Chapter 27 The Human Affliction
Xiaoyu
They say the worst way to start a scene is for the character to wake up, so I’ll deviate. I can’t wake up. I’m paralyzed, my blanket is off me, and my pajamas are around my ankles. My eyes wide open, I feel them stinging with tears, making up for the dryness.
My mind is wide awake, but my body is dead. There’s no describing the terror I feel as the thing on the ceiling crawls closer. I feel something else beside me too, just perching their chin on the bed, probably waiting for me to finally move.
Slimy and pallid, the thing on the ceiling opens its flaps and dumps several wet things on my naked, unflinching skin.
Like a soft reptilian egg, they hatch open.
They don’t look like anything I’ve seen before.
They are little black splatters moving like worms. One, closer to my face, the other toward my thigh.
I don’t know how fear works when you can’t even tremble, scream, react. They do not take pity on me as they invade me. The violation is a feeling I will always remember. It haunts, it stays, it stains.
And right now, I have no choice but to let it burrow into me. Implant themselves until the day humanity will bury my bones.
When the nightmare finally releases me, I don’t cry. I am numb and excruciatingly alone. My chest feels hollow that I’m sure if I move, it’ll rankle with the heart set loose, broken inside.
Datu, where are you when I need you?
I never realized until now how much the humans corrupted Esoterra.
As I listen to Captain Moriarty and the other men brag about sleeping with female Terra, the more disappointed I become at my kind. The details are absolutely unnecessary, and—as a female—I feel disrespected.
How is this happening? I despise every species similar to this piece of shit with the passion of a thousand burning suns. I know for a fact we are not all the same, but why do good things fall into the hands of the most horrid people?
I can’t even believe this man is real. Out of the seven, he says the loudest, most disgusting out-of-pocket things such as describing genitalia like they are…things. Objects. Not people with feelings.
“Best to ignore him. He’s always like that.” Alani is the only woman here in the ship. After I was dropped off here by the others, she’s been my self-appointed caretaker. She cares for me while my body recovers from all the sores.
I am bruised all over, but it’s not normal bruising. I shift my arm and when the light hits my skin at a particular angle, I see my veins are purple and black.
“Urgh, am I radioactive?”
“No, they scanned you.” She answers this like it’s nothing.
Strange.
Changing the topic, I ask, “Why are you on the ship and not in the village with the others?”
She’s stiff, wide-eyed as she blinks, pursing her lips. I know that look. It’s the look of someone who doesn’t want to say lest no one believes them. A shield.
“I’m on your side. You can tell me.” My voice is barely a rasp.
Her eyes water but she never lets them fall. “He won’t let me leave.”
“Who?”
“The captain.”
“Why?”
“You know why.” She is shaking, her eyes hard and more than a little angry.
Something feels heavy in my chest. I want to comfort her, but for the life of me, I don’t know how. Awkwardly, I pat her back until my ass started hurting.
“I can do it myself, Ani.” I tell her as she helps me up.
“No, no, it’s fine. I want to help you.” For a sad moment, I think Alani just wants company.
Shaking my head, I tell her, “I appreciate it, but I need to go alone and get this plug out of my asshole.”
She covers her mouth and backs away. Yes, I still have Datu’s god damned teeth up my ass. For some unhinged reason, I had forgotten everything about my life yesterday. I’m not sure how long the glitch lasted, or how it came to be, but it’s as if I’m swathed with new savage freedom.
It’s a weird but gripping reality. I see two sides of the same coin at the same time now. I feel like a stranger who knows too much of myself. The abrupt cognizance is jarring, but it dulls away the reservation and shame I have for life.
The girl Mother had leashed with all her rules and punishments became unencumbered. Not completely free, just open enough that her hold upon me loosens. Finally, I can breathe easier.
I remember every single thing, and I do not care for it like I did before. I stumble into the ship’s bathroom and do what I came here for. I toss the plug into the sink, feeling strange about it. Instead of throwing it out, I reluctantly wash it while my eyes water.
I cannot stand losing this gift. Whatever it may be, it doesn’t matter to me. This gift was given freely. With no expectations except to give me some sort of morbid pleasure.
“Oh, Datu…”
On the piss-stained walls, I stare and let the tears fall as I connect all the dots that I could not before. In all my thirty-two years of existence, I have never lived for myself. I’ve always lived in Mother’s shadow to please her and others around her.
She had tightened her hold on me ever since the monster disappeared. After I saw that mouth eat him, leaving me in that bloody room, Mother had made me think I didn’t see anything. That everything had all been in my head. She’d made me think I was insane.
I had not seen how bad it was until now. Until this clarity. My skin pulses a deep hue, and I see my veins from here. It is all over my body like Datu’s tattoos.
I do not look like Mother’s Xiaoyu anymore. I am his down to the bone. Down to the very guts of me.
It is always the losers who drown in the weight of their own ego.
And right now, I am so, so ready to drown this ship’s captain.
There are several ships now, prepping to load all the canisters I’ve collected.
Maybe I’d been a daze, but those are one too many canisters.
I don’t remember collecting hundreds of those.
I feel sick to my stomach knowing what I did to Datu to get those, too.
Some people just arrived in another ship—with at least fifty people in it—and they have come to collect more things I had not provided for them. Men in hazmat suits emerge from the tent, and there’s that symbol again on their clothes.
My face frozen in horror, I watch as they stab open a tree and drill a hole into it. They are shoving thick metal pipes until it pours out that same purple sap I’ve been seeing around. The worst thing? There’s more ships coming.
Grinding my teeth, I can’t control myself when I slip away from the shore and into the ship where the Piece-of-Shit Moriarty is blathering about his conquests.
It’s ridiculous how someone can be so disgustingly animated at all the atrocities they have done.
It seems almost cartoonish. He doesn’t seem real.
He needs to die for what he has done to the Terra and Alani.
Like, real bad. Maybe…accidentally. Piece-of-Shit Moriarty likes to drink his liquor…
“Did you see that female with the skirt? Guess what, that wasn’t actually a skirt but her vagina. They don’t even give birth here! I don’t understand these plants, man. They’re built so fucking stupid, no wonder they’re dying.”
I just had the perfect idea.
He sees me standing in the dark corner, hollering, “You look like you’re plotting my death!”
I grin wide. “It’s as if you’ve read my mind.”
The other men laughed like I just said the most hilarious thing. Everyone here has gone insane. To be honest, if I killed all of them, it would be a mercy.
The good thing about my fresh unsavory character is that no one can stand me.
I can go wherever the hell I please. It is Alani who has latched on to me, because from the looks of it, it’s just the two of us girls there.
Right now, I am in search of one particular plant that grows uncontrolled in this land despite “the drought.”
Foxgloves. Digitalis purpurea. There’s foliage just a couple of minutes from here. I know it. The only thing stopping me right now?
I swallow thickly as I watch the night sky. Rain stopped hours ago, so the moon shines, barely. In my pocket is Datu’s gift to me with the glowing opal stone. It’s not boulder opal like I’d first thought. It’s something more special.
I had snuck into the galley to slip sharp things and a flashlight into my worn borrowed crewmate pants.
You’d think they could at least bring appropriate clothes at the amount of women they are bringing here, but no, they expect us to be naked as the day we were born.
Because…you know…we are fucking prey here.
Make it easier for the predators, right?
What a cop out. I’d been given a weapon by Ingar, but probably for more selfish reasons. He’d expected me to protect myself while he dallied with his lady.
Security with those big tranquilizers guns round a corner. I duck into some sort of closet that smells a lot like feet, keeping my breathing at a minimum. I pinch my nose, breathing through my mouth. Even so, I gag.
There’s a skittering sound on the floor, and before I can jump away, my ankles are pulled from behind me. Something covers my mouth, muffling my scream of terror. The dull light from the ship illuminates my captor, and it’s Teva.
“What the fuck?” I hiss at her.
Her usual bitchy demeanor is gone, and she looks worn out. Almost defeated.
“My apologies for sneaking up on you. I found it necessary to talk to you directly rather than go through channels.” Her voice is scratchy like she’d just been crying.
“Did something happen?” The beat of my heart thunders in my ears.
“The sprouts have hatched early—they need you.”
“Of course, take me to them—”
“No, you need to leave. Leave Esoterra altogether.” She clutches my arm, hard. The urgency in her voice frightens me.
There’s a heaviness I feel in my belly when she says that. Faster than I’m comfortable with, I connect the dots once more. I’m not confused, I know my purpose here now.
I was never here to heal Datu. I am temporary. I’d been brought here to upset him when I eventually leave.
“When he is in a state of sorrow, it will rain for a long time. The rain will let us flourish once more. Then, we can protect ourselves from the humans. Be rid of Moriarty.”
Instead of asking the more pressing questions, the selfishness in me wins. “Why? Will he be sad when I’m away?” I’m not altruistic at all. I want to help the sprouts, the Terra, but I need to know I mean something, too.
Even just to Datu.
“He has been visiting your dreams for years. He picked the Terra form for you. He has built an altar in your name. Yes, he will be devastated.” She says this like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
There’s pressure in my eyes, but I’m too shocked to even begin weeping.
I am at a crossroads. One way is a smooth, easy path.
Go home, gloat to Mother my achievements with Moriarty, move on.
Typically, I would take the easier route.
But the difficult terrain on the other side is fraught with dangers and constrictors, but with Datu there to carry me.
“Think of the sprouts.” Teva presses.
Placing my hands over my face, I grind my teeth together. I’m holding back tears now.
“How will my absence help?” It seems obvious, but right now, my questions are just to stall the inevitable.
“It will thaw the amber of the Great Trove—the Seedbedder.”
I know exactly who she means. It’s Brother Bear.
“Okay. I will leave.” My voice is barely a croak.
She rushes up to me, holding my face in her hands tightly. “Swear to me you will.” Her eyes are bright with tears.
“I swear. Cross my heart, hope to die.” I feel dead inside already as I grind it out.
Stepping away, she bows her head. “You must bid him farewell.”
To upset him more. “Do you need me to say something hurtful, too?” It came out scathing and sarcastic, but she surprises me when she nods.
“Best for you to leave on bad terms.”
My jaw drops, “You’re really willing to hurt your brother like this?”
She snarls at me, and her face changes. She doesn’t look beautiful right now.
She’s frightening. “Do not judge me for what I need to do. You humans have killed me so many times that it is a miracle why I still exist. I will always put the lives of the sprouts above others. It is my brother that has been led astray. You have led him astray.”
Mother Nature. Teva is Mother Nature.
There’s no words to describe the pain I feel right now. No pretty figure of speech to convey my agony. Once again, I pick the others at the expense of my own self.
It hurts so much.