12. Caleb
Caleb
R eally it was a lie behind a lie. Apart from my dad and Amelie, everyone thought we were pretending to be together, but we were only pretending to be pretending because what we were doing behind the very locked door of Mavis’ house was not what pretending entailed.
I steered the boat back towards the jetty at Thane’s boatyard, happy that she was sailing well, slowing it down some while I decided whether to turn back around and take her up the strait for a little longer. I was making good progress with the paper following on from the research project, my doctorate students were all on track, and I’d prepared for a series of lectures I’d ended up giving – which were going to be broadcast to other marine biology students, so I had no reason other than Zoey to rush back.
We’d hit December without any more sightings or contact from Peter Cash which was reassuring in some ways, but the threat of him turning up or doing something loomed over us like an unbalanced weight. I was due to leave just after New Year, six weeks spent at a research facility in Antarctica loomed, and for many reasons, Cash just one of them, I was reluctant to go.
This was the last research jaunt planned. The next three years were funded for studies in the Menai Strait and the Irish Sea, with just a couple of projects off the West Coast of Ireland – it wouldn’t be a hardship to go there as it was one of my favourite places and easy to get to, so this really was the last of the big trips. But I didn’t want to leave Zoey while Cash was still an unknown quantity. I didn’t want to leave Zoey full stop.
She was currently in the barn belonging to Finn, which had been converted into a temporary recording studio, complete with one of Roe’s high tech security systems. Josh had been staying for the last two weeks, writing songs and recording a couple of them while he was here, Zoey agreeing to do the vocals on them but no performances, although I wouldn’t be surprised if she rescinded on that in the future. He was on the island with his wife and two kids, a holiday let rented for the duration as there was no way he could stay with us, and he wanted this to be a holiday for his family anyway. Zoey was happy and enthused; she sang more when we were home and she laughed a lot.
I braced myself for her telling me she wanted to return to her previous life now that she’d found her stride, and part of me was dreading going away in case she wasn’t there when I returned.
I hadn’t shared that with her. I wasn’t sure how to.
I turned back around, heading out into the water again, needing some more time to think. We’d viewed a few more houses, none of which suited either of us because we apparently had the optimistic idea of all young house buyers that we would find the perfect house.
This did not exist.
However, the estate agent that drank in the Puffin Inn had let it slip that the big house that sat at the outcrop of Elderwood Sound was coming onto the market after Christmas. It was six bedroomed, very similar in style to my dad and Amelie’s, with floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the Strait. It had its own jetty and boathouse, and an two storey annex that’d been used for a granny-flat by the current owners. It was more than I could afford on my university salary by a long stretch, but I had the backing of my father and an inheritance from my great grandad, and I wasn’t too proud to have the help.
There was just the tricky situation that there would be another interested party.
Zoey.
It was the perfect house for her, big, private, the annex could be converted to a recording studio with space for someone to stay above it, if she was co-writing like she was with Josh.
I sailed round to Elderwood Sound, slowing down as I approached the house, tucked away behind a rocky outcrop, the jetty just about visible. It was a ten-minute walk to the Puffin Inn, and a five-minute boat ride to my dad’s. I had no desire or need to move away from him and Amelie; they were friends just as much as family.
There was an obvious solution to buying the house: Zoey and I could purchase it together.
I turned the boat around, full of confidence at speaking to her about it, knowing she’d taken the first step by inviting me into the bedroom that afternoon with champagne.
Thane was waiting for me on the jetty as I moored, his arms folded, his expression neutral.
“Everything okay?” I got the feeling it wasn’t.
“Do you ever check your phone?”
I shook my head. “As little as possible.” I checked my pockets. No sign of it. “I think I’ve left it in the car.”
“Dickhead.” He shook his head. “Peter Cash has been arrested. You can breathe. Zoey’s at my place if you want to see her.”
“Fucking hell. At fucking last. Where did they find him?” I docked the boat with muscle memory, my head completely elsewhere now.
“Cardiff. From what Roe’s said, they’ve picked him up on terrorism charges after they found evidence on the dark web. He’s not going to be a free man for an awful long time.” Thane’s grin was poetic.
“That doesn’t mean he won’t try to cause problems for Zoey.”
“It doesn’t, but it’s less likely.” He regarded me with something like interest. “She’s a massive star, Cay, there are always going to be people who want a piece of her. That's going to be something you have to live with.”
I nodded. “I know.”
He studied me again and I wondered what he was thinking. I’d known Thane since I’d moved to Puffin Bay. I’d gravitated towards him because of his work on boats and knowledge of the sea. When his twins were born, I’d been one of their first-choice babysitters, hanging out at the cottages they were restoring, helping Thane with the boats and the babies. He’d been like a big brother, never afraid to call me out on my shit, and his partner, Fleur, had always been the person I’d gone to with stuff I couldn’t really tell anyone else. The twins were now twelve, and Thane and Fleur had a son, an afterthought, so a whole new bundle of chaos to contend with. I still babysat, because no one was ever going to trust Flora and Seren alone in a house – their brother would be the responsible one.
“I’ll sort out your boat. You head to my place and see Zoey. I’m sure you’ve got a shit-ton to talk about.”
I realised what a mess I was making of the knot I was trying to tie, and then realised what he was saying. With Cash caught, Zoey and I no longer needed to pretend to be a couple.
I walked over to his cottage in a daze, not sure how I was going to stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth.
I love you. This is real. I want to be with you forever. Please don’t leave Puffin Bay. I love you.
Zoey was wrestling one of Thane’s foster kittens from the top of the Christmas tree, the twins replacing decorations that said cat had managed to dislodge. Fleur was sipping a coffee and looked remarkably serene.
“Welcome to the disaster zone.” She gave me a nod.
“You’ve been saying that for twelve years.” I glanced at Seren who was standing on a table to reach the top of the too high tree. She was a health and safety nightmare, which meant she’d probably get down unscathed.
“That’s because she had us twelve years ago.” Seren sprung down with the grace and accuracy of a ballerina. “But we’re the best thing to ever happen to you, aren’t we, Mum?”
Fleur continued to look unflustered. “You are when you’re at school or on a boat.”
Zoey came over to me, cuddling the kitten. “I think I’m going to adopt this one and her sister.”
I wasn’t surprised. She liked animals and she’d always wanted a pet, especially because her mother hadn’t let her have one as a child and she’d been away touring too much since being an adult.
Did that mean she definitely would be staying in Puffin Bay?
Fleur coughed and pulled Seren in for a hug that Seren wasn’t appreciative about. “Let’s go to Amelie’s for cake. Flora, find your brother and tell him there’s ice cream in it if he puts actual clothes on.”
“Can I have the lime and coconut cake with salted caramel ice cream?” Flora’s words were almost garbled with enthusiasm.
“You can have whatever you want as long as you clean up your own vomit afterwards.”
The twins legged it, on a joint mission to clothe their younger brother who preferred to live in a semi-naked state.
“And that is how you parent. I’m going to leave you two to it.” She swung out of the room and bellowed something to her offspring which involved more bribery.
“You know about Peter Cash?” Zoey still had hold of the kitten when she got to me, putting her forehead on my shoulder.
I wrapped my arms around her, careful not to squash the kitten. “Thane told me as soon as I docked. My phone’s in the car.”
“No surprises there.” Her face was beaming. “He’s away. I don’t have to worry about him getting to me anymore.”
“You don’t. Looks like Roe and his team did their job.”
She nodded. “With bells on. They managed to pull together additional evidence for the police so he’ll go away for longer. No bail. No access to anything online. I feel free again.”
“You can do whatever you want to do without worrying about him.” The kitten scrambled up my chest and onto my shoulder. Its claws were surprisingly sharp.
She froze, scooping the kitten off me before it fell and putting it on the floor. Then her arms were around me. “You know I’m staying here and entering a bidding war with you for that house?”
My laugh was born of relief. “I wondered if Cash not being around would make you change your mind about what you want to do.”
“No. If I could do things despite my mother, I could do things despite Cash. I’m staying here, in Puffin Bay, as planned.”
“You don’t need a fake relationship anymore.”
“I don’t think I’ve had a fake relationship for weeks. Have you?” Her hands went to her hips, her whole gaze challenging me.
“I don’t think it’s ever been a fake relationship. We might need to make it public though, with our friends here.” Because that was what had slowly gotten around the rumour mill, that could, when necessary, keep a secret just within the town.
“I think they know, Cay. I don’t think they thought it was fake to begin with. Fleur’s been saying that all along.”
“Saying what?” I was somewhat oblivious to gossip or speculation sometimes.
“That we were always more than friends.” She looked downcast, the kitten back in her arms and gazing up at her like she’d just brought him a freshly caught mouse.
I shrugged. “She’s probably right. What do we do?” Another incident of me being clueless.
“We just let people know that we’re properly together and then the jungle drums in the town will pass that news on and we carry on as we have been doing. I mean, that’s if you want to.” She frowned, looking worried.
Shit. I realised in that moment that she was just as uncertain as me. I’d never been a fearful kid; having a condition where I’d needed a liver or face the rest of my severely shortened life in hospital had taken away a lot of fear. I would make a calculated risk, I’d speak my mind, I’d walk away from a situation if I thought it could be toxic, I didn’t maintain a friendship if it wasn’t giving as much as it took.
I risked losing Zoey if I told her how I felt and if I didn’t. I’d kick myself more if she didn’t know, and by the look on her face right now, she was just as unsure and looking for a hint as I was.
“I’ve wanted to be more than your friend since I met you, Zo. I just never told you.” There. I’d said it. “I still want to be more than your friend.”
“Oh.” Her eyes went wide. “Oh. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because you were this big famous popstar and I’m just a small town boy who’s strangely obsessed with things that live in the sea. Why on earth would you be interested in me? Especially after I was so tongue tied the first time I met you.”
She started to laugh, putting the kitten down who obviously was unsure about the laughter. “I thought you were cute. Like the popular boy in class and I’d never even been on a date when I met you. It was really obvious that summer that girls just threw themselves at you and I thought there was no way you’d want a girlfriend you hardly ever saw when you could be sleeping with a different girl each week – and don't deny it, Caleb, that was what you did.”
“Every other week maybe. Not every week.” The kitten decided to climb up my leg, along with its sibling. Obviously I was now a cat tree. I’d come far in life. “And I would’ve waited for you. I kind of did anyway.”
She froze, her lips parting slightly as if she was about to say something.
“I didn’t ever say anything because I had no idea that you liked me as any more than a friend.” There, it was all out now, almost all.
“I didn’t think you were interested because you’d never made a move on me. It was always me who wanted a hug from you – you never even tried to cadge a feel.” Her laugh was half disbelief and half amusement. “Is that why you always ended with your girlfriends before I came back here?”
I nodded. “A couple of them finished with me because they said I was too in love with you. They knew if you asked me to be somewhere, I’d drop everything else.” They’d been right, which was why I’d never argued, and as I’d gotten older I’d ended things sooner before it got to that stage, not wanting to waste anyone’s time or break anyone’s heart. I was no saint, but neither was I an arsehole. Amelie would’ve killed me if I was.
“You always did. Drop everything.”
“So did you. How many times did you manage to fly out to see me when I was about to head out on a vessel for weeks? Not that I’m expecting you to come to Antarctica.” I sat down on the sofa, one of the twin’s phones almost getting crushed.
She sat down next to me, her legs locking over my lap. “I got out to see you as often as I could because you were my normality in all the crazy and I don’t want the crazy any more. I don’t want the fast-paced, out of control rollercoaster I’ve been on, Cay. I want to take the parts I love – the writing songs and being creative – and have the parts of my life that I love too, like you.” Her voice waivered, her body froze.
I realised what she’d said.
“Do you love me?” I’d never had a woman say that to me before, apart from my mum and Amelie, and once my sister, although she’d denied it afterwards.
Zoey laughed quietly, her cheeks red, eyes bright. “You really have no idea, have you?”
I shook my head. “Not a clue. That shouldn’t surprise you.”
“Then I’ll spell it out for you. I love you. I want to be in Puffin Bay because that’s where you are, and I rather like it too.” She twisted somehow so she could wrap her arms around me, giving me a sweet kiss.
I was hyper aware of how Seren and Flora could come back at any point, especially because one of them had forgotten their phone, so a sweet kiss was all either of us were getting at the moment.
“I’d move to where you wanted to be, you know.” I pulled her onto my knee, relishing the feel of her there. “I love you too. I have since that first summer.”
“I was worried you were going to say you didn’t feel the same.” She started to laugh. “Then I’d have had to move far, far away.”
“You don’t need to move anywhere. What about that house though? These kittens are going to need more room than what we have at Mavis’ and I’m not sure Amelie would have them in the flat.” Practicalities were an easy language. “Do we buy that place together?”
She nodded. “Yes. You can have a boatshed and I can have a recording studio. There’s room for you to have a home office and plenty of space if we need it in the future.” She was tentative again. “Where do we go from here, Caleb? What happens next?”
“That’s an easy question to answer. We go to the Puffin Inn and celebrate the fact that Peter Cash is no longer a problem. We buy Roe Holland a very strong drink. Then we have Christmas and your birthday, and I go to the other side of the world for six weeks, which means you have to do the house bartering thing. Then I come back and we work it out from there.” This I was good at, the planning stuff, the working out how to get everything to fit into a place so it could run smoothly.
She nodded, but I could tell there was still something she wanted to mention. Her body went still, as it she’d frozen.
“You may as well spit it out now rather than let it fester. It seems to have been a day for it.” I kissed the top of her head, not worried about anything she had to say. She loved me. I loved her. It was that simple really, everything else could be sorted out.
“Do you want to get married in the future – I mean, is it something you’ve thought about? I’m not asking you to get down on one knee now, or anything - ” She was starting to panic.
I couldn’t help but laugh at her, which she didn’t like, a cushion slammed over my head.
“Be serious, Caleb.”
“Sorry.” I laughed again. “I haven’t thought about getting married, but I’m not averse to it. Can we have a couple of years first just being together?”
She nodded. “I wasn’t saying now or to run away to Gretna Green or fly to Vegas, just – it is something I’ve thought about.”
“With me?”
She gave a small nod. “You’re not going to let me forget this, are you?”
“Not at all. I wonder how many Bridezilla GIFs I can find?”
The cushion met my head again.
“I might change my mind and buy a house in London again if you’re not careful.”
I pulled the cushion away from her hands. “You’d miss the kittens too much and you’ve promised to help Fleur with the kids in January.” Fleur had a big contract to do the interior design of a new hotel in Edinburgh, so she was having to stay there during the week. Zoey had offered to help with the children, although Thane was more than capable, he had a big deadline for a fleet of boats the same month. It also gave her something to do while I was away, although neither of us had actually said that.
“True. There’s one other thing.” She looked more serious now.
I didn’t wait for her to tell me. “Babies.”
She nodded, still hesitant. “Babies. I do want to be a mum. If I can.”
“And if I can. I like kids. But maybe not for a couple of years.”
“We can practice.”
“Making them or looking after them, because looking after the twins is like the Hunger Games.”
“You didn’t tell me that when I agreed to help out with them.” She slipped off my knee and stood up, arms folded.
I shrugged, non-plussed. “You’ve known them for years. You know what they’re like.”
“Well, yeah, but they usually just want to pretend to be pop stars or learn a dance. They’re cute.”
“Until they’ve had sugar. Good luck in January. I’ll be thinking about you.”
We headed to the Puffin Inn, my phone, when I recovered it from the car, loaded with messages from everyone from Roe to my dad and Gully. There was no point responding to them because with something like this that’d been hanging over us for months now, everyone would make their way to the central point in our small town, the gathering space that Amelie had created when she’d moved here for her fresh start away from London.
The faces had changed over the years. Some of the older residents had passed away, some of the kids who’d grown up here had moved back to start their own families in a place they loved, and there were the kids who were growing up now, the twins, the Hollands’ offspring, Cassian and Romy’s clan, Clover and Grayson’s three. Some of them would stay here, some of them would move away and maybe return and the town would continue to evolve and thrive.
As would the inn. I’d promised Amelie years ago that when she decided to retire, I’d take it on, and that still stood. I probably needed to let Zoey know that at some point, but not today. Today was about new beginnings without the overhang of danger, for a while at least.
Roe was the first person I saw when we entered the pub, shadowed by some of the team who’d been looking after Zoey and me the last couple of months. Security would continue, it had to – she’d been too famous a figure for too long, but taking a step back meant she would be less likely to be focused on, hopefully.
“Thank you!” Zoey threw herself at Roe, almost knocking the pint out of his hand which would’ve been disastrous for Roe at least.
“Part of the job. He’s not going to bother you anymore.” He disengaged himself from Zoey and shook my hand.
“Whatever part you played in his arrest, thank you.” I knew there would be a lot we’d never find out.
Roe shrugged. “One less dickhead to worry about. Plenty more to still sort out.” He looked behind him where his wife, Freya, was standing with Ruby and Iris, three sisters-in-law as they were all married to a Holland brother. “They’re hoping for champagne, by the way.”
“Any excuse.” Zoey shot them a grin and headed their way. I heard a cork pop, followed by a cheer, and more familiar voices.
A hand landed on my shoulder, a weight I recognised.
“I heard the news. Cash has been arrested.” My dad offered me a flute of champagne – clearly the pop wasn’t from the first bottle that’d been opened.
“Thank you. Cheers.” We chinked glasses. “He’s locked up. I don’t know any details.”
“Do you need them?”
I shook my head. “I don’t want them. There’ll be more Peter Cashes for Roe to deal with. I can’t let myself worry about them.”
“Because Zoey’s still staying around here?”
I nodded. “We’re going to put an offer in on that house together.”
“Together together?”
“Together together.” I swallowed. “I wondered whether we’d wasted time just being friends all these years rather than with each other properly, but I’m not sure.” I looked over to where Amelie was serving.
My dad shrugged and I realised it was always going to be like looking into a mirror and seeing myself in a quarter of a century’s time.
“I think sometimes the right thing happens at the right time, and the experience you’ve amassed makes you the person you need to be for something else to happen. Don’t think of it as time wasted, think of it as the things you’ve learned.” He patted me on the back, giving Amelie a nod as she was gesturing him over. “Like this – I’ve learned if I don’t go and see what she wants, she’ll make me do some really horrible job later in the week. Enjoy your evening.”
I looked over to where Zoey was and my chest felt three times bigger. Grinning, I headed across to her, sweeping her into my arms, managing not to spill anyone’s champagne. Just like on the red carpet I dipped her down and kissed her, a round of applause and cat calls lifting the roof, along with a sick noise coming from a couple of the older boys, Grayson’s eldest and Finn’s son.
“This’ll be you one day.” I pointed at them, laughing at the looks of disgust on their faces.
But it would be.
One day.
Four Years Ago
“Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?” We were walking along the beach even though it was dark and cold. The wind that’d blown around the bay had dropped a couple of hours ago and we were making the most of it before hunkering down in front of the fire in the pub for the night.
Zoey smiled, gazing at the now clear sky. “I’ll be thirty-one. I hope I’m with someone I’m in love with, with a house that’s my safe place and maybe thinking about having a family. I want to be a mum who’s completely different to how my mum was. No pressure to go to dance lessons or learn to sing, just to be a normal kid with friends and lots of laughter.”
My chest hurt for her. She’d never talked loads about her childhood but I knew it hadn’t been like mine. My mum had been short of cash but she’d made me the centre of her world as much as she’d been able to. I’d never had any pressure put on me to do anything other than be a good person, and I didn’t disagree with that.
“So you have five years to find the person you want to be with.”
She grinned at the sand rather than me. “Maybe I’ve already found him.”
I didn’t like that. I wasn’t sure how I’d manage when Zoey found someone who was good enough for her and she didn’t need me anymore.
“What about you? Where will you be in five years?” She looked back up at me, threading her arm through mine as we carried on walking, the moon full and bright.
“Here. Probably still living in Amelie’s flat. Maybe I’ll have a promotion at the university and more research trips booked.” I was happy with that to an extent.
“What about your love life? Will any of the women who chase you ever capture your heart?” She tucked her hand in my pocket, and I felt my chest burn a little.
The truth was my heart had already been captured; I just didn’t dare to tell her she owned it.
“Maybe one day,” I lied. “I can’t believe you’re here again for Christmas, third year running. How do you get out of all the Christmas parties down in London?” I’d heard her on the phone to Carissa that morning, explaining that she wouldn’t be going back to London any sooner than what she’d already said.
She laughed, turning us round to head back to the Puffin Inn. “I’ve surpassed the target the record company had set for me to bring in. There are some good sides to success and one is that you can call more of the shots.”
“Like being here for Christmas?”
She nodded. “I have an interview tomorrow but I’m doing it online, so that’s okay. I can manage that. Then that’s it until January the second and it’s back to the recording studio. I’ll have to leave you here in freezing cold Puffin Bay.”
“Yeah, I’d rather be with you in Barbados.” Which was where she was going to record her new album for six weeks.
“Come with me.”
“I can’t. I have that thing called a job and I need to be back educating undergrads by January sixteenth. Pray for me. First year undergrads are irritating as fuck.”
“You were one once.”
“I was. I wasn’t irritating though.”
“The professor you were sleeping with didn’t think so at least.”
“I thought we weren’t talking about that.” It had been a highlight at the time but was now something I’d rather forget.
“She rated you very highly.”
“Stop it, pain in the arse.”
She ran off and I chased her across the dark sand, as if we were kids again. I caught her easily, far quicker and able to anticipate her moves, capturing her in my arms.
Zoey looked up at me, eyes big and wide, her hair tussled from the movements.
Her lips parted, eyes looking up at me, and the earth stood still.
I could’ve kissed her.
And when we walked back over to the Puffin Inn, I wished I had.