Chapter 26 #3
It amused me we were both angling for seafood in a steakhouse.
“My boss makes this delightful squeal when punted. It’s this sound of purest protest, and then it dies with the smack of him hitting the water.
I am going to cry so much when my punting days are over.
I mean, my punting days will likely end when he gets tired of my shit, decides to show up in his larger form, and eats me for my impertinence.
Right now, I’m useful to him. That is quite probably preserving my life. ”
Yuless raised a brow. “It is worth noting that your boss continually allows you to punt him.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s because he has sworn vengeance and will conquer me come hell or high water, or some nonsense like that.
It’s basically in his signature to any email that he sends to me nowadays.
I keep telling him no, and then when he annoys me, I punt him.
It’s not my fault he keeps coming back for more. ”
“I can’t say I disagree with you. So, you like punting him, he tolerates being ejected from your property and into the lake, and everyone is happy.”
“I wouldn’t call it happy. Every time I punt him, he goes up on his spire to indulge in a sulk.
I get a lot of work done after he’s been punted and he’s sulking, as he’s not bothering me.
I get a lot less done when he’s bothering me.
I’m concerned, however. We’re almost at the stage in some of his negotiations where we have to travel together.
My boss? He is draconic perfection and does not indulge in human shapes.
The other dragons? They’re willing to use my kitchen while human.
My boss? He walks around my counters and tries to bake while a tiny dragon.
And the other dragons play fetch for him. It’s shameful!”
Yuless, who had done a stint or twenty in one of my kitchens, snorted on a laugh. “I can explain that for you. It’s because he was the first awake. That, plus he bites.”
That I believed; I’d witnessed him chomp on his fellow dragons more than a few times, and I’d punted him into the lake a time or two over his poor manners. “All the dragons infesting my property are male. Where are the female dragons?”
“There are no female dragons.”
Well, that explained more than a few things, including the sad state of the flock. “Why are there no females?”
“I believe it is because dragons are creations of the Universe rather than a natural species. Dragons predate humanity and were brought into being not long after the Universe created the divine. I am not certain if dragons are true immortals, but unlike the divine, dragons only exist in times of prosperity.” Yuless shrugged.
“I’m guessing reproduction was not part of the Universe’s plan for dragons. ”
“The Universe had a plan?” I blurted. “Have you seen what the Destroyer of Georgia did to those three cities? Did the Universe plan on how to feed so many dragons?”
“Only the first awakened tends to eat quite that much. I believe a herd of cows is sufficient to tame their hunger when they first awaken.”
Maybe if I spent more time in the kitchen listening to the dragons chatter, I might have a better understanding of their society. “And there are more than twenty-three dragons? Because let’s face it, twenty-three is an insane number of dragons as it is.”
“There are more, although how many will show up remains to be seen, I suppose. But I can tell you there are more.”
I worried for my sanity if even more dragons showed up. “I should start charging them entry fees.”
Yuless laughed, and the waiter chose that moment to appear, beginning the tedious process of selecting the appropriate adult beverages to add spice to our evening, order our feast of appetizers, and listen to the restaurant’s evening specials, which did a good job of making me drool.
One way or another, I would dine upon steak, and no matter what I picked, I would indulge in a heavenly fare and regret having to return to my cooking, which was doomed to be substandard comparatively.
Once the waiter headed off to bring our beverages and the first wave of our meal, I examined the dinner selection. “I am torn between the tiny and fierce or the tomahawk steak that will leave me battling to finish all night and possibly into tomorrow.”
“I am going for the tomahawk, and I am expecting to be defeated.”
Gluttony it was. “I feel I should have checked the main course before deciding to go all in on the appetizers.”
“What we don’t finish here we can take home. It’s not like either one of us will be walking out on our own steam.”
I snickered at that. “And to think Darlene spent all that time attempting to turn me into a seductress. Had she wanted any seductions to be a success, she would have made certain to send us to a restaurant with tiny portions rather than giving us a decent bang for our buck and doing serious damage to our waists.”
“At the risk of sounding uncouth, she dressed you quite well for her plan, although I do agree about the flaws in her plan. We would need to be both conscious and capable of moving to pursue such activities.” Yuless stared at the menu with wide eyes. “I’m not sure I’m going to be.”
“I know I’m not going to be. At least we’ll have transportation home, although I would not be surprised if the transportation home decides the unconscious will share a bed.
Clothing may become optional. I mean, we’re dealing with the Devil and the Queen of Hell.
Those two can be the purest of evil when they wish to be. ”
“If I’m not coherent enough to protest the loss of my attire, that is my fault.”
I nodded. “Then we’re agreed. Should we lose our clothing in ways unbeknownst to us, neither party present holds any responsibility.
Any seductions of any persons present will be done when both parties are coherent and conscious.
I require approximately ten minutes after waking up to be conscious and coherent. ”
“I require close to an hour,” Yuless confessed. “For the most part, I spend the first forty minutes in bed denying that it’s time to get up, and then I take a shower to become functional.”
I could see the differences in our morning schedules working well; by the time he got up to use the shower, I would be pattering downstairs to feed the animals before making coffee and breakfast. In good news, the animals tolerated me feeding them and bailing before coming back and cleaning their stalls, setting them loose in the pasture, and otherwise properly serving them.
“If you require coffee, I always feed the animals first, then I make the coffee and feed myself. It is not an issue to add another person to the morning routine.”
“I can handle the coffee and breakfast needs while you tend to the beasts. I can also tend to the felines. At least they have accepted me in your domain with little fuss. I’m pretty sure they enjoy hunting dragons and batting them around.”
“They’re scaled squeaky toys, Yuless. The cats just make them squeak in a different fashion than I do. Personally, I prefer my way. It’s that aborted squeal at the landing splash. It is perfection.”
“Have you punted the other dragons yet?”
I shook my head. “They are wise and decided to stop doing things that annoy me—or they stay in shapes too large for me to punt. I have asked Mr. Magic to deal with them a time or two. He’s a good alligator.
He got several hours of exercise, the dragons got out from under foot for a while, and it made an excellent excuse to give him an extra chicken.
I don’t want to teach him he gets four chickens a week yet, so they’re presented as treats for good behavior.
I want him eating some fish while I provide the majority of his calories.
” I bowed my head. “I am going to have to hide medicine in his food.”
“What sort of medicine is he going to need?”
“Mostly supplements. I don’t know if he’s getting enough, so I’m going to talk to an alligator expert and confirm he’s doing okay.
I’m going to have to literally hire a vet to do blood tests on my wild pet.
And because he’s not really wild anymore, he’ll let us do it.
He knows to come to the garage if there is a particularly bad storm. I installed a bell for him to ring!”
The bell, snout height for him, would activate the same software I used on my front gate. It had cost me a small fortune, but I could remotely open the garage door as well.
“And he uses it,” Yuless reminded me. “And if it’s a really bad blow, he opens your chicken coops and herds the flock to the garage. The first time I saw him do that, I about had a heart attack. Your alligator can manipulate your coop catches.”
“Yeah, that is terrifying, I’m not going to lie.
I had to reinforce the support posts on the coops to handle his weight when he’s opening the gate.
But if Mr. Magic is bringing in my flock, I know to herd the cattle and the horses and lock everyone indoors.
” The months between being hired by the Devil on behalf of the Destroyer of Georgia and riding in the Iroquois Stakes had changed me and my animals—and sometimes, the changes had slipped by without me noticing, just like the steady progression of time.
“The next few months are going to be crazy.”
“The races alone are going to be crazy. You have Alligator Bait enrolled in quite a few.”
I had done the math; if I placed top three in the precursor races, I would qualify without needing the large stakes win prior to the Kentucky Derby—I would just need a top three placement in that race, too. “You’ll come with me for the races, right?”
“Of course. Ashley is coming as well, although she prefers doing her work in the background or handling the rest of your herd like we did this time. It’ll be fine. We already made certain we had the appropriate days off, including transit. Lucifer helped with that, I will admit.”