Chapter 25 #2
I’d lived inside that grief so completely that it became the only thing I knew. The bear, her voicemails, the pictures on my phone. It was all I had left of them. I held on to them for dear life, thinking it was what I was meant to do. It was what I owed them.
And then Raelyn happened. Her boys, Preacher, and the guys came into play, and somewhere along the way, the pain stopped being the first thing I felt. Hell, I was making plans for a future, a home, and I actually wanted it.
I should have felt relieved.
Instead, it felt like I’d betrayed them. I’d forgotten them. I tightened my grip around the bear and groaned as the memories started creeping over me. And in a blink, I was back to that night.
I tried to shake it, but it was too late.
I was behind the wheel again, watching the windshield wiper blades sweep back and forth, pushing the rain from the glass. And just like that, my breath hitched. There was no turning back now.
The memories clawing their way up. I glanced behind me. Raelyn was in the house, warm and alive. She trusted me in a way she hadn’t trusted anyone in years. She had no idea about my past. She had no idea what I’d done.
My throat burned as I muttered, “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t know if I was talking to my son, my wife, or the woman in my bed. Maybe all three. Darkness engulfed me as I stared down at that little stuffed bear, and I stopped trying to fight the memories.
I let them come for me.
It started with a phone call. I was in my truck, heading to meet up with Emily and Jameson at a pizza place across town. It was raining, and I was running behind. I’d gotten held up at the clubhouse, and when I heard my cell phone ring, I figured it was her calling to see where I was.
I picked it up and said, “I’m sorry, babe. I’ll be there in like ten minutes…”
“Walker!” she cut me off with a blood-curdling scream.
“Emily? What’s wrong?”
“There are three men following me,” she gasped. “They’re trying to make me pull over.”
“What men? What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know who they are!” she yelped. “They’re on motorcycles, and they’re wearing cuts. And there’s a truck that’s with them, and he keeps bumping me.”
She was talking so fast it was hard to understand her, but it was clear that she was in real trouble. I was trying to make sense of it when I barked, “Where are you?”
“About to cross the bridge.” The terror in her voice gutted me when she said, “I have Jameson with me. If they run me off, they’ll get us both. You can’t let anything happen to him, Walker. I couldn’t…”
“Nothing’s gonna happen, Em. I’m ten minutes away. I’m coming.”
“Why are they doing this? What do they want?”
“I don’t know.”
That wasn’t true. I knew exactly who was after her and why.
We had been having issues with the Red Ravens for months.
We’d grown tired of the bullshit and brought a couple into my workrooms. I’d done a real number on them, but I got the intel we needed to bring their club down for good.
Clearly, they weren’t going down without a fight.
But going after my woman and kid was crossing a line that they wouldn’t walk away from. “I’ll get ‘em, baby. I promise. I just need you to keep both hands on the wheel and stay on…”
“Walker!”
A deafening crash exploded through the phone. Metal curling, glass shattering, and the sound of Emily crying, “Oh, God!”
Her screams tore straight through me, raw and terrified, and they were cut short so suddenly it made my blood run cold. There was another impact, harder this time, and the phone muffled with the sound of chaos. I could hear Jameson crying, Emily gasping, and water rushing.
Water.
God, the sound of that water haunted me. I should’ve been there. I should’ve stopped them. But I was still miles away, so I shouted and cried, “Emily! Emily! God no! Emily!”
The phone went silent, and my entire body went numb. I slammed my foot against the accelerator, pushing the truck so hard it practically screamed beneath me. Trees and headlights blurred together, and fog began to inch across the windshield, making it even harder to see.
But I didn’t slow down.
I sped down that highway, one hand white-knuckled on the wheel while the other clutched the useless phone to my ear. I tried calling her again, and it rang and rang while I pleaded, “Come on, baby… Hold on. I’m coming!”
After what seemed like a lifetime, the bridge finally came into view, and seconds later, I spotted the busted guardrail. Twisted metal hung over the edge, but there were no motorcycles or trucks anywhere in sight. They’d just left them there, drowning in the river below.
My truck skidded sideways when I slammed to a stop. I barely remembered throwing it into park before I was out the door and running toward the railing. The river rushed below, but I could still see the faint glow of her taillights.
“No!”
I jumped without thinking, and the impact stole my breath.
I gasped for air and tried to fight against the freezing water that swallowed me whole.
The current worked against me, pulling me down as I tried to make it to the car, but my adrenaline pushed me forward.
As soon as I got close enough, I grabbed the handle, using it to pry myself closer.
I tried to open the door, but it was locked. I yanked harder, but it was no use. I looked inside and spotted Emily floating pale beneath the water. Her body was lifeless. The only movement was her hair drifting across her beautiful face. Her eyes were open, lost and soulless.
Jameson’s car seat sat in the back. He, too, was lifeless. His little arms floated at his side, and the sight sent panic exploding through me. I had to get to them. Still holding onto the door handle, I brought my feet to the window, crouching as I used all my strength to kick the window.
At first, there was nothing. I kicked and kicked, and eventually, the window cracked. I kicked once more, and it shattered just enough for me to force my arm through. Ignoring the glass slicing my skin, I unlocked the door and pulled it open.
I unbuckled her and pulled her against my chest. I wanted to go for Jameson, too, but I couldn’t carry them both.
It was a decision no man should ever have to make, and even now, I question it.
But I did the only thing I could. I dragged her limp body against the current and brought her up to the surface.
By the sheer will of God, I managed to make it to the bank.
I didn’t have the luxury of holding her. I had to try to bring her back, so I started CPR as I pleaded, “Come on, baby. Don’t leave me. Stay with me.”
Her skin was ice cold beneath my hands. I called out for help, over and over, but no one came.
I pressed my fingers to her neck, checking for any sign of a pulse, but there was nothing.
I was so torn. I wanted to fight for her, to bring her back, but the whole time I was doing CPR, I was thinking about Jameson.
His little round cheeks.
His tiny arm floating in the water.
I didn’t know whether to stop and go to him or keep trying to bring Emily back. I was hanging on by a thread. “Please don’t do this!”
The river roared beside me, but that was the only sound I heard.
Nothing else.
I shook her, pleading with everything I had as I roared, “Emily! Please, God!”
There was no response. She just lay there limp on the ground.
That’s when I finally accepted the fact that she was gone. My wife, the mother of my child, was gone. I felt utterly defeated as I dove back into that water. The sound that tore through me didn’t even sound human.
The current felt harder this time. My arms burned as I fought against it, my lungs screamed, but I didn’t stop. I found the door and climbed into the back. I found the car seat and my little boy. My hands shook so hard I could barely get him unbuckled.
Once I had him free, I pulled him tight against my chest, and the feeling of his little body against mine was crippling.
He was so damn small, so fragile, and yet, it took all I had to make it to the shore with him.
I collapsed beside Emily and tried with all my might to breathe life back into him.
He was so cold and still. I knew there was little chance that I could bring him back, but I couldn’t stop.
“Come on, buddy. Come on.”
Nothing.
I pressed my forehead against his wet hair.
He looked like my Jameson. He was even wearing his favorite little light-up sneakers, and the lightning bolts were still barely blinking.
The rosy color that had always been in his fat little cheeks was gone, and his little blue eyes were void of any light or spark of life.
He was gone. My boy, my heart and soul, was gone.
And in that moment, all I could think was that I was too late.
If I’d gotten there sooner. If I hadn’t gotten held up at the club. If I’d done what I promised and protected them, they would still be alive. Instead, I sat there in the mud and rain with Emily’s head on my shoulder and Jameson’s tiny hand hanging limp against my arm.
I was holding my whole world in my arms as it slipped away forever.
That’s when I broke.
And I don’t mean a sliver or a crack.
I shattered into pieces on that bank, and I knew nothing would ever be the same.