Chapter 12
TWELVE
Sam
June rushes past in a blur of sex, love, and rock and roll.
Kirsten and I are together all day, almost every day. She stays at the hotel with me most nights, hangs out at the studio part of the day, and she or Sydney feed me—and the rest of the band—several times a week. I don’t know what I was expecting, but getting involved with Kirsten has been great.
Better than great.
Other than playing live, there’s nothing I enjoy more these days than hanging out in her living room after dinner, playing guitar with Owen, while Kirsten sings. Sometimes Ford joins in. Other times we play kids’ songs and they have a sing-a-long that makes me wonder if Kirsten wants babies someday.
Not for at least five or ten years, but eventually.
I can picture us in a house of our own, a few rugrats running around, maybe hosting Christmas or something.
I don’t know where that line of thinking came from, so I do a mental head shake.
Love has me all twisted up inside.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be distracting .
It’s hard to think about anything but Kirsten.
Her smile.
Her pretty face.
The way it looks when I’m inside her… images zip through my subconscious as my fingers crawl up and down the frets of my guitar.
Usually, I can zone out when I’m playing, but today it’s not working for me. I hit the wrong notes, and skid to a stop.
Fuck.
“All right, let’s take it from the second verse,” Jimbo calls out. “Sam, you good?”
“Yeah, sorry. Just need a minute.”
“His muse isn’t here.” Tate laughs, and I flip him the bird.
“Let’s take five,” Jonny says. “I need to hit the head anyway.”
I put my guitar down and head for the bathroom too.
I know why I’m distracted today but I don’t know what to do about it.
We’re going to finish the album either today or tomorrow.
And in four days we leave to go on tour.
Which means leaving Kirsten behind.
She has a lot going on, both getting ready for college and plans with her friends, so I know she’ll be fine. We’ve talked about opportunities for her to fly out and see me, but it’s impossible to make plans until she knows what her class schedule will be for the fall. She starts at the end of August, which is less than two months from now.
But then she won’t be home until Christmas.
And home for me is Minnesota.
I’m prepared to do the long-distance thing, and I think she is too, but there are going to be a lot of hurdles to get over. I could spend the holidays here in Vegas with her, and if Sydney isn’t cool with me staying at the house, I’m almost positive Tyler or one of the guys from Nobody’s Fool would let me crash with them.
Again, it’s impossible to make those kinds of plans because we don’t know how things are going to go. Will our album do well? Enough to get us on another tour when this one ends? Will money be pouring in? Or will I be as broke as ever?
The indecision and uncertainty is killing me.
I’m a proactive kind of guy.
Need money?
Get a job.
It’s simple when it’s just me.
Now that there’s a woman in my life, I’m trying to plan.
And it’s not going well.
Partly because of my own situation but partly because of hers.
I came close to telling her I loved her last night but caught myself in time. Not because I don’t want to, or because I don’t genuinely feel it, but because I don’t want that to influence what she decides going forward.
We’ve taken the last month to just be together.
Spend time together with no set expectations.
And it’s been wonderful.
But now it’s time to have another difficult conversation.
I know I’m overthinking things, but she’s too important to screw this up.
“Dude—Kirsten’s here.” Jonny sticks his head in the door of the bathroom.
I frown. She was going shopping with Gina today and we’re supposed to have dinner together, so I hadn’t planned on seeing her until later. “On my way.”
I follow him into the hallway where I find Kirsten waiting for me.
“Hey, baby.” I lean down and kiss her. “What are you doing here?”
“Lexi said she needed to talk to me and said to meet her here.”
“Huh. I hadn’t heard anything about that.”
“There you guys are.” Lexi comes down the hall. “You want to walk with me? I have a question. Mostly for Kirsten, but you can join us, Sam.”
“What’s up?” Kirsten asks as we head toward a small, private office in the back.
“I have a question,” Lexi says, closing the door behind her.
“Sure.”
“What would you think about going on tour with us until you have to leave for college?”
“I…” Kirsten blinks and stares at her. Her gaze moves to me before going back to Lexi. “I’m confused.”
“I know.” Lexi hesitates. “Look, here’s the thing. If something happens with my health or the pregnancy, and I don’t make it on tour until Halloween, it’s going to impact both bands if we have to just abruptly end the tour. Then it occurred to me—what if you were my insurance policy? If you tour with us now, for five or six weeks, you’ll be able to perform with me and for me. You can sing back-up, take my place singing the duet with Crimson Edge, and have the perfect opportunity to learn the entire show. If something happens, you could step in. Hell, I might get the flu or something—and you could fly out for a night or two. I understand you’ll be in college, but if there was a way to make this work, would you be interested?”
“Yes. Of course I’m interested.” Kirsten doesn’t even hesitate. “I just… I mean, I don’t know if I’m ready to leave yet. I have some things planned… and I have to talk to my sister.”
“Of course. That’s why we’re having this conversation privately. I didn’t even mention it to Ford yet. Sasha knows, but I explained that I wanted to run it past you before we did anything else.”
“Okay.” Kirsten looks to me. “What do you think?”
“Babe, you know nothing would make me happier than getting to spend more time with you. But you have to do what’s right for you—and your future. Going to college is important to you.”
“Here’s another thing,” Lexi interjects. “Sasha said there’s a possibility of playing Madison Square Garden in mid-November. Technically, the tour would be over by then, and I’ll be late in my pregnancy, but you’ll already be in Manhattan, so you wouldn’t even have to miss school if I’m not up for it. And then there’s a New Year’s Eve show in Edinburgh…”