to this one date back to medieval times, but I don’t think this one is quite that old.”
“It’s magical,” she says as we reach the towering set of doors and they open for us.
An attendant appears just inside and holds out an arm, gesturing for us to enter. “Welcome to Wellmere Castle. We hope you enjoy your evening.”
We’re guided into the massive dining room, empty save us. It cost a pretty penny to rent out the space, but since it’s normally a shared dining experience and I want Sabrina all to myself, it’s well worth it.
“Where would you like to sit?”
She turns to me, eyes wide. “This whole room is for us?”
I nod.
The long, wide table isn’t exactly intimate, but the experience will make up for it.
“This is incredible,” she says when we’re seated. “Imagine the things these walls have seen.”
A server brings glasses of water and a wine menu, and shortly after our drinks arrive, the first course is served.
“You’re spoiling me today,” Sabrina says, her smile wistful. “I feel like a princess, but…” Focus lowered to her lap, she shakes her head.
“But?” I prompt, angling forward.
“I miss Maddie.”
Her words warm my heart. How the hell did I get this lucky? This woman cares for my daughter the way I do. I didn’t want to hire her that day she showed up at my house, but Fisher was right. There was no one more suited for the job.
“I do too. But she’s having a great time. Fisher has probably caved and let her have ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
“God, I hope not,” she laughs, reaching for her glass of wine. “She’ll be bouncing off the walls for an entire week if that’s the case.”
Dinner is incredible, and the car has barely pulled away from the estate when Sabrina falls asleep, her head resting on my shoulder.
When we pull up to the hotel, I have to shake her shoulders to wake her.
Slowly, she straightens and yawns. “Oh no.” She blinks rapidly, taking in our surroundings. “Did I sleep on you the whole time?”
Lips quirking, I shrug. “It’s not a big deal.”
She peers down at my shirt and grimaces. “Is that drool? You let me drool on you? This is so embarrassing.”
“It’s fine.” I slide out of the car and help her out. “Let’s head up to bed.”
“Where’s Maddie?” she asks around a yawn.
“Staying with Ebba again. She was thrilled about another sleepover.” I squeeze her hand lightly as we enter the hotel and head for the elevators. “We’ll get her first thing in the morning.”
With her arms looped around me and her chin propped against my chest, she smiles up at me. “You said we.”
I cup her cheeks. “Yeah, I did, Curls.”
“I like that. Being a we. An us.”
My heart thumps out of time. “Hmm, you do, huh?” I tug her into an open elevator.
“Probably a little too much.” She holds up her thumb and forefinger.
“I like it too.”
Face lowered a fraction, she looks up at me through her dark lashes. “There’s a lot of like going on here.”
“Yeah.” I grin, and when the doors open, I tug her out into the hall.
Sabrina yawns as we shuffle toward her door. “I think I could sleep for a hundred years. I’m so full and sleepy.”
“I think you’re falling into a food coma.” With a hand at her back, I usher her inside.
She sits on the end of the bed and tugs her boots off. “I’m going to shower and don’t even try to sweet talk your way into joining. My body is too sore.”
I hold my hands up innocently, wiggling my fingers. “Keeping these to myself for the rest of the night. Got it.”
She shuts the bathroom door, and when the lock clicks, I can’t help but laugh.
While I wait, I strip down and climb into the bed. I wasn’t feeling sleepy before, but now that I’m unwinding, exhaustion seeps into me. I turn on the TV, determined to wait up for Sabrina, and flip through channels.
The shower turns off, but she doesn’t emerge for another fifteen minutes.
When she does, she stops dead in her tracks. “Whoa.” She gives me a once-over, her dark eyes melting. “How do you expect me to hold you to your promise to keep your hands to yourself when you look at that?” She waves her hands wildly at me. “I want to lick your abs.”
I burst into laughter.
She slaps a hand over her mouth. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I’m just really tired and I think I’m a little tipsy.”
“Please.” I gesture to my torso. “Help yourself.”
“No, no,” she chants, flapping her hands. “I know where that will lead and I’m telling you my body needs a break.”
Chuckling, I pat the empty space beside me. “Then get your ass over here and go to bed.”
With a small frown, she eyes her laptop. “I should check my email again. Lucy has been sending nursery ideas, and I’ve been terrible about checking my inbox.”
She settles on the opposite side of the bed, too far away for my liking, so I slide an arm around her back and scoot her over so we’re touching.
“I think your love language is physical touch.”
I scoff. “What the fuck is a love language?”
She pokes my nose. “Stop scrunching your nose at me. It’s cute and makes me want to kiss you.”
With a hum of approval, I kiss her.
“Noah.” She giggles, pushing me away.
“What?” I ask, blinking innocently. “You can’t tell me you want to kiss me and not expect me to give you what you want.”
She rolls her eyes.
She doesn’t have the first clue just how tightly she’s got me wrapped around her finger. More than almost anything, I want her to be happy.
Propped up against the pillows, she sighs and scrolls through her emails.
When she stops at one from Lucy, I point at the screen. “Circus theme?” I shudder. “Really?”
“You don’t think it’s cute?”
I cringe. “I mean… I guess. I just hate clowns.”
Her jaw drops. “Noah Baker, are you afraid of clowns?”
“Maybe,” I grumble.
Her laughter fills the whole room. “Oh, man. I can’t believe you’re afraid of clowns.”
Arms crossed, I narrow my eyes on her. “Why is that so weird? Lots of people don’t like clowns.”
“I know.” She scrolls to another email from Lucy, this one with images of a nautical-themed nursery. “You’re just so… you . It surprises me that anything would rattle you.”
“I don’t know whether to be flattered you think I’m so impenetrable or hurt.”
She types out a response to Lucy’s question about whether the nautical thing has been overdone. “Just be flattered.”
“Do Lucy and Alyssa know what they’re having yet?”
“No.” She clicks on another email. “They’re team green.”
“Team green?” I shift to face her. “What the fuck is that?”
“They’re waiting until the baby is born to find out the gender.”
I frown. “I don’t know if I could wait.” With a thick swallow, I assess her, one particular question rolling around in my head. “Do you want kids?”
Her sigh is a light one. “Yeah, one day.”
I try to hide my smile, but when her lips tip up, mine follow. We still haven’t put a label on what we are, but I can’t help but think this is as serious for her as it is for me. I could see a future like that for us. One with marriage and babies. But not until I retire. I don’t plan to play forever. I’d rather stop while I’m ahead and hopefully, in a few years, have more kids and be a present father figure. Maddie’s wonderful, and she’s taken this lifestyle in stride since it’s all she knows, but I want to do things differently in the future.
All of my thoughts drift away when I spot one of her email’s subjects.
Position Opening.
I point at it. “What’s that?”
“Oh.” She turns to me. “I was going to talk to you about that. There’s an open teaching position back home. It’s fifth grade, which I’d love, but it starts in August. I asked for more information but I… I’m not going to take it. I can’t leave you and Maddie like that.”
Chest tightening, I press my lips together.
I knew from day one that her aspirations did not include being a nanny. Teaching has always been her goal. As happy as she seems with us, it’s understandable that her dreams haven’t changed.
“Sabrina.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “If it wasn’t for Maddie and me, would you take the job?”
Her silence is deafening. The way she keeps her focus on the screen rather than on me is telling.
“Sabrina?” I prompt.
She clears her throat. “Yes.” The answer is succinct. Unsurprising, really.
Heart sinking, I shove my fingers through my hair.
“It’s okay,” she goes on. “There will be other jobs.”
Jaw locked tight, I side-eye her. “If I remember correctly, you were struggling to get hired on at the local schools. That’s why you’re stuck with me.”
Her shoulders fall. “Don’t say it like that.”
I rub my jaw, my brain frantically scrambling for a solution that would allow her to follow her dream without taking her away from me. Time and again, I come up empty.
If she stays on the tour with us, it’ll be well into November by the time we head home. By then, finding a teaching position will be next to impossible. I’d have no problem paying for her to stay with us and care for Maddie, but if we’re going to date in earnest, I don’t know how she’d feel continuing to work for me. Sabrina doesn’t strike me as the kind of woman to like that her boyfriend’s paying her salary.
Bitter regret forms inside me, turning my stomach. Why the fuck haven’t we talked about this? God, I’m a selfish asshole. My career has taken the front seat day in and day out, and that’s not fair to her. She has her own dreams, and they existed long before I came along.
“Sabrina.” I grasp her hand and rub my thumb over her knuckles. “You have to take the job. This traveling thing… it worked for me and Annie because she wanted it too. She didn’t care about college. Once Maddie was here, all she wanted was to be with us. But you have other dreams, and you deserve the opportunity to pursue them.”
Heat pricks at the backs of my eyes, but I choke it back.
“And shit. Annie and I… I’ve been so fucking selfish. Maybe she did have other goals and I was too blinded by my own to see them. I don’t want to hold you back.”
“No,” she blurts out quickly. “Something will work out. It has to.”
I shake my head.
“Noah,” she pleads. “You’re leaving for the Olympics. You need me.”
I cup her face. “I’m always going to need you, Curls. But I…” I clear my throat, searching for the words to make her understand. “I’m following my dream right now. Annie… I’m only now realizing all she gave up for me, for my career. I don’t want you to do the same thing, okay? I… I’ve been seeing a therapist, and she’s helped me see so much. Including how unintentionally selfish I’ve been for most of my life. I love you too much to force you to follow me while I live out my dreams. I don’t want to hold you back.”
“You love me?” Tears pool in her brown eyes.
“Yeah, pretty girl.” I stroke her cheek with my thumb. “I love you.”
Her bottom lip trembles. “I love you too. I want to stay.”
I wet my lips and exhale a shaky breath. God, this is fucking hard. “Do you want to stay because your dream has changed, or because you love Maddie and me? Baby,” I add softly, wiping at a single tear that crests her lashes and rolls down her cheek. “Loving me, loving her, it doesn’t come with conditions. You can still love us and not give up that part of yourself.”
The way her lips thin tells me all I need to know.
“You have to take the job.”
She lowers her head, but I don’t remove my hands from her face. I want to hold her as long as possible.
“I haven’t heard back from her, and the email sat in my inbox for a few days before I saw it. She might’ve found someone else already.”
“All right.” I clear my throat. “If that’s the case, and you want to, then stay. But if the position is still available, I want you to take it. I don’t want you to ever feel guilty for pursuing your passions.”
Another tear cascades down her cheek. I wipe it away quickly.
“What does this mean for us?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I basically live on the road. I’m not back home often. It’s… if you’re teaching, we wouldn’t see each other often.”
“So, what?” She sniffles. “We break up? I know we haven’t talked about where this might lead, but it feels big. It feels real.”
“It is real, sweetheart.” I rub my thumb over her trembling bottom lip. Fuck, I hate this. I want to be selfish. I want to tell her to forget the job and stay with me, but I can’t. I’ve been a selfish asshole for far too long and I can’t in good conscious continue. I can’t take away her dreams her. “I don’t know what the right answer is here. I don’t want to break up, but this staying together won’t be easy, so”—my throat tightens, making it hard to get these next words out—“maybe a clean break is better.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
It’s the last thing I want.
I’d give anything to take it all back and forget I ever gave voice to that option in the first place.
Pulling away, she covers her face with her hands and lets out a muffled “fuck.” Shoulders rising and falling with labored breaths, she asks, “Why are you doing this?”
The sheets rustle as I get closer and gently pry her hands from her face so she’s forced to see my face, to see just how painful this is for me. Just how badly I’m suffering .
“Because, if you stay with me, I worry that in five, ten, twenty years, you’ll look back and wonder what if .”
She sniffles. “I hate you.”
I brush her tears away. “No, you don’t.”
“Ugh.” She drops her head back. “No, I don’t.”
“If you didn’t want the job, you would’ve deleted the email. You wouldn’t have responded. But you’re interested, and you need to see where this opportunity leads.”
“Can you stop making sense?” she groans. “I like it better when you’re wrong.” With a hiccup, she wipes at her face. “Maddie’s going to hate me if I leave.”
“No, she won’t, and you are leaving.”
“Yeah, she will,” Sabrina sniffles. “She’s going to think I abandoned her.”
“She won’t.” I grasp her wrists and squeeze. “I won’t let her. The two of you can FaceTime any time you want. I may be an asshole, but do you think I’d break my daughter’s heart like that?”
Lips turned down, she picks at an invisible speck on the sheet in front of her. “I don’t know about this.”
“Give it a chance. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t try.”
She nods, inhaling slowly to get her emotions under control.
“I’m doing this because I love you.” I press my lips to hers. “I don’t want to hold you back.”
Her fingers thread in the hair at my nape. “I love you,” she echoes.
We sink beneath the covers, hands exploring, lips connected with a desperation I’ve never felt before.
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
The words echo between us over and over again, and when I sink inside her, I make sure to show her just how deep that love goes.
And when she falls asleep, I do the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time. I pull out my phone and purchase a single plane ticket in her name.