4. Eli
4
ELI
I lie on the bed listening to Noah in the shower. He left the door open, presumably in invitation, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to move. I feel empty and a little sore in my ass and in my throat. I’ve had sexual encounters with men before, but this was a first. I feel a strange mix of emotions. Every time before this we were drunk, with the exception of the short make-out session in the kitchen. This time there’s no excuse. I just had sex with another man—no, I just got fucked by another man, and I liked it. It was the most mind-blowing experience I’ve ever had. My body feels like lead, and I can barely move.
I’m slightly unnerved by the way Noah immediately got up and walked out, but that may just be my paranoia. He’s obviously much more experienced than I am. He handled everything like a fucking pro. A nagging sensation tugs at the back of my mind. Is this all I am to him—just another fuck, another notch in his headboard? He doesn’t seem like the type, but damn, he knew exactly how to give me the best orgasm of my life.
I hear the water shut off in the bathroom, and a couple minutes later Noah walks out with a towel wrapped around his waist. My eyes slide over his glistening abdomen and linger on the V that trails from his hips to beneath the towel. His eyes narrow as they settle on me, still in the same position where he left me.
“Are you alright?” he asks gently, a far cry from the man who demanded I say his name just a few minutes ago. I give him a weak smile.
“Better than alright,” I murmur, and he seems to relax. I lift myself up onto my elbows. “You certainly seemed to enjoy yourself.”
Noah’s lips curl into a smile. He looks away from me with a chuckle. “That’s one way to put it.”
“Noah, I…” I start, but then stop myself and shake my head.
“What is it?” he asks as he steps closer to the bed. He smells like soap, while I still smell like sex. It makes me a little self-conscious, a feeling I’m not exactly familiar with.
“Never mind,” I say quickly before swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “I’m going to shower.” I walk into the bathroom and close the door behind me. I turn the water on and step inside. It’s already warm from Noah’s shower. I grab his soap and wash myself, trying to unravel my turbulent emotions. I can’t be in a relationship with a man. That’s not something my family will accept, and they’re more likely to end me in some “accident” than allow me to tarnish the family name. They already have me set to marry a Moretti girl once I graduate, like some fucking feudal lord. It’s a match that makes sense for the family.
How the hell am I supposed to explain that to Noah? Especially after what we just shared? I can’t even pretend he’s not what I want. But what am I supposed to do? Convince him to be my secret lover? I know how ridiculous that sounds. Fuck. Maybe I can run away with him across the country. That would be a tempting idea if it wasn’t completely asinine. We barely know each other.
I roll my shoulders against the stream of water, though it’s already getting cold. I’ve always had my reservations about my place in this family, but I’ve never felt this trapped. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around me. When I push through the bathroom door I’m greeted by the aroma of brewing coffee.
“I made some coffee,” Noah says as I walk into the room.
“Thanks, that sounds great,” I answer as I gather my clothes. I look over at him. He’s wearing sweatpants and a loose shirt, and my dick automatically twitches in response. He’s so fucking sexy. The pants show off his perfect ass, and his shirt seems to be struggling to contain his chest. I have the sudden errant thought that he’d be hot as fuck in a fight.
I put my clothes back on and sit in his desk chair. His muscles tense at my movement, but he finally turns to me.
“Eli, are you alright? Did I hurt you?” he asks. Concern is written all over his face, and my heart twists in my chest.
“No, Noah, not at all.” I force an easy smile as I brush off his question. “You were fucking amazing.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, though he seems to relax slightly.
“Noah, what…what is this?” I ask, and his shoulders stiffen again.
“What is what?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.
“I just…I have some very strong…very unfamiliar feelings about you, and I just…I need to know what you think of me.” I cringe inwardly. I sound so fucking pathetic.
“I’m not sure how you expect me to answer that,” Noah answers with a shake of his head, but his posture visibly loosens. “I mean, I like you, obviously.” His eyes dart toward the bed.
“Well, with who I am, and who my family is, relationships come with a lot of…complications,” I say as I avert my gaze, but I catch his eyebrows shoot almost through his hairline. Fuck, I’m coming on too strong and he’s going to bolt.
“I don’t know that we’re really ready for this conversation,” he says, eyeing me curiously.
“I can’t…” I pause and bite my lip.
“Can’t what?” he asks. His expression is wary, but not offended…yet.
“I can’t appear to be involved with…with someone like you.” This is it. This is the truth, and it’s all I have. If he can’t accept it, then that’s that, and he’ll be yet another thing this fucking family has taken from me.
“Like me?” Noah narrows his eyes at me and presses his lips together. “Because I’m a…” he trails off. He’s going to make me say it.
“Because you’re a man,” I snap, more harshly than I intended.
“Oh… oh .” Noah stifles a chuckle, and I glare at him.
“Sorry,” he says with a slight smile. “I really wasn’t sure where that was going.” I furrow my brows, unsure what else he could be thinking.
“My family wouldn’t approve, and I’m not in a position to cross them. It would put both of us in danger,” I say. Maybe he’s not taking me seriously, or because he’s not from around here he doesn’t understand the threat.
“Eli, it’s okay,” he says as he crosses the room to hand me a warm cup of coffee.
“It’s not okay,” I say, struggling to keep my voice even.
“Well, no, it’s not, but I understand.” He presses his lips together and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You’re dealing with something that’s bigger than you, that’s bigger than our taking offense to prejudices against who we are. It sucks, yeah, but I won’t hold that against you .” Relief washes through me. I can’t believe how well this conversation is going.
“I’m…I’m glad you understand,” I say, and look up at him.
“I don’t exactly walk around proclaiming my sexuality, so we can keep this low-key,” Noah says with a shrug, and it almost feels like he’s also relieved, which pings my paranoia. It would make more sense if he was angry or offended. This is too easy. Is this what a real relationship feels like? One without the constant threat of backstabbing and underhanded lies?
“I’m not sure what to say.” I take his hand and bring it to my lips.
“We’ll figure it out as we go,” Noah says with a smile. My heart swells so much it might burst.
“Yeah,” I answer, and take a sip of my coffee.
* * *
I’m trying to keep my shit together, but it’s been almost a week since I’ve had the chance to hang out with Noah for more than the occasional lunch at Valmont. I’m worried about how tonight will go. I’m taking him to a family dinner at the Carbone house, which has always worked for the girls I’m trying to impress, but Noah has never been under the spell of my family’s money. If anything, it seems to put distance between us. I’ve tried explaining so many times that I don’t care about his upbringing, but it still seems to bother him. I’m hoping tonight I can show him that all families are fucked up in some way or another, and just because we come from different backgrounds doesn’t mean we can’t be close.
I don’t know why this is so important to me. It’s not like we have a real future together. My life is always going to be tied to the Carbones, and they’ll never accept us. That doesn’t bother me so much as how Noah feels about it. As far as personal relationships go, all I care about is Noah. The rest is just business. I can’t imagine that’s how he wants to live his life, always hiding in the shadows and pretending we’re just friends. Hell, maybe the best thing that could happen tonight is that he realizes how things are in my family and decides to just go back home and forget about me. I shake my head. What a bunch of self-deprecating drivel. Noah will make his own choices, and hopefully one of them will be me.
I look up as he walks through the doors. He’s wearing the same black suit that takes my breath away, though this time he’s paired it with an ice-blue silk shirt that drapes beautifully over his solid chest. His expression is cool and confident, almost bored.
“Noah,” I call, trying to look as calm and collected as he does. “Ready?”
He nods, the corner of his lip curling into the half-smile I’ve come to find sexy as hell. We head out to the garage and climb into my Bentley. Once we’re safely tucked behind the tinted windows, Noah reaches over and takes my hand. I wet my lips and look over at him, his dark, mysterious eyes drawing me closer. I bring his hand to my lips, then scrape my teeth across his knuckles, which brings a sultry grin to his face.
“We have to be careful tonight. The family will be looking for any reason to question my credibility,” I say, dropping his hand back into my lap.
“You already told me that,” he says with a slight smile. “Which makes me question your judgment in bringing me along.” He lifts his eyebrows.
“I’ve been questioning that myself,” I say. I turn his hand over and place it against my thigh, and he gives it a slight squeeze that makes my cock twitch. I’m pretty sure this man could make me hard with just a glance. “I’ve come up with a lot of excuses, like maybe you could give us contacts in Oregon. But if I’m being honest, I just feel better when you’re around.”
“That’s sweet, but it doesn’t really solve our problem,” Noah chuckles. I can’t believe how easy he is to be around. His fingers inch higher on my thigh, and I clench my jaw. “But we don’t have to hide anything in here.”
I suck in a sharp breath, my dick suddenly at full attention. Noah starts stroking his thumb against the bulge in my pants, and I think I might come before we even get out of the garage.
“You are a dangerous man, Noah,” I say, and lean over to press my lips against his.
He kisses me back before sliding his mouth to my ear and whispering, “You have no idea.”
I question whether we have time for something here in the car, but showing up late to dinner will only raise questions about Noah, so against all my desires I pull away from him and start the engine. He takes the hint and relaxes back into his seat. The look on his face mirrors my frustration, but we have to focus on the night ahead.
Once we arrive at the Carbone estate, his demeanor changes. He keeps his spine straight as we walk to the doors, and I have to fight to keep him at arm’s length. I don’t think the family would ever hurt me, but I know better than to believe they wouldn’t come after Noah. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to him because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself.
“Buena sera,” my father greets us as we walk into the grand entranceway. He’s descending the staircase with Esmerelda, who appears bored. She won’t last much longer.
“Good to see you, Father,” I say. He comes over and clasps my hand, then turns to Noah.
“It’s good to see you again. Remind me of your name?” My father firmly shakes Noah’s hand.
“Noah,” he says with a deferential dip of his chin. “Nice to see you, too, sir.”
My father’s eyes tighten on Noah’s face, and I shove my hands in my pockets to keep from placing a protective hand on Noah’s back, but Noah meets my father’s gaze with confidence. “You have interesting eyes,” my father notes almost casually. It takes all my willpower not to pull Noah away from him.
“Thank you,” Noah answers with a slight smirk, and I remind myself that Noah doesn’t need protection. He’s perfectly capable of blending in here, which is…an interesting characteristic.
“Come, let’s eat,” Father says with a lift of his chin. He leads us into the dining room, where my aunt and uncle are already seated with his two sons on either side of them. My father takes his place and I take the seat next to Esmerelda. I notice a bruise on her wrist that she’s tried to cover with makeup, and my chest tightens. Noah sits next to me and taps my knee with his underneath the table, which distracts me from my anger. We just have to get through tonight. I really shouldn’t have brought Noah into this.
A group of servants brings out appetizers, but before anyone can begin eating my uncle taps on his water glass, not that there’s enough of us to really need the formal call to attention.
“I’d like to make a toast,” Uncle Gianni says. As the head of the Carbone family, he instantly has everyone’s attention. We all reach for our glasses and wait.
“The future of the Carbones is here at this table tonight, and I want to acknowledge this. My son will be graduating this year and heading for Valmont soon. I ask that you, Eli, do as your brothers and cousins have before you and make him feel welcome.”
“Of course, uncle,” I say, and my father turns to smile at me, but it’s not genuine, and neither is my response. The younger Gianni, named after his father of course, looks as though he just stepped in shit. I ignore him.
“Salute,” Uncle Gianni says, and we all repeat it before bringing our glasses to our lips.
“Noah Andriotta, yes?” My uncle turns his attention to Noah.
“That’s correct,” Noah answers with that perfectly placed dip of his chin.
“We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Gianni Carbone.”
“Your reputation speaks for itself,” Noah answers. I catch the slight tightening of his eyes.
“Good things, I hope,” Uncle Gianni says with a chuckle.
“Of course,” Noah says with a smile that looks so genuine it almost fools me. “You run a lot of businesses here, and you’re quite obviously doing well.” I ignore the urge to cut my eyes to Noah.
“Ah, so you understand,” Uncle Gianni says with a smooth curl of his lips. “I don’t suppose I know any Andriottas. Where is your family?”
“Noah’s family is from the West Coast,” I answer for him. I feel Noah tense next to me, but I don’t look at him. “Portland.”
“Well, that would explain it,” my uncle says. “I’ve heard you and my nephew have become quite close.”
“I suppose you could say that,” Noah answers with a chuckle. I don’t think he missed the veiled threat in my uncle’s words. “Eli has been very kind to me as a newcomer on campus and in the city. He’s really helped me learn how to navigate Montcove.”
“I can understand that,” my uncle says. “Despite its size, Montcove has something of a small-town mentality. It can be hard for outsiders to get acclimated.”
“It’s been a bit challenging, I admit,” Noah says with a chuckle, either oblivious to or ignoring the challenge in Gianni’s words. I want nothing more than to leave right now, but I know that will only make things worse for Noah. This was a huge mistake. I’ve painted a giant target on his back. I focus on steadying my breathing as my chest tightens.
My uncle turns his attention to my father and they begin discussing different parts of the more legitimate businesses they oversee in Montcove, giving me precious space to breathe. Thankfully, Noah is mostly ignored for the rest of dinner, and by the time the night winds down I’m all too eager to get the hell out of here.
“Well, that was intense,” Noah says when we’re safely in the car again.
“You’re telling me,” I answer as I start the car. “I want to show you something.”
“Okay…” Noah says slowly as I pull out of the circular drive.
“It’s a secret. No one in the family knows about it,” I say with a smile.
“Mysterious,” Noah murmurs as we drive away.
A few minutes later I pull into a garage for an apartment building in Old Harbor. It’s rare to see a Carbone on this side of town, though a lot of shady dealings happen around the harbor. Noah follows me into the building. The crumbling stucco is a sharp contrast to everything I’ve shown Noah about my life so far. We take the stairs, since I can’t bring myself to trust the elevator, all the way up to the third floor, where I produce a key to one of the apartment doors. Noah’s gaze sweeps over everything as we approach, assessing and analyzing in that way of his that I’ve come to expect.
I push open the door and gesture for Noah to walk through. He steps into the apartment and looks around. It’s similar to his apartment back in the College District, but in somewhat rougher shape.
“This is your big secret?” he asks as he turns to me with raised eyebrows.
“Yes,” I say with a huff. “My family would lose their minds if they knew I was slumming it down here.”
Noah furrows his brows at me in confusion.
“This is where I hide,” I say, and I can see the realization dawn in Noah’s expression. “No one knows who I am here, and no one gives me a second glance. You don’t get into anyone’s business in Old Harbor, not if you value your skin.”
“Why are you showing me this?” Noah asks. I look at the stained carpet, suddenly self-conscious.
“You’re the only person who knows I have this place. Even the landlord has me listed under an alias,” I say, then look up at him. He’s studying me closely. “I’m sorry about tonight. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Noah moves lightning-fast across the small room and presses his lips to mine. He shoves me against the door, kissing harder and faster as his hands push me out of my jacket. I drop it to the floor, then tug his off his shoulders. All rational thought leaves my mind as I melt into his lips, his touch. He unbuttons my shirt and pulls it over my head along with my undershirt. His lips meet mine again, thumping the back of my head against the door, and stars dance across my vision. He shoves his tongue into my mouth, swirling and sucking on my lips, and my cock becomes so hard I’m afraid it’s going to tear through my pants.
He roughly unbuckles my belt and opens my trousers, pushing them down to my ankles as I fight to free him of his shirt. Before I can get my hands on him, he drops to his knees in front of me and takes my cock in his hands. He looks up at me as he strokes me and I dig my fingers into his scalp, pulling him closer. He teases the tip of my dick with his lips, and I strain to hold off my climax. He finally wraps his lips around me and I thrust forward, holding his hair tightly. He cups my balls with one hand and grabs my hips with the other, guiding my thrusts into his mouth. He presses what feels like two fingers deep inside my ass, I feel myself opening right up for them, desperate to feel him inside me again.
I cry out when I can’t hold back anymore, spurting over and over into his throat.
Once my shudders have subsided, he stands up and kisses me again, swirling his tongue into my mouth. The taste of my cum threatens to make me hard all over again. He grabs my shoulders and spins me around to face the door, and I hear him unbuckling his pants. Warm oil slicks across my ass and feel the tip of his cock brushing against me as he strokes himself. My heart pounds furiously as he grabs my ass and slides two lubed fingers into my opening once again. My dick gets hard again, like I didn’t just have a mind-blowing orgasm. He removes his fingers and I can feel the head of his dick pushing between my cheeks as he guides it toward my opening.
“Relax,” he whispers into my ear as he slowly pushes himself into me, filling me up with his dick. I cry out as I stretch around him. He pulses slowly at first, pulling out just slightly before burying his dick in me again. His hands move around to stroke my dick as he thrusts a little harder each time.
“Harder, Noah,” I groan as I feel myself approaching climax again. He grips my shoulder and thrusts into me, glorious pain lighting my nervous system on fire. “You can fuck me harder than that.”
He thrusts harder, accepting my challenge. “Say my name, Eli,” Noah grunts as he plunges into me again and again.
“Noah, fuck me harder,” I moan, my face now pressed against the door. His hand grips my cock so tight it hurts.
“You want me to hurt you, Eli?” Noah growls in my ear, and I almost erupt.
“Fuck yes, Noah,” I answer with another moan. He starts pounding into me, and I know he won’t last much longer. His dick becomes like a steel rod, filling me up and breaking me in so many ways.
“Come, Eli,” he demands, but I hold back. I want him to lose control on me. I need him to lose control. He thrusts harder. “I said come!” he shouts in my ear, and I comply, my sticky semen coating his hand and dribbling down the door. He releases my dick and grabs my face, wiping my cum across my lips as he thrusts again and releases inside me. He grunts behind me, shoving into me again and again with each hot spurt.
He finally relaxes, and I turn to face him. I run my hands over his chest and pull him into a deep kiss before moving down to take the head of his sticky dick in my mouth and clean it thoroughly with my tongue.
His arms tremble as he holds on to me. I’ve never felt this kind of connection before. I’ve never let someone so completely dominate me, but it feels so good, so right. As we hold each other, slick and sticky with sweat and semen, me suckling gently on his now softening dick, I realize I’m falling in love with Noah Andriotta.