Chapter 18 #2
“For not realizing something was wrong. That day.” Dull, aching misery washed over him. “In the bunker, this never would have happened. I shouldn’t have encouraged you to leave with me—you were safe there.”
“On one level, you’re right.” Allie looked down, ran a finger across the rim of her water cup. “In the bunker, I wouldn’t have gone hungry or been in as much danger. I wouldn’t be coming back from the verge of a mental breakdown.”
His heart seized. He opened his mouth to... Well, he didn’t know. Offer to take her back. Offer to find her some other place like it to hide. He didn’t know how to fix this situation he’d put her in, and it tore at him.
But before he could speak, she continued.
“But I also would have been slowly dying inside, I think.” She set down her water cup. “I’m not going to pretend I’m okay. I’m sad. Freaked out. And the thought of riding a bicycle again makes my ass and thighs hurt already. My nerves are still jangling half the time. But...”
“But?”
“But it’s still better than being alone.
” Those big brown eyes fixed on his, and they were clearer and more certain than he’d seen them since he and Allie left the pickup.
“Being with you. Being out in the world. It’s like I’m waking up.
” She paused. “And it’s time to wake up, even if being awake hurts sometimes. If that makes any sense.”
Unable to trust his voice, he nodded. He reached out to take her hand in his.
She gave his fingers a squeeze. “If you can forgive me for my mistakes, I think I can forgive you for yours.” Her smile was tentative, trembling, but hopeful.
“Trusting people, even ones I care about... It’s hard for me, but I’m going to work on it.
To put more faith in you, if you can do the same for me. ”
He cleared his throat then said, gruffly, “Yeah. I can do that.”
Supper that night was a thick, meaty stew with mushrooms that Dette laughingly reassured them were not from Gray’s stash, much to their amusement.
The stew was delicious, and being around the fire with everyone was so like old times that he almost felt normal again—but it was better because Allie was there this time, her bed having been moved over to the warmth and light.
He looked around the group. Gray had strung up their alarm system and was keeping watch, but Key, Odette, Jessie, and Ripper were all there.
Allie had been introduced to everyone, and as he’d known they would, they’d all warmly welcomed her.
Even Ripper had managed a smile and some conversation during the introductions, which was more than Cam had expected.
Being with Jessie had been good for the kid—opened him up.
Allie took her inclusion in stride, but she was quieter than usual.
That made sense, though—from Allie’s POV, he could see how it might still be awkward to be having dinner with his family after an embarrassing incident.
If you could call “sneaking off to try to save us both from cannibalistic bushwhackers” embarrassing.
Sure, it’s basically a sitcom.
He turned the convo toward their current situation and to Odie—he wished his little brother had been there to meet Allie too. Dette said Odie had stayed with another part of their extended group to head out early for the Armory.
Cam wasn’t surprised. Odie was twenty and had been clashing with their moms for a while over his role in their group—he resented their protectiveness and wanted the chance to try something new. Much as Cam missed his little brother, he was glad to hear Odie was finally being allowed to branch out.
“So, Odie’s going to join back up with us at the Armory?” he asked.
Odette took a breath, and Key’s face went stone-still, and she dropped both her gaze and her smile, grunting.
Odette cast her wife a swift, quelling glance then said, “He’s been wanting to go work at the Plant.
There are a few other folks from our larger group who are planning to petition to join the workers there, so he’s with them until we all meet up for a talk-and-trade full moon at the Armory.
” She paused. “Not everyone is happy about that.”
“I’m not happy about it.” Key’s voice was very controlled.
“I know,” Dette said, echoing Allie’s earlier remarks.
Is that every relationship? One person doing something, knowing full well the other won’t like it, then saying, “I know,” when they’re called out?
Key went on. “And I’m not happy that you gave him permission without letting me talk to him about it.”
Odette nodded. “I know, mi reina.”
Key rolled her eyes. “Don’t ‘mi reina’ me. You only use it when you know I’m pissed at you.”
Odette smiled at Key but didn’t apologize. She radiated sympathy, not regret.
Cam began to edge out onto the ice in defense of his brilliant but obstinate younger brother. “Odie’s always been scientifically minded, so the Plant could be good for him.”
“Being with his family is good for him.” Key took a bite of stew and chewed it with concentration.
He and Odette shared a look, then he turned to Allie. “You know how I told you Odie was in college? He wasn’t just ‘in college’—he was at Cal Tech.”
“Wow,” Allie said. “That’s impressive.”
“We were—we are very proud of him,” Odette said.
Allie nodded. “Can I ask... Cam’s mentioned the Plant, but I’m not sure what it is.”
Ripper spoke up. “It was a university research farm Before,” he said, his dark eyes old in his young face.
“Mostly. It shared land with a tech innovation building. My dad worked at the farm for years. We all left when things started getting bad, when we figured out what was coming. But apparently, we should have stayed put.”
Everyone went silent. Jessie put one hand on his back and rubbed circles there. Cam bowed his head, remembering how Ripper’s family had died.
Jessie looked back at Allie. “Some folks reclaimed it a few months after the Zs took over. It’s the center of our traveling region, like a main hub for our survivor network. They do research there on the Zs, get as much tech and useful stuff up and running as possible. It’s a great place, really.”
“It’s also the safest settlement we’ve ever seen,” Dette said, side-eyeing Key, who only grunted. “The way Mal and Liam have things set up... Well, you’ll have to see it.”
“Most of the couriers and messengers go through there regularly. We stop in there once a month or so. Or at least, we used to,” Cam said, very pointedly not looking at Key. “It’s where they’re working on solar vehicles, where they grow a lot of food, make medicine, all kinds of things.”
“My brother’s there.” Key said it almost grudgingly. “He worked there Before and is one of the grand pooh-bahs now.”
“Malcolm and his team are doing important work,” Odette said firmly. “Odie wants to be a part of that.”
Key only nodded once.
“And at least he’ll still be with family,” Odette continued.
Key let out a bark of laughter. “Yes, my brother is such ‘family’ that we hadn’t seen him for five years before the apocalypse hit. He didn’t even come to our wedding.”
Cam looked at Allie. “Malcolm is why we ended up here. Key knew he was a head research scientist at the Plant, and she figured it would be good to be in a place where people might be searching for answers. A cure. Ways to reclaim modern resources.”
“It was a good move.” Dette gave her wife a warm smile. Then she looked over at Allie. “From what little we know, California is pretty much overrun.”
“Not farther north—” Key began, only to be cut off by a chorus of groans.
Odette shook her head. “We barely made it through the Rockies the first time, and that was back when we had cars and could still find fresh gas. You want us to do it again on foot—and then the Cascades?” She rolled her eyes. “Hell, no. I’m done with mountains. Give me the Midwest any time.”
“This is an old conversation,” Cam murmured to Allie, grinning.
“I’ve never seen the mountains,” Allie confessed.
“Me neither,” Ripper said.
“They’re beautiful,” Key said.
“And big,” Jessie added.
“And a bitch to navigate.” Odette put a hand on Key’s knee.
“We’re not Lewis and Clark, and dreams or no, you’re not Sacajawea.
We’re not leaving to check out the Pacific Northwest because you want to get Odie away from your brother.
Who, I might add, is kind of an asshole but not that bad of a person. ”
Key grumbled.
Odette nudged her gently. “Mi amor. I know he was a dick to you, but that’s not why Odie wants to be there. He wants to be off the road, doing something useful.”
Cam nodded. “He talked to me about that a long time ago, after our first visit to the Plant.” When Key glared at him, Cam put up his hands. “I’m just saying. This isn’t, like, new news.”
She stood and ladled more stew into a clean bowl. “I’m going to go relieve Gray.”
A silence fell in her wake, punctuated by snaps and crackles from the campfire.
“I’m sorry, Allie. You came to us at a stressful time.” Odette sighed. “Cameron, I thought maybe since you were returning, she’d be a little more open to letting Odie go. It was just... too much for her, the thought of losing both of you.”
Allie quoted softly, “‘Joseph is no more and Simeon is no more, and now you would take away Benjamin.’” Everyone’s eyes turned to her, and she looked down into her bowl. “Sorry. A lot of Bible study over the years.”
Cam’s stomach twisted, and he set down his half-empty bowl. “I’m sorry, Dette. I’m so sorry. For leaving. For... everything.”
“Mijo.” Odette gave him a warm look. “I love you. Always. And so does she.” She smiled. “We’re glad you’re back. And you’ve brought Allie with you.” She turned to Allie. “We’re so happy you’re here and healing.”
Allie smiled back, her eyes shining in the firelight. “Thank you. I... Well, I guess I can’t say ‘thank you’ enough.”
Cam reached over and took her hand. “Thank you. For being here.” With me. For being my angel. My miracle.
Everyone nodded, Odette hiding a smile, and they all went back to their stew.