28. Domestic Bliss #2
“How do you feel about chicken tikka masala on pizza?” she asks playfully.
“I think you’re onto something,” I say, placing the order on the app for both restaurants, before going to my room and grabbing the small plastic cylinder of edibles I picked up for my clearly medicinal use.
When I come back to the living room, Kate’s sitting there with a blanket on her lap, and I plop down next to her. She holds out her hand and I put it in her palm.
“You could cut it in half—” I say too late as she drops the small candy into her mouth and chews.
“So, how long does it take?”
“Like forty-ish minutes?”
“Hmm. What should we watch until the food gets here?” she asks, clicking through the different streaming services we have.
It's odd how comfortable it is having her on our couch, how much I like her being in our space. I don’t even like having our brothers over, but Kate feels like she truly belongs here.
I just stare at her side profile, thinking how beautiful she is, and how much I want more. How much I want this on a daily basis. I don’t know how much longer I can wait to let this guise of friends with benefits go on for.
Because the fact of the matter is I have feelings. Big ones that I’ve never had before and it feels like the longer I keep them bottled up the more likely I am to explode.
“What?” she asks, turning to face me.
“Nothing. We can watch whatever you want.”
“Hmm. Oh, have you watched this?” she asks and I shake my head.
The first episode plays and suddenly I’m watching a rom com about a podcaster and a rabbi who fall in love. It’s a funny show, but it has me thinking about my dating situation and what I want.
Beyond liking Kate, and having these big feelings, where could I see this relationship going?
For the first time in probably ever, I think about the future.
I could see us in Kate’s house. I could see myself waking up to that orange cat sitting on my chest every morning.
The imagery is clear as day as I picture me and Kate and her and Gavin.
There wouldn’t be a compromise for me and Gavin to separate.
We could still live our lives together, but it would be even better with Kate in the middle.
“Are you okay? Is it hitting you?” Kate says, running her fingers through my hair as I look into her pretty blue eyes.
I want to blurt all these emotions out as a knock on the door sounds.
“There’s dinner,” I say, kissing her cheek before getting up and grabbing the ridiculous amount of food I bought.
It takes about twenty more minutes, and then suddenly all the food tastes better, and I feel all my riddled anxieties slowly slip away.
Kate must be feeling it too, the way she’s moaning around her pizza dipped in chicken tikka masala sauce.
“Oh fuck this is good,” she says.
My smile is so wide that I can feel the stretch of skin around my eyes.
“God, I love your smile,” she says dreamily, taking another bite of food.
“What else?” I say, greedy for compliments.
“Hmm. What else do I like about Benjamin Carlson?” She taps her chin like she’s deep in thought. “This dimple for one,” she says, pointing to my chin. “I like how you listen, your kindness, your sweetness. You’re a good man, Ben.”
“Even though I did what I did?” I ask, knowing I’ve apologized, but not knowing if it will ever be enough.
We put the food down, lying face to face on the couch, my arm underneath her neck, her head resting on my biceps as she nods.
“Yeah, even though you did what you did. Is it weird that I think it was meant to happen?”
“You really think so?”
Her eyes are heavy-lidded as she smiles up at me.
“Yeah, I think we’re just what each other needed.”
“What is it you need?” I ask her, wanting to be everything she expects of me.
She shifts on the couch and blinks at me. “Just this.”
I lean forward and press a tender kiss against her lips, her tongue lashing out and licking my kiss off her mouth.
“What about you? What is it you need?”
“Just this,” I reply, because it’s easier than saying those three little words I’ve never said to a person that want to come flying out of my mouth. “And maybe you fucking my brains out,” I say, trying to cut the tension and Kate belts out a laugh, throwing her head back.
“Hmm, can you picture me with a strap-on?” she says with a big smile and my cock is already rock hard.
“I picture it often.”
She shifts so that she’s on top of me, stroking my face, her pupils are huge as she leans down and presses a soft kiss against my lips.
“I’d do just about anything for you, Ben,” she whispers against my lips, making me shudder.
Her hips shift to where she’s grinding on me and she closes her eyes hefting out a soft breath. “Fuck, I think I could come like this,” she says, moving back and forth on my cock, even with our clothes on.
I hold her tight against my body, thrusting my own body against hers. She stares down at me, and as she does I feel lost in my body but completely sure that I’m falling for her.
The pressure builds higher and higher as we rub against each other, our fingers tangled in each other's hair as we share our breaths and kisses.
Her grip in my hair tightens, her hips grinding against my length faster as a moan rips out of her. She looks so beautiful and it has me going over the edge with her, as I come in my pants like a teenager.
She moves her hips twice more, her body shuttering, as she blinks at me with heavy-lidded eyes.
“Yeah, I think I could get used to just this,” she says.
I’m a fucking goner and I don’t think I ever want to come back to reality.