Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
Suddenly Single—What a Trip!
D ear Trixie,
It’s Stanton again, and I’m doubling down on my threats. If you don’t stop this nonsense with the rent-a-cop and come home to Maine right this minute, I’m going to make sure I get hitched to my drop-dead sexy replacement and win the race down the aisle. How do you like them apples?
Sincerely,Stanton Vexed with My Ex
Stanton Vexed with My Ex,
Oh, Stanton, for goodness’ sake, you really are the king of drama.
First, I want to thank you, sincerely, for being such a donkey. Your antics have done nothing but reaffirm my decisions—and those decisions have, in turn, led me to true love. The “rent-a-cop,” as you so charmingly put it, has shown me what real respect and affection look like.
So, by all means, race down that aisle with your drop-dead sexy replacement. I wish you all the best. In the meantime, I’ll be enjoying my newfound happiness and peace, far away from the chaos and turmoil that seems to surround you.
Remember, Stanton, real love isn’t a competition. It’s about genuine connection, trust, and respect—qualities I’ve thankfully found.
Wishing you can find them, too,
Trixie
As soon as we got back to the ship, Wes announced he had another little surprise for Ransom and me—or more to the point, a not-so-little surprise.
He cordoned off the entire Sea View deck with a private table for two set out next to the railing with its expansive views from nineteen stories in the sky, along with a private hot tub just for the two of us.
Let’s just say we enjoyed a steak and lobster dinner as the sunset dipped into the water like a tangerine dream, then we utilized the amenities under a starlit sky until our lips threatened to fall off from all the kissing. The water in that hot tub wasn’t the only thing that was steaming.
But it’s the very next evening and the Emerald Queen is abuzz with excitement for the ship’s formal night, also known as dress your best night.
The Seabreeze Newsletter warned of a nearby hurricane brewing just south of us, and judging by the high winds and the dark, ominous clouds, I would say it’s quickly heading in this direction.
After a solid day of teaching my art classes, I feel more than ready for an evening of elegance and relaxation. But since it’s also the night of my shared bachelorette party in which Elodie has teamed up with Hetty King, I’m pretty sure elegance and relaxation have gone out the window and been replaced with raunchy and raucous.
I’m just hoping no one gets arrested. Although if Quinn has her way, it’s going to be me in silver bracelets at the end of the night.
And if I have my way, it will be the killer with their hands tied behind their back.
Anyway, my classes were a joy, as always. Today, we painted the brilliant colors of the Bahama sunset, with dolphins leaping for joy from the azure waters. Yes, I realize it’s what we painted during our last few classes, but honestly, it’s hard to improve upon perfection. And that’s the great thing about art, no two paintings are ever alike. The entire day was a peaceful, creative escape from the looming homicide that still hangs over us like a storm cloud.
But now, I’m standing in the middle of a mystery deck with my eyes blindfolded, wearing a gold beaded number that clings to my curves like a second skin, and ironically feels as if it weighs as much as I do.
Elodie sent this dress to my room with a note that read knock ’em dead!
And if any dress could prove to be lethal, I have full confidence it’s this one. The sparkling frock is low-cut up top and cuts off just above the knee down below, making me feel more like a stripper than a bride-to-be. And with every step I took this evening, this dress shimmered and shined as the beads caught the light and sent little sparkles dancing across the walls.
If Elodie wanted me to shine, she achieved that in spades.
Bess, Nettie, and I just finished up dinner with Ransom, who according to those bedroom eyes of his, more than approved of this beaded wonder.
We dined on a feast of creamy lobster bisque that melted in our mouths, followed by a main course of filet mignon for me, while Ransom opted for the rack of lamb, Bess indulged in the grilled sea bass, and Nettie, true to form, devoured a plate of surf and turf with gusto.
Each dish was more exquisite than the last, but the real treat was the way Ransom looked into my eyes and couldn’t seem to look away. Twice he asked if the dress I was wearing was legal, and before we parted ways he encouraged me to have a great time and not hold back. I’m not sure he knew what he was saying. After all, Elodie is in charge. Holding back might just save me from a new strain of venereal disease.
But I digress—dessert was a heavenly crème br?lée for Ransom and me, while Bess and Nettie savored a raspberry tart. And then we all dived into a second dessert of molten chocolate lava cake. Each bite was pure bliss, and that’s exactly why I’ll be heading to the midnight buffet later. One can never have enough chocolate lava cake.
“Keep your eyes closed!” Nettie admonishes me as if I could possibly pry an eyelid open with how tightly Elodie wrapped this scarf around my head. I’m pretty sure the fabric is forever embedded in my scalp.
“That’s right,” Bess says. “No peeking!”
I frown in the direction of her voice. She, of all people, knows I’m not a fan of this kind of thing.
“You just move your feet and go where I lead you,” Elodie says, guiding my every step with her arm slung around my back. “This is going to be a night to remember.”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” I say as I stagger my way forward. Each step feels as if I’m about to fall right off a cliff. I was never a fan of those trust exercises they made you do in school. The last person I trusted blindly led me into a bedroom filled with naked women—it was my bedroom and my ex just finished having his way with the naked women.
The air grows cool as we head toward our destination. The thumping bass of loud rock music reverberates through the walls—and my skull. Something tells me I’ll be feeling the backbeat of this night for weeks to come.
The scent of various perfumes along with something deep-fried ignites my senses. The music grows louder, and the sound of a whole gaggle of women crowing like a herd of roosters fills the air.
“What is happening?” I hear Jennifer shout with a laugh, and I know for a fact Hetty has her blindfolded as well. Whatever shenanigans are about to ensue, Jennifer and I are about to experience them together.
The excitement is palpable. The music grows deafening. Finally, Elodie stops me cold, assuring me that we’ve arrived at our destination.
“One, two, three! ” the women all shout at once, and Elodie pulls off my blindfold just as Jennifer removes hers.
We both blink into the dimly lit lounge which Tinsley evidently reserved for the melee about to unfold as purple and blue lights swirl all around the room.
I give several hard blinks as I try to identify exactly which lounge we’re standing in. Although the ship is basically a small city, and even after living on board for months, I still haven’t seen every last nook and cranny.
The lounge is decked out like a—well, strip club, and I’m sensing a definite strip club theme. There’s a stage with what looks like a pole stabbed through it and a disco ball twirls overhead, casting an otherworldly glow on the scene.
A giant sign hangs over the dance floor, emblazoned with the words Welcome to the Fling Before the Ring! Congratulations to our Bridezillas-to-Be X 2! Jennifer & Trixie!
“Just look at this place,” Bess says, jumping in front of me with a pink party hat on her head that reads Same Penis Forever .
“Oh my word.” I gasp as I take a good look at the rest of the guests at this saucy soiree and, sure enough, they’re all wearing party hats with equally questionable sayings like vows and vino, the bride’s last ride, bride’s babes, and hot mess express .
There are raunchy party favors scattered just about everywhere, from the phallic straws spiked into drinks to suggestively shaped confetti peppered across the tables. A dance floor takes up the center of the room, and to my surprise there are a couple of stripper poles gleaming under the neon lights, suggesting that the evening’s entertainment is just getting started.
Did Wes approve the installation of those poles?
I’m guessing he gave Elodie carte blanche to do as she pleased. That will teach him—and me by proxy.
I glance back at Elodie, aka the brains behind this bridal blitz—or at least one of them, who happens to be clad in a little red dress.
“Bess doesn’t know what her hat says, does she?” I shake my head at my bestie in an effort to get her to fess up.
“Of course not.” Elodie belts out a laugh. “She picked out one that read sip sip hooray and I switched it when I told her I’d help her put it on.”
“You are truly evil.”
She shrugs. “Nettie slipped me a Benjamin to do it.”
“Nice to know you can be bought,” I say. “How much to make this whole thing go away?”
“Before the strippers arrive?” Her ruby red lips shed a wicked grin and that can only mean one thing. She’s dead serious.
“Where in the world did you find strippers on board this ship?” I practically hiss.
Nettie jumps onto the stage and cups her hands around her mouth. “Did you hear that, ladies? THERE WILL BE STRIPPERS!”
A collective roar comes from the crowd and I grab my chest, half moved to run for my life—or head over to one of the four bartending stations.
Bess leans in and I can’t seem to unsee that hat. “And just look at the buffet.” She waves a hand at the grand spread to the right and it’s chock full of mini sliders, spicy wings, bacon-wrapped scallops, and a platter of loaded nachos. And that’s just a small part of the offerings.
And let’s not forget the array of decadent desserts—rich chocolate mousse cups, strawberry shortcake bites, mini key lime pies, triple fudge cake, molten lava cakes—my personal kryptonite—and an entire rainbow of colorful macarons. Yum .
Jennifer and I exchange a wide-eyed look. The lounge is packed with at least a hundred women, all of them ready to let loose, and their laughter and screams of delight have already created a tangible energy.
Tinsley steps this way, dressed to impress in a little white dress that shows off her stunning tan skin, and she just so happens to be wearing that perma scowl of hers, too.
“It’s clear this night is going to be one for the books,” Tinsley sings as she slings an arm around Jennifer’s shoulders. “Elodie and Hetty have really outdone themselves. This is going to be an unforgettable bachelorette party, and I’m ready for whatever wild ride the night has in store.” She takes a moment to scowl my way. “You keep out of trouble. And you know what kind of trouble I’m talking about.”
A wild shriek bursts from behind, and I turn to see Hetty King with her dark hair teased to high heaven while wrapped in a silver gown so formfitting it looks as if she’s wrapped herself in tinfoil.
“Who’s ready to get the party started?” she shouts and the entire room belts out a howl of approval.
Amber Walker jumps forward, tips her head to the ceiling, and belts out a cock-a-doodle-doo—and the rest of the room follows suit.
Something tells me this is going to be a long, long night.