Chapter 20 #2
Duke is the opposite of mean. He’s patient. He has appropriate reactions to things. He’s able to talk about his feelings, and he seems to genuinely care when I talk about my feelings.
“Here, I’ll show you the guest room.” He nods toward the back of the house. “That way, you can get settled.”
He leads me down a short hallway that dead-ends in a trio of doors. Straight ahead is a bathroom, covered in gleaming white subway tile. To the left and right are bedrooms.
I nearly jump out of my skin when I catch a glimpse of Ryder tucking a sheet underneath a mattress in the room to my right.
He looks up and smiles. “Well, hey, y’all!”
He looks and sounds so much like Duke that for a second, I have a total brain fart. Where am I? What’s happening?
“He—hi, Ryder.” I give him a little wave, heat flooding my face. Does he know I’m pregnant?
He has to know. Duke has a great relationship with all his brothers, but it’s obvious he and Ryder are especially close.
Besides, me staying here is a dead giveaway that something’s up. Like all guests who visit Lucky River Ranch, I always stay at the New House.
“How was your drive?” Ryder straightens.
“Easy.” I step into the room and look inside. “Are you—”
“Oh, I’m just the caboose, Wheeler. There wasn’t a stick of furniture in here when Duke called us yesterday, so Wyatt and Sally went to Austin for the bed frame and mattress, Mollie lent us some of her fancy-ass sheets, and Patsy gave us the pillow inserts and the comforter from Sally’s room in their house.
Now that she’s living with Wyatt, Patsy and John B don’t have a need for ’em.
She assured me they were clean. Ava and the girls came over to hang those curtains Mrs. Wallace was able to whip up. I’m just bringing it all together.”
“Ryder.” A moon lodges itself in my throat. “Y’all didn’t have to do that. I could’ve just stayed at the New House—”
“All by your lonesome? Naw, that ain’t right. You’re better off here.” His eyes slide to Duke, who’s setting my bags on a pair of luggage racks by the door. “Patsy wanted to know if we could expect y’all for dinner? Think she’s making vegetarian pasta. Something simple.”
Duke looks at me. “Sound good?”
“Wait a second. Wait. Did you—”
“Ella loves Patsy’s pasta,” Duke replies. “Since you’re grossed out by chicken and stuff right now, I asked Patsy to make it tonight. I think it’s basically just butter, cheese, peas, and, yeah, more butter.”
“She was probably gonna make it anyway,” Ryder adds. “You know, meatless Monday.”
I stare at them. “It’s not Monday.”
They shrug, mirror images of each other. Ryder is slightly shaggier, with longer hair and a legit beard.
Dear God, what if I’m pregnant with twins?
How cool would that be?
Or would it be a nightmare? I imagine caring for two newborns at the same time isn’t for the faint of heart.
None of this experience is.
“I don’t know what to say.” My voice is thick. “Y’all—your family—really, this is all too much—”
“Wheeler, this is just what we do.” Ryder walks over and wraps me in a hug. “Welcome. We hope you’ll stay a while.” Then he glances over his shoulder at his brother and walks out of the room, calling, “See y’all at dinner!”
“Sorry about him,” I hear Duke say. “I think he misunderstands—well, he wants…he thinks I’m lonely or maybe just lost, and…”
My lips twitch. “I like how we both apologize for our big-mouthed brothers.”
“I swear, I’m not trying to push you one way or the other. To keep the baby, to not.” His eyes bore into mine. “Ryder laid it on thick, but I won’t. I respect your, um, autonomy. That’s not quite the right word, but…”
“Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Lonely.” I have a sudden, urgent need to know.
Duke tucks his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
I think maybe I’ve been lonely too.
“I’m glad I had an excuse to get the guest room together,” he continues. “Kinda depressing having empty rooms in your house.”
I swallow, taking in the room with its mismatched furniture and cute little curtains.
“It’s perfect.” I swallow again. And again.
“Sometimes I wonder—I know we’re doing the right thing, chasing our dreams. I’m just not sure that it’s enough.
Like, maybe the dream is incomplete, you know?
Because my career is taking off, and that feels really, really great, don’t get me wrong.
But there’s a loneliness that comes with being so focused on one thing.
” My eyes burn. I blink and look at the floor.
“I keep coming back to your idea that there’s gotta be more to the day than just being productive.
Like, what are we waiting for, an invitation from God or whoever to finally enjoy life?
To enjoy each other’s company rather than sit in front of our laptops all damn day? ”
Duke’s voice is different when he replies, “I feel that. Just swap out the laptop part for a horse.”
I laugh, meeting his eyes. “Sorry. Getting way off topic here—”
“I love it when you get off topic. Picking your brain is fun. And enlightening.”
I have to look away again. “I’d say I like picking yours too, but it’s always in the gutter, so…”
“So?” His voice is teasing now.
A familiar lick of heat moves through my skin. I don’t know how I can be horribly sick one minute and turned on the next, but that’s pregnancy for you.
“So we’re on for dinner, I guess.”
One side of his mouth kicks up. “Sounds good.”
“Thank you. For asking Patsy to make pasta. And for this.” I motion to the room. “I’m feeling the love.”
Duke taps the doorframe on his way out. “That’s the point, Blue. Take your time unpacking. I’ll be in the kitchen.”
God, he’s good.
So good that I wanna be good to him too. Yes, life is an absolute disaster right now. Yes, we have a monumental decision to make after a series of horrible mistakes. But somehow, throughout it all, Duke has made me feel so much less lost and lonely than I did before that fateful trip to Aspen.
I feel like I’m starting to get a sense of clarity about life because of him. Or maybe it’s the pregnancy, I don’t know. Either way, I wanna show him the love.
I also wanna run. But I’m trying my damnedest to ignore that feeling—that sense of fear—and lean into being good to Duke the way he’s been good to me.
Closing the door, I grab my phone and shoot Mollie a text.
WHEELER: We should seriously think about doing a men’s collection now that we have momentum. Came up with some cool ideas I’ll share.
MOLLIE: Interesting you send me this text after you and Duke spent some time together [side eye emoji]
WHEELER: No comment.
WHEELER: But he has been wonderful
WHEELER: Haines says he’ll take Duke if I don’t want him
MOLLIE: My sweet angel baby, you want him. You just have to let yourself have him.
WHEELER: Easier said than done.
MOLLIE: That’s why I’m here [purple devil emoji]