12. Dove
DOVE
Then
I t was late, the sky so dark it was a midnight canopy of bright stars gathered around an even brighter moon. Fireflies blinked lazily across the backyard, winking on and off encouragingly as I internally debated what I was about to do from my seat on the porch steps.
Sleep was still somewhat of a tenuous friend, even after all these years, and when I’d laid down tonight, all I could do was toss and turn, despite the long day I’d had at school and even longer evening helping Gareth fix an overheating issue on one of the older tractors.
He’d come into the stable, where both Josh and I had been companionably mucking stalls, a tedious daily chore assigned to me, but one I didn’t mind because Josh always made it a point to help me, his presence welcome even during the messiest of duties.
It went quicker that way, and I think that’s why he’d started helping me instead of doing his own work.
Where we use to have only a few old mares, left over from Gareth’s father, we now had several new additions.
Gareth was on a kick of buying green horses—ones that needed training—so he could sell them once they were tamed, ready for the hands of newly-country folk.
“City slickers,” he called them. “Everyone wants a horse for their kids nowadays,” he’d told us when the first one arrived, skittish and wary. “It’s the new puppy on Christmas Day.”
I hadn’t had much to say to that, not understanding how a nine hundred plus pound creature could be deduced down to a simple holiday present, not when they required so much attention, patience, and care.
Josh must have felt the same, because his eyes hardened and his mouth thinned into a subtle, disapproving line.
I knew he was probably upset that his father was pandering to the craze for some quick cash.
Gareth had, of course, tasked their handling to Josh.
Just one more thing piled onto his plate.
An order his son accepted quietly, obediently, with nothing more than an acquiescent nod.
I’d never once seen Josh raise his voice or push back against the orders he was given—but in this case, I felt like he should have.
He was in his final year of school. He was supposed to be enjoying his senior year.
Instead, he was too busy working through a chore list twice as long as mine.
So, when Gareth had entered the stable earlier today, and Josh grew tense beside me, I knew he was waiting, preparing himself for whatever his father was undoubtedly about to burden him with.
“Dove.” Gareth’s voice carried across the earthen floor, his boots landing in quiet thuds. “Want to come oversee a tractor repair with me? Old Blue’s been acting up, and I’ve got to open ’er up and see what’s going on. Could use the help.”
Ask your son! I answered in my head, wishing I could utter the words aloud.
But Gareth never asked Josh, only ever ordered , and it was rare to see them working together on anything.
It was as if Gareth avoided his son, tolerating his presence only when it was unavoidable.
I had no idea why, and I didn’t dare ask Josh, or even my mom, who was likely to go to Gareth and tell him I noticed the chilly air between them.
No, I only observed silently.
And what I saw was the rigid line of Josh’s back, and the too-tight grip he kept on the pitchfork in his hands.
It had me itching to decline, to offer Josh’s services instead.
I honestly had no interest in learning about the tractors, unless it was Josh’s patient voice in my ear explaining things to me.
He always made it interesting and fun, as if learning how to farm was something more than necessity.
But I knew offering up Josh wouldn’t result in the father-son bonding I hoped for.
He’d just end up doing it alone, Gareth finding somewhere else to be.
Although Josh would end up doing this task alone if I went, too.
But I knew how awkward it would be for them both if I declined, and how Josh would likely find it a betrayal if I pushed this on him, so I picked the lesser of two evils.
Setting my pitchfork against the wall and dusting off my hands, I’d offered Gareth a polite smile and a simple, “Sure.”
Josh had glanced over his shoulder at me, eyes narrowed as if he knew just how I really felt.
He probably did. In the years since moving here, he’d learned to read me like a well-loved book.
It was almost eerie how he could pick up my moods, how he’d know instantly by the tone of my voice if something was wrong.
Which was why I was out here now, alone with my thoughts, peering out across the expansive backyard to the trees beyond, where the lake sat.
Because I could read Josh almost as well as he could read me.
Neither Josh or his truck were visible from this far away, not with the foliage dense and the silver light of the moon casting shadows, but I knew he was out there.
I’d heard him creep passed my room, the distinct start of his truck following minutes later.
There was nowhere to go at this hour, so I lingered by my window, watching as it rounded the corner of the house and bumped slowly across the backyard, disappearing into the tree line and beyond.
He was alone out there, much like I was right now. And perhaps like me, he wanted some company. As much I enjoyed my solitude, there were days I craved someone to reach out to me, to notice that I was struggling, and I think Josh was having one of those days.
This past week had been tough on him, with the arrival of another new horse, his dad’s never-ending laundry list of expectations hanging like a weight around his neck, and a calculus test he’d failed on Wednesday, despite all the studying he’d done for it.
Tonight, the final straw had come just before we’d gone to bed.
I’d heard his phone ring through the wall.
His hushed, muffled voice resigned in a way that could only mean one thing. Stella.
Disgust curled on my lips. I had no idea what he saw in her.
Josh deserved someone better, someone who could see beyond their own nose and give love just as much as Josh gave.
Someone like you, whispered a treacherous voice that sounded suspiciously like my own, and my stomach flipped as I balked.
No, not me.
But… someone who loved him just as fiercely as I did.
I was pushing off the steps before I’d even fully made up my mind, my feet carrying me across the lawn in the direction of the lake.
The cicadas buzzed louder in welcome as I drew closer, the visible part of the lake shimmery with moonlight, beckoning me.
The water stretched beyond, cloistered by trees, and in order to get to the farthest side of the lake, where the dock resided, I had to skirt the edge of the water and follow along the dirt trail hugged by thick woods.
Hairs raised along my arms as I stepped deeper into the darkened gloom, the faint silvery light from the moon only visible through slim gaps in the treetops.
I didn’t fear the darkness, but it was a little unsettling to walk through it alone—especially when it was home to any number of wild animals. I’d only ever ventured out here with Josh, never by myself. When a branch snapped under my foot, I startled, my steps quickening as my heartbeat climbed.
When the trees thinned, giving way to a small clearing on the other side of the ginormous lake, Josh’s truck a red smudge in the reflecting moonlight. It was parked away from the water, the tailgate facing the dock, meaning Josh wouldn’t see me coming.
Quieting my steps, anticipation built in me as I imagined catching him unaware.
Caught in a constant game of one-upping each other, we’d perfected unique ways to scare the pants off one another around the farm.
It broke up the monotony of chores—waiting around corners, leaping from behind doors.
Once, I’d stayed wedged between two hay bales for nearly half an hour just to get him.
There was no shortage of hiding spots if you got creative enough.
He’d gotten me a few days ago, jumping out from behind the chicken coop.
Now it was my turn. Maybe I’d even scare the melancholy right out of him.
Crouched low, I inched closer, picturing him stretched out along the back of his truck, gazing innocently at the sky—completely unaware I was creeping up. Until…
“Gotcha!” I leapt around the front of the tailgate, adding extra volume for maximum scare factor. My voice echoed in the still night, and somewhere in the distance an owl hooted, affronted by the disruption—probably angry I’d scared off its prey.
Only a rumpled comforter greeted me in an otherwise empty truck bed. Confusion and worry twisted together in the pit of my stomach. Where could he possibly?—
“You really thought you got me, huh?” Josh’s voice came from so close behind me, I swear I felt the puff of his breath along my ear.
The scream my lungs produced had my cheeks flaming with embarrassment, and I spun around reflexively, lashing out to smack him hard against the arm.
“Ow.” He frowned, rubbing the spot I’d just hit. “No need for abuse.”
My hand rested over my thundering heart. “No need to nearly frighten me to death, asshole!”
He laughed, his lips quirking up in that way that had me sighing throughout the day whenever I thought of it.
No, I chastised myself, that jerk was not cute. My heart was still racing!
“Oh, but it’s perfectly fine to do it to me?” He raised an eyebrow questioningly, eyes still sparkling with his victory of scaring me.
“That’s different,” I griped. “You were owed a scare. Just you wait, now I’ve got to get you back double.”
He released an incredulous huff. “Oh, really?”
I nodded resolutely, already thinking of the many hiding spaces I could squeeze into to get him back for this.