Chapter 29
Atlas
I choked on a sob as I drove off. Linden and Hugh looked so beautiful together, finally finding each other.
All it took was for the dumbasses to open their eyes and see what was right in front of them.
The way Linden sat on Hugh’s lap, and how Hugh held Linden and told him he loved him, was a beautiful sight.
I was so glad I’d dragged Linden over to Hugh’s place to talk, finally. It was worth it.
I knew they cared about me, too, but I was in the way. It was because of me that the rift started, and I wasn’t about to be a rift between them again. I loved them too much.
When I returned to work on Monday, I’d hand in my resignation. God, I adored that job, too, but it would be too awkward to continue working there. It was time I grew up and stopped living this fantasy. And it was a fantasy—a wonderful one.
When the sobbing wouldn’t stop, and I couldn’t breathe, I had to pull over. When I calmed down a little bit, I took the opportunity to call Ryder. I needed a place to get away and crash where no one would find me.
“Hey, At,” he said when he answered.
“Hey, Rye. Uhm, I hate to intrude, but… could I crash with you all for a couple of days?”
“Oh, shit, what happened? I can tell something’s really wrong. You sound like you’ve been crying.”
“Yeah, uhm, it’s a long story,” I sniffed. “I can tell you about it when we meet up, if that’s okay. I just don’t want anyone to know where I am for now.”
“Yeah, come on over. I’ll let Knox and Finn know. There’s a spare bedroom you can use.”
“God, thanks, Rye. I owe you.”
I thought about just going home to my parents’ house, but then I’d have to explain everything to them. Mom would demand that I tell her why I was so upset.
After saying our goodbyes and hanging up, I turned off my phone because Hugh and Linden kept calling and texting.
I just couldn’t… I needed to breathe and gather my thoughts before I talked to them.
They seriously needed to talk more and spend some time alone together, without worrying about me.
I’d made my choice. It hurt, but I was also fucking happy for them.
I rushed home, packed a bag with enough crap to last me a few days, and rushed out of there. Thank fuck my roommates were out for the night.
When I got back into my car, I plugged Ryder’s address into the GPS, then drove off.
People were going to tell me I was being an idiot. Maybe I was because I loved them, and I knew they cared about me, but no one saw Linden and Hugh together. The love that poured out of them… That was years and years of pent-up love.
My vision was blurry from the damn tears that refused to stop, so I took my time getting to Ryder’s place.
When I arrived, I took a deep breath, gathered myself, and got out of the car. I grabbed my bag and rushed up the stone steps to the front door.
Knox’s home was fucking huge and modern, made of smooth stone, glass, and clean lines. It was more contemporary than the other houses in this area of DC, but it was beautiful. Even though it was mostly windows, the lush trees and landscaping kept it private.
It didn’t take Ryder long to answer the door after I rang the doorbell. When he opened it, I dropped my bag and rushed to him as another sob escaped me. He held me tightly against him and allowed me to cry it all out before he said anything.
Someone else’s hand rubbed my back as I cried into Ryder.
“What happened?” Finn asked.
I stood straight, sniffed, and wiped my eyes before Knox handed me a box of tissues.
“Thanks,” I muttered.
After I toed off my shoes, Ryder took my hand and led me into their living room. The space was as modern as the house, with soft lines and a lot of white, but the huge Christmas tree tucked against the picturesque window was vibrant in color and light.
“Oh, pretty…” I said.
We sat on the comfortable couch with Ryder and Finn flanking either side of me in a protective barrier, while Knox sat in a chair across from us with worry on his face. I barely knew Finn and Knox, and already they were amazing.
“Thanks for this,” I said.
Ryder rested his arm behind me over the back of the couch. “Just tell us what happened, At.”
“I’m just upset with myself. It’s nothing Hugh or Linden did or anything.”
“Then why are you upset with yourself?”
“Because I’ll miss them. I… left them. Apparently, they’ve loved each other for a long time and didn’t know it.
Linden left Hugh and me behind because he wanted Hugh and couldn’t take it anymore.
I chased after him and convinced him to come back, but he said things that made it clear to me that their rift was my fault.
We’d grown closer, but this was all new to us.
The closer they got, the more strained it grew for Linden.
I convinced him to talk to Hugh, and they finally admitted their feelings to each other.
God, they looked so in love, so happy. I didn’t even get a backward glance.
Whatever, it wasn’t like I wasn’t leaving anyway. So, I have to quit now, and…”
I panted from that word vomit, and I may have sobbed again.
“This is why when you’re three in a relationship, communication is so important. It’s important for all relationships, but especially when there’s more than two people involved,” Knox said. “The three of us talk about everything, even our deepest feelings.”
I nodded and fiddled with the wadded-up tissue in my hand. “Yeah, I think this is really new to them. And they had unresolved issues. They’re… cousins, if you didn’t know, so that was the biggest thing holding them back.”
Ryder tucked some curls away from my face. “Why did you decide to leave? I saw them there at the club that night. They adore you. They’re obsessed with you.”
“I agree,” Finn said. “I saw the same thing.”
“Yeah, I know they like me. But obsessed? No. I know they care. None of their problems would have happened had I not been involved with them. It was because of me that Linden left. He couldn’t take not being with Hugh the way he wanted.”
Finn reached for my shoulder and turned me to face him. He looked me dead in the eye with his pretty green ones. “That’s not what I see.”
“W-what do you mean?”
“You may have been the catalyst for them opening up about their feelings for each other, but that’s a good thing. It may not have happened had you not been involved with both men. They would still be living with their secrets.”
“I completely agree,” Knox said. “They’re no longer holding back.
They’re finally being honest with each other because of you.
I strongly doubt they’d want you to leave.
And no offense, Atlas, but you sound a bit self-sacrificial.
Why do you get to decide what’s best for them?
Shouldn’t they decide that?” My jaw dropped at his brutal honesty, not because he was being truthful, but because he made me see the situation differently.
“You’re not exactly communicative and honest with them yourself. ”
“Are you jealous of them?” Ryder asked delicately.
“Oh, god, no… I’m happy they finally found each other. I’m upset because I want them, but… I’m afraid I’m in the way. It’s always been them, since college. But… I do feel like a sudden third wheel, if I’m being honest.”
Ryder squeezed my shoulder. “Do you love them?”
I looked down at my lap and nodded, lips trembling and tears streaming. “So much.”
“I bet you haven’t told them, have you?”
I shook my head.
“When you all get back together, and you will, I highly recommend you improve your communication if you want to be together long term,” Knox advised.
“I thought we were, but I guess not. They’ve never had anything serious, and neither have I, so we’re all kind of new to this.”
Knox nodded thoughtfully. “And there are three of you, which adds complexity to the dynamic.”
He was a handsome, smart man. It would be stupid not to listen to him. I wasn’t into men as old as my father, but I understood why Ryder and Finn loved him.
“You need to talk to them, At,” Ryder said.
“I know. I will, but I need… time to process my thoughts. My brain is kind of a raging tornado right now.”
I stood and looked at each of them. “Thank you for listening and letting me stay here, but I’m really tired now.”
“You’re welcome,” Knox said, standing with me. “Ryder, will you show him the guest room?”
“Sure.”
I followed Ryder toward the stairs. He grabbed the bag that I’d dropped by the front door, and we headed up.
The room was beautiful and clean, with minimalist decorations.
“That bed will make you sleep like a baby,” he said. “I would know firsthand. You have your own bathroom, and towels are already in there. Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Thanks for this, Rye.”
He gathered me in his arms and held me. God, he was such a good soul.
“Anytime, At. Anytime.” He pulled away, but held my shoulders, looking down at me with those beautiful hazels of his.
“Now, grab yourself a good night’s sleep, and in the morning, we’ll have some breakfast. Then you should reach out to your guys. ”
“Okay. I will.”
Before bed, I ran a bath to force myself to relax. If Luna were there, she’d make me meditate.
Just my luck, they had jasmine-scented bath salts, so I poured a bunch into the steaming water, filling the air with floral sweetness.
I climbed into the tub, sank until only my head was exposed, and closed my eyes. At least I’d stopped crying, but I’d cried so much that my breath would often catch. No doubt my eyes would be swollen tomorrow.
I soaked until the bath turned cold, and then got out, feeling only slightly better. After drying off, I pulled on a pair of boxer briefs. I’d gotten used to wearing panties, but I just couldn’t. My panties were for Hugh and Linden.
It took me about an hour to finally fall asleep after tossing and turning, but eventually oblivion found me.