Chapter 21 #2
“Yeah! That’s exactly it!” Fern shook her head in my periphery. “He hides it well, but it’s there. The wife has no idea, either. It’s like… she’s in denial or just oblivious.”
I chuckled tiredly. “I think it’s a bit of both, depending on context.
” I sighed and closed my eyes. “Long story short, he seduced me. He kept coming back to ‘check on the horse’ and then fucked me wherever he could. I had no idea he was married until I went to deliver the gelding. It was a fifteenth anniversary gift for her.”
The silence was unlike my sisters. Then Fern began to cuss under her breath.
“Jesus Christ, Brubby,” she said on an exhale.
“I won’t ask why you didn’t tell anyone,” Gemma murmured, her voice holding more emotion than I could really deal right then.
“Nobody knew. Not until recently. I told Carter because I felt we couldn’t move forward until he knew why I was the way I was.”
“ This is why you hated him so much in the beginning!” Gemma exclaimed.
“Yeah. He reminded me too much of Richard.”
Fern leaned forward. “He was trying to protect you from Richard.”
I let out a laugh through my nose. “Yeah.”
“You don’t need anyone to protect you,” Gemma stated firmly. “I get why he’d do it, but you’re a grown man. You can fight your own battles.”
Exactly. Which was why I was so upset now.
“His intentions were good, but he went about it wrong. You need a partner, not a shield,” Fern concluded.
“Can you go now?” I asked quietly.
Fern got up and put my chair back, then squeezed my ankle on her way out.
Gemma came over to the couch and tugged at my arm until I lifted enough so she could hug me.
“It’ll be okay,” she whispered.
Then she let go and followed Fern.
Maybe it would be. It probably would be, eventually. I hoped. But I wasn’t sure how to talk to Carter about this. I wasn’t sure there was anything more to say.
Did I want an apology? Maybe.
Was I completely sure I should get one? Yeah.
I threw myself into my work the next day. I rarely looked at my phone, because I had no immediate need to contact any of the owners of the horses I was working with.
I kept Carter out of my mind as much as I could, with very little success.
Then, Bodhi waited for me at the end of the day before dinnertime.
“Hey,” I greeted him, unsure about what to say.
“Hey.” He fell into step with me, knowing how much I liked the walk between the house and the barn, whichever way I was going.
It took him a few minutes to gather his words. “I hope you’re not mad at me.”
That wasn’t what I’d been expecting, and it made me stop in my tracks. I grabbed his arm to halt him, too.
In the barely lit evening, I looked at him. “Bodhi. no. I’m not mad at you. I assume you went into protection mode because you saw Carter do it.” He nodded, so I continued. “The man who hurt me in the past? That was Richard Buchanan.”
His expression darkened. “I gathered as much.”
“Yeah. So I appreciate the thought, but it wasn’t Carter’s call to make. You see that, right?”
“Sure.” There was something in his tone I couldn’t quite place, but I thought he might still think I was upset with him.
I smiled at him. “I’m not mad at you. You did what you thought was right in the situation you were presented with while not having the information needed.”
He huffed, sounding annoyed. “I’m kind of glad I didn’t know who he was in the moment.”
“Me too. You don’t need an assault charge.” I had no doubt he would’ve clocked Richard if he’d known, especially if he’d had any real details on what he’d done.
“So why is it different with Carter? You haven’t contacted him yet, right?”
I continued to walk and thought about how to express everything in a way Bodhi would understand.
After a minute or so, I went simply with, “He made me feel worse than seeing Richard again would’ve. Because I’m a different person than I was five years ago and can hold my own.”
“But he did it because he cares.”
“Right. But he took the choice away from me in a way that felt similar to how Richard took some choices away from me back then.”
Bodhi stopped walking, then after a couple of beats, he started again. He was angry.
I realized he now thought Richard had assaulted me.
“He didn’t… you know. It wasn’t like that. It was… other things. Including not telling me he had a wife at home.”
Something in Bodhi relaxed, but I was pretty sure he would still deck Richard if he got the chance.
“Okay.”
We were approaching the house by the time he asked, “You sure?”
I took his big hand into mine and squeezed. “I’m sure, big brother.”
“Okay, good.” Then he made a thoughtful face. “Back in Crew’s office, you said that Carter reminded you of Richard, but that they were different.”
I nodded, remembering the conversation I’d had with my brothers.
“So… maybe you should remember that. Carter wouldn’t hurt you on purpose. And everyone encounters situations where they think they’re doing the right thing when it’s not.” Something about how he said the word made me think he was talking about himself, too.
“Yeah.”
I let go of his hand and we walked up the stairs and into the chaos that was dinnertime in the Harrington household.
There would be something else to occupy my mind with for a few blessed moments. Then I’d have to go upstairs into my room and try to relax and eventually sleep without feeling too bad about the fact that I was ignoring my phone completely. I hadn’t lied when I said I needed space.