Chapter 25 - Taran
July, This Year
Just like that, the weather turned on Glenvulin.
Yesterday had been clear skies and humid warmth.
Today on the small beach, at the wee cove where my and Quinn’s story first began, the water hit the shore with a little too much vigor.
A chilly breeze ruffled through my hair as the bellies of the clouds rolling in above us grew heavy and mauve, as if on the brink of bursting.
I’d barely slept last night, worrying about whoever had attacked us, concerned about Quinn’s back, blown away that he’d thrown himself at me to save me. When those thoughts gave way, it was to thoughts of what might be said this morning.
My promise to Quinn was that I’d listen to his side of the story, but I still wasn’t sure if it would change anything for me. It didn’t feel like there was a magical word that could be used to erase the heartbreak he’d caused.
I also wanted it to be clear that I knew I was to blame for our initial breakup. Losing Mum had led to a lot of soul searching over the past year.
The sound of a car door shutting had me turning to watch the small trail that led over the dunes and down onto the beach. I shivered as the air turned cooler by the second.
A glance at my phone screen showed it was eight o’clock exactly.
Quinn appeared, dressed a bit more appropriately than me in a cable-knit sweater, jeans, and hiking boots.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I hunched against the cold. The long-sleeved tee I wore with my jeans was too thin, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand out here.
Quinn studied me as he strode through the sand. Before he even reached me, he began pulling off his sweater with a carefulness that reminded me he’d hurt his back. My pulse raced as he held it out.
“N-no,” I stammered. “You keep it. It’s cold.”
“I’m wearing layers. You’re not.” Without waiting for another rejection, he lifted the sweater and brought it down over my head.
Flustered at his nearness, I grumbled, “Fine,” and took over shoving my arms through it. The heavy sweater smelled of his aftershave, and inconvenient heat flooded my lower belly. It didn’t help matters that Quinn’s layers were a tight-fitted Henley that molded to his strong, appealing body.
Bloody hell.
I lowered my gaze to my feet. “How are you this morning? How’s your back?”
“It’s a bit stiff and bruised. I’ve got an appointment with the doc this afternoon just to make sure it’s all right.”
“Good.”
“How are you?”
Forcing myself to look into his beautiful eyes, I shrugged.
“Better than I was last night. I’ve been trying to think who would want to do that.
Is it connected to my break-in? Obviously, the vandalism to Cammie’s car is connected.
But I can’t think why. It’s … I’m not going to lie—it’s keeping me up at night. ”
Quinn scrubbed a hand over his beard, his expression instantly haggard.
“I have an idea, but I don’t want to go pointing fingers until I have more evidence.
But I need you to know that this could be about me, not you and Cammie.
If you think about it, I’m the person who connects you both.
Everyone knows that besides Mum and Heather, you two are the most important women in my life. ”
This information triggered tumultuous confusion and infuriated intrigue. “Who was it, then?”
“It might be someone from my past.”
“Quinn—”
“Taran, once I know more, I will tell you. I promise. But this morning I want to talk about us.”
The butterflies that had only been mildly fluttering in my belly started flapping like crazy. I snuggled deeper into my borrowed sweater. “We will discuss this threat, though, Quinn.”
“I told you I promise we will.”
“Fine.” I let out a shuddering exhale, trying to force those worries to the back of my mind. “And I promised you I’d let you tell your side of the story. The floor is yours. Or the beach, rather.”
The right corner of his mouth twitched. “I still remember bringing you here to scream after your dad’s funeral. I remember it like it was yesterday.”
Bittersweet nostalgia was an aching pang across my chest. “Me too.”
“I never thought life would turn out this way, Taran.” I heard the regret in his voice. “I wanted forever with you.”
Agitation tingled in my nerve endings. Why did this still hurt so much? It seemed impossible that it could still hurt this much. “Before … before you start, I want to make it clear that I know it was my fault we broke up in the first place.”
“We were both to blame for that, Taran. I should have told you how insecure I was feeling. Instead, it came out as belligerence that pushed you away.”
“No, Quinn … I … I was the one pushing you away. I think part of me never got over losing Dad, and I started to realize that you were someone I could lose and it scared me, so I pushed you away. Illogical and irrational, but looking back, I think that’s what happened.”
“Even if that’s true, I should have fought harder.
I let my inability to talk about my fucking feelings ruin everything between us.
” He stepped toward me, his expression almost pleading.
“I was so convinced of what I had to do that it didn’t even occur to me that it wasn’t the getting Kiera pregnant part that hurt you most—it was my decision to marry her.
I somehow thought you must know how much my dad taking off really affected me and that you’d understand that part. ”
I shook my head in confusion. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“I never spoke about him, did I?” He crossed his arms over his chest defensively, mirroring my body language.
“Other than that day here on the beach when we were kids, I never mentioned him again until Kiera fell pregnant. So, what you didn’t know, Taran, was that the anger inside me at his leaving never went away.
Watching my mum struggle to make ends meet because he’d left us …
those feelings, those experiences made me who I am.
If it hadn’t been for the community here, we would never have survived. That’s how little we had.”
“I … I didn’t know that.”
Quinn shrugged. “We were proud. We didn’t talk about it. But before Mum met Greg, neighbors, including your mum, would bring us food packages, drop off clothes for school, and sometimes even make sure our electricity stayed on. All because Dad left us in the shit.”
How had I not known that?
“That experience left such a mark that it blinkered me. Gave me tunnel vision. Because as soon as Kiera told me she was pregnant, I believed to my core that I would be just as bad as my father if I didn’t try to make it work with her for the sake of our child.
I couldn’t see past it, Taran. I let that fear of failing like he failed me become bigger than everything.
” His blue eyes turned glassy with emotion.
“Even bigger than you and me.” Quinn let out a raspy exhale.
“And I will regret it until the day I die.”
My tears spilled free and I swiped at them frantically, wiping them from my cheeks and chin. Looking at him only made the pain worse, so I turned to stare out at the sea and the curving coastline.
“It took time, but I began to realize I’d made a terrible mistake for all our sakes. That I didn’t have to marry Kiera to be a good father. But by then, it was too late.”
Silence fell between us and I could feel him studying my profile as I tried to gather my emotions.
“Taran … don’t you think it still hurts us both for a reason?”
Anger flashed through me as I whipped my head back toward him. “Of course. Why do you think I resent you so much?”
He gritted his teeth. “Do you … can you not at least try to understand where my head was at? We were both so young. We were just kids. Our frontal lobes weren’t fully developed yet. Big mistakes were made, but we’ve both grown up since then.”
Rationally, I knew he was right. We were just kids back then.
“I do understand that. I also understand fear and how terrible it can be and how it can change the course of our lives. But what I don’t understand is why Kiera?
” I glared at him with every ounce of betrayal I felt.
“You promised me for years that I had nothing to worry about with Kiera and her crush on you … and you fucked her the first chance you got.”
Ire flared in his eyes. “You know it wasn’t like that.”
“Why her, then?” My voice rose over the breeze that grew stronger by the minute.
Quinn stepped closer, our faces inches apart now.
“I told you the truth back then. I cannot remember a thing from that night. I’d lost the love of my fucking life, Taran, because I’d convinced myself that you didn’t love me anymore, that I couldn’t be what you needed anymore.
I just wanted the pain to stop.” He gripped me by the biceps, ducking his head to mine so I had no choice but to be locked in his anguished gaze.
“I was in so much pain after losing you that I just wanted a blackout, so I drank and drank. Kiera … when we decided to divorce, she told me that she got as blackout drunk as I had that night to gather some Dutch courage to approach me. It happened without either of our consent because we were too shit-faced to know what we were doing. And that’s fucking tragic, Taran.
” He gave me a wee shake. “Except for Heather as a consequence, the whole thing is fucking tragic for us all.”
His words were starting to penetrate, but my emotional dragon, the beast that guarded the gates to the shattered pieces of my heart, just couldn’t let it go. “You must have found her attractive, though. You were married to her for years and had another baby with her.”