14. Josh #2
We quieted as we dug in, enjoying our breakfast and sipping our coffees, but I wanted the easy banter we’d had a moment ago, however slight. Every time I opened my mouth to say something I took a bite of the piece of toast in my hand, flaking out.
“How is it?” I finally asked once I had finished almost half my plate, not able to take the silence stretching between us. It wasn’t as tense as it could be, but it wasn’t as comfortable as it once had been, either. It just was . A palpable thing that had seemed to hover between us now.
Dove swallowed and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Good.” She took a sip of her coffee and I eyed it, making sure she didn’t need a refill. “Really good,” she admitted.
I wasn’t trying to wait on her like I was some ma?tre d’, but ever since I’d returned, I’d been consumed with this need to take care of Dove—as if some instinct deep inside me recognized how badly I’d cocked up by leaving her and wanted to make up for lost time.
It was overwhelming and, considering Dove was still rightfully pissed at me, likely unwelcome. She knew where to aim if I grew too overbearing for her. I wouldn’t even try to dodge it; I more than deserved a swift kick to the balls.
“I guess you really did have to fend for yourself, huh?”
Her words had me lifting my gaze to her, but she was busy looking anywhere but at me. Her sharp words echoed in my head, I would imagine there are drawbacks to just up and leaving your family.
I only nodded, hoping this wouldn’t spark another fight between us. That was the last thing I wanted.
“All by yourself.” Her voice was thoughtful, gaze lingering out the window where the first signs of morning were chasing off the night sky.
She finally turned to me, looking me square in the eyes as if searching for something. “That had to have been hard.”
It was hard without you, I wanted to tell her, because it was the God’s honest truth. Nothing had been as hard as leaving her, living miles away, knowing she was waking up and facing the day without me there to watch out for her.
But I was the something to watch out for , I reminded myself. Still was if the urge I’d had in the bedroom to slip my hand between her thighs and watch her wake up breathlessly was anything to go by.
I shook my head to clear those thoughts from my head.
Dove frowned across from me.
“What’s on the agenda for today, boss?” I asked in an obvious switch of subject.
She continued to look at me curiously, but answered, “We should take the day to go over the tractors, make sure everything is in working order for the harvest. There are some rainstorms coming up in the next week, but once everything dries out, we’ll at least be ready to go.”
Sounded good to me. I’d gotten some of the smaller chores done that my dad had been neglecting and Dove hadn’t gotten around to yet, so I was free to help with as much as she needed with today.
Sipping my coffee, I nodded. “Whatever you need, Dove.”
For some reason, a slight flush rose to the apples of her cheeks, and she averted her eyes, digging around in her eggs but not making a move to eat them.
We sat for a bit longer, sipping on our coffee, but it was clear we were done eating.
Normally Dove would have been up and gone already.
When she first arrived in Haven, it took her some time to get used to the schedule we kept.
But over time, she became an early riser, ready for school even before breakfast, and on days we didn’t have school, or god forbid during summer, she was always eager to get on with the day, shoveling down breakfast at breakneck speed and out the door before anyone else.
She’d taken to farm life surprisingly well for a girl who’d been raised in the city.
Warmth budded in my chest at the thought that maybe she didn’t want to leave this moment just as much as I didn’t. That she wanted to stay seated at the small kitchen table and enjoy the morning with me.
But the day needed to start, and things had to get done, so eventually I drained the last bit of the coffee I’d been nursing and cleared my throat. “All done?”
She nodded and my chair screeched along the floor where I made to get up and clear the table.
“Let me,” she offered. “You cooked, I’ll clean. Only fair, right?”
I shook my head and reached over to grab her plate. “It’s not about fair.”
She stood, stubborn as always and made to steal her plate back. “Let me,” she insisted.
I held it out of her reach and snagged another plate before taking them over to the sink. Her soft steps followed behind me, and when I turned, she was carrying the remaining plates in her hands. I made an exasperated sound and took them from her, setting them on the counter with a loud thump.
“Don’t,” I protested. “I got this. Go upstairs and get ready.”
She turned back to the table, and I just knew she was going to continue to clear it instead of head for the stairs like I’d told her to.
I grabbed her arm and tugged. Her eyes were wide and her mouth open as she spun, her eyes trailing up to where I towered over her.
Our bodies were so close I could practically feel her along my front, and the urge to swoop down and capture her lips was so great, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to resist it.
“Be a good girl and go upstairs and get ready, Dove.” My voice came out a little too husky, and she shivered in my hold.
God . She had no idea what she was doing to me.
That thought alone had me releasing her and stepping back.
Her eyes smoldered with the same look she’d given me that night on the couch. The same look that confused me so much it had me forgetting the boundaries I’d spent years erecting between us. All it would take was one word from her, and they’d all come crashing down around me.
But it had to be her . I couldn’t take, not before I knew what she wanted.
I took another step back, bumping into the counter. It brought me back to reality and out of her thrall. I turned my back to her, starting the water to fill the sink.
“Just… let me do something for you, Dove.” My focus remained on the water slowly filling the basin, even though I could feel the itch of her stare on my back. “It’s the least I can do.”
After everything .
She gave a tiny exhale, protest on the tip of her tongue. I waited for it, but a moment later I heard her retreating steps creaking up the stairs, and finally, finally, the tension thrumming through my body relaxed.
Fuck . What was building between us was likely to wreck us.
But I was helpless to stop it.
I didn’t want to.