Chapter 33
EDEN
“Anak,why don’t you like it? I think it’s going to look so pretty on you when you wear it to the anniversary party!”
I bite the inside of my cheek and try my hardest not to go off on my mom. When she called as I was parking my car in my apartment lot, I debated whether or not to answer it. We hadn’t spoken in more than a month, not since she called me to congratulate me on my new freelance job, invite me to hers and dad’s anniversary party, and request that I wear something that covered my tattoo and remove my nose ring when I attend.
I almost let it go to voicemail, but then I thought she was calling to apologize for making those ridiculous requests about my appearance. I was clearly wrong. She’s calling because she found the perfect outfit for me to wear to the anniversary party.
I press my eyes shut and pinch the bridge of my nose as I lean against my car. An image of that hideous gold dress she texted me a picture of a minute ago flashes behind my eyelids. Glittery gold accents on top of a silk bodice plus a tulle skirt. It looks like something a ballerina with a gold fetish would wear.
“Mom,” I say, the strain in my voice clear. “I’m not wearing that dress. It’s not my style. At all.”
“I know, anak. That’s why I want you wear it. Your style is much too casual. Isn’t it, Peter?”
“What’s that, honey?” I hear my dad’s faint holler. “Oh yes, much too casual.”
I roll my eyes. My dad has no idea what she’s talking about, he just defers to my mom out of habit.
“See? Your dad thinks you’d look so beautiful in that dress. Don’t you, Peter?”
“Absolutely, honey. So lovely.”
“Mom, we both know Dad is only saying that to agree with you. He hasn’t see the dress, has he?”
She makes a huffy noise. “That doesn’t matter. I know he’d love it. He doesn’t know anything about women’s fashion anyway.”
“That’s true,” Dad hollers.
“See? Take my word, anak. You’ll look so beautiful. Please wear it?”
I stomp up the four flights of stairs to my apartment. “No. I’m not going to.”
“Goodness. I don’t see why you’re always so stubborn, Eden. You always have to go against the grain on everything, don’t you? If your dad and I say the sky is blue, you’d say it’s green. If we say go left, you go right. You always have to be different.”
I stop at the landing right before my door, fuming. “Mom. Stop this. You’re not going to guilt trip me into wearing some ugly dress, okay? You can’t control me like that.”
A long sigh is her response. I let out a sigh too, just now realizing how tense my muscles are. I hate that every other conversation with my parents ends up in an argument. I know we’re so different from each other—I know they hate how I live my life in direct opposition to their corporate, image-obsessed one. But it would be nice if some day we could figure out a way to get along.
I unlock the front door and step inside my darkened apartment. “I’m my own person whether you like it or not. And what I said before stands: I won’t come to your anniversary party if you’re going to dictate what I wear.”
I flip on the light and shriek at the sight of shirtless Kayla straddling a shirtless Brendan on our living room couch.
“Oh my god!” I press my eyes shut in shock and horror.
“What?! What’s wrong, anak?!”
I stumble back, landing against the front door.
“What are you doing?” I yell at Kayla and Brendan.
Kayla yelps right as Brendan blurts out an apology. I hear the shuffling of fabric and hurried footsteps on our squeaky hardwood floor.
“Anak! Why did you scream? Are you being attacked? Oh my god, you’re being attacked aren’t you? Peter, our daughter is being attacked! Call 911!”
“She’s what?!” Dad yells. “Oh my god, Eden, honey!”
My eyes fly open at the sound of my parents’ panicked shouting. I catch a brief glimpse of Kayla and Brendan standing in front of the couch, fully dressed now, exchanging embarrassed expressions.
I spin around so I can focus on responding to my parents. “Mom, Dad, I’m fine. Please don’t call the police, okay?”
“You’re fine? Anak, you sure you’re fine? Absolutely positive?”
“Honey, you swear you’re not just saying that because you’re being held hostage or something?”
My frenzied heartbeat eases. I bite my lip to keep the chuckle at the back of my throat from escaping. Dad watches way too many true crime dramas. And then I feel the tension in my neck and shoulders ease. My parents care about me. Despite the fact that we were just arguing seconds ago, they love me so much that the thought of anything bad happening to me has them in a panic.
It’s not that I didn’t know this—I’ve always known that my parents love me and my brother more than anything. It’s more that I’ve been so focused on our frequent conflicts that I sometimes forget that their love for me surpasses our differences—that they still care about me.
That familiar ache hits right at the center of my chest when I think about just how much I love my parents too. Strange to think that it took an imagined emergency to remind me of just how much we care and love one another.
And then I wonder if they’d still feel this intense care and love for me if I were honest with them—if I told them what my real job is, if I reveal to them that the more I think about it, the more I want to quit college and make Dream Guy my career.
The words dance on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow them back. This isn’t the right time to bring that up, not in the aftermath of an almost-emergency
“I swear, I’m okay,” I say quickly. “I just walked in on Kayla, um, undressing and it threw me off.”
“Oh, thank goodness,” they say in unison.
“Anak, you gave me the fright of my life.” Mom’s voice goes shaky at the end.
I swallow back the lump that suddenly forms in my throat. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“It’s alright,” she says. “Just be careful, okay?”
“Okay. I will.”
“We love you,” they say.
“I love you guys too.”
I hang up and turn back around just in time to see Brendan dart around me and out the front door.
“Sorry, um, about that,” he mumbles just before the door shuts behind him.
I spin around and focus on Kayla, who’s looking at me with wide eyes.
“Um, so, I can explain.”
“I thought you two couldn’t stand each other.”
She plops back on the couch, grabs a pillow, and begins to pick imaginary lint from it. “You’re right about that. Sort of.”
I shake my head. “Kayla, I’m seriously confused. You broke up with Brendan last year because all you two ever did was fight. Over everything. How is it that you ended up half-naked on our couch?” I make a face. “Please god tell me you didn’t get any…bodily fluids on it.”
She flashes a disgusted frown at me. “Of course we didn’t. We were just having a fun little makeout on the couch in the lead-up to some heavier things.”
I hold up a hand. “I don’t need details.”
“Sorry.” She pats the seat next to her on the couch.
I walk over and sit down next to her. She stares at the fluffy pillow in her hands before letting out a sigh. “It’s true. I still can’t stand Brendan, and he still can’t stand me. We fight all the time, like when we were together. But.” She raises her hand and points at the air. “He is dynamite in bed. That was the glue of our relationship, I’m sure you remember.”
“How could I forget? We used to get noise complaints from our next-door neighbor when you guys dated.”
She chuckles. “I forgot about that.” She clears her throat, seeming to refocus. “That was the only time we seemed to get along actually—in bed. And well, neither of us have had any luck dating recently. Even though Brendan’s working for Dream Guy, he’s only going on fake dates. And you know how atrocious dating has been for me.”
I nod, recalling how Kayla has pretty much given up on dating after a string of douche-bags jerked her around.
“So we figured why not try out a friends-with-benefits situation,” she says.
“Oh.” I’m quiet for a few seconds. “You really think that’s a good idea?” I say hesitantly.
Kayla offers a single, resolute nod. “Of course. We laid out ground rules for the two of us to follow. One, we only hook up while we’re single. This stops as soon as one of us starts dating anyone. And two, no talking.”
“No talking?”
“Yup.”
“How exactly does that work?”
“As soon as the sexy stuff starts, we don’t talk about our day or what annoys us about each other. The only sounds we make are grunts and moans and screams. Of course, we talk to each other to resolve any situational issues, like if something feels uncomfortable or if we want things to keep going faster or slower or harder.”
I hold up a hand again. “Got it.”
“Easy peasy!” She tilts her head at me, her expression souring the slightest bit. “I’m really sorry you walked in on us. That was very uncool roommate behavior I just displayed.”
I pull her into a hug. “It’s okay. Just please don’t let it happen again.”
She chuckles against my shoulder. “Promise.”
When Kayla stands up and heads for the kitchen, I stop her. “You’re sure this is an okay setup for you?”
Her expression is a mix of amused and heartened, like she’s flattered I’m concerned about her.
“I’m sure.”
“I swear, I’m not trying to be a nosey friend, I just…friends with benefits is one thing, but to do it with your ex seems kind of risky. All that history and old feelings resurfacing could complicate things.”
She runs a hand though her purple-hued hair, which has faded to a softer shade after a few months of her not dying it.
“I appreciate your concern, Eden. But I swear, I’ve got it under control.”
“Okay,” I say, hoping I don’t sound as unsure as I feel.
Kayla trots to the kitchen and comes back with a box of cheese crackers. “So. What’s going on with you and your parents? I caught the tail end of your phone conversation.”
She flashes a pained expression as she sits back down next to me.
“Well, it started like most conversations I have with my parents: them telling me what to do and being mad when I don’t act like an obedient robot and instead assert myself.”
Kayla nods while chomping on a handful of cheese crackers.
“Mom wants me to wear this ridiculously gaudy gown for their anniversary party.”
I pull out my phone and show Kayla the photo. She chokes mid-bite and covers her mouth with her hand. “What the hell?”
“My exact reaction.” I toss my phone on the far end of the couch. “Things escalated like they always do between us. And it turned into me lashing out at them for always disapproving the person I’ve become and threatening not to come to their anniversary party if they don’t back off.”
Kayla’s eyebrows furrow in concern. “I’m sorry.”
“You know the weirdest part? It was when they thought I was being attacked that I was reminded of how much they love me. That was really comforting to feel.”
I stay quiet for a moment, still processing the realization. “Kinda sad that I had to wait until my parents thought I was being kidnapped or something for me to be reminded that they still care about me.”
“Eden. Of course your parents care about you. If anything ever happened to you, they’d lose their minds. Yeah, you fight and they’re a pain in the ass to deal with, but that doesn’t take away from how much they love you. They’ll always love you.”
“Even if I quit school to pursue Dream Guy full-time?”
Kayla falls back slightly.
“Don’t tell me you’re shocked to hear that,” I say.
“No, but would you really do that? Drop out of college?”
I hesitate for a second, closing my mouth when I fail to form any actual words.
Kayla rests a hand on my arm. “Listen. I know you and your parents fight like cats and dogs, but they love you and Cruz more than anything. If you did quit school and go full-time with Dream Guy, they’d be pissed for sure. But they’d come around eventually.”
“But they’d always be disappointed in me. Deep down they’d always wish that I’d be something better.” That familiar shame heats me from the inside out. I slump against the couch cushions. “Even if I do live out their dream for me—graduate college and get some impressive degree—it won’t be me, you know? That’s not who I truly am. And that feels awful, knowing that who I really am is someone my parents will never be proud of.” A sad realization settles deep inside of me. “Yeah, they love me. But parents have to love their kids. They’ll never approve of me though.”
“Oh, Eden.” Kayla pulls me into a hug.
“Maybe I need a sign. Or someone to tell me what to do,” I mumble.
“I would never tell you what to do,” Kayla says when we break apart. “But what I will do is ask if you wanna do a Netflix marathon with me to distract you from all this sad stuff since my date bailed?”
I laugh. “Sure.”
Right as Kayla reaches for the remote, there’s a knock at the door.
“That might be Brendan coming back for seconds,” I say.
She tosses the remote at me and answers the door. When I see Danny, Jamie, Brendan, and Gavin standing together, expectant looks on their faces, I’m thrown.
“You’re back,” Kayla says to Brendan. “And you brought friends.”
Before Brendan can say anything, Gavin steps forward, holding his phone in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. That’s when I notice Danny is standing with his hands behind his back. So are the other guys.
“Eden, our fearless leader, we had to show you this in person.”
I hop up and skim the text on Gavin’s phone. It takes a second for the words to register in my brain.
Buzzfeed…freaking amazing…we love Dream Guy!
“Holy shit!”
Kayla rushes to my side and I hand her the phone so she can read the article. Just then I hear a popping noise. Confetti rains over our entire apartment. I look over and see Danny, Gavin, Jamie, and Brendan holding confetti poppers in the air. They let out a boisterous cheer.
“Dream Guy is in Buzzfeed!”
“Hell yeah!”
All of us jump up and down, cheering and hollering, before I run over and hug all the guys.
“You guys planned this?” I ask Gavin as he pulls me into a hug.
“It was Danny’s idea to come over and surprise you with the article,” Gavin says. “I thought of the confetti poppers.”
“Nice touch,” I flash him a thumbs up.
“We ran into Brendan on the way to surprise you. What great timing, right?” Gavin hooks his thumb at Brendan, who’s exchanging a quick hug with Kayla. I notice the two of them are looking everywhere other than each other. Clearly they don’t want to make it known to the group that they’re hooking up.
Jamie offers to pop open the champagne bottle, and Kayla runs to grab glasses from the kitchen. Gavin breaks into the first verse of “For She’s a Jolly Good Fella,” which makes me laugh.
Kayla is back with coffee mugs in one hand and three champagne flutes in the other. “We gotta get some nicer stemware,” she says to me. “We’re in Buzzfeed! We’re high rollers now!”
As Jamie and Kayla handle drinks, I catch eyes with Danny, who steps closer to me.
“All because of you, my sexy genius girlfriend.”
He says it soft enough that I’m the only one who can hear him. Goosebumps flash across my skin even though I’m wearing long sleeves. The sound of his low, whispered growl combined with that sexy flash in his hazel eyes is enough to make me rip his clothes of right this second. But I restrain myself.
No one knows we’re dating and even though we haven’t had a discussion about going public, it’s best to keep things professional right now. We’re celebrating the app, the hard work that all of us have done to get to this point. I don’t want my dating life to cloud the excitement of this moment.
“God, think of the exposure this is going to give us,” Kayla says as she hands me a flute.
“Business is gonna be booming,” Jamie says.
“We’re gonna need more Dream Guys,” Gavin says before asking Kayla to only give him a tiny splash of champagne.
“Wow. You’re breaking your ultra clean super foods diet?” I ask.
“Only for you, Eden.” Gavin raises a glass. “To Dream Guy!”
We all cheer, clink glasses, and down our bubbly. As we chat and bask in the glow of our success, Danny casually steps next to me. He says something to Gavin while wrapping his pinky around mine. I close my eyes and smile to myself, relishing how special even this tiny bit of contact is. In a moment when we can’t be openly affectionate, he found a way for us to embrace.
Grinning, Danny winks at me before turning back to his conversation with Gavin and letting go of my hand. I spot Kayla smiling down at Gavin’s phone, skimming over the Buzzfeed article again.
She looks up at me. “You said you wanted a sign.”
A sense of urgency hits me. It feels like a tiny invisible timer is ticking away inside of me.
Kayla’s right. This is the biggest sign I could ever ask for. The question now is do I have the guts to follow it?