Chapter Twenty-One #2
Since Adam’s giving me something important, I try to give something in return.
“My dad died when I was twelve. I had my mom and my brother, but I was the one who had to take care of them. Never felt as if I had anyone to rely on but myself. People helped a little, but the kind ladies who brought casseroles and my dad’s coworkers who came by to help us repair the dishwasher eventually disappeared.
I think it would have been everything to have a friendship like yours. ”
Adam makes a noise of understanding. “So, if something had happened while people were relying on you, that would’ve sucked, right?
Well, Troy seems convinced that someday whatever mysterious force pushed his mother to sit in her car with the garage door closed and the engine running is going to come for him, too.
Like one day some sort of curse will be triggered. ”
“That’s…” Morbid. Chilling. Relatable. “My dad died of leukemia,” I tell him. “Years later, when I got it too, I was sure I wasn’t going to survive. Because he hadn’t. So, I think I can understand.”
“You’re okay now?” Adam’s forehead creases with worry.
“I’ve been in remission for a long time. I see my oncologist every year. I take my meds, get blood work. So far, so good. But, Adam, I don’t understand how Troy’s anxiety relates to me.”
Adam’s arm curls around my waist. “I think… He won’t talk about it, but I feel like he’s been on this quest to find someone for me. In case he’s ever gone, you know?”
That doesn’t even make sense. And he wants that person to be me? That’s not something I could live up to, even if I tried.
“He knows you can’t replace a person that way, right? Besides, I told you I had cancer. Statistically, there’s a halfway decent chance I’ll get it again. A woman I was in treatment with was on her fourth round. I’m not anyone’s best bet.”
“And I have diabetes, which, as you’ve seen, comes with its own complications. We’ve all got shit to deal with, Wes. Here’s the thing. Troy pleaded with one of the nurses to stay the last time I was in the hospital. This time, he went to you.”
“I’m sor?—”
“Don’t be. I’m not. Like I said, I’m glad you two could lean on each other. If he’d stayed, he would have been up all night, with his pacing and worrying. If he’d actually slept his snoring would’ve driven me nuts. It worked out.”
I’m surprised to find myself smiling. “We were both so worn out. I didn’t even notice he snores.”
“It’s not so bad if you roll him onto his side.”
There’s a sudden warm feeling as I recall Troy and me wrapping around each other before falling asleep. Not too different from the way Adam and I are wrapped around each other now.
It doesn’t make sense, the way they both feel so much like home. I’m sure a therapist would have a field day. They’d probably also tell me this level of need is unhealthy, but I can’t bring myself to care about that right now.
“We’re all three pretty fucked up, Wes. But Troy likes you. That day when he started messing with you at the gym, it was a rough day. His mom’s birthday. He was already in a bad mood and looking for someone to take it out on. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone along with it, but…”
But Adam goes along with everything Troy wants. That much is clear.
“Anyway. I hope you’ll reconsider,” he says quietly. “About crashing at our place. If it feels too much like playing house, you could sleep on the sofa. Or in Troy’s room. He usually sleeps with me anyway.”
How do I say that I don’t like that idea either? Is it possible to stay with them while not sharing the same bed? That doesn’t feel right.
Everything is happening too fast. At the same time, the idea of losing my connection to the only two people in the world who make sense to me makes my insides shake.
“I don’t know. I can always sleep in my car.”
“Oh, fuck no. Don’t do that.” Adam shakes his head.
“Troy said the same thing. Actually, he said I wasn’t allowed. Maybe he forgot I’ve been making my own decisions longer than you’ve been alive.”
“He didn’t forget. Like I said—he’s scared.
Florida law prohibits sleeping in public places.
You sleep in that car on the nice side of Belle Argo, you risk getting arrested.
If you do it on the not-so-nice side of town, you risk getting hurt or killed.
No way in hell you’ll get a comfortable night’s sleep.
Not with that big body of yours. I know you care about your health.
Sleep matters. Don’t make us have to drag your ass by your hair back to our cave, okay? ”
Adam’s right. They both are. “I’ll think of something.”
“Of course you will. Hey, could you do me a favor, though?” He points across the room. “There’s a bag in there with all my stuff. Grab it for me.”
Reluctantly, I slide off the bed and bring it over.
“Here.” He hands a key over. “They’re probably going to let me out of here sometime later today, and the clothes I came in with are pretty destroyed. You think you can go to our place and grab me something?”
The key is on a plain ring by itself. For something so small, it weighs heavily in my hand. Taking it would be a bad idea. A commitment I’m not sure I can make. But it also feels precious and rare. I can’t bring myself to say no.
“I guess I could.” Something doesn’t make sense, though. “Why are you asking me? I bet Troy would jump at the chance.”
“The fastest route to our place goes directly past that little hardware store on fifth, and you could swing by and get the key copied. In case you change your mind at any point about staying with us. No obligation.”
Ignoring the voices telling me how completely irresponsible this is, I fold my fingers over the key.
“Kitten?”
Later, I’ll probably need to think long and hard about the way I automatically turn to face him.
“It’s okay to accept help, even if it’s not coming from where you think it should. If Troy and I hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t be here now.”
“Right. I’ll give that some thought.” After I’m done spinning out over answering to “Kitten.”
“I’ll tell Troy you stopped by.” He picks up the book again, dismissing me.
Well.
I guess I’ve got things to do, then.