Chapter 4 Dreu
Dreu
My body was drenched in sweat, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten tipsy before performing tonight.
My chest stayed tight the entire rest of my set.
I couldn’t even enjoy the fact that the crowd loved my new single BGL.
It felt like somebody had they fist wrapped tightly around my ribs and squeezed every time I thought about, her…
The universe had to be playing with me. Because what were the damn chances? What were the odds? Out of everybody in this city…she was here? After I started thinking about her thick ass yesterday? Pancakes? My flat booty freak that I fell deeply in love with years ago?
I looked down at my hands and witnessed them shaking. My heart beat erratically as I tried to calm myself down before I had a damn anxiety attack.
Jatavia was really here tonight…looking good as fuck. It felt like fate had tapped me on the shoulder and asked, “You ready now?”
I wasn’t even hearing half of the beat. My verses were like muscle memory because my mind was somewhere else. With her…with the past… with everything I had wished I done differently when it came to her.
I exhaled like I’d been holding my breath the entire performance. Iceman shoved a blunt into my hand so fast, it was like he knew.
“You look stressed,” he chuckled. “They fuckin’ with Big Girl Lovin’ although I still think the song thirsty as hell.” He shook his head.
I rolled the blunt between my shaking fingers, totally distracted.
“Where’s my phone?” I asked no one in particular.
Ghost pointed toward my dressing room.
“Same place you tossed it before you went on stage. The fuck wrong with you?” He asked.
I ignored him, I pushed through the door and Rina was already in my face.
“Dreu, okay listen…We still have the influencer meet up, one interview, a backstage photo set, and—”
“Quiet,” I snapped.
“But—”
“QUIET! Everybody got to shut the fuck up or get the fuck out! Rina fuck all that bullshit. I got to this show on time, that’s all I got for the night.” I plopped down on the couch and grabbed my phone.
Everyone froze. Even the stylist holding my extra tee stopped mid-fold.
My lungs begged for a hit of the blunt that still was clutched between my fingertips.
I sparked it, inhaled deep, letting the smoke fill every tight space in my chest then released it.
I needed to calm down, but I needed Jatavia, right in front of me to give me some damn clarity on what the universe was trying to show us.
“Matter fact, everybody get out!” I sniffled.
“Is this nigga about to cry?” Ghost murmured.
“Yeah, nigga I’am! I’m still a thug though, don’t get the shit confused.” I blew out smoke in his direction then focused back on my phone.
Bleu answered on the second ring.
“What you want, Dreu?” he said in his usual irritated big brother tone.
I didn’t even warm up the conversation or bullshit him like I normally liked to do.
“I need to talk to Truly.”
He paused; a sigh left his mouth as I listened to him probably shift in the bed.
“What you want to talk to Truly for?” he snapped.
I released a shaky breath before I whispered hoarsely.
“Taaviaaa.” I snatched my fitted LA cap off and tossed it to the side of me.
I pulled at my Cuban link chain like it was choking the life out of me. My left leg bounced rapidly, without having to say it verbally I knew that my nerves mixed with anxiety was getting the best of me.
“Mannnn,” Bleu drawled.
“We got twin boys over here fucking teething, Princess wants to bake cookies since it’s Friday and—”
“Baby who is that?” I heard Truly’s soft voice in the background.
“Your brother-in-law is having one of his classic moments.” He told her.
A moment was an understatement. After some shuffling around in the background, Truly’s voice came through on the line.
I tried to pull my emotions together but always struggled with doing just that whenever I felt overwhelmed like now.
I still had high adrenaline from performing mixed with seeing a woman that I once considered the love of my life… or did I still consider her as that?
“What’s wrong, Dreu?” She asked.
I closed my eyes and sat back, massaging my forehead. Truly had always been easy to talk to. Sometimes I felt like she understood me and where I was coming from better than Bleu did.
“I saw her.” I stated lowly.
“Who?”
I frowned because I told her and Bleu about Jatavia. What other ‘her’ could she possibly think I was talking about… I expected Truly to know without me having to verbally say Jatavia’s name.
“Her, Truly. I saw my Pancakes.” I reminded her.
Silence. Then softly, Truly sighed into the phone.
“Oh,” she said knowingly.
“Yeah,” I whispered then decided to lean forward, placing my elbows on my knees.
“What happened when you saw her?” She asked.
“She was just there in the crowd. And the second I saw her, everything in my chest felt tight and off. Like I been waiting to see her for years now…it never happened…then it does, tonight. After all that ducking and dodging the fuck out of me, she had the nerves to be front in center while I performed.” My jaw tightened.
I ran a hand down my face. My leg bounced faster as I contemplated running back out into the crowd to find her ass.
“I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m trying to calm myself down because I was ready to jump off the stage and snatch her ass up. I made the media in a negative light enough this month, so I kept pushing through my set instead of causing a scene…” I admitted.
I wanted to act a fool seeing Jatavia tonight.
It was hard just to push through the rest of my song.
When she walked away, I knew she wasn’t coming back to see the rest of my show.
That shit ached me deep in my core. I wanted to snatch up the nigga she came with and demand for him to bring her ass back to me.
Truly inhaled sharply like she was choosing her words. That’s what I loved about my sis-in-love the most. She was very understanding and always down to earth with logical advice. I didn’t follow most of her kind advice, but I loved the sound and idea of it all.
“You really still in love with this girl, Dreu?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But whatever I feel, it’s strong. Too strong. Strong like…maybe I never stopped.” I tried to search my brain for the right answers.
Iceman dropped onto the other end of the couch, listening without pretending he wasn’t. I didn’t care, Iceman was my day one and he never judged a nigga. Rina hovered near the door but was smart enough not to interrupt me with bullshit.
“Dreu…breathe. You know your anxiety sometimes get the best of you.” Truly spoke gently.
“You always fall for his antic’s, Tru. He’s a grown ass man, he’ll be okay.” Bleu snapped in the distance.
“I’m trying but I can’t… I’m ready to do some crazy shit. I might just do some crazy shit, tonight if I remember the address. Any other time that shit comes to me.” I said blowing out a shaky exhale.
“I’m fuckin’ losing it in here…She looked just like I remember, but different too. She looked sad, like she needs something. The nigga she was with was all on my dick, but I guess that’s her nigga.” I frowned, talking in circles.
“So, you think you the man that could actually love her, Dreu?”
There it was, the reality that I faced plenty of times.
I messed up, and Jatavia was adamant on not forgiving me.
Back then, I was lost as fuck. Love wasn’t really on the menu for me.
I took a strong liking for Jatavia; we bonded then I fell for her and still thought like a jack ass that I could do me while keeping her by my side.
“Truly—” my voice broke and I hated that it did.
“I messed up with her before; I fucked up bad. But I swear to God…If I get another shot, I’m not playing with it. All the hoe in me? Gone. Dead. Buried. I’ll put in whatever work it takes.”
Fuck that, she’s mine… I’ll turn into a singing ass nigga and make her mine again, I thought. I listened to Truly hum thoughtfully.
“Then you need to approach this with honesty. Not your YN ego.” She giggled.
“I know.”
“And patience, Dreu. She’s not on your time, you’re on hers. She hasn’t tried to reach out to you, so that says a lot. It’s obvious she doesn’t care about your fame and the net worth that you got now. So that means you gone have to put in work to get back in her good graces.” Truly added.
“I know, sis.” I said lowly.
“And…you have to respect whatever life she has now.” Truly stated seriously.
I’m not respecting no nigga, if that’s what you trying to convey sis…
I had to bite into my bottom lip to stop myself from saying the words out loud.
I would respect the fuck out of my Pancakes, but I didn’t give a fuck about that short, chubby, high-yellow nigga that turned red in the face like a groupie hoe once I came out to perform tonight.
“I know.” I swallowed hard, already feeling a little defeated.
I had to go about shit different with Jatavia. She was different. I had money when I first met her, and it didn’t woe her like I thought it could.
“First step,” Truly said firmly. “Is finding out if she wants to see you. Don’t chase, just simply try to check in with her.
Don’t apologize with words, I’m pretty sure you did a lot of apologizing over the years from those fake pages that you created on social media.
You have to show her and then if she gives you a chance, you don’t hurt her again by taking that shit for granted, Dreu. ”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me.
“I won’t. I swear, not this time. It feels too right, like I got a chance.” I re-lit my blunt and inhaled deeply.
“Good,” Truly said softly. “Get you some rest and take it easy. Don’t force anything…let the universe continue to guide everything.” Truly said calmly.
I agreed and thanked her before hanging up.
It was funny that her ass mentioned the universe.
I believed all that universe talk that women loved to yap about.
But I wasn’t about to let the universe continue to play in my damn face like it had been doing for years.
I stared down at the blunt and like magic flash backs of how to get to Jatavia’s house popped into the forefront of my mind.
“Fuck that. I’m going to her tonight.” I mumbled under my breath.
“Simp ass nigga, you can’t just navigate the streets of Vegas like you not a celebrity nigga.” Iceman shook his head.
“I don’t give a fuck. I need a moment with her.” I stood up not giving a damn about anything else besides seeing Jatavia.
“We not in Cali, you forgot we flew.” Iceman’s tone of voice pissed me off further.
My heart thudded in my chest, part anxious, part exhilarated, as if every step I took towards her house was being pulled by something bigger than me. I didn’t know what I was going to say when I arrived, but I knew I couldn't stay away any longer.
“The driver gone let me take his truck for the night, because he’s gonna get paid like he’s a rental car service.” I snapped. “Don’t say shit else to me, about it.” I warned.
I stomped away passing by Rina along the way. She mumbled some bullshit as hot as her breath lowly as I slid past her.