5. Noah
5
NOAH
L eaving Eli’s secret apartment this morning was much harder than I anticipated. I’d hoped that going to the family function with him last night would reinforce why I’m spending time with him in the first place, and while it did give me the chance to look into the eyes of the man responsible for my family’s hardships, I’m having a much harder time controlling my feelings when it comes to Eli. Yes, his family is awful, but Eli is not.
I glance around as I wait by the docks in Old Harbor. The fact that Eli has an apartment here makes me much more nervous. If he finds me out here he may just kill me, or have his family do it. Finally, Detective Rossi pulls up in his beat-up sedan. I quickly hop into the passenger seat.
“What have you got for me, kid?” Rossi asks. His silver-streaked hair is gelled to his scalp, and I can see my reflection in his sunglasses.
I intend to tell him about Eli’s apartment and try to set up a different meeting space, but something stops me.
“Well?” Rossi asks roughly.
“Here. This is what I’ve learned so far,” I tell him as I hand him my notebook. “I don’t think there’s much we can do with it legally, since most of it’s hearsay.”
“Hearsay will get you further than you think when it’s a cop’s word against a bunch of thugs,” Rossi grumbles as he thumbs through my handwritten notes.
“I don’t want to bank on that, though,” I say carefully. I don’t want him to know how badly I’ve compromised this mission.
“I guess so,” Rossi says. “I’ve been fighting for so long to bring these guys down. It’s hard to stay patient.”
“I get that,” I answer. It’s the truth. I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. “From what I gathered at the dinner last night, there are a few meetings happening soon. They were pretty cryptic about it, but I believe I have the details in here.” I take the notebook and flip to the last page, where I detailed the conversations I overheard at the table last night.
“This is good work, kid. I know it’s got to be hard spending all your time with a scumbag like Eli Carbone,” Rossi says as he takes pictures of my notebook with his phone.
I fight the urge to defend Eli to this man. It wouldn’t do any good anyway, and would likely get me pulled from the operation. So I just shrug in response.
“It’ll be worth it in the end, trust me,” Rossi says, and I look down at my hands. Rossi cuts his eyes over to me beneath his glasses. “Don’t get attached, kid. Remember who we’re dealing with.”
Anger roils in my stomach. “You think I could forget?” I snap, more harshly than I intended.
“Easy, Sorrento. I know what it’s like to be undercover,” he says with a glare. Sorrento is my legal name, the one given to us when we went into witness protection, and it grates on my nerves. “Focus on the endgame. That’s the only way to get through.” I cut my eyes over to him, my lips pressed tight.
“I’ve got this,” I growl through clenched teeth.
“I know you do,” Rossi says with a shrug. “Get back to school.”
I huff as I open the door and get out. Rossi can be such a condescending asshole. He’s not wrong, though. I’m letting my feelings for Eli cloud my judgment. Even if he is innocent, there are always casualties…like my mother. Rossi speeds away, the busted-up Honda creaking and clanking into the distance. I pull out my phone and call a cab; they’re harder to find here in Old Harbor. I keep my eyes open as I wait and I notice a familiar face on the corner, but before I can get a good look the person is gone. I must be getting jumpy.
The cab finally arrives and takes me back to my apartment. I glance around again, the flash of a person in Old Harbor like an itch in my brain. Across the street I see someone, and I’m almost sure it’s Eli’s father. A university bus passes between us, and then he’s gone. I shake my head. I must be getting paranoid. I can’t let this get to me so much or I’m going to lose my mind, or at least my nerve.
As I swipe my card to let me into the main entrance, I think I see his reflection in the window. I spin around, but no one is there. I must be losing it. I quickly open the door and get inside. When I turn to look back out through the glass, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. I pull out my phone to call Rossi. Eli’s father made that comment about my eyes, which I’ve been told I inherited from my father. Is it possible he recognized me? Surely not, that was almost twenty years ago. I step into the elevator and look down at my phone. Rossi’s number is pulled up. His contact info is saved as Uncle Rich, and if that’s not obvious I don’t know what is.
When I exit the elevator on my floor, though, I’ve changed my mind. I press the button to make another call.
Eli answers after the second ring.
“Hey, I saw something strange and got a little spooked. What are you doing?” I tell him quickly.
“What happened?” The worry in his voice is palpable. This is so stupid—so, so stupid. I should have called Rossi to get me the hell out of here.
I quickly relay what I think I saw, though I tell him that I was grabbing lunch on campus rather than talking to my handler in Old Harbor. The line is quiet for a moment as Eli considers what I’ve said.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” he says, and ends the call. That’s probably not smart either, but I feel relieved. I quickly empty my pockets and put everything potentially incriminating, including my sidearm, back into my safe and make sure it’s hidden. I’ve given Rossi my notebook, so I don’t have to worry about that until I start a new one. I stare at my phone for a few seconds and debate calling him anyway, but I don’t. Even if there’s not a real threat, he’d probably pull me out. He still looks at me like I’m a dumb teenager, and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m going to screw this up. I won’t give him the satisfaction of being right.
I get up and start pacing the small room while I wait for Eli. I consider all the possible implications. Most likely I’m just being paranoid, saw someone of Italian descent, and jumped to the conclusion that it was the Carbones out to get me. Especially the first sighting in Old Harbor. Even if the second one was Eli’s father, it would only make sense for the family to check up on me since I’ve become so close to him. As long as I maintain my cover and act normal, it shouldn’t be a problem. Worst case, my cover’s blown and they’ll fabricate an accident to make sure I can’t talk. I’d be willing to take that risk for the sake of the operation, but my mom and sister would be devastated if anything happened to me.
I hear a soft knock at my door. I glance through the peephole and make sure it’s Eli before I open it. He quickly pushes through and looks around my apartment, like he’s expecting someone in his family to already be inside.
“You okay?” he asks when he finally focuses on me.
“Yeah, I think I’m just being paranoid,” I say with a casual shrug. Eli’s bright green eyes narrow at me. “I’m glad you’re here, though.”
“I would say I’m flattered, but I don’t think I believe you,” Eli says with a smirk.
“That’s all it is. I just wanted to see you,” I joke, but it falls flat. Eli sees right through me, and I have to remind myself that’s not a good thing.
“Noah, don’t bullshit me,” Eli says.
“What’s that?” I pull Eli’s leather jacket aside to reveal a .45 caliber pistol mostly concealed at his hip.
“Maybe I was spooked, too,” Eli says, his shoulders relaxing.
“Maybe,” I kid, but the sight of the gun strapped to his belt makes my cock tingle. Suddenly, I want to see him use it. “Do you know how to use one of those?”
Eli quirks an eyebrow at me. I think he can see my arousal. “Why do you ask?”
“Just curious.” I shrug. This man is so fucking sexy.
“Do you?” Eli challenges. I debate how to answer the question. I don’t want to give him any reason to suspect I’m a cop, but I’m having trouble resisting giving him just a bit of the truth.
“I’ve been known to handle myself on a range,” I say with a smirk. “But I bet you could teach me a thing or two.”
Eli unhooks the pistol from his belt and sets it on my desk. The comfort with which he handles it sets my pulse racing. I’ve been training with sidearms for years, but for some reason the thought of Eli with the weapon is hot as hell. He crosses the room and grabs my shoulders. “What the hell happened?”
I look up into his eyes, and the concern shining in them melts me. I shake my head. Eli isn’t one of them. He can’t be. I tell him again what I thought I saw, and despite how many times I try to brush it off, he believes me. He’s worried for me.
Suddenly I feel vulnerable, almost raw. I just want to stay here with Eli. I don’t want to face the outside world. I don’t want to face my operation. I don’t want to face his family. I just want to exist, right here and now, with him. We move across the little room and sit on the edge of my bed.
“I’m alright, Eli,” I say, trying to convince both of us.
“I’m going to make sure you stay that way,” Eli says with heated conviction. “I shouldn’t have brought you to the house last night. That was bad judgment on my part, and I’m afraid I made you a target.”
“It’s okay,” I say, but he cuts me off.
“You’re probably right and they’re just checking up on you, but I don’t trust them. They act first and ask questions later. If they think you’re going to be a distraction, I…” His voice breaks, and my heart twists.
“Eli.” I bring my hand to his face and force him to look up at me. “I’m here. I’m okay.”
“Fuck, I wish I could just…” Eli starts, and leans his cheek into my palm.
“Could what?” I ask, my pulse hammering in my ears.
“Could just leave,” he says, and my heart splits in two. “I wish I could just walk away from the Carbones.”
My world tilts on its axis. He may share their name, but he’s not one of them. I’ve known it this whole time. My mind scrambles for purchase. I can’t let him get hurt. I take a deep, slow breath. I should just tell him, come clean right now, and we can figure out a way to end this together, but the words won’t come. I’m scared to hurt him like that. If he finds out who I am he’ll never trust me again, and I’ll lose both him and the operation. I close my mouth and pull him close. He rests his head on my shoulder, and tears sting my eyes.
I pull back to look at him—his sharp jaw, the perfect curls, those gorgeous green eyes so filled with pain and regret. I run my finger across his brow all the way down to his jaw.
“Eli,” I whisper. Then he presses his lips to mine. It’s a slow, sweet kiss, filled with longing and desire, fear and disappointment, lust and heartbreak. I slip my tongue through his lips and curl it around his, deepening the kiss, the connection. He moves his hands to cup my face, pulling me closer and kissing me harder. I drop my hand to his chest and trace the lines of muscle underneath his shirt. His lithe, sleek body is so perfectly suited to my own. Heat and desire pool in my stomach as my dick hardens. I run my fingers beneath the hem of his shirt and tug it over his head, then pull back to look at him— really look at him, his perfectly chiseled chest and abs, his long arms, smooth skin. I trail my fingers along his body and feel his breath shudder beneath my touch.
We shift our weight more firmly onto the mattress and I lean him back, exploring his body with my fingers and lips, kissing each plane of his chest and stomach. So perfect . He pulls my shirt over my head, and we lie there for a few minutes, gently touching and exploring each other. My dick is hard and begging for more, but I keep it slow, enjoying every touch, every sensation.
I finally unbutton his jeans and pull them off, tossing them to the floor. My breath catches as his cock springs free, hard and waiting for me. I take off my own pants and move up to lay next to him, tracing his cheek as we face each other, completely naked on my bed, open and vulnerable. I pull him closer until our bodies are aligned, our cocks pressed against each other. He wraps his fingers around my hips and pulls me into him with a breathy moan, and I grind against him. He wraps his leg around my waist and presses his cock against mine, and I don’t think I can hold out for much longer. This isn’t another of the fevered fucks we’ve shared up to this point. It’s something deeper. I reach down and wrap my hand around his shaft and he moans in my ear, setting my skin on fire. I take his cock and rub it up and down mine, pressing into him and exploring every sensation. He gasps as he spurts hot cum onto my stomach. I run my fingers through his sticky mess and take my dick in my hand, rubbing his seed all over me, claiming it as mine. After only a few strokes I climax, coming all over my hands and his stomach.
We lay there, shuddering in each other’s arms, as a whole new level of climax falls over me. I’ve never felt this intense of a connection before. This may be the first time I’ve had sex as a purely intimate act. We were so completely open with each other. I don’t know what to make of this feeling, but I know I’ve never felt anything like it before. Suddenly, the thought of Eli being hurt by this fucking operation is unthinkable.
I open my mouth to speak again. His head is curled against my shoulder, but again I hesitate. If I tell him now it’ll just hurt us both. I need to find a way to make sure he’s safe before I potentially push him away with the truth. I close my mouth again. His lips press against my neck, and suddenly my nerve endings are on fire all over again. I stroke my fingers down his arm and pull him closer, wrapping my arms around him protectively. I’ll tell him as soon as I figure out how to get us out of this mess.
We lie there a while longer before we’re forced to give up our fleeting moment of bliss. This time I take him into the shower with me, and start by scrubbing his skin with my soap. It doesn’t take long before our scrubbing leads to touching, the hot water spraying over us and intensifying each sensation. Before we even realize what’s happening, I have him pinned against the wall, my hard dick sliding between his cheeks. He throws his head back with a moan, and I can hardly restrain myself. I pin his arms over his head and thrust, driving into his ass as he cries out in pleasure and pain. His hard dick slaps against the tiles as I fuck him against my shower wall. The muscles in his ass tighten around me when he climaxes, spurting onto tiles where the water immediately washes it away. It sends me over the edge and I come harder deep inside of him than I ever have before. My knees go weak and almost give out beneath me. Eli catches me with a laugh when I almost fall. He turns and kisses me, hard , and we again wash each other, ignoring everything outside of my tiny apartment as we savor our stolen moment.
When we finally extricate ourselves from the shower, the water is cold and we’re both trembling. We dry ourselves and put our clothes back on. We need to eat, and of course I have nothing in my fridge, so we decide to venture into the outside world, even though neither of us wants to.
* * *
A little while later we’re back at the fraternity house and I’m listening to Eli talk to the other members and fighting to maintain a respectable distance as we eat steaks prepared by the on-call chef. I have to admit they’re amazing—melt-in-your mouth tender and perfectly cooked. I’m so engrossed in the food that I almost miss when a woman comes in and plants herself right in Eli’s lap. His eyes shoot to mine, but I school my expression into complete neutrality.
“Well, hello to you, too, Sasha,” Eli says. He tries to play off his discomfort as surprise, but I can see right through it.
“I’ve missed you,” she says with a giggle. The sound is like nails on a chalkboard.
“I’ve been around,” Eli says with a wave of his hand. He shifts himself so she can’t possibly be comfortable, but she doesn’t take the hint.
“No, you haven’t! I’ve been looking for you for like two weeks,” she whines, and I have trouble hiding my wince. “I even talked to your dad.”
Eli stiffens, and my senses are suddenly on high alert.
“Oh, calm down, he just wants us to make time for each other,” she says, and squirms until she’s in a more comfortable, and more intimate , position. I focus on my breathing. As badly as I want to, making a scene here wouldn’t go well for either of us.
“I’ve been busy, Sasha,” Eli says, still trying to play it cool, but failing spectacularly.
“My father made us reservations at Moretti’s tomorrow night,” she continues, oblivious to Eli’s discomfort.
“I can’t imagine that’s difficult, since he owns the place,” Eli grumbles as Sasha finally removes herself from his lap.
“More difficult than you’d think. We’re booked solid for months,” she says. “Tomorrow at eight. Your dad assured us you’ll be there.”
“My father doesn’t make my plans for me,” Eli answers. His eyes dart back over to me, but I pretend not to notice.
“Well, they’re both going to be upset if you bail,” she says with a pout.
I look back and forth between the two of them. There’s obviously something more to this than I’m seeing, but I can’t exactly just ask him. It bothers me a lot more than it should that Eli is being forced to go on a date, and with a Moretti at that. I don’t know much about the Morettis other than they’re a rival family here in the Northeast.
“I’ll be there,” Eli says with a wave of dismissal. I really want to drill him about this, but this is neither the time or place, and since this woman is connected I have to be careful not to blow my, or Eli’s, cover right now. I try to catch his eye, but he keeps his gaze averted. I can see the frustration on his face, but even though I want to offer him a comforting touch, I resist.
I stand up and stretch, yawning loudly. “I’m going to head home. I’ll see you later,” I say to Eli. He gives me a pleading look, but I can’t stay here, not if he wants to keep us secret. It’s taking every ounce of restraint I have not to put my arms around him and claim him as mine.
Eli nods curtly and I leave the room, forcing one foot in front of the other. I make the short walk back to my apartment and lean on the door as soon as it’s closed behind me. I have to get it together. I’m about to screw up everything because I’m catching feelings for a man who isn’t available…no matter how bad he wants to be. I grab a fresh notebook and start scribbling notes. This Moretti angle changes things, and I wish I knew what it was all about. I keep writing until my eyes become heavy. I lay down in my bed, missing Eli’s warmth.
I pick up my phone and stare at it for a while. The best option for me right now is to call Rossi and end this whole operation. I could just disappear. Eli would believe I just flaked out, and no one would get hurt because of me. I regret ever taking this assignment.
My phone buzzes in my hand and I almost jump out of my skin. It’s a text from Eli.
Sorry about that.
About what? He knows that response is bullshit, but what else can I say?
The last thing I want to do is go out with Sasha, but there’s a lot of pressure on me. Can we talk?
I stare at the text for a while before answering. If I talk to him, I’ll just end up further down this rabbit hole.
I understand, family and all that. I hit send. God, I’m an asshole. I’m about to fall asleep. We’ll talk tomorrow. I just can’t help myself, I guess.
Ok.
That’s it, that’s all I get, and for some reason it pisses me off. It was stupid of me to think there could be anything more to us than what we are. We’re the real-life equivalent of mortal enemies, on opposite sides of a war. It feels like a chasm has opened up beneath me, and I just want to give in to gravity and fall down into that dark abyss. I spiral hard into the feeling.
“I’m sorry, Eli,” I say aloud to the empty room.
This is so stupid.
I’ve fallen in love with Eli Carbone.