Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
FOX
He hated crawling into the furs alone. They felt cold despite the heat of the cave, and his chest ached with an emptiness he couldn’t explain.
How could he miss something he truly hadn’t even had?
The sound of soft snores and the crackle of the fire filled the cavern.
It might have lulled him to sleep, but his mind was racing too far and too fast.
He’d betrayed everything he’d ever known, abandoned his mother, and for what? A taste of belonging he didn’t deserve and could never earn? She wasn’t his. She would never be his.
You have nothing. You are nothing.
His father’s voice was bitter in his mind.
Perhaps he was nothing, but he wouldn’t stop trying to protect Sofia. He needed to know that she was safe.
“She’ll be safe,” Chalia’s soft voice cut into his mind, and he gave only the slightest wince.
“Were you eavesdropping?” he asked, hoping his mild annoyance came through.
“I was listening to Sofia and overheard your very loud projecting.”
“Right,” he said, “sorry.”
“You care for her.”
He didn’t respond.
“She cares for you.”
“Don’t mix up sex with feelings, Chalia,” he said, a sad smile twisting his lips. “It’s a good lesson to learn early.”
Sofia barely liked him. Perhaps she was slightly beyond tolerant, but there was no caring there.
There couldn’t be. He knew who he was, and he couldn’t pretend otherwise.
He was the son of the man who had stripped her back.
He was a soldier of a kingdom that had taken everything from her and her people.
He was nothing. To her, he was less than nothing.
“I care about you,” Chalia said, so firmly he winced at the words prodding at his mind.
He almost laughed, biting it back. “Thanks.”
They sat in silence, her presence lingering in the back of his mind.
“Have you ever been in love?” he asked.
Chalia didn’t answer immediately. “I don’t think so. Relio is cute, but his father and my father don’t get along. So, we don’t talk a lot.”
Fox did laugh at that, a soft, airy thing that he hoped wouldn’t wake anyone nearby.
“I get that.”
And he did. He knew what it was to like someone he wasn’t supposed to.
No.
He knew what it was to love someone who wouldn’t and couldn’t ever love him back.
He could admit so much in the silence of his mind.
“She could love you,” Chalia said, and he wished she hadn’t heard that part.
“What makes you think that?”
“Because I do.”
A warmth spread through Fox’s chest at her words, and he closed his eyes, pretending he didn’t feel the prickle of wetness there.
He swallowed back the emotions, but he felt what could only be described as Chalia’s mind curling up against his own, warm and soft.
He fell asleep like that, the closest to content as he’d felt in sun cycles.
A soft whimper woke him. It took a second for Fox to get his bearings.
Despite falling asleep alone, Sofia’s soft body was now pressed against his, her curls tangled in his fingers.
She was turned into him, her face in his chest and his body folded around her.
Another whimper fell from her lips, and he felt her trembling in his arms.
He almost felt the scream rising through her body as her muscles tightened and he pulled her into him, tightening her against his chest. She woke up with a scream, muffled in his chest, his lips already pressed to her ear, trying his best to soothe her.
“It was only a dream. You’re safe. You’re safe.”
He felt the clammy coolness of her skin as she pushed herself away from him, her eyes wild. Only when she’d looked around the silent cave, at her fellow rebels softly snoring under their furs, did she begin to relax. But her breaths still came quick and sharp.
“Hey,” Fox said, reaching out to touch her cheek with the back of his hand, drawing her eyes to his. But he didn’t see relief there. Only a horror and fear that made his own breath quicken and his chest twist in agony.
“Fox,” she said, her voice trembling. “I—I was just—”
He placed a finger against her lips, not truly wanting to shush her but also too afraid to hear what she was about to say. He knew exactly where she’d been in her nightmare. Who she’d been with.
“I’m sorry,” he said, voice cracking. She moved quickly, and he flinched, but she only pressed herself into him.
“He’s dead,” she said, voice muffled in his tunic. “You killed him. And I’m going to kill him too.”
He pressed a kiss into her curls, breathing in the scent of musk and the last remnants of her hair oil. She didn’t pull back, and he didn’t move, letting their breathing sync as he took in the sky outside the cave. There were no stars left, and he knew it was later than he’d originally thought.
He couldn’t help but wonder where General Luna and the rest of the king’s men were. He had no doubt now that the small dragon was unintentionally leading them toward the nesting grounds. But he also knew Luna needed to lug an entire army with him.
If they could negotiate with the dragons before them, they’d have a chance of stopping this war before it started.
Or perhaps that was a stupid dream. Hadn’t the war already started?
It had started when the resistance had first risen in response to the oppression of the Dragonborn, or perhaps before then, when the first king had decided it was his right to rule Wueco, or when King Mallory ordered the massacre of the dragons.
And when would it end? When would the king’s bloodlust be sated?
When would Harlow’s?
No.
Fox shook the thought off. Chief Commander Harlow wasn’t bloodthirsty.
He was afraid. He was doing what he thought was right to protect his people.
Perhaps that’s even what the king was doing.
Were they misled in how to do it? Maybe.
But Fox couldn’t believe that the man who had looked at him with such love and pride would kill for the sake of killing.
Even in the cavern with Eha in chains, all Fox had ever seen was fear.
It was fear that kept this war burning. The Dragonborn fearing for their lives.
The Dereyans’ fear of the Dragonborn, and Harlow’s fear of the dragons.
And wasn’t Fox afraid, too?
He tightened his hold on Sofia and closed his eyes, letting the feel of her calm his beating heart.
She was warm against him—soft. He felt less afraid with her in his arms. He ran his fingers through her loose curls, where they’d broken from her braids.
Her breath hitched as his fingertip trailed across the shell of her ear and the curve of her neck.
His fear was replaced with hot need at the sound of her breathing, turning fast and shallow.
He wanted to taste the skin behind her ear.
He wanted to drag his hand slowly down her body, caressing every curve, studying it carefully until he had each one memorized.
He wanted to listen to the sound of her breathing forever, learning every caress that made it hitch and—
“Sofia,” Micael’s voice interrupted his thoughts, and Fox nearly let out a groan as Sofia pulled away.
She gave a long yawn, feigning waking at the sound of his voice, and Fox took it as he cue to do the same.
He stretched, pulling the furs around his lap before Micael caught sight of where Fox’s thoughts had just been.
“Yes?” Sofia said, voice soft. Fox realized that the rest of the cave was just starting to stir.
“We’ll be leaving as soon as the sun breaks the horizon.”
She nodded, discreetly squeezing Fox’s hand beneath the cloak before she stood.
He watched her gather her belongings, slip on her furs, and walk out of the cave, Micael trailing behind her.
He threw a single look behind him that spoke of a million threats if Fox stepped out of line while they were gone.
Fox rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, taking slow breaths. He hated the idea of Sofia confronting the dragons without him, and he kicked himself for even thinking such a thing. She could protect herself, and she’d have Chalia with her. His presence wouldn’t matter.
But he still didn’t want her to have to do this alone.
He wondered if there would come a day when he didn’t feel so insignificant and helpless—a day when he felt he could do something that actually mattered.
“You,” Micael’s voice was loud and sharp, the echo snapping through the cave. Fox turned to look at him, along with every other person. And then they all turned to where he was pointing—at Fox. “Get out here now!”
He didn’t wait for Fox to listen, turning on his heels and storming away. Fox tried to ignore everyone’s stares, watching his every move as he stood and hooked his cloak and furs around his neck. He grabbed his empty weapons belt out of habit.
It was still gray when he exited, but he could feel the morning bite in the air. It was strange how silent the world was. He hadn’t realized how loud the rainforest was until he’d listened to the mountains.
Sofia and Micael were outside, engaging in a silent staring contest. They said nothing as Sofia turned and led them up the slope and around the outcrop of rocks that sheltered the cave from the northern wind.
It took a moment to see Chalia there, curled in the snow.
Her claws were tucked beneath her head, and it was the most unassuming the creature had ever looked.
“I can’t believe we’re even bothering to entertain this,” Micael said, stopping a few yards away and looking between the dragon and Sofia.
Fox felt his own stomach churning, eyes sweeping over Chalia, looking her over for any sign of sickness or injury.
“What’s going on?” Fox asked, his stomach twisting.
“She’s refusing to fly,” Sofia said. Something in her face made Fox’s eyebrows raise. She looked at him, and he saw it—the barest twitch of her lips. She was holding back a smile. “Unless you come with us.”
Micael’s pulse of anger practically vibrated through the air, his finger jabbing at Sofia. “This is ridiculous.”
Sofia threw up her hands. “Don’t blame me. I had nothing to do with this.”
Micael glared at Fox, and he quickly shook his head, hoping the genuine surprise on his face said enough.
“What did you do?” he asked.
Fox resisted the temptation to step back, keeping his spine straight. “I had nothing to do with this.”
“No one makes me do anything, and this is my decision, Human.” Chalia’s voice was sharp in Fox’s mind, and he saw Micael’s cheek tinge pink. “Pale Scales has the information my people need, and I will bring him to them.”
Fox’s eyes went wide as Chalia stood up, slowly, straightening her neck and stretching her wings until she towered over them all, a shadow across the snow. He saw the dragon he’d first feared—the ancient god that could trample over his human form without a care.
Micael’s body was rigid as he looked up at the dragon, and Fox held his breath, wondering just how stubborn the man would be.
Beside him, even Sofia stood, eyes wide as they flickered between Chalia, Fox, and Micael.
“Fine,” he snapped at last. “I need to give Clarita the update.”
Micael turned back down the slope, disappearing around the rocks back toward the cave. Fox’s knees shuddered, but he didn’t collapse, and when he looked back at Chalia and Sofia, he saw the dragon had settled her stance and was now jumping from one foot to the next like a child.
“Ha!” she said. “The grumpy one listened to me!”
Sofia and Fox exchanged glances, and then Sofia was laughing, bright and infectious, loosening something inside of Fox.
“Chalia,” Sofia said between gasps for air. “You shouldn’t have done that!”
“I wanted Pale Scales to come, and the grumpy one needs to learn to listen better.”
Something warm flickered in Fox’s chest at Chalia’s words, and he felt heat behind his eyes.
He didn’t know what he’d done to earn her loyalty.
If anything, he’d failed her over and over again.
He’d failed at saving Eha. He’d failed at saving anyone but himself.
But she looked at him, eyes burning with excitement, and he felt something crack inside him.
“Fox?”
Sofia was looking at him, and he blinked, hating the pooling tears.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said.
She stepped over and reached out for him. He flinched away without thinking, and he saw the hurt in her eyes before it hardened. She pursed her lips, nodded, and turned back to Chalia.
“Let’s go convince some gods to start a war.”