Thirty-six
Eli
W e had to wake up at two o'clock in the damn morning. If I had to wake up before the roosters for any other reason than to go on a trip, I’d be cranky as a motherfucker. Though, it wasn't like I was asleep in the first place.
Sleeping through the night hadn’t been easy at all.
My body forced me awake constantly and there wasn’t shit I could do about it.
I should have been grateful that I was even getting an ounce of sleep at all, but it was hard to look at the positives even with the king of positivity by my side. AKA, Javier Cortez.
Fuck my dumb ass for doing something as stupid as chugging almost an entire bottle of whiskey in less than an hour.
Fuck me for getting addicted to it in the first place and now having to readjust my body to life without it.
Fuck the alcohol for doing such a great job at numbing the pain to the point that I became completely reliant on it. Fuck my fucking life.
All that aside, I was in a decent mood. I was awake before the sun came up, but it was for good reason.
It was finally time to go to the airport, and I genuinely did not think that I had ever been more excited for anything in my life.
Well, maybe besides that one field trip to the zoo in fifth grade.
I was pretty excited about that because eleven-year-old me had an odd obsession with giraffes, but I digress.
I changed into comfortable clothes to wear on the plane ride and then went to recheck the suitcase.
I kept double checking because I was afraid that I would forget something important.
What if I forgot all of my underwear? What if my toothbrush somehow fell out of the already zipped up suitcase and I didn’t notice?
My mind convinced me that my things never made it there in the first place, only to check and find it just where it was supposed to be.
Javi made it back into the room and he watched me reopen the luggage for the third time. I felt his gaze but didn’t acknowledge it because I was more focused on making sure I had all that I needed. Javier knelt down on the floor next to me.
"I don't think your stuff is going to grow legs and walk out," he joked lightly.
I put my hand over my mouth as I yawned. "I just want to make sure I have everything. I don't want to make your mom have to stop at a store because I forgot something."
"You’ve checked, like, five times already. I think you’re good. Besides, I forget things every time we go on vacation, and she always stops to get it."
I shut the suitcase with a sigh, unable to shake the tight, constant feeling in my chest. Constantly looking inside my suitcase did nothing to help it like I hoped it would.
Javi was being so empathetic about my newfound anxiety, always reassuring me and offering his support.
I appreciated it, but I hated it at the same time.
I felt guilty about the entire situation. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to fix things, I only ever made it worse. Then there was Javier to help me up again like I was a damsel in distress. I loved him for it, but how many times would he keep doing that before it became too much?
The last thing I wanted was to hurt Javi.
He was my everything and I was trying so hard to not be a burden to him.
I told him that one day, that it was okay for him to need space.
I'd rather him take a break from me than to get fed up and leave all together.
Javier insisted that I was not a burden and that I never could be.
I should have expected that he would never tell me otherwise, but how long would he keep that up before it broke him?
Tina believed that the trip would be a good distraction.
Tina was my therapist, and she had only recently been informed about my relationship with alcohol.
I hadn't informed her before because I didn't think it was relevant. Let’s just say, the past week made it very clear that it was probably the most relevant aspect of my life.
I had a phone therapy session with her yesterday and she agreed that going on the school trip could be a good thing.
She believed that as long as I paced myself right, I could enjoy the distraction.
It would be a chance to feel a sense of normalcy again, if that was even possible. I was determined to try.
Me, Javi, and his mom were in the living room.
Alan was loading the luggage into the car for us while Anita was giving Javi and I a lecture on the importance of safety and responsibility when away from home.
Something about sticking together, being aware of surroundings, and not acting 'foolish.’ Enjoy the vacation, but don’t be obnoxious.
"...but most importantly you should have fun. I just want to make sure you boys do it properly,” Anita said, finishing her important safety speech.
Javier propped his feet up on the table as he spoke. "You don’t have to worry. We're pretty smart, in case you forgot."
Anita’s eyes glared on her son's feet on the coffee table and he put them down in an instant. "Being smart does not mean you are not prone to dumb decisions. You know that."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Need I remind you when you and your sister broke the statue in that hotel in Atlanta?" Javi’s mom said with a knowing look.
My brow raised. "You broke a statue?"
He rolled his eyes like he was fed up with the topic already. Clearly this had been brought up against him before. "It was four years ago and an accident . It wasn't even a big statue."
"It was the centerpiece of the lobby," Anita deadpanned.
Javi threw his hands up in defense. "Their fault for having such a fragile piece in the center of a huge room unprotected. I'm surprised it didn’t break sooner."
"Do you know how much that cost me?" She leaned forward with her hands on her knees as she made heavy eye contact with her son, unable to believe how he could downplay the accident.
Javier mumbled an apology and chuckled sheepishly, and I couldn't help but laugh. I never would have thought Javier of all people would have been so irresponsible. "How did you do it?"
"We were walking to the pool when Gabriela said, ‘Whoever touches the statue last has to sit in the middle seat on the way back home.’ We were both running too fast so instead of lightly touching it, we knocked it over."
"I thought they were going to put us out," Anita muttered. "Javier was a mischievous child, in case you did not know."
"I don't believe it."
"Oh, the stories I'm going to tell you."
Javier's lips formed into a straight, serious line. "No need for that, Mamá."
I wiggled my finger. "No, no. I want to hear the stories."
Anita made a kissy face. "I'll show you his baby pictures too."
Before Javier could protest like he was eager to do, there was a loud knock on the door. Alan was in the garage still loading the things into the car which meant that it was not him. It was two in the morning, who could possibly be knocking on the door?
When no one made a move to the door, Javier took it upon himself. His mom protested because it was dangerous to open the door for a stranger at such an ungodly hour of the morning. Javi insisted that he was just going to look through the peephole.
It took him a second to make out who was standing on the front porch. When he did figure it out, he faced us with an unreadable expression.
"Who is it?" his mom asked impatiently.
He paused before his gaze fell on mine. "Your brother and sister."
I tilted my head thinking I misheard him because there was no way he said what I thought he said. His unwavering expression told me that I had heard him correctly and it sent a shiver down my spine.
"They've had over a week to show up unannounced and they choose to do it when we’re about to leave?" I asked rhetorically.
They knocked again. Well—I should say Easton knocked again. I knew it was his knock because it was loud and impatient, like the police were about the bust through the door.
Javier gave me a reassuring nod before he unlocked it and revealed the two standing there timidly. They stood like they did not belong, like they knew they had no right to be here, but they said fuck it and came anyway.
Emerson gave a small wave. "Sorry for showing up like this Mrs. Cortez. We knew that you would be up because we knew when you guys were leaving."
"How did you know that?" Javier asked bluntly.
"Ricky," my sister replied. "Your friend is very helpful, Eli."
They expected a reply, but I had none to offer them. What did they truly want from me?
"Can we talk to you?"
No. There were so many better opportunities for them to 'talk' to me.
How about when we slept in the same bedroom for our entire lives?
How about when I woke up in the hospital?
How about the entire week I spent at someone else's house, hoping that they would make an appearance but had to come to the harsh realization that they wouldn't? I should have immediately told them no.
But I really wanted to hear them out.
We stepped onto the porch and I pushed the door so that it wasn't completely shut but still gave us some privacy. I tugged my jacket tighter around me, it was chillier outside than I expected it to be.
Emerson dragged her foot against the ground. "How have you been?"
"Fine."
She pursed her lips. "Are you excited for the trip?"
"Yeah." I checked my nonexistent watch. "And we're about to leave, so…"
"We drove over here at two in the morning in the dark," Easton stated as if I wasn’t aware.
"Well, I am glad to know that you are capable of driving at night." I smiled sarcastically. "It's a good skill to have."
"I don’t need the sass," Easton grunted.
His sister jabbed him in the side and he winced. "What did we talk about, Easton?"
He sighed, relaxing his tense shoulders as he tried to make his tone gentle. "When we found out you were in the hospital it was seriously the scariest thing I've ever experienced."