28. Domestic Bliss
DOMESTIC BLISS
Gavin is in the world’s shittiest mood as we go through our employee meeting. We’ve nearly tripled how many employees we have over the last month with staffing for the club and the need for more reliant boat captains.
It’s been a lot to manage, but it’s more fulfilling than I thought it would be. I feel a sense of pride knowing that we employ so many people and are a part of them providing for our families.
Plus, I get to work with my brother, who’s my best friend and we’re doing what we love. Working on the water and offering a safe, comfortable place where people can come together and socialize and celebrate life.
I feel happier than I ever thought I would.
I’m not delusional enough to think Kate isn’t a big part of why I’m feeling so hopeful about everything lately.
God, I feel like some kid who got his first hard-on for a girl, jerking off twenty-four seven thinking about what it would finally be like to fuck her.
I’ve had crushes before. No, I’ve had infatuations before, but this is different.
I could see Kate in my life, and beyond that, I could see her in our life.
There’s always been this lingering fear that one day Gavin and I would be all grown up and I wouldn’t have my twin anymore—at least not in the same way we’ve always lived our lives.
Maybe that’s codependent and unhealthy as fuck, but I love our life.
We’re thirty-fucking-five. We’re not going to change when it comes to how much we need each other any time soon.
But Kate…Kate likes both of us, and she doesn’t treat either one of us like we’re better than the other. Something I know that eats away at Gavin. He’s so convinced that people prefer me over to him and he’s so fucking wrong.
Gavin is the most loving and understanding person out there and anyone who doesn’t see that isn’t worth his time. Kate sees it. I know she does. Just as she sees me. She sees the soft side I keep hidden along with the fun loving man I am.
I’m so absolutely fucked over the woman, and I don’t care.
Rick hands out the schedules for the week and goes over boat safety with our captains and once he’s done, everyone leaves the bar, except my brother, who pours—over pours—himself a glass of whiskey.
“Uh, you good?”
“Kate’s at our house,” he says and I can’t decipher his tone. Is he pissed about it? Happy about it?
“Why?”
“All they did was give her some bullshit temporary restraining order. You know what happens if he breaks it? It just gets extended or made permanent. He was outside of her fucking house. He’s been threatening her,” he says, downing the glass and swallowing heavily.
I know my brother almost as well as I know myself and I can see it in the way he speaks now. He’s not upset that Kate’s at our house. He’s upset because of the circumstances. He cares more deeply about her than I realized.
“Is she okay?”
“I’m not sure. I think the reality of it all is hitting her. She agreed to stay at our place until I had Mitch and his guys set up security at her house.”
He pours himself another glass, but this time he sips it.
“This all happened last night?” I ask.
“This morning technically.”
“You stayed at her house, in her bed?” I clarify.
It was one thing when we both spent the night. It was clearer then. We were giving into our desires and it was agreed upon, friendly, casual sex. Well, for them, for me, I think this stopped being casual comically early.
“Yeah,” he says with no explanation, taking another sip from his tumbler.
It’s then I realize just how emotionally inept me and my brother are. I’ve already asked him this before, but I decide to go a different route.
“I think I have feelings for her beyond our arrangement.”
I search his eyes as he places the tumbler on the counter with a soft clink.
“Fuck. I think I do too,” he says, running a hand through his hair.
“It doesn’t matter, though. She’s made it pretty clear what she wants.
Not to mention her ex is clearly a fucking psycho.
I don’t think she’s going to go from divorcing that freak to dealing with the public scrutiny that comes along with what it would look like being with us. ”
“We could, I don’t know, ask her?”
Gavin furrows his brow at me. “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”
“Yeah? Well, what’s your plan? Making her addicted to your dick and hope that maybe she might grow in affection towards you?”
“That sounds like a pretty good fucking plan.”
“What’s the worst that she could say? No?”
“Yes, that is the worst that she could say. She could say no and then we wouldn’t have her at all. She’s a professor. You saw how freaked out she was with her nosey ass neighbor and those girls at the bar. Imagine that on a grander scale,” Gavin says, waving his arms while he talks.
“She came to us at the club opening. She seemed to work through that fine,” I say with a shrug.
“Really? She seemed fine? She seemed like she wanted to run out of the club and never look back until Penny plied her with drinks. She’s not ready. She might never be. Go figure, the one woman I finally want I can’t have.”
“That’s really dramatic, even for you,” I say with an eye roll.
“It’s not a joke.”
“I didn’t say it was. I just think maybe you need a feelings board or something so you can communicate better.
She’s at our house. She feels safe there with us.
She came to our club opening. When she was scared last night, who did she text?
Us. I’m just saying, maybe she’s scared, maybe she’s not ready, but there’s no way she doesn’t feel something. ”
“Does it really matter if she feels something if she isn’t willing to act on it?”
“I think you’re doing a lot of speculating on how she feels,” I respond.
“Maybe, but I think we need to play this smart. She’s going through a lot and the last thing we need is to spook her. We’re exclusive with this fuck agreement, at least there’s that.”
“So you really are trying to manipulate her with your dick?”
He tosses a rag at my face, and I laugh.
“Alright, fine, we’ll just be two yearning fucking assholes, walking on eggshells in our own house wondering if the girl likes us back. Maybe we should write her a little note and leave it on the fridge. Do you have feelings for us? Mark yes, no, or maybe.”
He tilts his head like he’s open to the idea and I toss the rag right back at him.
“You’re an idiot.”
“That means you’re also an idiot.”
“Probably,” he agrees. “Either way, I know you worked late last night. Why don’t you go home and make sure she’s okay? I’ll cover the bar tonight.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I think I need to stay busy,” he says, and I know what he really means. If he doesn’t keep his hands or mind at work, he might do something stupid, like tell the full grown woman staying in our house that he has feelings, or worse, going and beating the shit out of her ex-husband.
“You’re sure this is what you want to do?”
“Yes. Keep things how they are and we’ll just go from there,” he says like it’s simple and I realize then that Gavin truly doesn’t know what the next step in this process is and neither do I.
“Maybe we should ask Lincoln or Aiden what to do,” I suggest.
Gavin grimaces at me like I’ve said the most inconceivable shit on the planet.
“Aiden I’d consider. But there’s no way in fuck I’m taking relationship advice from Lincoln.”
“Fine. Just text me and let me know when you’ll be home, and sort this mood out before then, yeah?”
He brushes me off, and I sigh. I know my brother well enough that he needs time to come to his own conclusions and I’ll honor his wishes.
I won’t say how I’m feeling or how he’s feeling to Kate, however it won’t stop me from doing everything in my power to make sure that these feelings aren’t unrequited.
That would honestly be the biggest fuck you the universe could throw us right now. It would be our punishment for being so slutty for so long.
Maybe my confidence is over inflated, but I don’t think that’s the case.
Kate might have mixed feelings and could still not like the idea of entering another relationship, let alone a complicated one with me and Gavin, but there’s no way she doesn’t also feel this connection. I just need to prove it.
I make sure that I’m louder than I would normally be as I unlock the door and walk into the family room.
Kate’s on the couch reading a book, her big round glasses perched on her nose as she places the paperback on her chest and gives me a smile.
“Hey, Ben. I didn’t think I’d be seeing either of you till later tonight.”
“Not much going on. I worked late last night, so Gavin has it covered. How did you know it was me?” I ask, sitting down on the couch, and propping her legs on my lap before kneading her calves.
“Well, Gavin’s hair is slightly longer than yours right now and also the way you walked in here with a big smile on your face.”
“Fair enough. You doing okay? Gavin told me about last night and this morning.”
“I’m still processing. It’s hard to imagine that this person I spent so much of my life with could be this vicious. It’s almost like the person I was married to doesn’t even exist anymore. The tracker really…” She stops speaking and shrugs like she can’t find the words.
“Do you want to go out and get your mind off everything? We could go out to eat, take the boat out? Or we could order a ridiculous amount of food and stay in.”
“Would it be tremendously boring to just stay in?”
“Do you want to get high and order takeout?” I offer and she bites her lip, a wide grin taking over her face.
“I haven’t smoked pot since college.”
“Oh, innocent Kate. No one says that anymore and I have edibles. No smoking necessary.”
“I probably shouldn’t.”
“We could just get food, watch some mindless show and enjoy each other’s company.”
She swallows thickly before shaking her head. “No. Let’s do it.”
“What are you feeling? Pizza, Chinese, Indian?”