Chapter 13
Dreu
The beat kept looping, and I kept missing it.
I stood behind the booth, headphones pressed too tight against my ears.
My jaws were clenched so hard my teeth hurt.
The bass thumped through my chest. I opened my mouth and missed the fucking pocket again.
I got so pissed, I jumped up and down in place punching the air.
Calming myself down, I snatched the blunt from behind my ear then got pissed all over again when I realized my lighter was outside amongst my homies.
“Fuck! Run it the fuck back and y’all niggas go to the other room with all that bullshit.” I snapped.
The twins and Iceman had a damn strip tease going on in the small lounge area.
I needed to crack down on having better rules during my studio sessions, especially if I planned on having Jatavia up here with me.
They ignored the fuck out of me as my engineer rewound the track.
I heard the twins laugh a little too loud and I was getting ready to lose my cool.
I wanted to get a head start on my new album so I could have more free time with Jatavia.
Speaking of her, I fought off the urge to call and check up on her.
Today she used one of my cars and drove over to the projects to spend much needed time with her parents.
She been at my house for three days and I felt on edge.
I didn’t want her ass to go back to Vegas but also didn’t want to jump the gun nor ruin the time that we were spending together nagging like a bitch about what her future plans were since she was currently jobless.
“Bro, you over thinking that shit,” Iceman walked up to the soundboard. “Just ride the beat like, Tavia told you the other night.” He chuckled.
I flicked his dumb ass off and pushed everything except the sound of the beat off my mind. I fought beats like they were enemies instead of partners. Sweat gathered at the back of my neck; I ran one hand underneath my dreads then flipped my fitted hat to the back.
Frustration kept getting the best of me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to catch the beat at all today.
I ripped the headphones off and tossed them.
Some days were chaotic, especially when too much was on my mind.
I tried calling my mom again, and to no avail, I was sent straight to voicemail.
I grew out of the momma’s boy shit years ago when I realized that she was trying to have too much control over my life.
Still, it didn’t mean that I didn’t care about her well-being.
I needed to pop up on her ass, but something in my gut told me that I wouldn’t like the answers in front of me.
So I put my pop off visit off, hoping she’d just answer the phone to tell me that she was okay.
I called my dad, and like always he sounded like shit was good on his end.
When I asked him where his wife was, he switched gears quickly and got his ass off the phone.
I didn’t care that him and my relationship wasn’t like him and Bleu’s.
Me and my mom were close like him and Bleu were, it’s just the way things have always been like between the four of us.
“Man, shut this shit off,” I said. “It ain’t happening for a nigga today.” I walked out of the booth disappointed in myself.
Maybe it was my ADHD cutting the fuck up today. I couldn’t find the proper concentration to save my life. The room fell quiet except for the hum of expensive equipment and the low hiss of disappointment coming from Iceman.
“You want a head start; this is the perfect start. You need to lock in my nigga and stop playing.” Iceman shook his head and walked over towards the couch area.
I rubbed my face then started to pace. The sound of the women over in the lounge area and one of the twins smacking them on the ass put me all the way up on ten. I marched over to them with my face twisted into a scowl cause they had me fucked up.
“I can’t focus in this bitch, cause all of these broads sucking up the energy!” I yelled.
I whiff of something funky snuck up my nostrils. I frowned my face, sniffed the air and got pissed all over again.
“Bbl’s really stank?” I asked myself talking aloud.
“Man chill,” Iceman chuckled.
“Nah, I ain’t chilling. This my fucking studio, you niggas seem to keep forgetting that shit. It’s new rules and regulations—” My words trailed off as the studio door opened.
Bleu walked in slow. His face was tight and he looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. My stomach tightened, I stopped all of my pacing and gave him my full attention.
“Fuck wrong with you?” I asked.
“Step outside with me.” He glanced around the room.
My chest tightened before I even knew why, he didn’t have to flat out say that something was wrong for me to feel it.
“Lock up after I leave,” I turned to look at Iceman. “This shit,” I waved my hand around for emphasis. “Is over, I don’t want no hoes in my sessions no more. When I come in this bitch, it’s to lay out my tracks and get the fuck on.” I stated seriously before walking away.
Niggas knew to respect my wishes. Iceman made six figures and the twins played around all day but since their dad wanted to put them under me and sign them next year to the label, it was time for me to get stricter on them.
I welcomed the cold brisk air soon as I stepped outside. Bleu turned and didn’t waste time to state the problem.
“Ms. Earline called me,” he said.
My heart dropped straight into my stomach.
“And?” I asked skeptical.
“She’s worried about mother,” He flicked his hand over the top of his nose. “Said she haven’t answered her calls, nor been out of the house. Ms. Earline said she didn’t even sound like herself when she talked to her last.” Bleu finished.
“Why Ms. Earline ain’t just go inside through the back.” I started to pace.
“Why the fuck you come here to tell me this instead of calling me on facetime when you made it there to check on her yourself, nigga?” I felt my jaw clench tight.
“Dreu, aim that anger toward yo fuckin’ momma.
You been running from the truth ever since you came to my house to see the kids.
I know what the fuck wrong with her and your dumb ass father.
It’s time for you to find out. I’m just going along with you to support you as my little brother because I know how over the top emotional you can be. ” He spat.
“But you gone watch how the fuck you get at me.” He gritted.
I turned away from Bleu. My anger was misplaced and I understood it.
My eyes scanned the parking lot; I eyed the tall streetlights then dropped my gaze down to my customized sneakers in defeat.
Bleu was right, I had been running. I didn’t know from what, but I didn’t want anything throwing my mental off.
I was the person that found it hard to adapt to major changes.
I swallowed hard and thought about my momma’s actions lately. She didn’t miss calls, never isolated from us or the world. She loved being praised and seen as the fashion goddess she knew she was.
“H-how did Ms. Earline say she sounded?” I asked hesitantly.
“Tired, confused…scared.” Bleu said lowly.
I looked into his eyes and saw heaviness. He looked stressed himself like he was tired of holding back what he thought I needed to know.
“Take me to her.” I said above a whisper.
The drive to Breeze City felt longer than it was. Bleu sped on the freeway with no music playing. My leg bounced uncontrollably, as I looked out of the window.
“No matter what Dreu. Let our parents’ figure shit out on their own. Mother needs counseling and help but none of what you are getting ready to hear or witness has anything to do with you. You can’t fix this shit.” Bleu stated seriously as he exited the freeway.
All I could do was nod my head and ask myself… when did shit get this bad?
I felt my eyes sting then there was a stupid drip in my nose that had me sniffing back emotions that I couldn’t place yet. My anxiety was the worse. Thoughts swirled in my head rapidly as I back handed my nose.
“Man,” Bleu sighed and shook his head. “Please don’t start the bullshit right now. You don’t even know what the fuck going on yet.” He exited off the freeway.
His hand roughly gripped the back of my neck.
That gesture alone brought on more tears.
I didn’t give a damn what I looked like in front of Bleu.
I could always let my emotions and tears out in front of him with no judgement.
He might’ve talked a little shit but never shut me away nor made me feel like I was less than a man because my emotions were hard to hide.
Bleu always comforted me when I needed it the most. It realized that Bleu always had it the hardest. I even wondered had I been selfish over the years not being there for him when he really needed me the most.
“It’s gone be straight man. Seasons change and so does people.”
I nodded my head slowly at his revelations of words. I wanted his words to soothe me, but it brought on more worries.
“I love you man.” I back handed a tear.
“I love you too, Dreu. It’s gone be okay man, I’m here no matter what.” He reassured me.
“I’m always here for you too, you know that right?” I looked over at him.
“I know it, so don’t get in your head too much and blame yourself for this current situation. We gone be here for each other and get through this major change.”
We pulled onto our parent’s estate and an eerie feeling crept up my spine.
I spotted my mom sitting underneath the old stone fountain my father had installed years ago.
It was carved perfectly and cost him a fortune.
My mom was the woman frozen mid-pose with her chin lifted high like she was daring the world to look at her.
Water trickled softly from the edges, splashing into the basin in a steady rhythm.