Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
SOFIA
Sofia came twice more before she finally pulled herself from the hot spring, dragging a reluctant Fox behind her.
She watched him dress, giving the smallest groan of disappointment to see his bare ass disappear behind his pants.
Even as she slipped on her own clothes, the guilt crested through her like a wave, catching in her throat.
Her hair was tangled and frizzy as she tried to tame it into something resembling a braid. Fox didn’t even ask as he gently pushed her hands away. His fingers were deft as they worked through the worst of the tangles and twisted the curls into two braids down her back. She could get used to this.
He pressed a soft kiss just below her ear, his nose brushing against a sensitive spot.
She bit her lip to suppress the whimper that clawed up her throat.
Her eyes closed, and she clenched her fists, focusing on the flicker of pain in her palms as her nails dug in.
It had been so long since she’d had to do that.
“Let’s go,” she said, not quite looking at him as she left the glowing cave behind, journeying back through the black tunnel to the front cave.
Her eyes adjusted to the darkness slowly, and by the time she made it back to the main cavern, the moonlight streaming through the mouth of the cave was enough to see by.
They approached their furs, but she stopped, her stomach dropping as she saw the figure sitting at the front of the cave.
Jacinta had switched with Javi at some point, and now her friend was looking at her, head tilted from across the cave.
Fox glanced between them, reading something in their gaze before moving to tuck himself back into his furs without comment. She stood there for a moment, knowing she needed to speak with Javi, but dreading what he’d say.
She felt Chalia’s presence tickling in the back of her mind.
“Are you and Fox done with that?”
Sofia nearly choked, clamping a hand over her mouth before she woke anyone.
“I cut off our connection before things went too far,” Chalia said, sounding almost petulant.
“I’ll warn you next time,” she said, her face hot.
“I missed the mountains.” Chalia’s words were wistful and soft.
“You seem surprised.”
“I spent my entire life—a hundred sun cycles—wanting to escape my home,” Chalia said.
“Then I did. I love the rainforest and the heat of the sun through the trees, but I missed the snow, too. It’s different here.
I missed the smell in the air right before the storm, and the clear nights, when the sky is filled with stars without the trees to block them.
How can my heart ache from two opposites at once? ”
“Hearts are funny like that,” she said, looking at where Fox was curled, his chest rising and falling.
Chalia went silent after that.
Sofia wondered about her connection to the dragon.
It seemed the more time they spent together, the easier it was to reach out with her mind and find the dragon, even when she was farther away.
She was sure there was information on it somewhere in the books she’d stolen, but Micael had left them behind in the cenote—all but the small one that discussed the dragons’ nesting grounds.
Perhaps tomorrow she’d ask Chalia about it, but she had a feeling the dragon knew about as much as she did when it came to the connection between the dragons and Dragonborn.
With one last glance at Fox, wrapped in his furs, Sofia crossed softly across the cave. Javi was silent as he moved to give her a spot along its opening. It was colder here, but bearable.
He knocked her shoulder before resting his head there, his own body warm against hers.
And he let them sit in that silence. He always knew exactly what she and Flor needed.
She’d missed that. She truly had been so caught up with her own angst that she hadn’t noticed how much the past few blinks had hollowed him out.
He’d lost his sister. He’d lost his blood-mother.
His heart-mother barely talked anymore, spending the long hiking days with her head down, even when Javi attempted to draw her out.
“I’m so sorry,” she said when the silence became too much for her.
“Sofia, you don’t—”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you. You’ve lost so much, and I’ve been so caught up in everything else. I should have asked how you were, or helped, or…”
Javi was looking at her with a sad smile and a raised eyebrow. “What did you plan on doing? Would you have broken back into the city and freed Dia when you didn’t even know she was alive? Or did you find the ability to time travel alongside that dragon out there?”
“I know I can’t do anything. I just feel like—”
“You’re responsible for everything at all times? Sofia, you’re just one person. You aren’t responsible for all of us. You never have been. Perhaps it’s a good thing that you’re finally doing something for yourself that has nothing to do with vengeance or murder.”
“What does that mean?”
“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid, Sof. As much as I shudder to say this, I know what you look like when you’ve just had sex.”
“Oh, gods,” Sofia said, smacking him across the shoulder. “Never say that again.”
“I mean, you could do worse. I’m not going to pretend I haven’t noticed that body—the forearms and that ass.”
She covered her ears and shoved her shoulder into him, knocking them both down. But she was laughing, fully, for the first time in days—weeks. She wasn’t sure anymore.
And then she was crying, tears running down her face as she wrapped her arms around Javi, pulling him into her, pressing her face into his tunic.
“Gods, I missed you.”
“Well, don’t get too upset,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“I promise, I’m going to stop being distracted,” Sofia said. “I’m going to focus on the mission and our work.”
“Sofia, I don’t think anything could truly distract you from our mission. You’ve been focused on killing the chief commander and destroying the kingdom since the day I met you. You wouldn’t give it up, even for a perfectly sculpted ass.”
She straightened her shoulders. “You’re right. He’s nothing compared to everything else. Just a distraction.”
Javi gave a heavy sigh, and she looked at him, not expecting his look of disappointment.
“That’s not what I meant.”
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. You were right. He’s a distraction I can’t afford.”
“You don’t look at him like a distraction. You look at him like you—”
“Don’t,” Sofia said. “I don’t do emotions and I definitely don’t do that.”
“Someday you should try it. You deserve happiness.”
“Maybe afterward. When all of this is over.”
Javi was silent for a while, eyes focused on his hands as they fidgeted in his lap. “And if we don’t have an afterwards?”
“Don’t,” she snapped, her stomach twisting at the vulnerability she heard in those words.
“I’m not saying I plan on dying,” Javi said. “And I definitely don’t plan on you dying. But perhaps you shouldn’t wait until after to find happiness.”
Sofia turned, grasping Javi’s hands in her own and holding his gaze. “I have my happiness. In you. In Flor. I promise, I’m not holding back or shutting myself off.”
His eyebrow raised.
“I’m happy. And it has nothing to do with Fox.”
“But it’s allowed to. I want you to know I won’t judge you for finding your happiness where you can. Even if I think he’s a prick.”
“Well, he is a prick,” she said, smiling. “I won’t deny that.”
Then again, sometimes he wasn’t. Sometimes he was sweet and sad and just as broken as she was.
But none of that mattered. She’d spent a decade fueled by her anger and hatred, and it had gotten her this far. She needed to remember that. Now more than ever. She’d worry about the rest when the chief commander was dead.
When she went back eventually, she lay down a few feet away, trying her best to keep her distance from Fox. But as she woke later in the middle of the night, she couldn’t help but notice that at some point, her body had found his.
She feared she might always be pulled back to him.