17. Eliza
Eliza
Nearly a damn month later, and I still couldn't bring myself to tell him.
But how the hell do I even begin?
I needed to let him in, but how? How could I without unraveling everything? Anything and everything personal about me was tied to my old life, which shouldn't exist anymore. If I cracked that can of worms, I'd have to come clean to Adam about everything, which I didn't exactly want to do.
For once in my life, everything felt like it was finally fitting together.
Adam was beyond amazing, and I didn't want anything to ruin our budding relationship.
Yes, it was still young, and we were still working things out, but everything was sailing smoothly.
Of course, the fact we haven't exactly argued probably should be a red flag…
But I was considering that it's only been what?
Two and a half months, give or take? So, was it too soon in a relationship to really argue?
We've had some intense conversations—the one in the car about limits, another the day after I settled into his—our—new home, covering rules, schedules, splitting chores.
Meager things, really. Granted, we didn't really have much or anything to argue about.
Finances, he handled things, and I still had my job and own funds.
If anything, I argued with him to let me help, but he always shot me down.
Chores? He wasn't a slob or anything, cleaned up after himself, and given how he was home most of the time, he took care of a lot of it while I was away.
So, I didn't even have a chance to do any of it, and when I asked him to leave some for me, he always played the 'well, I'm bored at home when Asher's asleep' card on me.
Actually, my job has been a bit of a tension point for us.
Adam didn't want me working so much or at a job that was so physically demanding with less than average pay.
Of course, that conversation usually led into the whole subject of my lack of college education, career aspirations, and why I should go back to do what I wanted.
I wouldn't call the whole thing an argument per se, just a very irritating and emotional talk.
Adam hasn't brought it up in a while, or ever since I snapped at him to quit it the last time about a week or so ago.
It's not that I didn't want to return and get my pharmaceutical degree—I couldn't. As real as my fake records were, I didn't want to put them to the test through the system.
The last thing I wanted was to end up in jail for identity fraud or some shit like such.
Well, if James didn't find me first somehow.
Even if he didn't press about my past, how long could I keep it hidden?
I mean, such things were important to divulge to your partner.
Granted, I could lie and make up a fake ex to tell him about.
What was Adam going to do with the information?
Go out and kill the man for being a raging asshole to me?
It'd have to come out eventually, either on my terms or when we'd get married.
That would be disastrous because, well, telling your husband-to-be that you're not who you've claimed to be and that the wedding can't happen because, surprise, surprise, you're still fucking legally married in Idaho to some douchebag wife-beater of a cop!
Still, it didn't feel fair to hide my real self from him, not when he was so forthcoming with me.
I practically knew my boyfriend from the moment he was born until now, and he knew nothing real about me.
Well, maybe saying that was a little extreme because all my likes and dislikes, limits, personality, and attitude was all me.
Nothing about any of that had been a lie or remotely fake about me.
I mean, he didn't have to know about my past, right? The past was in the past; that's what all people say, right? So, no point in digging it up.
Yeah, and what's gonna happen when James finds you? Then what?
My brain really needed to shut up and not work sometimes, I swear.
My ex finding me was always a risk as long as I was on the run, but it wasn't a guaranteed thing to happen.
I mean, people have disappeared before in history, and criminals have broken out of jail and assumed a whole new identity successfully.
It wasn't as if I was reckless, either. I kept myself from social media, never ventured out much or any, and lived in a quaint town that wasn't too bustling.
Honestly, what even were the odds of James finding me?
Especially with the alterations to my appearance.
Shockingly, going from dark blonde to dark brunette changed my look quite a bit, and the same went for Asher.
Well, I wasn't so worried about Asher because his appearance wouldn't stop changing until he was a teen, basically.
Groaning, I ran my hands down my exhausted face before slamming it against the steering wheel a few times.
What do I do?
Sitting in the car brooding to myself didn't help. All it did was make me more frustrated.
You know what? I'll just mull over it in the bath!
It almost slipped my mind; the bath Adam had waiting for me.
A lovely bath, and Adam's baths were always lovely, sounded perfect for helping ease my mind.
Seriously, he always added extras to the water to make it all the better.
Oh! Especially bath bombs! I seriously hoped he left one out for me today.
I loved plopping them in and watching them fizz out and turn the water fun.
A small surge of excitement gave my aching legs the energy they needed to step out of my car, into our home, and into the bathroom.
God, that was still a little strange to think about.
Our home.
I never thought I'd call a place home with another man in my life. I thought 'our home' would be with Asher and me, not us two and Adam. Not that I was complaining, just thinking about how strange my life has turned out so far.
A giggle chirped from my bouncing body when I saw a line of bath bombs lining the grand tub, and I eagerly snatched one up and tossed it into the bubbling water.
While I watched it dissolve, I quickly stripped myself and put the other bath bombs away into the basket on the floor before slipping into the jetting tub.
"Fuck, this is perfect." I moaned happily as I sank into the water, stopping when it reached my chin.
Oh, this is Heaven.
The soothing floral scents of the bath bomb paired with the hot water eased my aching body to bliss. I could stay like this for hours or forever. Too bad I couldn't without turning into a prune.
Shame.
Sighing, I let my head fall back over the tub's edge, resting it against the cushion.
I probably shouldn't have stayed as long as I did, considering how tired I was.
Seriously, I nearly fell asleep and drowned myself a few times.
The most recent, when I was fully submerged, drove it home for me to get my ass out.
Begrudgingly, I dragged myself out of the warm water with an internal groan.
God, guess I was more exhausted than I thought.
Even though I only had two places today, there was a lot to be done.
I thought the nice bath would reset me, but my body felt heavier for some reason.
It felt like someone chained anchors to every joint of every limb right now.
Maybe I'll be good and see if Adam will let me nap in his lap or something like that because, lordy, I did not feel up for any funny business. The energy to pull on this little lingerie dress felt nonexistent as I struggled to work out the lace of the corset top.
"Ugh!" Frustrated, I threw my hands down and my head back, letting out a long, raspy groan.
The thought of marching my ass down to the office half-dressed to ask Adam for help crossed my mind quite a bit, and I nearly did it. Actually, I would've if it weren't for the sudden heart attack.
"El—!"
My heart leaped out of my chest with a sudden startle to my body. It felt like my thumping heart ping-ponged around in my chest from the violent grab from a familiar pair of rough hands.
Panic chilled me to my bone, making my body freeze up as my breath choked itself in my throat. All I could do was stare at Adam's worried and rageful face with wide eyes and a gaping mouth that refused to let any words out.
Concern softened his gray eyes, but then the wave of pure wrath sharpened them into a jagged stone the next second.
All I could do was brace myself to be the punching bag for his words and hands.
I mean, why else would he look at me so angrily?
I didn't even have it in me to think about what I possibly did to deserve this because it was probably everything.
Maybe he finally snapped. People did that, and why would Adam be any different?
The way his peeled-back lip relaxed while his eyes boiled more and more with such seething vexation unnerved me because how could someone be so calm but so furious? Then, his voice was so controlled that it felt like some calm before the storm—worse, the eye of the storm itself.
Finally, his words… They felt like a stab to my face with how shocking they were to me.
"Who fucking did this to you?"