Chapter 21
Hawk
S ince Bodhi stole Carter, I was pretty sure he was going to talk about his business idea. Having some afternoon delight would have to wait, because there was no way those two would be done talking anytime soon.
I concentrated on Greta for a while longer, then took her to her stall for some alone time. She still needed to unwind after some more intense sessions, and she did it best in quiet solitude. I could relate.
Instead of going to my office and potentially bothering them—I knew Bodhi wanted privacy for this kind of deal—I saddled a quarter horse gelding I was desensitizing.
It was an easy enough job I’d taken because the owner was someone I’d known for years.
She liked all her horses to go through all sorts of desensitization to make them bomb proof for her kids, and I could appreciate the thought behind that.
I wasn’t sure where we were going, but maybe the cows could be a good bet for the day.
I decided to do a circuit around all the barns and other buildings to start with, so Teddy could see a bunch of different things.
There was always something exciting-for-a-horse happening somewhere on the property.
Including a big ass fancy SUV speeding off the ranch in a cloud of dust.
“The fuck was that?” I blurted out, as if Teddy would know.
We rounded one of the barns and I saw Fern clicking on her phone. She was walking and didn’t realize we were approaching at first.
Then she looked up and started, which startled Teddy.
“What is it with my siblings scaring the crap out of my trainees today?” I snarked, because Bodhi had spooked Greta, even though he’d done it smartly.
I could tell by her expression that Fern was annoyed. “I don’t fucking know.” Well, there it was.
“What’s up?” I slowed Teddy to a halt next to her, and she immediately went to pet him a little.
“Your man just drove a potential client off the property and Bodhi backed him up.” I must’ve looked as confused as I felt, because she let out an exasperated laugh. “Exactly!” She gestured at my face.
“Who was the client?” I asked, trying to make sense of the situation.
I knew Bodhi could be overly protective, but Carter getting fired up at someone to this degree seemed very unlikely.
“I got a potential booking for a twentieth anniversary party. The wife seemed really nice if a bit ditzy, but the husband was, on hindsight, a bit odd. They wanted to go to your barn because you trained her horse.”
Pieces were clicking together and bile rose in the back of my throat. “Uh, what’s their last name?”
“Buchanan.” She frowned at me before her expression turned alarmed. “What’s going on, Brubby?”
“Do you know where Carter went?” I looked around as if the man would materialize somewhere.
“No, I chased after the Buchanans as they left.” Clearly realizing I wasn’t going to answer her questions right then and there, she grabbed Teddy’s reins so I couldn’t just ride off. “Hawk, you’re worrying me. You need to tell me.”
“I will, I promise. But later. I need to talk to Carter.”
She searched my eyes for something, then nodded and let go. “Okay, I’d start wherever he’d normally look for you.”
Fern went toward Bluey, our six-seater golf cart she’d probably driven the clients over in, likely to drive herself back to the event barn.
I realized I had the two-way on my belt, so I grabbed it and pressed the button.
“HH here. Anyone see Carter? Over.”
It took a few seconds, then Wyanne’s voice came through. “I just saw him going toward the agility course, over.”
“Thanks, over.”
Turning Teddy around, I started toward the most likely route Carter would take once he noticed we weren’t at the course.
There were too many emotions roiling inside me to make sense of, but I hoped that by the time I found Carter I could put something into words.
I finally saw him a few minutes later, heading back toward the training barn. I let out a whistle, and his head snapped up. For a second, he smiled, then got serious again as he stopped to wait for us.
I let Teddy lope toward Carter and then slowed him down and brought him to a halt smoothly. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have on horseback, so I slid off the saddle and went to Carter.
“I just saw Fern,” I started, and he winced. “What the fuck is going on, Carter?”
He sighed, then his hand moved as if he wanted to touch me but then thought better of it.
“When Bodhi and I came down from the office, we bumped into Fern and this couple. I realized from the context clues and his behavior who they were, and I—”
“You told them to fuck off. Fern told me. But why? Why did you think you could, and fucking should do that?” I was getting angry, and I gave Teddy more rein to step back if he needed it.
Carter narrowed his gaze. “I wasn’t about to let a man like that anywhere near your sister. More importantly, I wasn’t going to let him have the satisfaction of getting under your skin. He doesn’t deserve to lay eyes on you ever again.”
“You took business away from Fern when she had no idea who these people were, Carter. Do you know how much that sort of a booking costs? That’s not insignificant money.” Before he could speak, I lifted my hand. “It wasn’t your place.”
He tilted his head. “Maybe not. Maybe you’re right. But this, what we have…baby, I’ll stand between you and anything—”
“And you dragged Bodhi into it and now he’ll want details. So does Fern. If I tell them, I’ll have to tell at least Gemma, too.” I wasn’t listening, too worked up to process his words. I ran my hand over my face and for the horse’s sake kept the growl inside that wanted to escape.
It was the lack of agency that bothered me about this the most. The fact that I hadn’t been able to handle the situation that’d happened in my barn .
It had nothing to do with my business, because they hadn’t been here for that.
It had everything to do with not having handled the confrontation myself, such as it would’ve been.
“When I dropped off the horse for them five years ago…. Do you know what the last thing I saw Richard doing before I drove off?” I snorted bitterly.
“He was fondling himself while his wife was inside the barn with the gelding. He was getting off on what he did to me. Don’t you think I wanted to confront him on my terms?
On my turf? Where he doesn’t hold any power over me anymore?
Would I have been fucked up meeting him again?
Yeah, probably. But that’s my prerogative.
I’m not a kid now. And you… you just made me feel like one.
” The words fell out of my mouth before I knew that was how I was feeling.
I stepped away from him and shook my head. “I need space, Carter. I….” I didn’t know how to continue that sentence, so I tugged Teddy with me and left Carter standing there.
I took Teddy for a long ride to organize my thoughts.
It wasn’t that I didn’t know what Carter had tried to do. He’d tried to protect me.
I understood the urge. Hell, I knew that as soon as he would’ve gotten protective, Bodhi would’ve picked up on it and gone with it, because my brother was a protector.
What Richard had done was heinous. It was taking advantage of a young man who didn’t know any better. He’d taken my agency from me, and later on, while I hadn’t called anything he did rape, there was a part of me that wondered if some encounters had been close to it anyway.
The fact that I’d wondered meant there was some truth to it, and that made me uncomfortable.
I’d fantasized about meeting him again in the way you do years after the fact. The famous “oh that’s what I should’ve said or done” that we all get sometimes. Hindsight.
I knew I would’ve frozen the moment I saw him in my barn. But I would’ve recovered, and I would’ve told him that he could work with Fern if they wanted to, but that he wasn’t to step foot on my property.
Then I would’ve asked his wife about the horse, if he hadn’t hustled her away by then. I would’ve been nice to her, and I would’ve ignored him completely.
Because I didn’t need Richard. I didn’t want him, either.
Like I’d told Carter, I wasn’t a child anymore. When Richard got his claws into me, I’d been young and na?ve, and he’d left scars. Hell, Carter had felt those scars himself from the beginning. He knew they were there.
And now… now I felt oddly betrayed. Like he’d turned me back into the hurt boy I’d been five years ago more than Richard could’ve done today. It didn’t matter to my wounded heart that he hadn’t meant it. That he’d wanted to shelter me from whatever the confrontation might’ve become.
The only thing that mattered was that I wasn’t the boy anymore, and I never wanted to feel like him again.
I didn’t go to dinner, but someone must’ve told Mom not to worry. Or maybe they’d let her think I went to Carter’s place.
I cleaned myself up a bit in the washroom at the barn, then made my way to my office to wait for whoever was going to check up on me and demand answers.
Eventually, I heard the squeak of the smaller barn door, and steps coming up the stairs.
I was lying on my couch, one arm under my head as I stared at the rafters above.
Fern and Gemma stepped inside and closed the door.
“No Bodhi?” I asked dryly.
“No. He said you’d tell him if he needed to know,” Fern murmured.
She went to pull my chair closer and sat, while Gemma took her own chair.
I appreciated Bodhi’s decision. He was on a need-to-know basis with a lot of things. I had a feeling there was enough going on inside his head that he didn’t need anyone else’s problems.
But he would also jump in front of a bullet for any of us, and that was what mattered.
I sighed. “Ask.”
“Why did Carter want to get rid of the Buchanans today?” Fern spoke evenly.
“I remember the gelding. It was a fine horse,” Gemma said before I had time to gather my words. “I didn’t like Richard. There was something… smarmy about him.”