24. Jack
24
JACK
W hen I heard Ashley had been called before the board this morning, I knew she would want me here. I tried calling her but her phone went straight to voicemail. After leaving her to sleep last night, we hadn’t spoken, but I did manage to contact Nick. I knew the board wasn't happy about what was happening and I knew he was the advocate Ashley needed. He was thoughtful and measured every word and action against truth, not assumption or emotion.
I blamed myself. I was the one who brought her into this mess, hired her to join my team and snoop around for me. I could have just trusted my intuition and my interns and none of this would have happened. But then, I wouldn't have found such an amazing connection with her, either. She would have returned from California and taken whatever job she chose and I would have continued being Calvin’s friend and no more. I was torturing myself for no reason, and only because she was hurting and I wanted to stop it.
The elevator doors slid open and I stepped onto the fourth floor where the board room was to a shock. Ashley had her back to me, but she was wrapped in Sam Gooding's arms. The hug made me freeze mid-step. Neither of them saw me, and I was far enough away that I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it didn't matter. Just the fact that she went to him for comfort instead of me said something.
I felt paralyzed but I managed to walk into an open office door and lean against the wall out of sight. My whole body shook from the emotion I felt, which I couldn’t even name. It was too painful to be anxiety, too powerful to be heartbreak. I tried breathing, but no air would enter my lungs. My palms were slick with sweat, my throat constricting. The room darkened around me, and I heard someone ask me if I was alright, but I couldn't respond.
The wall even seemed to move, dizzying waves of adrenaline coursing through my body. I'd been hit by powerful waves of panic and anxiety before, but nothing like this. It was like being sucked into a vacuum where my autonomy to act and respond was stolen from me. I sank onto a chair as the moment passed, and when I started to feel lighter and less like vomiting, I managed to stand up.
That was when the anger started. Anger that Barbra had destroyed my heart. Anger that I didn't know what it felt like to trust someone anymore. Anger at myself for being so foolish to believe I could be capable of having a relationship with anyone. I stewed and obsessed and when I heard the elevator ding, I stood and marched into the hallway. I fully expected to see Gooding getting into the elevator with Ashley, but he stood up the hallway watching her. When his eyes grazed across my face, he scowled.
My chest was so heavy I thought I would pass out. Every movement felt labored and I struggled to think coherently. All I knew was that I had warned the man to stay away from Ashley already and he hadn't done what I said. All I knew was she was just in his arms for unexplained reasons and my temper got triggered in a violent way. A slug to the gut would be like a flick to the head compared to what I wanted to do to the man.
"Dr. Stewart, glad to hear you're off the hook." Sam's casual comment came with a smirk. He had read my body language and decided it was a good idea to poke the bear instead of backing away silently, and I wasn't amused.
"What was that, Gooding?" I leaned in close to him, close enough to get a whiff of the minty scent of his bubble gum.
"What was what?" he asked, and he still didn't back down. His chest puffed out a little, challenging me. He jerked his chin upward and looked down his nose at me. "A friend needing a little comfort because her fake husband isn’t around when he should be?" The snide tone he used challenged the self-control I had over my fists. I clenched and unclenched my jaw.
I knew I was being reactionary and probably out of control. I knew it wasn't my best look. Anyone who saw us would think I was unhinged and immature, but I couldn’t stop myself. The festering darkness of my soul was so powerful I couldn’t tamp it down anymore. For years I had avoided every woman, every relationship. Opening Pandora's Box was a risk I couldn’t take because I knew the monster that dwelled inside it, screaming to come out and seek vengeance on anyone and anything, and it was all my ex's fault.
"I asked you to stay away from her."
"You lied to the board, Jack. You told them she was just an employee, but it's clear you're screwing her. And I know you're not married. She said that because she wanted to get back at me, hurt me for leaving her standing at the altar." He scoffed, and I could have choked him. "Give it up, old man. You're out of your league."
He put his fingertips on my chest and pushed lightly, but I didn't even budge. The veins in my face and neck were probably ready to explode. I had no clue this jerk did that to her. Hearing that news made me want to hurt him even more. He acted kind and sweet in front of her and when she wasn’t around, he was the most manipulative, cynical bastard I'd ever met. He didn't really want to win her back to love her. To him, she was a conquest to prove he still had it.
"Gooding, I'm telling you to drop it and back off, or what happened to those two dead patients will look like a child's game when I'm done with you." I was so close to him I felt the heat of my own breath bounce back off his face and hit mine. I didn't even hear Nick or know he was there until he cleared his throat and startled me.
"Dr. Stewart, a word, please?" he said, and my blood ran cold. I knew he heard me threaten Sam, and he would be asking questions.
I wanted to move. I wanted to heed Dr. Fisher's request and walk away, but something kept me glued there, staring Sam Gooding in the eye like a large predator guarding its prey. If I backed away first I was the loser, and I refused to lose.
"Dr. Stewart," Nick called, but I stayed planted.
Sam blinked, and I watched his nostrils flare and then his jaw clench and he mumbled, "This isn’t over," so quietly, I doubted Nick heard him. Then Sam backed away and turned and walked to the elevator, and I was the sentry keeping watch over the floor until he was in the elevator and the doors were closed.
"Want to tell me what that was about?" Nick asked, and I knew there would be a reckoning even if it was only with Nick. I had so much to answer for now and I didn't know where to begin. The only thing that could give me strength to get through all of this would have been Ashley at my side, but now there was no point. Confessing it all couldn't do any more harm to my career than I had already done to it myself.