5. Eliza
Eliza
The sound of my notifications going off felt like a hammer to the head, reminding me of my cowardice and really driving that nail deep into my bones.
"Mama." And Asher didn't help either.
Of course, I couldn't fault the little guy, nor could I be mad at him. I mean, watching him waddle over with my phone in his hands to give it to me was too adorable. He was only trying to help me and be my good boy.
Bending down to his level, I took my phone from his outstretched hands with a big, warm smile. "Thanks, baby." I gave his little head a rub and kiss before standing back up to look at the contents.
Besides reminders about upcoming jobs, and texts from my boss about said, and new, jobs, the main reason why I dreaded opening my phone was—
Ding!
Hey, check your door. :)
Oh, like that's not creepy at all.
Rolling my eyes, I went against all caution and headed to my front door, opening it with the expectation that he'd be crowding the doorframe.
So, it surprised me a little to see the nearly empty parking lot in front of my apartment complex with no hot man in sight.
Instead, the only thing I found was a single rose with a to-go cup from Controversial Coffee and a little folded-up note.
I shouldn't be giving you a coffee addiction, but you deserve it.
-Adam S.
P.S. throw away that crap in your cupboard before you burn a hole through your stomach.
Should I be drinking from a random cup delivered to my door?
No, probably not, but it smelled rather nice.
Well, at least I was home, and the door was locked…
though, I wouldn't want to leave Asher stranded for any amount of time if it was drugged.
On the other hand, I didn't see why Adam would tamper with my coffee when he wouldn't even be around to reap its effects. Wait, actually—
Okay, this was sweet and all, and thank you, but how do you know where I live? And what I have in my cupboards?
I most definitely did not give him my address during the two weeks we'd been casually texting back and forth.
Really, I wasn't ungrateful for the rose and coffee; they were nice—honest!
And if this situation of ours was different, then I'd be gushing with so much happiness that the walls of my place would turn pink and bubbly.
But it was a little weird… Very creepy.
Did you forget I went grocery shopping with you? I saw everything you had in your cart, and I still have the receipt.
Fine, I guess I'd accept his answer. Not like I could argue with him about it because it was all true.
Mary gave me your address the other day when I was at the grocery store. We chit-chatted and I mentioned I wanted to do something nice for you.
Don't worry, I didn't follow you around like some stalker or anything lol!
The ball of tension in my chest unraveled and left my body with a long exhale. That was a relief to hear. Mary knew where I lived because she'd been by a couple of times to drop things off for me and Asher, or to pick up some treats from me for her and her husband.
Oh, okay then!
Thank you :)
It's so lovely! I really love the rose! Roses are my favorite, especially pink and cream ones, and I haven't tried the coffee yet, but it smells good!
Feeling more at ease, I eyed the coffee cup for a second before taking a sip of it. My body tensed up slightly as I prepared myself for the bitterness to bite my tongue, but I found myself relaxing with a surprised raise of my brows when silky, sweet smoothness bathed my tongue.
I rarely got coffee from shops because I hated the bitterness of it; the coffee I made at home was usually drowned in creamer and sugar, basically making it a frappe.
Honestly, I was probably breaking all the rules of coffee drinking, but I needed the caffeine to get myself through a whole day; I'd tried energy drinks, but they usually gave me headaches.
Happily smiling to myself, I sipped away at the drink, humming and giggling to myself as I zipped around the house to gather things. I actually had no cleaning jobs scheduled for today, and the weather was pretty decent for once. So, I figured a day at the park would be nice for Asher and me.
Just as I was about to grab Asher, I became distracted when my phone dinged again.
How's the drink? Do you like it?
Also, you busy today?
And there goes my mood. It wasn't Adam's fault for the sourness to my pep.
I was a coward who kept avoiding him like the plague.
A part of me wanted to give in, go on that date, and have some fun for once.
Yet, I couldn't. The thought of leaving Asher to take a moment to myself like that, made my chest tighten with guilt. Also, I didn't think I was ready yet.
What if I put myself out there and got rejected?
Yes, Adam might be the one initiating everything right now, but what if he pulled back after finding out the truth?
I had so much baggage, and honestly, I probably should have shot him down at the store for both our sakes.
Honestly, I have no idea what I'd been thinking!
I was setting myself up for failure. There was no way anything good could come from any of this. I mean, how would I even begin to tell him the truth if, or when, the time came?
'Hey, so my name isn't actually Eliza Huyen, I'm a total loser because I let my ex-husband abuse the shit out of me, who by the way I ran away from in the middle of the night, and I am now hiding from. Oh, and I'm still technically and legally married.'
Like that conversation would blow over well for anyone.
I had to keep my head low, dating right now was not an option. I couldn't bring myself to reject Adam. Stringing him along wasn't any better, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't let him go. I couldn't give up the way he made me feel, but letting him closer wasn't an option either!
Letting out a frustrated groan, I gripped and tugged at my hair, hoping the pain would kick some sense into me.
Of course, that did nothing but give me pain without the sense.
"Oh my God, why am I like this?" I asked no one in particular.
Well, Asher did look at me with a confused look for a moment before going back to chewing on his toy.
Huffing to myself, I plopped down on my couch with a pout. "Why did I think starting over would be easy?" In hindsight, it was.
In hindsight, it should've been, but that was before all the nuances and paranoia set in.
I didn't have to worry about Asher and school right now, but he only had a few years left before I had to send him.
Sure, homeschooling was an option, but I couldn't be doing that while busting my ass to make sure we had enough money for bills and food.
The fear of James finding us once he went to school, made friends, and spread his wings kept me up into the late hours of the night more often than not.
What if James just showed up and kidnapped Asher?
What if he just showed up at the school, picked Asher up, and took him back to Idaho?
The soft thumps of Asher's thundering steps made me peer up at him.
I couldn't help but smile at the sight of my chunky man barreling towards me and then hugging me.
"Mama?" He was so young but so in tune with me.
He probably didn't have a lick of an idea about the situation, yet he worried over me.
Asher had always been so sweet and intuitive. I mean, I didn't know how his little brain was wired, but ever since he became more and more aware, any time he saw me frowning or crying, he'd instantly run over to comfort me. I had to be doing something correctly with him then, right?
"Oh, baby." I forced a laugh through my budding tears. "Come here." With a strained groan, I picked up my heavy toddler and held him tightly with a growing smile. "I love you so much, baby."
And the sweet moment lasted two seconds before he squirmed with a whine, meaning he wanted to be free to do whatever his mind was on now. So, with an amused chuckle, I set him down, watching as he waddled off to his pile of toys.
Resetting myself with a deep breath, I picked my phone back up to reply to Adam.
The drink was so good. I usually like sweet coffee drinks, so this is perfect. Thank you :)
Also, I don't have work today, but I want to spend time with Asher today and just try to unwind. I hope you understand.
Good to know for next time lol
And hey, don't worry about it, you enjoy your time with Asher. Tell him I said hi :)
Of course, Adam being a good sport about it all didn't help. I mean, who allowed this man to be such a golden star? Like, God, why couldn't you make him snap at me? Send a red flag my way! Something!
I needed this man to be less perfect, like yesterday, so I could drop him like a brick into the ocean. Seriously, life was not fair to me. Granted, it hadn't been for a while, but this whole placing Adam in my life was just beyond cruel.
Letting out a drawn-out groan, I stared up at my ceiling for a long moment before shooting up from the couch, startling Asher. "Sorry, baby," I chuckled with an apologetic smile.
Warming my smile up, I bent down and reached out for him. "Come on, bud, let's go to the park."
Asher instantly perked up and scrambled over to me with a toothy grin, tackling me in a hug and squealing.
Again, I didn't know if he fully understood or if he just took my open arms as an invite, but either way, it was too cute, and I wanted to give him a little credit.
Maybe he was starting to understand. I mean, kids did grow smarter by the day.
Grunting softly because my damn kid felt like a sack of rice, I picked him up and got him into the stroller. Then, I grabbed the prepped bag and left.