Chapter 22 #2
“I don’t think so, asshole!” As a knee to the groin hadn’t disabled him, I began the process of forging the kind of curse he wouldn’t be recovering from, not without divine intervention.
A low growl behind me warned that one of the dragons had noticed the ruckus and took severe offense to it.
A moment later, a shiny black claw with glimmers of opalescence descended, skewering the bastard from head to foot.
With a single shake of his giant paw, the Destroyer of Georgia flung his deceased victim in the direction of his castle.
I gave it twenty minutes at most for the alligators to strip the man of flesh and leave bones, assuming Mr. Magic the Bold didn’t get to him first, thus removing the evidence.
With a thundering strike of his tail, my boss reduced the vehicle to rubble.
The other two made the decision to run down the street.
I found their flight rather puzzling, really. Did they think they could outrun a dragon larger than most houses? Apparently.
The black dragon growled, the sound so deep the sound thrummed within my bones.
The Devil nodded to his wife, who had sprouted a fur coat, displayed her wings, and growled, long claws extending from her fingertips. “Go ahead, my darling. They sealed their fate daring such a thing in front of the likes of him. Do escort them promptly to your favorite cells before coming back.”
The succubus lunged forward, caught up with the retreating pair, sank her claws into their backs, and vanished, taking them with her.
I wondered how long she’d keep the pair alive before finishing them off.
The Destroyer of Georgia grunted, took flight, condensed his size, and zipped off in the direction of his castle, likely to posture on his favorite spire.
I frowned, righted my wagon, which had gotten knocked over, and harbored relief I’d already unloaded everything. Had they broken even a single of my eggs, I would have interfered so I could have dealt with the last two. “Where’s Yuless?”
“He went to make use of your facilities and freshen up while waiting for you to return. He’ll be back in a few minutes. He went about the same time you started talking to the bitch down the street.”
“I got her good, as she offered condolences over having been beaten at the races. I made her confirm I kicked ass at Churchill Downs.”
“Well done,” he praised. “I trust you are all right?”
“Mr. Durant spared that asshole he skewered from a rather nasty curse,” I confessed. “The other two would have gotten the weave instead if Darlene hadn’t beaten me to the chase. How long do you think she’ll take settling in her new pets?”
“I asked Belial to be ready to help her so she’s not spending all afternoon toying with them.
Belial will interrogate them and decide their fate.
We might prefer them to be alive. But the other one touched you, and that is that.
One dragon happened to be faster than the rest, and I was about to join the party. ”
I checked my property to discover a collection of twenty-two dragons, all the size of house cats, perched on my wall. “There’s even more of them now?”
Lucifer laughed. “And more still are coming. Some are still a little drowsy from their long sleep and are finding their bearings, but they will be here soon enough. You are to be commended, Crystal. All because of you, the age of dragons has begun, and should all go well, it will never end.”
* * *
A rather miffed Yuless fussed over having missed the party, and I laughed over how he scowled at the blood left on the asphalt.
While we waited for Darlene to return, I attempted to calm him, promising he could ride with me in my big truck, and we’d take my trailer just in case things went sideways on us.
Between Lucifer’s insane rig and my setup, the livestock show wouldn’t defeat us.
It took a few minutes, but I convinced him to cool his jets and come with me to retrieve my vehicle, which I’d left hooked up in the courtyard, too tired to deal with it after the race and trip home.
“It’s sweet you’re upset, but you would have had to fight a dragon over the body, Lucifer was about to get involved, and his wife did the cleanup.
At that point, it would have just been a lot of unnecessary drama.
” I unlocked my truck and climbed in, waiting for Yuless to circle the vehicle and join me before adding, “I have no idea what sort of livestock sale we’re going to, but they might have baby animals, and everything is better when there are baby animals. ”
“The animals for sale are roughly eight months of age or older, so they’re not quite babies, but they’re still rather adorable. Some breeds have babies right now, though, so there might be a few you can shower with your love.”
I chuckled at having gotten him to acknowledge I would be showering animals with my love. “I’m even going to be nice and let you pick the animal going home with me. You have to admit I stomped you in the pie wager.”
I’d been shocked over how good both of my pies had turned out.
“I have learned the value of checking the instructions and learning the techniques in advance, but I feel I cannot change my course now. I will not lose to those dragons.”
Men. Why was I surrounded by entire packs of men?
That the men, all species, at least tried to be domestic impressed me.
Even when they baked terrible pies and sent flour everywhere, they cleaned up after themselves and were good sports about their failures.
“I admire your tenacity. I am currently living with two dragons, and while they’re participating in this entire fiasco, they have sacrificed their status as single and are attempting to make their woman a pie.
In good news for her, we have both been subjected to even worse pies for years.
I suppose it’s something you’re better at baking than the old ladies down the street. ”
“I question how you consume so much pie without gaining a single pound,” he admitted. “I have to work out like I mean it now because we’re eating so much pie. I have been coming over to help with the horses and cattle as part of my fitness plan!”
I laughed. “I’m working just as hard as you are, I promise.
It’s one part magic.” I twisted and pointed at the black dragon’s castle.
“I’m going to be extending a bunch of my wards to cover that thing, and I’m having to do a few workings over the entirety of the lake.
By the time I’m done with that, I’m going to be ready to steal all the pies you kitchen thieving bastards bake. ”
Yuless relaxed and laughed at me. “If it makes you feel better, the dragons got together and have forced me to purchase you an extra animal as an apology for taking over your kitchens just about every night. We’ve also done some serious damage to your harvest.”
“That part I truly don’t mind. The trees produced so much that I am struggling to give it to all the neighbors, and thus far, you have not defeated the trees. The mango needs to be harvested because I’m worried the branches are going to break at this point!”
Assuming the charms I’d placed worked, none of the overburdened trees would suffer from breakage, but I needed to make adjustments next year if I wanted maintain my sanity during the harvest. As it was, my garden was leaving me with similar problems, although that one I solved through canning.
To my relief, while the dragons sucked at baking, they understood the art of canning and promised to pitch in should I become overwhelmed.
“Oh, that reminds me. Thank you for the offer to help with the canning. I fear next week is when I am going to need everyone’s help making certain nothing goes to waste.
I checked on my garden yesterday, and it’s offensively productive. ”
“Well, you are a hedge witch who has decided your homestead is providing for however many beings that live here. That’s admirable, mind you, but you’re the reason you’re in this situation.”
I really was. “If there are animals I can’t take home with me today, please console me. Just don’t console me with pie.”
“How about I treat you to a roasted turkey tomorrow? We can pick the bird today, and I can brine it overnight. They will have live and already dressed birds available, fresh or frozen. I’ll even be generous and feed those dragons and the others haunting your house to prove that while I seem cursed and unable to conquer learning how to bake through experimentation, I can cook. ”
“I accept this consolation.” I started the engine and took my time guiding my precious trailer out of my courtyard and through the gate to where Lucifer and Darlene waited in their rig. “Why do we have both trailers, though? I can handle four in this one.”
“We’re going to end up with more than four animals.
I’m being a realist. Darlene is coming with us, and Darlene is a sucker.
Maybe you won’t need more than four spots, but she most certainly will.
And since they’re bringing theirs, if you do see a fifth animal you absolutely must have, you’re covered. ”
“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”
“Did the sun rise in the east this morning?”
As it had, I sighed and accepted my fate. “Console me a little extra with some cranberry sauce, please.”
“I think I can handle that for you. Don’t worry. It’s not going to be that bad.”