Chapter Three #2
The second I get up to my room, I strip off my sweaty workout clothes. Tossing them in a pile on the floor brings me a certain satisfaction. Nobody’s around anymore to insist I put them in their proper place.
Under a hot shower spray, I manage to wash my hair and my face before giving up the pretense that I’m not going to take advantage of the privacy to get myself off. I could use the release after this morning.
The truth is, I’ve struggled some with my libido in the last few years. Being a constant disappointment to your life partner can have that effect. After running into Adam and Troy before my shift last night, I’ve had trouble getting them out of my head.
That hand job in the gym locker room at Belle Argo University? It honestly haunts me.
I went there to meet my brother, hoping he could put me in contact with an investigator-type person he knows. There’ve been an unusually high number of hotel employees leaving work and never showing up again. Worse, leaving mid-shift.
Turnover is a regular thing in the hotel industry. Low pay. Hard work. The churn rate is steady, and by my math the Premiere loses an average of one or two employees a month. Last month it was seven. The month before it was four. Two so far this month, and we’re not that far into December.
I mentioned it to Max, but like most of our conversations, it was a lot of him sneering and calling me an idiot. Somehow he thinks years of marriage to Gina made me an idiot, but after fucking her for six months he knows everything? Fine.
The conversation with my brother’s friend never happened because I was stopped by Adam and Troy, full of fury on behalf of Fallon’s boyfriend.
In my admittedly flimsy defense, after years of being ordered around by a woman with control issues, I didn’t see how Fallon could be happy in that kind of relationship. I still don’t.
“ What the hell are you ? — ”
With head-spinning efficiency, Troy’s pulled my cock out, and he’s stroking me with his hand.
And I try to tell myself I don’t want him to, until a strained “ Oh, God, ” comes out of my mouth.
Nobody’s touched me in so long.
They decided to show me a little something about control. A power play that at once pissed me off and piqued my curiosity.
No amount of anger or indignation stops me from bracing against the tile as I work my conditioner-covered hand over my cock. Hard, fast. Rough.
I didn’t even know what to say when Troy inched down my zipper right there under the bright lights of the locker room.
In the end I said nothing. If pressed about it, I’d say it was because I’d been taken so off guard.
Also? If I’d asked them to stop, maybe they would have.
Ultimately, the pressure and heat of hands on my body were too much to resist. I hadn’t been touched by another human in so long that I barely remembered what it felt like.
The firmness and the confidence in every word and every stroke grounded me.
For the first time in too long, it wasn’t my job to handle anything or please anyone.
All I had to do was surrender. What a fucking relief.
I can’t stop remembering how I ejaculated into Troy’s hand in painful spurts, the way I’m shooting now into my own.
Then that twenty-three-year-old male escort looked me dead in the eye while he licked every drop of my cum from his hand.
As the water beats down on my shoulders, I experimentally lift my fingers and taste myself with the tip of my tongue.
What did Troy taste when he swallowed me? What did it feel like for him to know he’d owned me so thoroughly in that moment?
“Ech.” I shudder at the strange, musky flavor. Then I try it again.
It’s not terrible. A little bitter. Salty.
In all our years together, Gina never did anything like that. Not that I minded. I wouldn’t have wanted her to do something she didn’t enjoy. But watching Troy clean me off his hand? I become aroused almost every time I think about it. Or a strange warmth floods my chest, like it’s doing now.
“ Just showing you how letting someone control you can be sexy, babe. Fun, even. It was fun, right? ” Troy leans forward, lips against my ear. “ Imagine what we could do to you if you weren’t so embarrassed by your own dick. ”
He was right. About everything. I still don’t really understand how or why.
Throughout my entire life, I’ve felt dragged around by the whims of circumstance.
After my father got sick and after he died, someone needed to take care of my mother and brother.
Gina getting pregnant spurred us into getting married.
Throughout our entire relationship, I felt as though I was paying for the pain caused by that mistake, and later the miscarriages that shattered us both.
It was only a couple of years after Gina and I married that I was diagnosed with leukemia, several years earlier than the age my dad was when the disease took him. Which still drives many of my decisions, even after so many years of remission.
“ Chill, Westy. Sit back. Lemme make you feel good. ”
When was the last time I’d had no responsibility other than to feel?
Catching my breath against the shower tile, I squeeze my eyes shut tight when I get to the part of the memory where I managed to shake myself back to awareness, chasing the two men down so I could talk to them. Try and understand what happened.
The disappointment that struck me in the chest when I failed to find them still shakes me. What I’d wanted from them, I’m not sure.
I just…wanted. To touch them again? Talk to them? Even though it didn’t make any sense. Even though I shouldn’t have.
Unfortunately, closing my eyes causes a new movie to play in my head. The memory from last night, where Adam with his warm eyes and long lashes captivated me by asking if I was making them an offer. Troy pressing his crotch against mine right out in the open. His claiming grip on my arm.
I couldn’t have possibly answered Adam’s question in the affirmative for so many reasons. Not even if I’d wanted to.
And I didn’t. I didn’t want to.
“I really didn’t,” I whisper to myself.