Chapter 19
The Goddesses-Talk-to-Me Club
Allie
The next day was Allie’s first time traveling with the group.
She rode in Gray’s trailer, which could be harnessed to two or even three bikes.
Luckily, Gray and Key were strong enough to pull her on their own.
She was fascinated by how the group had modified everything to suit their circumstances.
Despite the trailer being crowded with Gray’s equipment and supplies, it smelled of fragrant herbs of all kinds, and Allie slept through most of the morning.
When they stopped for lunch within sight of a small town, Key, Dette, and Jessie found her a shaded place to rest while they checked her wounds.
No torn stitches, no seepage. After rebandaging Allie, Odette gave Key a long look and a tiny nod, and she and Jessie bid Allie goodbye before heading back to join the others.
The exchange was too deliberate not to be planned, so Allie wasn’t surprised when Key said, “Allie, honey, I was hoping you and I might talk a bit, if that’s okay.
I’ve been wanting to get some time alone with you for days.
” She looked around. “This area isn’t as overgrown as everywhere else, so I think we can relax and have a conversation. ”
Oh shit. Is she going to give me the “Hurt my son, and I’ll cleave you in two” speech? Or is this where she tells me I’m not good enough for him?
Stop it. Key likes you. “Um, sure. Of course.”
“Great.” Key settled down beside Allie. “I’m sorry about the tension last night at dinner. I’m trying to be okay with Odie’s choices, but...” She made a frustrated gesture with her hands.
Allie smiled tentatively. “But you really just want him to stay with you so you can protect him and know he’s safe?”
Key chuckled, a pleasing, rusty sound. “Something like that. Well, no. Jesus. That’s exactly it.”
“I would feel the same way,” Allie offered.
“I appreciate that.” Key paused. “So, I’ve got to admit, I’m kind of dying to talk to you about your dreams and your goddess. Tell you about mine. Is that okay?”
The thought of talking about Morrigan with someone who was in the same situation felt both exciting and intimidating. But mostly irresistible. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Allie waited a second then asked, “What’s your goddess like?”
Key made a face. “Sekhmet’s... a lot.”
Allie chuckled this time, relief spreading through her. “Morrigan is too.” She told Key about Morrigan’s penchant for dramatic settings and how the wind always blew the perfect amount to keep Her hair and skirts swirling around Her in a cinematic way.
“That sounds right. Sek is more aloof—She doesn’t really do the physical-manifestation thing—but She knows I’ve seen pictures of Her from Egyptian mythology books, so She relies on that for visuals when needed.
Like she kind of... I don’t know... plucks them from my brain?
Freaky.” Key looked away. “When She gives me dreams, it’s more like She’s inside me, and She brings my consciousness there too. And...”
“And?”
“Sometimes, She manifests there and takes over my body.”
Whoa. “She takes over your body? Like, possesses it?”
“Mostly in combat situations.” Key sighed. “I know, it sounds bad.”
What the hell? Allie couldn’t quite hide her revulsion. “Sounds bad? It sounds like a fucking nightmare.”
“No, I get that. I haven’t really been able to explain it well enough to Odette either.
” Key settled her hands on her knees. “I read a lot of Egyptian myths as a kid. A lot. I was that kid, babbling on about gods and goddesses to everyone whether they were interested or not. The Egyptian gods were more like me—you know, skin color–wise—than the Greek and Roman gods. No one taught us about the West African gods back then, so I didn’t even know to look for their stories.
So the Egyptians were it, and they became my thing. What Odie would call my hyperfixation.”
Allie imagined a young Keyshawna, her hair in braids, earnestly talking about Osiris and Isis to adults with glazed-over eyes. “I read Egyptian myths too. They were awesome.”
“Right?” Key leaned back. “All the stories were so cool. I loved the Sekhmet myth where she turned into a lioness and went through the desert, killing people.” When Allie raised her eyebrows, Key shook her head.
“I grew up as a Black kid in a rough town. I craved power. Loved that she could rampage and fuck shit up to the point of almost destroying the whole of Egypt.”
That sparked a memory. “They stopped her with pools of beer colored red to make them look like blood. She drank it and fell asleep.” When Key nodded, Allie smiled. “I remember that one. I never really thought of it as female empowerment.”
“Well, it was, despite Her getting wasted and falling asleep. Bitch was infallible.”
Allie laughed. “Truth.” She paused. “But how does it work? I mean, when She takes over?”
“It’s like... melting into someone else.
But not in a sexual way. More like accepting them as a literal part of you.
” Key gestured at nothing. “When I’m fighting against more than one person or Z, it’s almost like I automatically extend a hand to Sek somehow, psychically.
Like tag-team wrestling, except She doesn’t jump into the ring. She jumps into me.”
Allie processed this.
“And since you know the Sekhmet myth, you know she’s a warrior,” Key added. “I become that too. It kind of... takes over.”
“So you’re like a berserker?” Allie didn’t think she’d ever read about female berserkers, but she found the idea heartening.
“Yeah. And it’s hard to shake, sometimes, even after the enemies are taken down. So if we end up in any kind of battle situation, just be sure to watch out. It can take me a few minutes to stop killing anything within the strike zone.”
“Have you killed friendlies?” Allie wished she could have disguised the horror in her voice.
“No. But I’ve come close enough. Most everyone knows to stay clear of me. And I...” She paused. “Well, I believe that I’d be able to stop myself. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to give up control. Does that make sense?”
Allie nodded. What she knew about Key backed up that belief.
“But.” Key bit her lip. “I don’t know what kind of vibes you get from your Morrigan, but Sekhmet’s not exactly patient or caring.
I think she gets that my family is important to me—and to our partnership, or whatever it is—but I also wonder if She’d care one way or the other if She hurt one of them.
” Key frowned. “Like, ‘Oops, sorry your wife got in the way of your machete while I was imbuing you with power and bloodlust. Cost of doing business with a goddess.’ And I might not even remember doing it.”
Allie leaned toward Key, put a hand on her shoulder.
“If it helps at all, and I’m certain it might not, I’m pretty sure I went into that kind of state when I was.
.. fighting those men. Killing them. I don’t remember all of it, but I think you saw.
” She touched her side, where she’d been stitched up.
“I don’t even have a goddess to blame. It was just me. My rage. My pain.”
“It came from your need to protect my son. I can’t fault you for that.
” Key’s warm gaze was sympathetic. “Rage, pain, love—it all comes out eventually. And you directed it in the right place. Life or death.” She sighed.
“That’s likely part of why I find it so easy to let Sekhmet in.
I know She will help me protect us. I knew it the first time She took over. ”
“Was it when you were trying to get out of San Francisco?”
“It was.” She cocked her head. “Cam told you about that?”
“He said you were the only one who wasn’t paralyzed with fear by all the zombies coming at you, that you fought them off.” Allie shrugged, a little self-consciously. “It seemed like a logical connection.”
“Smart girl.” Key smiled. “Sekhmet saved us all that day. Now I don’t have that fear that hits everyone else, whether Sek’s driving or not. Everyone else still feels it, even after all this time, except Cam, mostly.”
Allie knew Z-terror all too well. “It doesn’t feel right, the way that happens.”
“Well, we could say none of this is ‘right,’ but I get what you mean.” Key paused.
“You know what’s weird? I know Sekhmet exists.
Other gods too. I mean, we’ve got fairly irrefutable evidence—your Morrigan’s just one.
There have got to be more, and who knows how many more people are getting dreams? ”
“Right.”
“But despite all that, I still feel like a Christian. I still believe in Jesus. God—like, the God of my youth. I still pray to Him. You know? Sekhmet has to know that, since we’re kind of bonded, I guess.”
“She doesn’t seem to care?”
“Nope. Isn’t that kind of fucked-up? Like, She doesn’t particularly care if I worship Her or not, as long as we’re working together?”
“Wow. I do not get that kind of vibe from Morrigan. She demands Her due. But I guess She also knows I grew up Catholic but was never a true believer.” The memory made her unaccountably sad.
“I went through the motions, mostly because it meant so much to my mom. But I’m pretty sure any real faith I might have had evaporated when she died.
” Allie paused. “I guess that’s one of the reasons I was so open when Morrigan first spoke to me. I think of Her as ‘my’ goddess.”
They sat in silence for a minute, digesting this information, then Key shook her head. “I liked religion better when it wasn’t so personal. You know?”
Allie laughed. “Right. It was easier when gods didn’t know we existed.”
Key raised her eyebrows. “Yuuuuup.”
After a moment of companionable silence, during which Allie seriously debated her next words, she finally took a deep breath and took the plunge. “Is that your gift? Ability? Being able to go into berserker mode?”
Key stared at Allie. “My gift?”