15. Dove
DOVE
E ven though I’d showered, dressed, and put distance between us, my heart still fluttered at the memory of Josh invading my space. At the huskiness that had lingered in his voice as he’d implored, “ Let me do something for you, Dove. ”
A shiver ran down my spine, and I imagined his fingers following it, chasing it down until it reached the swell of my?—
There was so much I wanted him to do to me.
I took a few deep breaths and finished buttoning my jean shorts. How was I supposed to work with Josh today if I couldn’t even function when we wasn’t around?
I was honestly hopeless.
Slipping out of my room, I hesitated at the top of the steps, wondering if I could somehow find an excuse to spend the day doing anything other than what I’d suggested us do in the first place.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. I’d been lured into a false sense of security over coffee and pancakes, forgetting all about the risk of being close to him, of how his skin would brush mine as we passed tools to one another, enveloped by that heady scent of his.
This was not going to go well, not after that encounter in the kitchen that had me wanting to step closer to him and screw the consequences. But I’d forced myself upstairs like he’d all but ordered and now…
I’d be okay. I could control myself. I’d done it for years, hadn’t I?
There was something brimming between us, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was.
Was it misplaced responsibility? Did josh feel obligated to take care of me now that my mom was gone? Did he feel compelled to run the farm now that his dad wasn’t here to do it? Or was it something more?
Did he want to be here? With me? Despite the fact he’d spent three years doing the exact opposite...
I cleared those confusing questions from my mind with a shake of my head. Nothing had made sense since Josh came back. Sometimes, I could swear he wanted nothing more than to swoop down and kiss me?—
But that was absurd. Even if he did , we couldn’t have that.
I took a single step down the stairs, then froze.
Could we?
It was a question I’d asked myself a long time ago, when my gaze would lock onto him from across the farm and watch him covertly, wondering if he felt anything for me beyond sibling affection. A teenage girl's wishful fantasy, nothing more.
But now…
We were both adults and technically not related and our parents weren’t?—
“I hope you’re not contemplating throwing yourself down the stairs to avoid spending time with me,” Josh’s amused voice carried up to me, and I took a few steps down to see him lingering in the kitchen, dressed and ready.
His hair didn’t look wet, so he must not have opted to shower.
Good, maybe I wouldn’t be bombarded by the scent of that damn body wash he always used.
But when I passed by him to grab my boots from the mudroom, his smell was still as potent and alluring as always.
Dammit .
“I don’t think you should be yanking at it like that.”
Josh grunted in response, where he was half bent over the tractor reaching for a part we’d been trying to wiggle free for the last half hour.
Unfortunately, maintenance on the farm, including the tractors, had gone by the wayside since Gareth had been focused on my mom, and I wasn’t confident enough to work on them by myself.
“Be careful.” I lifted up onto my tip toes to peer over his hunched shoulders but all I could see was the tense line of his back through his sweaty shirt.
I licked my lips, ignoring the tingle of heat the sight caused in me, and heaved myself up beside him, balancing on the thin lip protruding out on the side of the tractor. “Maybe I?—”
There was a metallic screech followed by a loud snap followed by an even more impressive curse.
When Josh straightened, he nearly took me out, not realizing I’d pulled myself up beside him, and I scrambled not to fall backward.
An oil slick hand reached for me and curled around my upper arm, saving me from falling and helping me to find my balance. I scowled at him, barely noticing how close we were as I realized what lay broken in his hand.
“We needed that intact you know,” I groused.
Josh’s hand slid from my arm, leaving behind greasy fingerprints. My scowl deepened.
When he noticed my pointed look toward the mess he left behind on my arm, he offered me the rag hanging out of his back pocket. He brought the part up between us to inspect. “This was bound to break anyway. Better to replace it now before we start than when we’re halfway through.”
I hopped down from the tractor as I wiped at my arm, only managing to smear it further. I rubbed harder. “I guess you’ve got a point.”
He dropped down beside me in a cloud of stray hay and dust, chuckling as I let out a single sneeze.
“I’ll chat with Dell later today and see if he has a replacement in stock. If not, he can order it. We have some wiggle room between the upcoming storms and the time it’ll take the crop to dry out.”
Josh eyed the sky through the open barn doors. “I don’t think we should wait much longer, though. It’s rained more than usual this season, which I’m sure helped everything grow quicker, but we don’t want to miss our window for the last cutting.”
Still scrubbing, I echoed my agreement.
“Here.” Josh set the part down on the worktable nestled against the far side of the wall and grabbed the rag from my hands. “Let me. You’re rubbin’ your skin raw.”
My stomach fluttered as he stepped closer, but I extended my arm obediently so he could swipe at my skin, attempting to clear away the remaining oil with a much gentler hand.
I swallowed, turning away from his ministrations.
I was afraid to look at him, at his handsome face so close to mine. Instead, I focused on what he’d said.
The rain this year had been both friend and foe to our harvest season.
Gareth was a fan of cutting and baling as efficiently as he could, so he could get the most out of the cuttings.
Which meant he was agitated when the rain proved unhelpful but elated when it helped the crop grow quicker without the need for irrigation.
At one point Gareth had had a full operation, tons and tons of acres to cut from, but year after year he rented more of it out to nearby farmers.
What he had left was enough for a decent profit, but it also required a decent amount of work even with Josh’s help.
The end of summer was right around the corner, which meant if we didn’t bale soon, there was a chance the impending temperature change would force us out of our time frame for harvesting.
We still had time, but with Pennsylvania’s unpredictable weather, if we harvested too soon and it rained, there went our crop.
I didn't have enough experience with this, and I was relieved Josh was here to help. I wouldn’t have been able to do it by myself.
His hand wrapped around my bicep, his thumb brushing the sensitive flesh of my inner arm as he moved it gently to reach where I couldn’t. Goosebumps erupted across my skin at the touch. He paused, noticing my reaction.
When I turned to face him, he was watching me, and I was close enough to see myself in the reflection of his dark gaze.
My heart sped up as his hand tightened its hold on my arm, his hand large enough to encircle it completely.
All he’d have to do was tug me closer and I’d fall right into him, giving him whatever he wanted.
But if I allowed myself to do that and he didn’t want me… I wasn’t willing to risk losing him again.
I slipped my arm from his grip. “That’s good enough.” I cleared my throat and hoped my voice wasn’t as shaky as I felt. “Thanks.”
Disappointment flickered across his face before he gave a brief smile.
“You’re welcome,” he said lowly, and it shot down my spine like an electric current. “Sorry I got you dirty.”
He sounded anything but sorry.
My face flushed, and I nearly tripped in my hasty escape out the barn doors, throwing the rag in the dirty bin as I passed it. I needed sunshine. I needed air . I needed?—
A meow sounded to my left.
Omen stretched in a patch of grass he’d clearly been sunbathing in. He blinked up at me before sauntering over.
I scooped him up, desperately in need of a good cuddle and something to do with my hands, otherwise I was likely to grab a fistful of Josh’s shirt and haul him down for a kiss.
Omen purred as I nuzzled my face into his fur and showered kisses to his face.
“I missed that little guy.” Josh squinted at us as he stepped from the shade and out into bright sunshine. He looked like the country version of a rugged GQ model leaning against the barn with his arms crossed, shiny with oil and sweat and smiling that half crooked smile of his.
Omen purred louder at Josh’s presence. He’d always favored Josh, had practically been his shadow since he was a tiny kitten.
“He missed you, too.” I missed you.
Josh’s eyes went soft with guilt and something a little sadder, and my stomach twisted into an uncomfortable knot. As much as I’d planned on reminding Josh how deserved my wrath was for leaving, I didn’t like that look on his face.
“Your birthday’s soon,” I mentioned. An obvious attempt to change the subject to chase the sadness from his eyes.
“Next week,” Josh agreed, pushing off from where he was leaning to take a few steps toward me until he was close enough to rub a finger between Omen’s eyes, who squirmed in my arms at the attention. I likely had a few more seconds before he’d jump straight into Josh’s arms.
Omen made a choked off meow, and I huffed, depositing him into Josh’s hold. “Fine, go on then, traitor.” Omen’s content purr was his response.
“Are you planning on going out with Eddie?” I asked as nonchalantly as I could, slipping my hands into my back pockets. “Like he offered?”
Josh’s large hand nearly engulfed poor Omen as he pet him, but the cat looked pleased as punch to be curled up in his arms.
I glanced away, hating that I was envious over a damn cat of all things.