Chapter 13
Ego
Fire flared in my belly, and I knew I needed to get out of here. I didn’t know my own strength yet, or what state sex would put me in. He was playing Russian roulette with his life, and I…I was the gun. I had to be confused. He couldn’t possibly want this—want me.
Before I could flee, he wrapped his hand around my throat, pushing me up against the wall before I could blur away again. My chest heaved like I was fighting for breath I didn’t need.
The warmth of his hand against my neck burned like a branding. I should shove him away, but I didn’t want to hurt him. And if I was honest with myself, the feel of skin against mine made me crave more.
“I’m not going to feed from you,” I ground out past my descending fangs, more for my benefit than his. I had a feeling that he’d enjoy the novelty of teeth in his neck, but I refused. I wouldn’t do that. Not ever.
“No,” he agreed quietly. “No blood. But aren’t you curious? Aren’t you curious what sex will feel like now? Lysandro said all his senses heightened as a vampire. Don’t you want to know if that’s true for you, too?”
“Why are you doing this?” I managed.
“Because I’m done coddling you, Ego. You may be a baby vamp, but you’re an adult. I know you wanted me before”—his eyes dropped to my mouth—“and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I want you now. So maybe…”
He pressed in closer, lining his body up against mine, bringing his warmth. “Maybe if we play a little, you’ll remember who you are.”
I let my head fall back against the wall with a thunk. Scotty’s grip tightened for a second before he caressed his fingers under my shirt, over my pale skin, to my shoulder blades. “I’m scared I’ll hurt you,” I admitted.
He hummed in the back of his throat. “No, you won’t. You didn’t scare me before, and I’m not afraid of you now.” He pushed his hips into mine, grinding his steely length against mine. “You’re not scared of me, though, are you, Ego?” he whispered.
A hiss escaped me as I wrapped my hands around Scotty’s waist, and I picked him up easily.
I’d never been a gym rat, considering the time I spent on stage was my main workout, and then the yoga Elyse had convinced me to start doing supplementing that, so I wasn’t used to picking up grown men.
But Scotty’s weight felt like lifting a feather. “You’re so light.”
He chuckled. “You sound so amazed.” With eyes twinkling with amusement, he cupped my face between his hands. “And while I’m not the biggest guy, I’m not light. You’re just that strong now.”
Strong. I’d never been strong before. I was an artist—a musician—obsessed with having a guitar in my hands instead of weights.
I’d never been interested in anything that pulled me away from creating music.
There’d been so many times in my childhood where I’d wished I was strong—more capable of defending myself in some way—but that had never been me.
“Ego?” The question in Scotty’s voice drew me out of my introspection and back to the young man in my literal hands.
“Are you sure that you want to—”
He cut me off with the press of his tongue into my mouth. Holy shit. Never in a million years would I have expected the sweet-to-everyone-but-me, sort of shy guy who worked at the manor to be this aggressive.
“Shit,” he said, yanking his mouth from mine. “Was that okay? I figured since you were—”
It was my turn to cut him off, pressing my lips to his and swiping my tongue into the moist heat of his mouth. His hands moved from the side of my head, plunging into my hair to tangle his fingers through the strands while we ate at each other.
Deciding to go into my room, I took one step—at least I thought I did—before I found us at the side of my bed. Scotty chuckled against my lips. “Holy shit, you move fast.”
I did. I mean, I knew I could do that. I’d blurred across the room a couple of times before.
Not purposely, and generally because Scotty said something that pissed me off or made me uncomfortable, but…
Lysandro was right. This wasn’t control; it was just a byproduct of my transformation that I hadn’t learned how to operate in yet.
“You’re thinking too hard,” Scotty said, flopping backward in my grip. I didn’t drop him, but followed his momentum, letting him fall carefully onto my mattress. He was so beautiful with his messy, untamed hair and the stud twinkling at me. “What are you waiting for?”
I huffed, ready to fall on him and devour him when I stopped myself.
Would my weight crush him? I didn’t look any different; in fact, I’d always thought that Scotty and I would be pretty evenly matched, but that was before.
Did my strength now correlate with extra, invisible body mass?
The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.
Scotty leaned up on his elbows. “If you don’t want to do this, Ego, we don’t have to.”
I licked my…holy shit. I was licking my long, pointy canine. What was I thinking? I couldn’t do this. “I want to. I want you, but…” I huffed and sat down at the end of the bed, dropping my head into my hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
A second later, Scotty’s hands gently gripped my shoulders.
“I’ve seen all the gossip online, Ego. Your only requirement for sex seemed to be a warm body.
” He chuckled, but he had me so tied up that I missed the joke.
“I’m pretty sure you know exactly what you’re doing,” he finished, sucking my earlobe into his tongue.
Shivering at the sensation, I bit back a moan. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
He trailed kisses around the back of my neck until he reached my other ear where he whispered, “I don’t mind a little pain.”
“Fuck, Scotty!” I growled, prying myself out of his hands to stand at the foot of the bed and glare down at him. “Have you not noticed these?”
I opened my mouth to show him my fangs, and a hiss escaped my lips unbidden. Heat flared in Scotty’s eyes as he stared up at me in what looked like awe.
“You really do have a vampire kink, don’t you?”
He nodded, licking his lips. “And shifters. There’s something so sexy about both.”
My back went up at the mention of shifters. “Have you ever met one?”
Instead of answering me, he rose to his feet. “Can I see them again?”
“See what?” I asked, playing dumb. Now that my momentary lapse of temper was over, I couldn’t believe I’d shown him those.
He slinked closer, and I was torn between wanting to run from the room and wanting to get back to why we’d originally come up here.
“Come on, Ego. Let me see.” He flexed his index finger. “I want to touch them.” I shook my head, and he pressed his chest to mine. “I already felt them with my tongue, you know?”
I swallowed hard. “I…I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” He smiled playfully. “Were you so hot for me that you didn’t realize?”
I wasn’t ashamed of the fact I’d always loved sex, but it was kind of embarrassing how Scotty clouded my mind. I still wasn’t sure he even liked me, even if he was ready and willing for sexy times.
“What are we doing?” I asked him honestly.
He searched my eyes for a moment, searching for something that I wasn’t sure he’d find. Then all sexy teasing evaporated, and I got the most genuine smile he’d ever bestowed on me. The one he used for his brother, Chance, and all the other regulars at the manor.
Lifting a hand, he tucked the longer hair on one side of my head behind my ear. “We’re both wound up tight. I’m not saying I think sex is a solution to either of our problems, but I think that blowing off some steam might help you relax.
“You have to tell Sky what’s going on, Ego. He needs to know before he loses his mind worrying about you, and I’m not sure you’re going to pull out of this funk without his help.”
“You—your presence helps,” I admitted.
His cheeks went a little rosy, but he brushed my words aside. “That’s my point. If I’m helping, how much more will the man you love like a brother be able to help? But”—he smoothed his hands down my arms and grabbed my wrists—“I think you’re too tense to think clearly.”
He swallowed. “And I’m not sure how else to help you.
I’ve tried reasoning, begging, and cajoling you to tell everyone, and you’re not budging.
Lysandro thinks pushing into your nature, feeding with your own teeth, learning to control your speed and strength might help, but you’re not doing that either. ”
He licked his lips. “So I was helping Chance out in the gardens today, wracking my brain for what might help you get over yourself, and I realized that I was trying to appeal to your vampiric side, but you haven’t embraced him yet, so I need to appeal to you as a man. So I did some research.”
His face flushed from his neck up through his forehead.
“And between news reports, fan postings, your own stuff, and a lot of your lyrics, it dawned on me. You don’t just like sex.
You love it, so I thought…” He trailed off, his gaze moving past me like he wasn’t quite as confident in his seduction plan as he’d tried to pretend to be. “And I’m obviously into it, too.”
It was that right there that let me drop my own reservations and take what he was so freely offering. Not for any of the reasons he’d just spouted, but because I’d wanted this man since the first time I laid eyes on him.
Evidenced by the fact that since I’d met him, I’d turned into an adolescent with his first crush, saying and doing all the wrong things. I’d never thought I’d get this chance, and if my being a vampire did it for him…well, then, I guess it was the only good thing that had come out of this mess.
Using the tips of my fingers, I tilted his face up and stared him in those beautiful eyes. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I nodded, and a slow smile slipped onto his face as he cupped my cock with one hand, massaging slowly and gently, reversing any softening that had happened. “And you’ll tell Sky where you are and what happened tomorrow?”