Chapter 8
CHAPTER
EIGHT
AFTER
N oah had been back for two weeks, and I still avoided him like the plague. He had moved back into his old apartment. The thought of running into him on campus terrified me. It wasn’t like I was exactly the most stealthy person; you could spot me a mile away. I even flirted with the middle-aged woman in admissions to try to get his class schedule. She didn’t give it to me—something about school policy—so I had to settle for knowing he had signed up as an English major. That counted for something, considering how much of a slob he was with school. At least I knew which building to avoid.
I asked Colin and Ezra to go ahead without me to practice, while I stayed back and waited for their all-clear that he wasn’t there. I jogged with my hoodie over my head, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Going through all this trouble made me drop my Zen attitude towards him. Now I was just pissed. My life was going great, but he had to return and ruin everything.
Again.
Then the worst came.
Hank pulled me aside after practice to chat. I sat beside him on the bench, and he stared at me.
“What?” I asked.
“I have some news.”
“Okay,” I replied.
“Noah-related news.”
My anger spiked at the mention of his name. “No, Hank,” I said, shaking my head.
“He’s asked to join the team,” he told me.
I kept shaking my head. “No.”
“Look, I know this is complicated between you two. It was a bad breakup, but Noah’s an outstanding player, Att. Ezra is graduating in four months, and the team needs a new ace. He’s got three years in him. We need to think about that,” he explained.
I pushed up from the bench, still shaking my head. Hank sat patiently.
“Hank, I can’t—I’d have to quit the team,” I told him.
He was startled at my words. “You can’t do that. We need you, Att.”
“I can’t be around or talk to him. How do you figure we’d be good teammates?” I asked. “I can’t quit the team. I’m in a scholarship program,” I said, a little panicked, “and I don’t want to quit. I love it here. It’s not fair.”
“Att, I would never ask you to quit. You’re an important part of this team. We just need to think about the future and not one person. We need to think about the whole. I’ve only heard great things about him from his school, and you’ve seen him play. He’s terrific.”
“He’s out of shape,” I said dismissively .
“He was out of shape. He’s better now. The coach knows about his application. He’s going to accept it.”
“I don’t know how you’re planning on working around it, but I’m not setting foot on the court with him in it,” I told him and stormed out.
This fucking asshole. How did he work up the nerve to think he could return and take this from me? I was so pissed I didn’t even change from my uniform. I walked until I reached his familiar building and looked up, scowling at it. I recognized the man at the entrance.
“Mr. King, nice to see you again,” he said with a smile. His freaking doorman still liked me.
“Hi, Harold, is he in? Could you tell him to come down?”
His smile disappeared. “You don’t want to go up?”
“No, I’m not going up there. I’ll be outside,” I said, stepping back outside.
I paced in front of the building until the door opened and my heart stopped. I turned to look at him. He had a smile on his face. He gave me a once-over and wrinkled his forehead, confused by the uniform.
“Hey, Atty,” he said, and my chest clenched painfully at the sound of his voice. I hated how that single word could stir up so many emotions. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” He was surprised but not unhappy about it.
“Take it back,” I told him.
He frowned again. “Take what back?”
Noah had filled out in a way I had only seen in old pictures of him. His hair was shorter too. It struck me again how healthy he looked.
“Your application to the team. Take it back,” I said.
He bowed his head in understanding. “I tried telling you about it first, but you blocked me.”
“For good reason. It’s not like you didn’t do it to me first,” I told Noah .
He lowered his gaze. “Do you think maybe we could talk? We could go upstairs,” he said, pointing up.
I couldn’t think of anything I wanted less than being in that apartment with him. Just the thought of it made my stomach turn.
“I’m not going up there and don’t want to hear what you have to say. Just take your application back.”
He took a deep breath and placed his hands on his hips. “Atty, come on, don’t be this way. It’s just a talk.”
“Stop calling me that,” I snapped, and he looked back at me wide-eyed. “Stop acting like it’s alright that you’re back, like we can go back to being friends or whatever you’re trying to do. I’m not going to forgive you, Noah, so just take your fucking application back.”
He pressed his lips together. He was hurt. Well, good. That suited me just fine.
“You can’t take this from me. You’ve already taken everything. I don’t deserve this,” I said, knowing I was raising my voice at him. I let my eyes close and took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m so sorry.”
“Why did you have to come back? This isn’t fair, Noah. You know this is mine. You know I can’t quit the team.”
“You don’t have to quit the team. It doesn’t have to be this big of a deal,” Noah said.
Now I was the one who was hurt. Again. “It doesn’t have to be this big of a deal? Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I asked angrily.
He grimaced. “That’s not what I meant. I didn’t want you to get this upset over it.”
“How the hell did you expect me to get? Did you think I’d be fine with my ex-boyfriend, who didn’t have the decency to break up with me, showing up again and joining my team? You might be used to ghosting everybody in your life, and I’m guessing it’s not the first time you’ve ended one of your many relationships like this, but it is a fucking big deal to me,” I said, knowing I was raising my voice. I didn’t care. I was so mad at him.
“I didn’t mean that this wasn’t a big deal, that we weren’t a big deal.” He stopped to take a deep breath. He was visibly upset.
I didn’t have to care about this anymore. I couldn’t care about this anymore. I was fucking tired of looking after his mental state, walking on eggshells around him.
“Then what did you mean, Noah?” I asked.
He stared at me, at a loss for words. “If we could just talk?—”
“We are talking,” I snapped.
“This isn’t talking. You’re just shouting at me,” he said, his eyes wide.
“Well, this is all you’re getting,” I told him.
“Please.” The corners of his lips pulled down.
“It’s disappointing, isn’t it?” I asked him, and our gazes met and held. “When you can’t get a word in and just have to take it.”
His expression froze momentarily, followed by a daunting realization.
“I’m not going to give you the satisfaction. Take your application back.” I turned and walked away from him.
I hated how good he looked.