Chapter 22
Carter
I understood Hawk’s need for space. I wished he’d actually talked to me, and actively listened, but I got that he wasn’t in the right frame of mind.
I wasn’t even that surprised when he ignored my call and several texts.
I was willing to wait him out. Within reason.
I’d give him a day to cool down, but no more than that.
I wasn’t going to allow this to linger between us.
I didn’t know where we would be when the conversation was done.
I wasn’t na?ve, and this kind of thing could break a new couple.
Not that I’d let that happen if it was within my power.
Hawk had gotten under my skin and wormed his way into my heart.
I hadn’t anticipated that at all, but I didn’t want to lose him over this.
“Do you want to pick this up tomorrow?”
I whipped around to stare at Marielle, who was wearing a contemplative smirk, and sitting on the other side of the desk. She’d just gotten back last night and we were supposed to be handling the rest of our business today because her visit was almost at an end.
On her third day visiting, I’d realized the set up in my home office just wouldn’t do and immediately ordered furniture for rush delivery and set up.
The double desk now stood in the middle of the room, with room for us to face each other and still be able to spread out.
Her chair was an exact copy of mine, and I’d splurged on gaming chairs because not only were they cooler than regular executive chairs but much more comfortable.
Marielle hadn’t wanted the pink and gray one, though I thought at first it was a tease.
I didn’t care, and immediately switched with her.
Black with citrus green piping suited her.
Marielle raised her brows, and I tried for a smile as I shook my head. “I have plans tomorrow. Importantly, unmovable plans. We were discussing Keegan’s proposal for the three-season room?”
“We were.” She turned her attention back to the laptop in front of her. “It seems reasonable enough, though not inexpensive. And he didn’t send an invoice.”
“Figure out what the going rate for this sort of thing would be and wire the money. Add a tip. I love everything about it. Have you arranged for bids for a contractor to build the shelving?”
She pursed her lips as though I was stupid for even asking. I probably was. “You have two appointments next week. They’re in your calendar. I won’t be here then but I’m sure you can handle that on your own.”
“The sass!” I laughed and waggled my eyebrows. “Contact Keegan about procuring the plants himself. I’m sure there are nurseries in Denver that can accommodate what he wants. Arrange for him to handle selection, van rental, and delivery. I’ll need him to set everything up and instruct on care.”
Marielle peered at me through narrowed eyes. “You’re not going to hire a service to take care of them?”
I shook my head. “I’m going to try first. I need a hobby. I mean, if I start to kill them, I’ll bring in an expert. But I’m rather intelligent, in case you weren’t aware, and I’m very capable of learning.”
“I know.” It was said softly and with a tiny smile. “I’ll handle it. Next item on the agenda is the stable renovation. It needs some work, from what I can see, but I’m not sure what. And knowing you, you’ll want state of the art for your horse. Did you want me to arrange time with Hawk to advise?”
I grimaced but caught it and schooled my expression. I thought I’d been fast enough but judging my Marielle’s face, I did not. She sighed, moved her laptop to the side, and folded her hands on the desk. Her gaze was assessing.
“And there it is. What’s going on?”
Titling my head, I studied her for a moment. “Are you asking as my friend or as my PA?”
Her eyes went wide for a moment, as if the thought never crossed her mind.
Was I the only one who considered us friends?
After the past almost two weeks, I didn’t think so.
But then again, she had family, friends, and her wife.
It was entirely possible she only viewed our relationship to be a working one.
“Both.” Her voice was soft and thoughtful. “We have to walk a fine line here, Carter. Because I am your employee. But I think we’re capable of handling both. Don’t you?”
Relief flooded through me. “I do. I value you on multiple levels, Marielle. And I trust you to call me out should I ever cross the line.”
Marielle nodded, sat back, and crossed her legs. “So tell me what’s going on with Hawk.”
It took me a minute to get my thoughts in order. “Hawk is upset with me. Speaking of lines, I crossed one. Was protective and overbearing when he felt it wasn’t my place.”
I wanted to tell her the whole story, but it wasn’t mine to tell, so that would have to do. As much as I trusted her to keep the confidence, I knew Hawk would not appreciate another person knowing what had happened to him.
She absorbed that. “Are you sorry?”
“I’m sorry he’s upset and hurt by it,” I answered immediately.
She rolled her eyes. “But you’d do it again.”
“In a heartbeat.” I took another second and let that sink into my brain, really sitting with the thoughts and feelings. Then I sighed. “Perhaps not in the same way, now that I understand how he feels. But I take care of what’s mine, protect what’s mine at all costs. And he is.”
She didn’t say anything for several minutes, simply staring at me. As the silence stretched, I had to fight not to squirm in my seat. I wasn’t fidgety by nature, but her stare and silence was unnerving. I couldn’t read her expression.
“I’ll admit I’m coming at this from a woman’s perspective, but that’s fucking creepy , Carter. Possessiveness like that is…controlling and manipulative.”
My eyes went wide. “What? No, no. I don’t mean it like that at all! Holy shit, is that what he thinks?”
“I don’t know. But I would.”
“I’m his just as much,” I insisted fervently.
My brain scrambled, trying to put it into context, trying to explain.
I needed to figure out if I was being a controlling jerk or not and since Marielle was the only sounding board I had, I needed to bounce it off her.
“Okay. Let me ask you this. You love your wife. I see it plain as day between you. So if you were faced with a situation with someone from her past showing up, someone who could cause her distress, wouldn’t you step in so that she didn’t have to deal with them? ”
She opened her mouth but shut it again, brows crinkling as she thought that over. It took her a minute or two, but then she spoke. “I would. Elisa is perfectly capable of handling herself. Honestly, she’s a badass who takes no crap. But if I could spare her that, I would, yes.”
I held out a hand in a “there you go” type of gesture. But Marielle wasn’t done.
“Elisa and I have been married for four years and together for five. We’ve discussed everything under the sun. We know each other inside and out. I know how she would react in that situation.” She gave me a pointed look. “Can you say the same about Hawk?”
Fuck .
“Not yet.” I sighed. I thought back on the whole interaction, first with the fuckhead and then with Hawk after. “I know I need to apologize. But I also don’t regret it. So how do I handle that?”
The look on her face said she thought I was an idiot. “You talk to him.”
I laughed, though it lacked humor. “I’m going to. I’m not dumb. But he asked for space.”
“And you’re giving it to him.”
“Today anyway. Tomorrow is another story. I’m not going to let this drag on between us.”
Marielle stared for a few seconds, then shook her head. She pulled her laptop in front of her again. “Just remember to listen too. Now, back to work.”
Since I only had a few more days with her in person, I did as she said and turned back to my own screen.
But her words played in the back of my head for the rest of the day.
I was good at listening, and Hawk and I proved—after we got past our initial misconceptions—that we were good at communicating. We just had to actually do it.
The next morning, I shot him a text when I knew he’d be awake but not stuck into work yet.
Good morning, baby. Have time for a conversation today?
I waited at least a half an hour for a response.
It never came. All right then. I was going to track him down.
Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk but I certainly was.
I could at least say my piece and let him digest it.
I wasn’t going to force a reconciliation.
I wasn’t even going to insist on forgiveness.
But I couldn’t let this fester between us. I was crawling out of my skin.
I made it to the ranch in record time and thanked the driving gods I hadn’t gotten stopped for speeding.
The moment I pulled onto the ranch, I was able to breathe easier.
I knew what was coming would be intense and emotional.
But even still, hearing Juanpablo, taking in the sights and scents that had become so familiar over the past couple of months, eased something within me.
I was a corporate guy through and through. Most of my adult life had been cities and suits. I’d loved it. I never would have thought that this, country living and fresh air, horse and leather and manure, would be the thing to bring me comfort.
I headed straight for the training barn, past all the other structures, only slowing to wave at the window on the big house as was my habit.
When I pulled into my regular spot and hopped out, Russ was leaning against the barn door.
He was as grizzled and expressionless as always, but when he crossed his arms, I braced myself for a lecture.
“Ya goin’ ta fix it?” He asked gruffly, no preamble.
“I’m certainly going to try,” I answered honestly.