14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
Jonah
I t takes longer than Id like to get showered and changed, and Im not happy about it. Richie is the first culprit, forcing me to stand by while he demands details from Dexter about our day in town. Then Beckett tries to pull me into a conversation about camera angles and closeups, even though he knows Im terrible at that stuff. I think hes missing Bonnie and the way she constantly offers suggestions for the scenes were filming, even if hell never admit it. Once I finally get to the showers that the bulk of the crew use, someone figures out what Im doing, and theres a small crowd of female staff waiting outside when Im done. They come with a variety of excuses for why they are here, none of them very subtle.
One of them flat-out admits that she hoped I would step outside in a towel, though she and the others are thoroughly disappointed. With the number of photos that have made it to the tabloids from this fieldthe whole reason Bonnie and Hank are even in a publicity relationship in the first placeI wasnt about to take any chances and brought my clothes in with me.
I am so lucky that the tabloid that has been plaguing Bonnie since filming started, Hollywood Hot Scoop , seems more interested in her than in me, and I havent had any stories circulate about me in a couple of weeks. The longer I can keep June away from them, the better. Its going to be hard enough to move forward with her as it is, and I cant imagine her being okay with the spotlight.
People in my career make relationships work all the time, so I just have to figure out how to keep Junes private life private. More importantly, I need to figure out how to have time for her when Im almost constantly filming. No big deal.
By the time I make it to my trailer with a couple of dinners wrapped in tinfoil, courtesy of catering, I half expect June to have given up on me and gone home. But there she is, curled up on my couch and snoring lightly. My heart twists at the sight of her so relaxed in my space, and when I realize shes wearing one of my sweatshirts, the ball of lead inside me ignites, going molten almost instantly.
I want this . With June. I want to come home after a day of work and know shell be there waiting for me in a stolen hoodie. I want to bring her food and make her feel safe and listen to whatever ideas she has forming in her brain. I want her to give me her censure and her pride, her triumphs and her worries.
I told her last week that I was falling in love with her, and though we both knew it was a joke then, Im not joking anymore. I really do think Im falling. But what am I supposed to do about that? If I let myself feel for this woman, how am I going to leave her behind when filming is over? My next project is starting almost immediately after this one, and who knows what my calendar will look like after that?
I know. I know because I have movies lined up for months with a free weekend here and there but no big gaps. Thats how Ive always done it, and its the only way I know to make sure I have enough money to look after the people I care about.
I groan softly, hating the ache that settles in my chest as I look at June.
Theres no way this can work. But it might already be too late where my heart is concerned.
My phone buzzes, and I look at the screen even though I wont be able to read any texts that come in with my mangled screen. But its a call, and I can see just enough to know its my dad calling.
Leaving the dinners on the small table, I slip out of the trailer and answer the call. Hey, Pops.
Cinco! Hows Colorado?
I chuckle at the nickname. Hes the only one who still uses it, and I love it every time he does. Colorado is How do I sum it all up? An adventure. Hows Mom?
She was out in the garden today.
Thats amazing! But isnt it too early to plant anything?
You know your mother. She has to make sure the soil is good and fertilized.
Ive always loved the way my mom tends to her garden as dutifully as my dad handles the potato fields. I love more that shes strong enough to be out digging in the dirt. Do you think shes over the worst of it? I ask, though Im afraid of the answer. She was still pretty weak when I was there, and the doctors still havent fully figured out what laid her low in the first place.
Dad grunts. I hope so. Im not ready to be without her. I dont know if Ill ever be ready.
I dont think my dad has ever said anything like that before. Not to me, anyway. I grip my phone tighter, leaning my back against my trailer. I dont especially want to talk about my mom dying after the day Ive had, so I change the subject. So whats up? How are you doing? I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth. Way to be sensitive.
Gettin by, same as always. I just had a feelin.
About what?
About you. Thought you might need some advice or somethin.
A feeling, I repeat, rolling my eyes. My dad always has feelings that are often lucky guesses.
Grunting again, Dad seems to struggle getting through the words when he says, You dont come home as often as you used to.
No, I dont, and I dont see that changing anytime soon, especially if June gives me a chance. You know me. Always busy with something.
You work too hard.
Look whos talking.
Your mother and I worry about you.
Im fine.
We worry about you getting lonely out there in California.
I snicker, thinking about the population difference between Los Angeles and the town where I grew up. Nah, Ive got Richie, I say lightly, though I know it wont make them worry any less. And now theres I trail off, surprised by the knowledge that I was about to tell him about June. Ive never talked about my love life with my parents, and Im not sure I want to start now.
Unfortunately for me, Dad seems to have understood the words I didnt say, though he takes the conversation in a direction I dont expect. You rushed off to California so quickly when you were a kid. You and I never had theyou know, the talk .
I grimace. Are you about to have the sex talk with me? Over the phone? When Im over thirty?
Not that talk! Unless you need
No . Definitely not. At this point, Im pretty sure all my bases are covered, and that is not a conversation I need to have out in the open. With my luck, Hollywood Hot Scoop would show up again just for that. What talk are you talking about?
After a few uncomfortable grunts and coughs, Dad says, The same one I had with your brothers and sister before they got married.
My stomach twists. Im not getting married.
Not yet, maybe, but soon youll
Dad, why did you call me tonight? I dont know why Im nervous to hear his response, but I am.
I told you, he says, sounding impatient now. I had a
Feeling. Right.
He sighs, like Im making this way more complicated than I need to. I am, and I should stop interrupting him and let him talk. You are finally startin to understand love, arent you? he says.
I grip my phone tighter, which is probably a bad idea because Im pretty sure its barely clinging to life as it is after I stepped on it today. Thats I swallow and try again. Thats a bit of a jump.
You met someone, didnt you?
I dont think I can pretend otherwise. He would hear right through my lies. Yeah, I say on a breath. Yeah, I did.
In Colorado?
Yep.
She lives there in that small town youre in?
She does.
He whistles low, which is not reassuring. What are the chances shed move to Hollywood with you?
This is all very new. We havent had a chance to talk about it. Thats not necessarily true, but when June is the one mourning how far away I live, it doesnt inspire confidence in her willingness to join me in California. I dont see her living in Los Angeles, I mutter.
Dad hums. What if you
Even if I got a place out here, its not like I could spend a lot of time here. My filming schedule is
More in your control than you pretend, he says sharply, cutting me off just like I did to him. The only reason youre so busy is because you choose to be.
I sigh. Because I have to be! I have to take every job I can get so I dont
John . Hearing my actual name reminds me that this man has seen me through some of my best and worst. He knew John before Jonah became famous. I know youve been payin for repairs around here, no matter how much you and your brothers try to be sneaky. You dont need to be givin everything you have to other people. Your mother and I have always had plenty of our own money for that sort of thing.
But that doesnt make any sense. My entire life, my parents have done everything themselves. They practically defined frugal living.
As if reading my thoughts, Dad chuckles. Were also both incredibly stubborn. If we can fix something ourselves, why pay someone else to do it?
Because youre ancient, I grumble. While Im glad to know my parents arent hurting for money, I cant help but think back on the many things I never had growing up becauseI assumedwe couldnt afford it. Did you not buy us anything because you wanted us to learn the value of money? I ask warily.
Dad laughs. Of course.
Great.
But Im not here to talk about money, which you have more than enough of. Im here to tell you that you shouldnt follow in my footsteps when it comes to love.
I choke on my own breath, completely caught off guard by this change in subject. What is that supposed to mean? You and Mom are perfect together!
And it took us three years to accept that truth.
What? Its not often I regret leaving home only days after my high school graduation, but apparently I wasnt around long enough to get the full story of my parents romance. I thought you and Mom met at that rodeo and it was love at first sight.
It was. Well no, it was attraction at first sight, but thats not the same thing. And while we talked and flirted and went skinny-dippin behind the Masons place, we didnt
Im sorry, I rasp, when you did what ?
We didnt let ourselves fall in love, he continues, ignoring my horrified question. She was goin back to school in the fall, and I couldnt leave my father to run the farm on his own. So we kept things casual.
I wouldnt call swimming naked in a pond casual, I grumble, shuddering because that was not something I needed to know about my parents.
Three summers, Dad says, pretty much monologuing now, which is strange because hes not a talker. Three summers we wasted by pretendin we didnt want it all. To experience everything together. And when we finally got it into our thick heads that we could have been enjoyin married life together and makin a family
This is starting to sound like the sex talk.
All Im sayin, Dad growls out, is you cant waste time just because you arent sure if this girl
Im sure. I switch my phone to the other hand, as if that might make those words less terrifying. But theyve settled deep inside me, filling an empty space I didnt know was there until I met June. I dont know how or why, but I think June and I were meant to be.
Oh.
Thats all he has to say? Pushing off the trailer, I start pacing as I talk. All of that stuff about Mom, which I did not need to hear, by the way, and all youve got for me is oh? Im talking crazy right now.
I dont think its crazy.
Yeah, well, you went skinny-dipping with your casual lady friend when you were in your twenties, so how much can we really trust your judgment?
That gets a chuckle out of him, which helps me relax. A little. John, you have never been afraid to be yourself, have you? Ive always loved that about you.
Im glad he thinks so, but can June learn to love it? Dad, I say, slowing my steps, Im so afraid Im going to scare her off. We barely know each other, and Im heading back home in a couple of weeks.
Did you know, theyve invented these cool little devices called phones?
I dont appreciate the sarcasm, Pops, I grumble. June isnt Shes independent. Its not like shell be missing my company while Im states away.
Independence doesnt necessarily mean she cant get lonely.
Maybe not, but June seems pretty content as she is. Im the one who intruded on her life and brought chaos. Im lucky she agreed to a date in the first place.
Even better. Youll never have to wonder if shes interested.
Thatsa good point. I stop pacing as I think about that. June isnt the type of person to get into a relationship just because she can. After all the nonsense she went through with her ex, she will only go for something she wants.
I swallow. And what if she breaks my heart?
Then at least you know it works. Dad heaves a sigh. Look, anyone who tells you love is easy hasnt truly been in love. It takes hard work and dedication, the same as anything else good in life. And what is it they say about lovin and losin? You cant go through life shieldin yourself from all the bad things; youll never know the sweetness of the good if you never taste the bitter.
As I let his advice sink in, I imagine what my life would be like going forward if I hadnt met June. I would have kept pushing forward in my career, constantly anticipating a brutal end that might never come. But even if it doeseven if I stop getting cast in movies and have to take a different pathhow much joy have I missed out on in the meantime by focusing on my next job instead of living in the moment?
Thats actually great advice, I mutter, though I shouldnt be surprised. Dad has always been the smartest man I know. Though, Im a little disappointed there wasnt a potato metaphor in there.
The tough parts of life, he says with a chuckle, are the boilin water that softens you to perfection.
Oh, potatoes sound so good right now. What are the chances Mom can send some of her mashed potatoes to Colorado? I think June would like them. And maybe Im asking because hearing my dads voice is making me miss home.
It was only a few weeks ago that I was there, but it feels like too long. I didnt even make it back for Christmas last year. Dad wasnt kidding when he said I dont go home as much as I used to.
I have a better idea, Dad says. Bring your June home with you. Your mother will want to see the woman who finally cracked open that heart of yours. Maybe June is the one, maybe shes not, but figurin that out is the fun part. And so is skinny
Please never talk about that again. Pressing a hand to my chest, I glance at the trailer behind me and smile. Thanks for calling, Dad. I should go, but Ill keep you updated on the June situation. Good or bad. And tell Mom about her.
He chuckles. You know I will. Good luck, John.
Thanks.
Does she know your name is John and not Jonah?
My smile shifts to a grin. Not yet.
Maybe tell her sooner or later. She might change her mind if she finds out your name is John S
Bye, Dad! Hanging up, I take a second to breathe while I have a moment to myself. Only, when I turn my head, I find Richie standing just a few feet away, his expression hard to read in the darkness. I frown. How much did you hear?
With his hands in his pockets, he shrugs and steps closer. Something about skinny-dipping and June breaking your heart. Im assuming those two things are unrelated.
Even though Im mortified that Richie heard my half of the conversation with my dad, I chuckle and slip my phone into my pocket. What do you think of this whole thing?
He wasnt with us today, but hes been there for the rest of it. He can probably see in my face just how far Ive fallen for the woman asleep on my couch, and Im curious what hell say.
He doesnt answer for a long time, like hes trying to find the right thing to say. You were the wildest kid when we met, J, he says slowly.
I raise an eyebrow. I was twenty-four.
Kid, he repeats with a smirk. And I knew working for you was always going to be an adventure.
Is that good or bad? And why is my chest aching while I wait for him to answer that question?
Smiling, Richie puts his hand on my shoulder. Its one of the reasons I took up the position. That, and your ambition was clear as day. You had places to go and things to do, and Ive admired that about you.
I get the feeling thats changing, I mutter, bracing myself.
Its okay to slow down, John. Its okay to let someone in.
Two people calling me by my real name in a matter of minutes? I honestly cant decide if I love it or hate it. Ive been Jonah James for so long, on a mission to prove myself and my talents. I love what I do, but maybe theres more to life than a successful career. Richie and my dad are two of the people I trust the most, and if theyre both telling me to take a step back and reevaluate my plans
Patting Richies arm, I nod at him and silently make my way to the trailer door as he heads to his own.
There are still so many things about my life that are going to make a relationship difficult, but I feel a lot less stressed about it than I did twenty minutes ago. Itll suck whenifI have to say goodbye to June, but why would I let that stop me from trying? Its not in me to give up so easily, and I can only imagine how fun a life with June could be.
How much fuller it could be with all the good, bad, and everything in between.
When I step inside my trailer, I get a split-second view of June awake and sitting upright on the couch before she throws her hands out and shouts, Trap!
I jump back in alarm, my head colliding with something hard. And the world goes dark.