43. Sabrina
CHAPTER 43
SAbrINA
“I can’t watch,” I say, peeking between my fingers.
“Want me to change the channel?” Alyssa suggests, reaching for the remote.
“Don’t you dare,” I snap, smacking her advancing hand.
Lucy laughs from the chaise part of the couch, where she’s balancing a popcorn bowl on her bump. It’s wild to think I’ll be an aunt in a matter of weeks.
“He’s not playing well.” I bring my fingers to my mouth, my attention fixed on the television mounted above the fireplace, and bite down on my nails. “He looks stressed.”
On the screen, Noah adjusts his hat, squinting against the sun. This match isn’t being aired on regular TV in the US, so I downloaded the network app and started a seven-day free trial so I could watch.
We haven’t had much time to speak. He’s been busy training, and I’ve spent every waking hour trying to figure out what I want.
Noah bounces the ball against the court, preparing to serve.
“He looks hot, though.”
Lucy laughs, causing her bowl to tip and several kernels to fall onto the couch cushion. “Never ever did I think I’d see the day where you’re openly lusting after a man on TV.”
“You have to admit it: my man looks good.”
He serves, and the ball is no good.
“Double fault,” the umpire calls.
“Ugh.” I hide my face behind my hands again. My stomach is churning. I’ll never recover from the guilt if Noah is out of the Olympics this early because of me.
I suppose it’s a bit egotistical to take credit for how well he plays, but I can’t help but feel like he’s as off as I am since I left.
Jessica gave me a week to mull things over before she reached out, and when we spoke, I told her that while I was grateful for the job offer, I couldn’t take it. We talked for a while longer, and she promised to check in again with more information about remote positions.
It’s funny how my dreams have morphed and changed. Teaching in a classroom here in Texas while Noah and Maddie travel? I know already that I would be miserable. Kids need a teacher who is present, who wants to be there, even when it’s hard, and in this phase of life, I know I wouldn’t be able to give it my all.
“He looks pissed.” Lucy pops a handful of popcorn into her mouth. I can’t help but suppress a laugh at the way her feet do a happy little wiggle. “What’s a double fault?”
“It’s when the server makes consecutive faults, and their opponent gets the point.”
“That’s a bummer. Do you guys want any of this?” She holds the bowl out in our direction.
“I’m good.”
“I don’t want any,” Alyssa says as she pushes off the couch. “But I do want a drink. Either of you want something?”
“Ooh.” Lucy nearly drops the popcorn bowl in her excitement. “I got some of those little crunch chocolate things when I was out. Bring me those.”
“You got it. How about you, Sabrina?”
“A bottle of water would be great.”
I’m so stressed over this game that my mouth feels like a desert.
After Alyssa disappears, Lucy pokes me with her foot. “He’ll pull through and win.”
My stomach twists itself into a knot. I’m not so sure. Rather than five sets, they’re playing best of three. He’s already lost the first set, and he’s struggling severely through the second. It’s going to make me physically sick if he doesn’t win.
The camera pans to the crowd and my heart jolts painfully when I see Maddie sitting with Ebba, Fisher, and even Elias.
I miss her so much.
I’m so thankful for her endless text messages. Each one brings a smile to my face, no matter how random they are. Like this morning when she sent me a picture of a bowl of lemons.
“Do you think you’ll take the online teaching position?” Lucy asks.
“You should,” Alyssa chimes in, holding out a bottle of water to me.
“There’s no job offer yet. You know that. Jessica’s just going to see what she can find out.”
“You can always wait for a position to open up.” Alyssa drops onto the couch and rests her feet on the ottoman.
“I know, but if I go back before I have this figured out, I’ll feel like I failed. I can’t keep dating him and be his nanny. I need my own thing. I want to be Sabrina, not just Noah Baker’s nanny or Noah Baker’s girlfriend.”
Laughing, Lucy tosses a piece of popcorn at me. “You don’t want to be his girlfriend, huh? The lie detector determined that was a big fat lie.”
“You know what I mean.” I toss one of the small throw pillows at her in retaliation, accidentally knocking the bowl off her belly completely.
“Not my popcorn,” she whines, scrambling to put the kernels back in the bowl.
“Whoa, what happened?” Alyssa asks, her tone full of concern.
I scoff, assuming she’s talking about the popcorn and wondering why she’s so upset about it, but when she scoots to the edge of the couch and lets out a drawn-out “ uh …” I quickly realize she’s fixated on the TV.
I jump up and take two big steps closer to the screen. “Is he okay?”
He limps off the court and collapses into the chair.
“Did you see what happened?” I ask Alyssa, cursing myself for not paying attention.
“It looked like something with his ankle.”
Hands on the sides of my face, I pace up and down the length of the family room.
No, no, no.
This can’t be happening. Images of the moment Elias was injured flash through my mind. Dammit. This can’t be happening.
“I can’t believe I’m not there.”
The commentators ramble on, but I don’t hear a word they say. I’m too focused on Noah’s face as the cameras remain focused on him. He’s trying his hardest to conceal the pain, but I see it. This isn’t a small injury he can play through. It doesn’t look nearly as bad as what happened to Elias, but he’s pale and gritting his teeth. Shit. He’s definitely in pain.
I pick at the edge of my nail as I pace.
I hate this so much.
“This is the Olympics,” I say, as if Alyssa and Lucy don’t understand the importance. “If he can’t play, then he won’t have another chance for a medal for four years.”
“Maybe it’s not that bad,” Lucy says, her tone somewhere between reassuring and unsure.
“I hope not.”
A medic squats in front of him and examines his injured foot. Then, with a nod, he stands and tests his weight.
When he gets back on the court, I’m flooded with relief.
“He’s okay.” Feeling as if I’ve just finished a marathon, I drop onto the couch.
Only he’s not. Within minutes, his face is a mask of pain. He sprints to the right to get the ball, but he comes up short and drops his racket. Then, chest heaving, he slowly walks off the court, back toward his chair. Wetting his lips, he looks toward where I assume his team is sitting and shakes his head.
I press my hands together and drop my forehead to them. Though I know exactly what the move means, I want to deny it.
This can’t be happening. He’s hurt, and I’m not even there.
He sits back down, and the medics look him over again.
Nodding, Noah rolls his ankle. Quickly, he grimaces and the nod turns into a shake.
“I’m going to throw up.”
Bile actually rises in my throat when the commentators say the words I’ve been dreading.
“Noah Baker is withdrawing from the match due to injury.”
Anything they say after that is lost on me.
I pick up my phone and call him, even though I know he won’t answer.
“Sabrina.” Lucy pries the phone from my grip and hits the end button. “Hey, calm down. Breathe. You’re hyperventilating.”
“He’s hurt.” Tears sting my eyes. “And I’m not there.”
Lucy nods silently at Alyssa, communicating in that freakishly silent way they seem to have mastered, then wraps an arm around my shoulders and steers me back to the couch. “Don’t forget to breathe.”
“I can’t believe I let him convince me to come home. I’m going to kill him when I get my hands on him. After I kiss him and make sure he’s okay, of course.”
“Ah, yes, best to make sure he’s fine before committing murder. That makes total sense.”
“Don’t make fun of me.” I wipe a tear from beneath my eye.
“I’m not,” she croons. “It’s very cute seeing you so in love, though.”
“This was such a bad idea,” I go on. “All of it. I’m not even taking the job. I should’ve gotten on a plane right away. I’d be there now if I had.”
Frowning, she pulls back. “You haven’t told him yet that you’re not taking the job?”
I shake my head. “No. I wanted to line something up first. I didn’t want to show up and be like ‘ha-ha, remember how you tearfully sent me back to America for a job? Well, jokes on you: I didn’t take it.’”
Her face softens. “I don’t think he’d care as long as it was your decision.”
“It is my decision,” I snap.
Though she should be frustrated with me, all she does is laugh softly. “I know, and once you tell him that, he’ll see it too.”
“I don’t know how it happened, Luce,” I say, my vision blurry with tears. “But he and Maddie are my family.”
She’s right. Why the hell am I sitting around waiting for something that may or may not work out when I could be with them while I wait?
“Aw, honey.” She wraps me in a tight hug. “That’s what happens when you fall in love.”
Straightening my shoulders, I march over to the coffee table and pick up my laptop.
“What are you doing?” Lucy asks as I sit beside her again.
Alyssa chuckles. “If I had to guess from that determined look on her face, I’d say she’s purchasing a plane ticket.”
Within minutes, I’ve reserved a seat on a flight leaving tomorrow.
“Listen.” Lucy wags a finger at me, her expression suddenly stern. “You better get your ass back here when this baby comes. You’re obligated to fulfill duties bestowed upon you as this little one’s auntie.”
With a hug, I promise her I’ll return. “I’ll be here. I’m not going to miss the chance to shower your little one with all the love. But right now, Maddie and Noah need me.”
Noah has to be devastated, and the idea of Maddie being worried and scared for her dad without me there to comfort her makes my stomach churn.
Lucy lets me go and shoos me toward the stairs. “Get your shit and get out of here. I’m tired of looking at you. But leave the keys to that car, okay? Mama wants to take it for a spin.”
My laughs echo off the walls around the staircase.
Only Lucy could get me to go from crying to laughing in the span of a few seconds.
I pull out my bags and toss all my things in them.
In a few hours, I’ll be back with my family.
For the first time since Noah and I decided I should come back home, my heart feels whole again.