11. Zoey
Zoey
I was humming while walking around the house that Caleb was viewing for a second time, a song I’d been toying with for Josh taking up head space. We’d been living at Mavis’ for a week now, cooped up in the little house like two students, no room for any of our own stuff – not that Caleb had much besides the sofa – and making do, which was still fun at the moment. The novelty was going to wear off though, and, if I was honest, I would’ve liked more space so we didn’t have to get to know each other like this quite as quickly.
We were both house hunting, scouring the nearby coastline for houses that were coming onto the market. I’d seen a couple of properties that would’ve been ideal rentals, and I was kind of leaning that way until the perfect place came up. Caleb was pickier, wanting something that had its own jetty and boathouse because that would make life easier for him in the long run. He’d boat to the university when he needed to be there, which automatically put him in a better frame of mind because he lived to be at sea. He wasn’t looking for something necessarily as big as I was. I wanted room for other artists to be able to stay so we could work together on music. Puffin Bay was an ideal place for them to escape, with the gentle pace of life that faded into the background meaning it was easier to focus on being creative. It was why I’d returned here – that and Caleb.
No one knew that we weren’t pretending any more, or at least I didn’t think they knew. Since we’d got back to Puffin Bay, all talk had been about the flat and the two days with no pub kitchen and not about us. I was still amazed by how small towns gossiped and the focus changed so quickly. Throw in Finn’s eldest kid having appendicitis, and Clover choking on an olive which lead to Grayson having to do the Heimlich, and we were no longer the headline news.
So I could enjoy having to share a bed with Caleb in secret. I daydreamed about this morning as he and Roman paced from room to room, discussing windows and supporting walls and planning permission. Personally, I thought this house was too small, but this wasn’t about me.
And I was too absorbed in the song, which was definitely being inspired by this morning’s sex.
I’d never had as much sex in my life before. Sitting together on the small floral sofa led to cuddling, which led to me riding Caleb, desecrating Mavis’s favourite crocheting spot with a much steamier memory. We’d found passing each other in the narrow kitchen could only happened if we touched each other, which led to kitchen counter sex, and the small double bed that we’d decided to share rather than Caleb take up the single bed in the boxroom was perfect for lazy middle of the night sex which was my favourite. It was all becoming the best benefit of being friends.
“I don’t think this is the right place.” Caleb came back into the kitchen with Roman, shaking his head. “It doesn’t feel right.”
Roman shrugged. “If it doesn’t feel right that’s that then. What do you think, Zoey?”
“I don’t think it’s big enough in the long term. And you’re sharing a jetty, which is going to annoy you at some point.” I was well aware of Caleb’s grumpiness over certain things and how other people looked after and used their boats was often a sticking point for him.
Caleb stuffed his hands into his pockets and watched me. I was still humming, the refrain of the song I was working on replaying on a loop along with a tingle when I remember what’d inspired the song.
“There’s nothing else that’s remotely suitable.” He pulled his hands from his pockets and folded his arms. “I’m in Antarctica straight after Christmas – I don’t know where I’ll be coming back to after that.”
“The flat will be ready before Christmas. You can always stay back at home, or I can book you out the suite at the hotel. You’re hardly going to be homeless.” Roman shook his head at his son, who could sometimes be a little dramatic.
“You can stay with me.” The words were out before I’d considered what they could imply. Maybe saying them in front of his dad wasn’t the best idea.
Caleb nodded, arms still folded and didn’t respond.
My heart sank.
I wasn’t looking forward to him being away for six weeks in the Antarctic, which was ironic given how much I’d been away on tour.
My phone chose that moment to vibrate in my jeans’ back pocket. It was Roe Holland, someone who rarely phoned anyone.
My heart started to thud, and I felt prickling travel up my spine, light headedness making me lean against the kitchen units.
There was only one reason Roe Holland was phoning me.
“Hey.” I tried to sound upbeat. “Is everything okay?” I couldn’t hide the panic in my voice.
“Put him on speaker.” Caleb strode over to me, his arm going round my waist.
“Who else is there?” Roe was cautious as always.
“Just my dad,” Caleb said, still holding me even though there was no one there that we needed to pretend to. “What’s happened?”
“We think Peter Cash is on the island, probably staying in a holiday let in Newborough under the name Matthew Carsons. There’s nothing for you to action, and you should go about whatever you were planning to do as normal but increase your vigilance. The police know and they’re looking at allocating officers to check out the property but we don’t know how long that’ll take.”
“I don’t like the idea of him being close by.” I hated the idea of him being on my island.
“None of us do. We think we’ve cracked who he actually is and it’s not good, Zoey. He’s got a previous record for stalking and assault and is a genius online. We’re trying to get more evidence to link another identity which could give a prosecutor enough to have him sent down for a fucking long time.” Roe sounded more serious than I’d ever heard him. “Do you want us to assign an extra security guard? You won’t even know they’re there.”
“Do you think I need one?”
“Yes.” There was no further explanation.
Cost wasn’t something I had to think about. “Do it. Do you have someone available?”
“We do. Connor McPhail. He’s an Irish lad who grew up knowing about boats, so he’s going to be doing some work for Thane and keeping an eye on you. You won’t even know he’s there.” This was the modus operandi for how Roe’s company worked – stealth-like. Their people blended into the background which stopped the people they were protecting from feeling like they were under house arrest.
“Is there anything else you think I should be doing?”
Silence met me first, which meant Roe wasn’t sure that what he was about to say was going to go down that well. “You’re house hunting, aren’t you? Take a selfie or something of you both looking round and make the location obvious but check out a house in Rhosneigr or somewhere that’s not Puffin Bay and let us know the address, we’ll do the rest. Cash has sent more letters which tell us he’s really pissed that you’re with someone else – and he knows about Caleb going to Antarctica so he’s been researching him too.”
“What do you think he might do?” This was what we’d wanted – to draw him out. There was enough evidence to arrest him after he’d broken into my old London home, and since then Roe’s team had uncovered more, their goal to get him sent down for as long as possible.
“I think he wants to get to you. I can send you over the letters we’ve intercepted - ”
“Just give me the gist.” I didn’t need to subject myself to the details.
“He’s annoyed you’ve betrayed him and that you’ve lied to him when you’ve said you and Caleb – he calls him something else, by the way – are just friends. There are plenty of quotes from you saying this, so he’s calling you a liar. You’ve been cheating on him, apparently.” Roe sighed. “The ramblings of a madman.”
“Do I need to be worried more than I am already?” Which, when I thought about it, was rather a high amount of worry, I just tried not to think about it.
“No. Be vigilant. We’re tracking your phone and Caleb’s. He’s unlikely to get to you if my people are doing their jobs right, and they’ll be doing their jobs right.”
He sounded confident which was a change for Roe who rarely gave much away with his tone of voice.
“Okay. Thank you for the head’s up.” We said goodbyes and I hung up, feeling slightly sick. Caleb pulled me into a hug, holding on with no regard for his father watching us.
“It’ll be over soon.”
“I know. I hope he’s caught before you go away.” I rested my head against his shoulder. “Don’t feel guilty about going away.”
“I won’t. Go away, I mean.”
I pushed away. “That’s not what I meant. I’ll be okay in Puffin Bay, safer than anywhere else, even if I’m still in Mavis’ house.”
That made him smile. “Mavis’ ghost will stop Peter Cash from getting in.” He was back to holding me.
I looked over to where Roman stood, watching us, an unreadable expression on his face.
“Why don’t you just buy somewhere together?” Roman’s words made us freeze. “Save yourselves from both moving again in a few months? I’m heading back home – I’ll leave you to sort yourselves out.”
We didn’t head back to Mavis’s house straight away, instead walking over to Elderwood Sound, Caleb’s hand holding mine, his jaw clenched. I wasn’t sure if he was tense from the news that Peter Cash was on the island, or his dad’s suggestion, but something was on his mind.
The weather was calm, the wind still, and while the Sound was usually smooth, today it was even more so than usual. Waders and sea birds clustered around, the noise almost deafening. No boats were around, probably because there was a promise of a storm later, and I’d never felt so remote before.
“Do you think Cash could follow me out here?”
Caleb shook his head. Someone from your security team will be nearby – there.” He pointed up to a drone. “Eyes are watching. Good job it’s too cold for outdoor sex.”
“Have you ever slept with someone here?”
He stared at me as if he was trying to work out exactly what I was asking.
“No. I haven’t spent the last fourteen years shagging my way around the island and other places.” He shook his head, but he was smiling. “If I didn’t know you were better, I’d think you were jealous.”
“I was.” I swallowed. I hadn’t planned on having this conversation with him anytime soon. “I hated it when you had a girlfriend.”
He squinted, watching a gull dive-bomb into the water. “Why? I never thought you were bothered.”
“Because I wanted it to be me.”
Silence. It didn’t surprise me. When he was about to say something big he’d think about it first.
“I never knew that.”
“Really? I thought you knew I liked you?”
“I knew you liked me – as a friend. But I was just this boy who had a crush on you and couldn’t form a sentence the first time he met you because I was that starstruck.” He laughed, his eyes crinkling. “I didn’t think you’d ever want a boy who lived on an island who was obsessed with the sea.”
“Did I never tell you that it was top of my bucket list.” I put my arms around him, aware of the drone, aware that Peter Cash could be somewhere nearby, but that didn’t matter for a moment. “Your dad’s right about us moving in together.”
He nodded. “He probably is. If I still go to Antarctica, how about we look for somewhere when I get back? We can make do in Mavis’ until then and it’s closer to everyone for you while I’m away.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I can live with that. Can we go back to Mavis’ now?”
“You don’t want to get lunch?”
I grinned, kissing him, then, “There’s something else I’d rather do first.”
It still felt like a secret, even though we’d been plastered as a couple all over the internet. This though, the actual real thing that was happening between us, made me feel like I was a teenager again, sneaking around and trying not to give away what was actually happening, that we were desecrating Mavis’s house every chance we got because being together like this was still a novelty.
My back was pressed against the door before it’d even closed properly, Caleb’s mouth on mine, his tongue teasing open my lips, his hand pushing though my open coat to take hold of my waist, his signature move.
I’d always known that Caleb knew his way around a woman’s body, he’d given evidence of that the first time he’d touched me, but he’d seemed to learn mine precisely in the last couple of weeks. He knew where to glide his hands; which areas of my skin made me shiver when he glanced his fingers over them; how a hand sliding over the back of my thighs made my knees go weak. It was like I was a book he’d been studying for years and I wondered if that was the case.
He knew how I felt. I’d confessed as much, how I’d been jealous of every woman he had by his side who hadn’t been me.
But with my back against the door, it was now me. I worked his sweater out of his jeans, tucked in as normal, a lumberjack shirt thrown over it. My hands travelled over his abs and up onto his chest as if they were starved of touching him. They had been.
The desperation I felt when I touched him hadn’t gone yet. I wasn’t yet convinced that there would be more chances to do so, at least not as many as I needed. His muscles were taut under my hands, tense, as if he was holding back which I figured he was.
As well as we knew each other, there was still so much we hadn’t discovered. He pulled off my jumper and the tight T-shirt underneath, leaving me in just my jeans and bra. I was fast losing track of where I was or what the time of day was, which happened each time Caleb had his hands on me when no one else was around.
I lost myself. I forgot who I was meant to be because I only wanted to be here, and I didn’t care who I was meant to be anymore, because I liked who I was right now, feeling Caleb’s touch, his own desperation, his own need matching mine as we lost our clothes in the tiny living room which had room for just one small sofa and a chair, along with a TV and radio.
Caleb’s mouth trailed over my collarbone, his hands busying away at the buttons on my jeans, loosening them, pushing them to the floor along with my underwear, then his mouth was between my legs and my hands grasped onto his shoulders, seeking an anchor while I became boneless, his tongue teasing my clit, his hands cupping my arse as he held me close to him as if this was the only way he could quench his thirst.
“Play with your tits for me.” He broke his mouth away to whisper the order.
I didn’t argue, pushing my bra straps down, undoing the clasp and losing my bra, my eyes on Caleb’s as he watched me start to toy with my tits, playing with my nipples, purring at how spellbound I was while he fingered my centre, bringing me closer and closer to orgasm.
I came hard, not expecting it right then, my body writhing, legs jelly-like. Caleb kept his hand in place, coaxing my orgasm to carry on, my wetness making his hand glisten.
“I don’t think we can here. The window - ” I managed to nod towards it in case he wasn’t sure what I meant.
Strong, big hands went to my hips, picking me up. I threw my arms and legs around him and let him carry me up the stairs, hoping no one or no drone was looking in right now. He half ran, the feel of his hard cock pressing against me through his jeans, rushing to get us onto the bed and a degree of privacy.
He fell on to the mattress first, the tumble somehow helping me gain my faculties, my hands tearing away his clothes, his shirt, sweater, loosening his jeans. As desperate as I was, he matched it, naked in record time.
Then I could look. Broad shoulders, heavy biceps, a stomach ribbed with muscles and dusted with light brown hair. His cock was big and hard, and my pussy clenched at the anticipation of having it inside me.
Caleb’s hands were clenched, his eyes on mine and his face contorted with control.
“You want me on my back so you can fuck me, don’t you?” I straddled him, capturing his hands and placing them on my breasts.
He nodded, his hands starting to play. I shifted my hips and took hold of his cock, hearing his sharp intake of air as I touched him, guiding the tip to the entrance of my pussy.
I braced myself, not sure if I’d ever be used to the size of him, inching down and trying to let my body get used to the pressure, Caleb’s finger pressed against my clit, rubbing small circles, the other toying with my breast, distraction techniques that made my body hum and adjust, my hips starting to find a slow rhythm, one I knew would build and build and build until it burned in the best way possible.
The curtains were open, the view over the sea exposed. Peter Cash could be out there now, having found where we were, found some way to spy on us and I didn’t care. I made my own decisions, I had the gift of free will and I wanted to choose Caleb.
The thought was heady. My rhythm sped up, friction building, muscles tightening. Caleb’s hands were on my hips, guiding the rhythm some, his own movements in time with mine, his eyes spellbound between where we were joined and my tits. He was obsessed with my breasts, his hands finding them whenever he could get away with it, which had been often.
“You feel fucking amazing.” He slowed us down. “I don’t know how I’m going to manage without this when I’m away.” He pinched and pulled at one of my nipples, something that drove me insane and he knew it. “I need to memorise how your tits look when you’re bouncing on my cock. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen.”
“I think I’ll go insane without this.” I was taking him deep now, fully seated, my body on fire, tensing and tightening as my orgasm approached, my legs starting to turn boneless again.
He pulled me off him suddenly, making me groan. “Turn around, hands and knees.” His hand slapped my arse lightly as I did as he’d said; I’d have done pretty much anything he said right now, if he brought me to orgasm again.
“This is mine.” I felt the head of his cock at my entrance, his hand on my shoulder, steadying me, and then he took me from behind, easing all the way in, the sensation of being fully filled even more than it was before.
He fucked me well, his hand grasping hold of my hair and tugging on it, keeping the same beat as his cock, his mouth occasionally taking mine in messy kisses, then biting on my shoulder. I came hard and wet and messily, body strung out well used, coming to my senses just before Caleb’s dick felt bigger, his thrusts harder and deeper, slower, and then he exploded inside me.
We collapsed down onto the bed, his weight pinning me down, both of us breathing heavily.
“Jesus. I think I just died.” He bit my shoulder again lightly. “I don’t think I can move.”
“Then don’t move. They’ll find our bodies eventually.”
He laughed, his body shaking, his dick still moving slightly, still hard, inside me. I wanted to go again – maybe it was because I would’ve been ovulating or something, or maybe it was because my sex drought had only just ended. I clenched his cock, squeezing my muscles.
“Instead of dying, can we do that again?” I managed to turn around to look at him. “How much of a break do you need?”
“Give me twenty minutes with your tits and I guarantee you at least two orgasms.” His mouth found mine, the kiss slow and deep and somehow bossy.
Caleb was understated outside of the bedroom. He was tall and broad and easily noticed, but he was also easy going.
In the bedroom was a bit of a different story, I’d found so far. He was confident and skilled, and he knew he had a talent. He made me feel desired and sexy and wanted, and I wanted him to feel the same from me.
“You can have all the time you want with them. To be honest, I’m surprised you haven’t named them.” I needed to pee before we had a second round, be healthy and all that. I also needed to remember to check when I was due for my next contraceptive shot.
Sex hadn’t been on the menu for almost a year. I’d wondered if part of the reason I hadn’t been able to keep my hands off Caleb had been because of the drought, but now I wasn’t sure that was even a small reason.
“How do you know I haven’t named them,” he said as he pulled himself out of me, still half hard, then kissed my neck with only a small nip of his teeth. “I just mightn’t have told you to your face.”
“Have you named them?” I shifted off the bed, aware of the wetness between my legs. “Seriously?”
His grin was dazzling. “No, not yet.” He knelt down in front of me, just the right height to take a nipple in his mouth, teasing it softly, not touching me anywhere else.
“I need to go to the bathroom first.”
He gave one last suck and moved away. “Okay. Don’t take too long. I’m missing them already.”
I was quick and was rewarded with another two orgasms as promised.
Six Years Ago
“Cay, I’m sorry I missed your calls – where are you?” I could tell he was driving, the hands free in his car picking up too much background noise.
“On my way to your house.”
“Caleb – I thought you had lectures tomorrow?” I knew he had; it was the last week of the university term and he was a professor in his first year, the successful candidate out of about twenty who’d applied. He students relied on him and this was his dream job for now.
“Yeah, I’ll be back for those. After I’ve buried Sean Kenzie’s body in the Thames.” He sounded grim, a calm anger that had the weird effect of making me feel warm.
“He’s on his way to New York, so you’ve missed your chance. I’m okay, honestly. I suspected what he was up to.”
I was met with silence, only the car noises told me he was still on the line and hadn’t hung up or crashed. That meant he was brooding and too angry to speak.
I sighed. I couldn’t lie; I’d spent the day in tears when I’d had a message off one of my friends telling me to check the news, knowing before I’d even clicked the link she’d sent what it was going to say. I wasn’t that surprised. Sean had a reputation for cheating, but like a fool I’d believed him when he’d told me I was different and he’d never cheat on me.
He had, with a lap dancer, who sold her story, photos and all. There was even a video that I’d decided I didn’t want to see – he wasn’t that good in bed anyway.
“I’m still livid and if you suspected it, why did you keep him around?” Caleb’s words were more like a growl.
It was a good question if you didn’t know Sean. “The fall out would’ve been horrific. He doesn’t like being rejected.” I’d tried to break up with him a month ago and he’d lost his shit big time. I wasn’t telling Caleb about that because instead of the motorway, he’d be on a plane and on his way to hunt Sean down.
I’d seen Caleb in a couple of fights, once when he was nineteen and a bloke had tried to get handsy with me a little outside a club, asking for a photo and then groping my breast. That’d ended with Caleb having a sore fist and the bloke having a bruised jaw. The second time had been when we were at a port and Caleb was on his way off on a research trip, just for a few days, and I’d sneaked over to see him for a night. The man then hadn’t known who I was; he’d been drunk and obnoxious, calling me names, asking to see my tits – or at least he had one minute; the next he’d found himself on his back, Caleb dusting his hands off.
“We need to have a chat about healthy relationships before your next boyfriend.” He exhaled, loud enough for me to hear him over the drawl of the road. “What are you doing for the next week?”
“I have a free week before I start recording.”
“Pack a suitcase and come and stay with me. I’ll be with you in two and a half hours or less.” He was in bossy mode. I didn’t not like it, but at the same time I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Caleb’s bad mood.
“Okay. That’ll be nice but can we save the lectures? I don’t want to feel worse because I made another shitty choice.” I felt bad saying it because that would make him feel guilty, but I didn’t want to spend a week with broody, annoyed Caleb.
There was another sigh. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I just don’t like you being hurt and I don’t like you being all over the media for something like this.”
“I’m not keen on people feeling sorry for me either. I need to get checked out at the doctors too.” Because while I’d never had sex without a condom – thankfully – I needed for my own piece of mind to check that the piece of shit hadn’t passed any little nasties onto me.
“You say things like that and don’t expect me to want to kill the fucker.”
“Probably should’ve kept that as an inside thought. I’ll get revenge on him.”
“How?”
“I’m writing songs for the next album. My fans love analysing my lyrics. Something can definitely be dropped in there.” I was already getting an idea. I’d been hurt before, more than once, because I wanted my life to be a fairytale where a Prince who was just for me was waiting, and after the sting had worn off, it’d become good material for songs.
“My revenge would be different, but I think you know that.” Another sigh. Maybe he had a sighing disease. “Pack what you need for a week. Amelie will love to see you – so will Fleur and the rest of the witches. They’re plotting something for Christmas, maybe you can find out.”
“Tell me more about what you know.” I walked into my bedroom, tidying stuff away as I picked out what I wanted to bring to Puffin Bay. I already had some stuff there – Caleb had allocated me a drawer in his flat – so I didn’t need to pack a ton, and we wouldn’t be going anywhere posh, which felt even nicer. A week with no make-up and no tight clothes apart from comfy leggings.
It was no wonder Caleb wasn’t attracted to me when he only saw the version of me that was a semi-slob. I’d say he wasn’t much better, only he didn’t need makeup and his T-shirts fitted perfectly across his chest.
I had noticed that, and so had Sean, who hadn’t liked me seeing Caleb at all. He couldn’t understand how we were just friends – I never did tell him in the year we were together that I’d lost my virginity to Caleb – and he would become sulky if he knew I was seeing him.
I hadn’t stopped seeing him. There was no one who’d make me do that.
“It’s some sort of surprise party, but we can’t work out what. It’s for New Year, at least we think.”
“What’s it in aid of?” Fleur and co wouldn’t be organising something if there wasn’t a kick behind it.
“Something to do with Thane – I’m not sure but I wouldn’t be surprised if they dressed his lighthouse up like a giant penis.”
We talked for the next half an hour, all the Puffin Bay gossip and speculation, and already my tears and hurt were ebbing away at the thought of being in my safe place.
That safe place would be here as soon as soon as Caleb arrived.
In the hour between our phone call ending and him getting to me, I’d written that song.
A few months later, it became my most downloaded track.
That was revenge.