Chapter 17
The Good Kind of Blizzard
Duke
“I hope Haines didn’t offend you,” Wheeler says after closing the door behind him. “He’s got a good heart but absolutely no filter.”
Putting my hands on my hips, I chuckle. “Wheeler, I have four brothers. I work on a ranch. I think I’m beyond offending at this point.”
Her lips twitch. For a second, the haunted look in her brown eyes disappears, replaced by a mischievous gleam I remember well from our weekend in Aspen.
My center aches all of a sudden.
“Just give him time. He’ll get you. Here, come on in.”
I follow her down a short hallway. There’s a set of carpeted stairs to my left, a mirror on the wall to my right. It smells like a new house: fresh paint, new lumber.
It also smells like her. The juicy, summery scent of her perfume. I like how bold it is. How unique. I’ve never smelled anything like it.
I also like the way she looks in the little getup she’s wearing. It’s just a pair of baggy sweats, but she’s paired them with a crop top that shows enough skin to make my own skin feel two sizes too tight.
My hands itch to reach out. Touch her again. She let me touch her face, didn’t she?
I’m leery to go any further, though. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. Yeah, we made a baby together, but that doesn’t mean she feels any differently about me. Us.
The hall opens onto one big, open living and kitchen area. The space is tidy, save for the pile of pillows and blankets on the couch and the open box of saltines on the coffee table.
Wheeler sets the grocery bag on the white kitchen countertop and peers inside it.
“Mollie gave me a little list of things you might find useful.” I shove my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. “Epsom salts for a bath—”
“Those two and their fucking Epsom salt baths.” Wheeler shakes her head. “Mollie and Cash are obsessed.”
“Mollie recommended you try it. Supposed to calm your nervous system or something. And then I grabbed Gatorade and some sparkling water. Reese’s eggs too. They didn’t have the pumpkins, obviously.”
She looks at me, eyes bright. “How’d you find the eggs after Easter?”
“Discount pile at the drugstore.”
“Ah.” She pauses. “You remembered.”
“Of course I did.” My chest swells. I did one thing right at least. “And then Mollie recommended these lozenges that are supposed to help with the nausea. Cherry flavor, because you liked those Twizzlers so much.”
Wheeler blinks. For a horrible second, I think she’s going to cry again.
Wait, she is crying.
Fuck.
What the hell do I do? Did I get the wrong things? Does she need a hug? Maybe she wanted real food. I should’ve asked Patsy to pack up some leftovers.
“Hey.” I keep my hands in my pockets, but I move closer. Close enough that our arms brush. “If there’s anything else I can get you, just say the word—”
“That’s not it.” She puts one hand on her nose and waves me away with the other. “You’re just…so fucking sweet to bring me all this. You came all this way—”
“You really thought I wouldn’t come after, well…” I swallow the moon that’s suddenly risen in my throat. “Surely you have a higher opinion of me than that?”
Squeezing her eyes shut, she shakes her head. “No. I mean yes, Duke. I think the world of you. I just wasn’t prepared.”
She wasn’t prepared for those positive pregnancy tests.
She wasn’t prepared for me to show up like this.
It dawns on me that she wasn’t prepared for me, period.
It’s killing me not to reach for her. “I tried calling.”
“I know. I’m really sorry I didn’t pick up. I’ve been trying to keep boundaries clear, you know? I don’t want to lead you on or give you mixed signals—”
“But you’re pregnant, Wheeler, and you’re scared out of your fuckin’ mind.
” I take my hands out of my pockets. It’s the only way I can seem to get air in my lungs.
“You can’t deal with this on your own. No one can.
So let me be there for you.” She opens her eyes, and I search them.
“Tell me what you need from me, because it really bothers me to see you so upset.”
A pair of indents appears between her eyes. “So you’re not mad?”
“Am I mad you’re pregnant?” I shake my head. “No, sweetheart. But I am bummed I wasn’t your first call when you found out.”
The indents deepen. “Really?”
“Well, yeah. Takes two to tango, but I’m one of the two. This is scary, Wheeler. I’m scared too. When you run like that…doesn’t make me feel any better, I’ll say that much.”
Her throat works on a swallow. “I get how me running left you alone too. I’m”—she lets out a breath—“really sorry. Guess part of me thought you might not want to deal with any of this.”
I flatten my palm over my chest. “Ouch.”
“I’m an idiot.” She shakes her head for the millionth time.
“You’re not an idiot. You’re not yourself, and it’s hard to make good decisions when that happens. What do you need?” I repeat.
“Honestly?” She takes a deep inhale. “I don’t know. I feel so miserable. I’m hungry, but when I eat, nothing tastes good. I’m exhausted, but when I try to sleep, I can’t. I’m bored, but I’m also totally overwhelmed.”
“Sounds awful.”
“It is.” Her eyes glimmer, reflecting the overhead lights in pinpricks of white.
“How about we start with a hug and go from there?”
I don’t know why I said that. It’s the wrong call, isn’t it? She just said she wanted to keep boundaries clear, and here I am, offering her a fucking hug in the most awkward way possible.
But then she’s turning toward me and pressing her body against mine, going up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around my neck.
“I’d love a hug.” Her voice is thick with emotion as she rests her cheek on my chest. “Thank you.”
I take my first deep inhale since I got the news and pull Wheeler close, putting my hand on the back of her head. Her hips melt into mine, her fingers in the hair at my nape.
The embrace feels…easy. Comfortable. Broken-in, like my favorite pair of Wranglers.
With Wheeler in my arms, it’s the first time I’ve felt like shit might just be okay. We needed this.
We need each other.
I could get addicted to this.
“Here’s what we’re gonna do,” I murmur into her hair. “I’m gonna order in some dinner. You’re gonna sit on the couch or take a bath or do whatever you need to do to relax. Then I’ll feed you, and we can talk or not talk. Either way, I just want to be with you. That sound good?”
She nods, sniffling. “Sounds wonderful. Thank you.”
We agree on Thai food—we both get vegetarian pad Thai because chicken is grossing out Wheeler—and we eat on the couch while watching the new season of The Righteous Gemstones.
“Since we never got to finish it,” Wheeler says, explaining her choice. She’s been able to keep her dinner down so far and has even gone for seconds of the spring rolls I ordered.
I eye her. “You didn’t watch the rest of the show?” Because I didn’t. Didn’t feel right to watch it without Wheeler there.
“Didn’t get a chance to, no.”
Can’t help but wonder if she felt the same.
She keeps to her side of the couch, and I keep to mine. But she seems to appreciate me being here to take care of her. When she moves to get up to toss our to-go boxes, I jump to my feet and grab hers. I notice her eyes well up.
“Thank you,” she says.
“Anytime. I saw you looking at those Blizzards.” I drop the containers in the trash. “Which one do you want? Reese’s peanut butter cup or New York cheesecake?”
I may or may not have added a stop at Dairy Queen to our Door Dasher’s itinerary. Added fifty bucks to the order thanks to the delivery fee and tip, but it just felt right.
“Reese’s, please.”
Opening the freezer, I smile. “How’d I know you were gonna pick that one?”
“Because it’s the best.”
“It is. Did I overdo it with the Reese’s?”
“No such thing. But seriously, are you sure you don’t want it?”
I pop off the top and tuck one of DQ’s long, red plastic spoons into the thick ice cream. “All yours, Blue.”
She has this funny look on her face when I hand it to her, along with some napkins. “For a single dude, you’re really thoughtful.”
“One, please don’t call me dude.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’d like to think I’m more than just some ‘dude’ to you. Second, when you grow up on a ranch, you’re taught to always lend a hand. Just the way our world works.”
Wheeler blinks, using the spoon to stir the ice cream. “Your parents did a good job raising y’all.”
I chuckle. “Well. Wyatt’s kind of a degenerate. He used to be anyway, before he and Sally finally got together. And Cash can be a grump.” I plop onto the couch next to her. “But I’d like to think the rest of us turned out all right.”
“They’d be so proud. Your parents.”
I feel the compliment like a bullet to the chest. “Thanks for saying that. How’s the Reese’s?”
“Excellent.” Smiling, she puts the spoon in her mouth and makes an alarmingly porny sound of pleasure. “Jesus, I didn’t know this is exactly what I needed.”
I tuck into my cheesecake Blizzard. “Gotta give credit where credit is due. Mollie was super helpful.”
“Love her.”
“Sure do.”
We watch another episode of The Righteous Gemstones. Another. I put what’s left of our Blizzards back in the freezer.
I keep waiting for Wheeler to ask me to go, but she doesn’t.
Instead, she dozes off, curled up on her side with her hair splayed over the pillow.
Right now—with a full belly and a happy woman at my side—I feel a flicker of something I never have before. Possibility maybe? It’s the opposite of FOMO, or fear of missing out.
Joy of missing out? Like, how there’s joy in staying in, eating good food with a good friend while hanging out in our stretchy pants. Is that even a thing?
I’m exactly where I want to be, with exactly the person I want to be with.
I’m still in Texas. I still have some scary shit to deal with. But I feel weirdly calm. Content even.
I don’t wanna leave. But I also ain’t about to overstay my welcome.
So I turn off the TV and clean up the kitchen, careful not to make too much noise.