Chapter Seventeen
Rick
It was an interesting week between the party and the rodeo event.
The plan to shift hadn’t happened because Ian’s honey badger was unhappy about the rodeo.
Whereas Ian was doing his best to be cheerful, but just seeing him do that hurt something in Rick’s heart.
For himself, he alternated between excitement because the event gave him one more chance to finally tick something off his personal bucket list.
And yet, there were other days when he was working alongside Ernest—and he knew that Ian was busy trying to focus on his own work in Ernest’s spare bedroom—where Rick wondered whether he was being selfish.
Obviously, he wasn’t hiding that as well as he should be, especially when Ernest spoke up on the Friday, before the event.
“Are things going all right between you and Ian? You seemed okay at the party, but I would have to have been a blind man to have not noticed there’s a bit of stress between you two this week.”
Rick’s first instinct was to deflect. “I didn’t think you were a person to talk about feelings.
Ian and I are fine.” Of course, Rick couldn’t leave it at that.
Ernest was his closest friend, and there were never any secrets as far as Rick was concerned.
The only reason Ernest didn’t know every part of his life was simply because he hadn’t asked.
Sighing, he added, “I’m doing another rodeo event this Saturday,” he said.
“It’s a different kind of event for riders who are looking to see what their form’s like after they’ve perhaps healed from an injury in their previous season and things like that.
And it’s for…” Rick coughed. He couldn’t believe he was going to say it.
“It also gives a chance for older guys like myself—those of us already retired—to show some of the young newbies how things are done.”
“I take it Ian’s not happy about you doing that.” Ernest handed him a wrench. They were in the middle of trying to fix a tractor, which was getting to the point where it was held together more with wire and duct tape than anything else.
“Ian is happy for me to do it because he knows I want to do it, but he doesn’t want me to do it, if that makes sense.”
“Hmm, so I’m guessing there’ve been times when you’re thinking to yourself that perhaps you’re being selfish because you’re pursuing your own needs and not thinking about his?”
“Actually,” Rick said, “I am thinking about his needs. That’s why I’m feeling selfish.
If it were just me, I wouldn’t have a second thought about it.
It’s hard to explain. When I walked away from that life, I walked away thinking it was for good.
I wasn’t to know, years later, that I would actually meet not only my mate at a Bucket List Buddies event, but also two of my oldest friends from that time, all in the one place, and get a chance to pick up where I left off.
“Charlie and I were inseparable back in the day. And when he met his mate, Pip, I was so pleased he had a mate who was already on the circuit. Pip already knew what it was about, and he chucked in his lot with Charlie with no second thoughts.”
“Are you leaving me?” Ernest straightened up. “Are you thinking of going back on the circuit?”
“No, Gods, no.” Rick shook his head as he wrenched a screw particularly hard.
It was probably lucky that the head of it didn’t come off.
“No, this is just a onetime thing. I did check that and you know, the more I think about it, the more I feel I’ve been slightly played.
Charlie knew exactly what to say to get me to agree to go.
And then when I said I’d consider it, he said he’d already put my name down for it. ”
“Let me guess,” Ernest said with a chuckle. “Doing this onetime event will allow you to settle some scores.”
Rick could feel his face heat up. “Not a score exactly, but…” He stopped what he was doing for a moment, leaning on the engine block. “There was this guy, and he was really good. And when I was an up-and-comer, he was the man I was determined to beat.
“And over the years, I got better, and soon I was winning championships, too. But every time he and I were on the same draw card, we either drew in points or he pipped me by like half a point. I could never actually beat him outright.”
“It makes sense that you’d want to do that now. Chances like that don’t come up every day.”
“I do, but I don’t, if that makes sense, because I’m not single anymore.
It would help if I could talk to Ian about it, but I can sense his anxiety every time I go near the topic.
I don’t want to upset him, and there’s a lot of times I think I should just tell Charlie no.
Logically, that would be the right thing to do.
Ian is my mate. He is the most important person in my life, and if he doesn’t like the idea of me riding, then I should just bow out of it. Shouldn’t I?”
“Only you can decide that, but for me personally, I never thought for a second that when someone got themselves a mate, that they were expected to completely give up all they were.”
“That’s not how mating works,” Rick agreed. “Technically, I’m not really giving anything up, am I? This event just dropped into my lap, and realistically, I’m still going to be at work Monday morning.”
“Well, you will be, provided you don’t break your damn fool neck on Saturday,” Ernest said, “but I’m sure I’ll hear about it if it happens.” He chuckled, and Rick was glad of the humor, because with Ernest it was genuine.
Ian was trying so hard to be happy, bright, and hugely supportive, but Rick could tell it was all an act, and it was coming across as brittle and something likely to shatter the moment the littlest thing went wrong.
It was making Rick feel awful. Yet he knew… he just knew that if he told Ian to drop the fake act and be honest with him, Ian would be gutted, and Rick had a feeling he was already hurting his mate enough.
“I’m getting to the point where I don’t know what to do,” he muttered dejectedly. Tightening the screw one more time, he stood up and pressed his hand into his lower back as he straightened. “I’m not sure I’ve got the body left to do three rides on a night, either. Still, I’m committed now.”
“And that’s the thing I think you need to remember,” Ernest said.
“When it all comes down to it, this is something, from all accounts, that you’re good at.
And if you get one more try to beat this guy, whoever he is, then I don’t see that there’s anything wrong with doing it.
My question to you is, what happens if you lose to him again? ”
“Actually, that’s easy,” Rick said with a chuckle. “I’ve had a lot of practice shaking that man’s hand, looking him in the eye, and telling him, ‘you did good, congratulations.’ And I can do that again.”
“Fair enough. But if that happened, then wouldn’t you get the urge to go back and try again?”
“I don’t know,” Rick mumbled with uncertainty.
“I guess we have to wait and see until tomorrow. In the meantime, I’m trying to work out how to make Ian feel better when he won’t even tell me what he’s feeling.
It’s getting messy, my friend. And honestly, I really wish I’d never brought it up at all.
Actually, no,” he corrected himself as he patted the engine block.
“I really wish Charlie hadn’t brought it up at all. ”
“Don’t go blaming your friend for this.” Ernest went around him and climbed onto the tractor seat.
“He offered something, knowing it would tempt you, and you were. It’s not like you were tempted by a person who might try to come between you and Ian.
It’s not like you’re going to be disappearing for months at a time.
It’s one event tomorrow, and regardless of what happens, you’ll be battered and bruised as hell on Sunday.
Perhaps then, you and Ian can actually talk after it’s over, especially if it’s something that you want to do again. ”
“I guess I won’t know until then either,” Rick agreed. “It’s not helping that Ian and I aren’t as connected as I would like us to be… as I know we can be. I really wish Ian had been honest with me and told me from the start he wanted me to say no.”
He told you at the Bucket List event, his bear pointed out grumpily.
“He wouldn’t do that,” Ernest said, interrupting his bear. “The same as Toby wouldn’t stop me from doing something stupid either.”
“It’s not stupid,” he insisted.
“It sounds stupid to me.” Ernest was smiling, though.
“That is because I don’t know anything about that type of life, and neither does Ian.
So you either need to go out there on Saturday and prove how good you are.
Or you take your lumps when you fall, you limp back to Ian, let him support you home, and tell him you won’t do any of that stupid shit again.
Okay? Because from the outside, it looks dangerous.
“And for the record, I imagine Toby would have a hell of a lot to say if I suddenly told him I wanted to do something like that. He would refuse to bring me home cakes for at least a week. I might even find myself sleeping on the couch for a night or two.”
“Ian doesn’t bring me cake in the first place.
Not that I’d ever ask him to. But that’s a thought,” Rick said.
“Maybe I’ll make him some honey muffins when we get home.
Perhaps that’ll put him in a better mood.
I just want to see him smile. A genuine smile, you know.
One that reaches his eyes.” He tapped the engine block.
“Start this thing up. Let’s see if we can tick fixing this old thing off our list for the day.
Because I’m in a hurry to get Ian home. And you’ll have to go and pick up Toby shortly, so…
” He grinned at Ernest. “Do you ever miss the days when we were single?”
Ernest roared with laughter. “Why the hell would I miss that? Are you telling me you miss spending lonely nights in your bed, or worse… beings like that damn Pierre hanging around and making us miserable?”
Rick shuddered and shook his head. “No, you’re right. I know you’re right. Let’s just hope that this weekend’s plans doesn’t leave me with shit on my face.”
“You’ll know about it come Sunday morning,” Ernest yelled over the sound of the tractor engine as it kicked in, whirred for a moment, and then started. At least they could tick that off their list.