15. Zoey
Zoey
I watched Caleb wander through the upstairs of the house, looking at the ceilings and the window frames, opening a couple and peering outside. I’d already been round last week while he’d still been in Antarctica, taking photos to send him and using photoshop to make them up with the furniture I’d already ordered.
I’d spent the days without him in a daze, only half aware of what was going on around me at any one time. Amelie and Roman’s house had been a good refuge, allowing me to escape people for a while and submerse myself in self-care and thinking and writing songs that no one needed but I wanted to write.
Amelie was about, cooking and baking, not rushing back to either of her businesses that were well-established enough to look after themselves really, but she gave me space and I thought how lucky Caleb had been to have her in his life.
“I think this should be the nursery.” He was in one of the smaller of the bedrooms, which was next to the suite that would be ours. “It’s closer, the view’s great over the Strait, and we can sit here with the baby looking out over the sea, so at least we’ve got something nice to look at.” He was deadly serious, just like he had been with everything to do with the baby since he’d gotten back. “When they get older and they’re big enough for their own room they can move into the room at the end of the landing. Next to the family bathroom.”
“What would we do with this room then?” I liked the idea. This room was the right size for a nursery and I’d seen a gorgeous rocking chair that would fit well next to the window.
He shrugged, but there was a shyness about it. “Have another baby?”
I laughed, rubbing my belly. The morning sickness had started and while it wasn’t terrible, it wasn’t exactly pleasant. I’d been to the doctors and they’d confirmed I was definitely pregnant, not that they needed to as the tests were evidence enough. I had no reason to be worried about the pregnancy, just the usual twelve weeks to get through, the consensus was that I was eight weeks pregnant, so the baby would be due in September, an autumn child, like its father.
“Let’s see how this one goes first. But I like the idea of this being the nursery.” We’d completed on the sale yesterday, picking up the keys this morning. Tomorrow I had decorators starting work on freshening up the place as no building work needed doing, apart from on the annex which would be my recording studio. That was starting in two weeks and should take less than another fortnight to complete, so we were up and running.
Caleb wrapped his arms around me from behind and cuddled me to his chest, his hands on my still flat belly. He kissed my neck where it met my shoulder and made me shiver, my body melting into his.
“Four weeks and we’ll be in here. My sofa will finally have its forever home.”
“The most important thing.” I laughed as I said it, the sofa having become a standing joke. It was actually too small for the lounge in the main house, so it was going in part of the annex that would be Caleb’s study for when he was working from home.
“Absolutely. When’s the scan?”
“Four weeks today.” I couldn’t wait to see our baby on screen. To say that I was excited about being pregnant was an understatement. I also couldn’t wait to tell everyone; at the moment, only Fleur, Thane, Amelie and Roman knew, and we were keeping it that way until we got to twelve weeks, then we’d also hopefully get a due date and Caleb could start studying the book he’d bought.
“I’m not sure I can wait that long.” He was excited, more so than I’d expected him to be, given what he’d said about waiting before having babies not so long ago.
“You’ll have to.” I leaned back against him. “It’s nearly nap time.” I was still exhausted. The doctor I’d seen had told me this was normal, to feel tired and to listen to my body. I was lucky, I didn’t have a day job that I had to do, so I could do just that, hence nap time.
“Want some company with your nap?” He whispered in my ear, sounding hopeful.
“Maybe.” I tilted my head so he could kiss me. “I sleep better after an orgasm.”
His chuckle was low and vibrated through me, his hands now on my waist, turning me round so he could kiss me properly. “I say we come back here tomorrow then. We’ve got more important things to do right now.”
We walked back to his parents’ house, the weather mild for the time of year, snowdrops already out in full force and the stalks of daffodils pushing though. We talked about the house, mainly, and then about Josh’s upcoming release, which would be the album we’d co-written. In the next couple of days, I’d be telling Carissa about the baby, making plans for my work schedule, and at some point I’d be letting my mother and sister know, although I didn’t expect them to be interested when they realised it would confirm I wasn’t moving back to London.
Amelie and Roman were both out when we got to their house, meaning slipping up the stairs without being seen was a breeze. Caleb kissed me halfway up, his hands already undoing the jeans I was wearing while I could still fit in them, untucking the shirt I had on.
“What if someone comes home?” I gripped his wrists. “Wait until we get in the bedroom.”
“I can’t wait until we have our own space, and we know we won’t be interrupted.” He nibbled on my neck.
“We’d best make the most of it. From September for the next eighteen years, we’ll never be alone again.” That was the ironic thing – after so many years being friends, we only had a short time of just being lovers before we’d be sharing our space and time with a baby.
Which meant making the most of it now. Right now, it seemed. Laughter (from him) and giggles (from me) filled the stairs as we hurried up them, the house still apart from us. Caleb’s mouth found mine, then the delicate flesh of my neck, tender kisses that made my body shiver and between my legs bloom with heat and need and want.
Relief reverberated through me as we closed the door to the bedroom, relief that I was finally with Caleb, the boy I’d known since my life exploded, the man I’d craved in secret for so long, the person I was planning to spend my forever with. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling me close to him for a second.
“I love you.” I breathed the words before I was left speechless.
He chuckled, ridding me of my top and bra far too easily, his mouth dipping to take a nipple, gently lapping and sucking. “I love you too. For far longer that you’ve known.”
I pulled off his sweater, grazing my hands over his chest, the solid muscle there feeling safe and good, his mouth claiming mine once more and we made our way to the bed, losing more clothes, the duvet of my dreams soft underneath when we collapsed on top of it.
Caleb kissed his way down my body, my skin responding, legs parting, everything anticipating.
“I’m never going to tire of doing this to you.” He looked up at me from between my legs. “I think this is my favourite place to be.”
“Better than being on a boat?”
“Better than being anywhere else.” He gave my slit a long, luxurious lick. “Unless you were on the boat with me, and I was still doing this.”
That was the last thing he said for a while, taking his glasses off and busying himself to take me to an orgasm that only had me wanting more.
It was the same every time. Maybe it was trust, maybe it was how well we knew each other, maybe it was just because Caleb was the person I was meant to be with.
I flipped him onto his back, or rather encouraged him to move onto it, teasing my hair down his body so my tongue could tease the tip of his cock, his moan going straight to my clit. I toyed and sucked, just enough to have him clutching the covers underneath him, my name repeated in hushed breaths.
My mouth left his erection with a pop, my hips working my way up his body, lining my centre with him, my hand bracing on his shoulder.
Caleb grasped hold of my hips, steadying them, his eyes covering my body from between my legs to my breasts, to my face.
“When do you want to get married?” His words were a rush, almost a whispered blur.
I shook my head. “I don’t think you’re meant to ask that just before you head inside me.”
“I haven’t asked yet. Just wondering on your timescale.” His eyes closed and he moaned as I guided myself onto him, his cock filling me perfectly.
“After the baby’s born, maybe when they’re about one.” I started to move my hips, bracing my thighs for the workout, loving how I was making him fall to pieces. Our rhythm was practiced, perfected, we knew what got each other off and we knew how to try new touches, how to explore because we were still learning each other.
I never wanted to stop learning him.
Our movements were slick, shifting gears from slow to fifth, his hands toying with my breasts, teasing my nipples and then my clit, my body convulsing as it found its climax.
Caleb followed, pulsing into me, his fingers pressing into my skin. I lowered myself, still impaled on his cock, meeting his mouth with mine in a simple kiss, before we shifted onto our sides, legs tangled.
His hand pressed against the soft, almost invisible curve of my belly.
“Do you think they feel good when you do?”
I laughed, covering his hand with mine. “I think so. It definitely won’t do me or them any harm.” I buried myself into the duvet. “We’ll be doing this in our own home in a few weeks.”
He grinned. “Thank god. It’s been great seeing more of my dad and Amelie, but I’m looking forward to not seeing them as much.”
“Don’t you think they’ll be round all the time when the baby’s born?”
“I think they’ll be around as much as we want them. They’re pretty good, I suppose.” His grin was broad and wide like usual.
I hoped he never stopped smiling.
“I did well for parents,” he said. “I’m thinking we might tell my mum and sister next week.”
“She’ll be over the moon.” His mum was lovely, a little nervous and quieter than his dad and Amelie. She’d been thrilled when we told her we were together for real, and I had a feeling she would relish being a grandma.
“I think everyone will be.” He kissed me again. “Just like us, which is the most important thing.”
I snuggled into him, feeling sleepy. It was definitely nap time and I was making the most of being able to sleep before the days and nights came when it would be scarce.
It wasn’t me who nodded off first though. When I peeled myself off the bed to go to the loo, Caleb was out for the count, his mouth slightly open, arm stretched over his head, long lashes fluttering over his cheeks.
I found my phone and took a quick snap, one to use as a phone wallpaper maybe. One to show our kid when they were older.
One to keep.
My pregnancy was nothing short of a dream. The birth, not so much. There were complications, a baby in distress, my blood pressure rising and what we’d planned ended up in an emergency caesarean and a blood transfusion for me, which hadn’t been what I’d ordered.
Freddie Roman Tominey came home with us a week after he was born, already a big boy, with big lungs and a big smile, that looked just like his father’s. He was at the ninetieth centile for length and weight and I was glad we hadn’t bought too many newborn clothes, because he was going to quickly grow out of them if the first week was anything to go by.
I was sore and tired and felt as if someone had taken all of my organs and blended them on a rapid speed. Standing was awful, walking was worse, holding Freddie could be uncomfortable but I did forget that when he was looking at me as if he couldn’t quite believe I was here.
Caleb was brilliant, which didn’t surprise me. He’d been a rock throughout my pregnancy without being overbearing, and when I was a mess because I was scared and fearful that I wasn’t going to make it or Freddie wouldn’t get here safely, he’d been solid, smiling, reassuring.
Afterwards, he told me he’d been scared shitless that he was going to lose us both, and it’d been his dad who’d kept him together, but it already seemed like a dream that hadn’t really happened because we were in our home with our healthy, chunky baby and that really was all that mattered.
“He already looks like Caleb.” Amelie winded him, patting his back like a pro. She hadn’t had children of her own through choice and the fact she’d never met the right man at the right time, but she’d had enough experience of her friends’ kids to have a few tricks up her sleeve, and her main purpose at the moment was to give me and Caleb a break when she could so we stayed sane. “I think that’s a good thing. There are some seriously strong genes running in that family.”
“I’m not complaining about that.” I sat up a little straighter. I’d started to feel better the last few days and was definitely more mobile. I had a physio visiting every couple of days to help me get in the habit of moving normally again and to stop being scared that I’d do something to damage myself. Caleb had gone into work to do what he needed to with his department; he’d had a promotion before the summer which gave him more responsibility and paperwork, and less chance of disappearing on another six-week research project which was definitely not on his dance card any time soon.
“Did you think when you were seventeen and here for the first time that you’d end up having a baby with the boy who couldn’t get his words out when he saw you?” Amelie laughed, tucking Freddie into her arms and gazing at him.
“Did you think you’d end up married to his dad the first time you saw him?” I remembered how Amelie and Roman had gotten together in a spat of words and irritation, mainly from her.
“Fair point. I don’t think any of us see what’s in front of us at first. It was the same for everyone I know.” Her smile was wistful. “It’ll be the same for him one day, if he’s lucky.”
Footsteps told me that Caleb was back, voices told me he wasn’t alone. Thane and Fleur followed him into the kitchen, their son with them, the twins nowhere to be seen.
“Hey! How are you doing?” Fleur flocked over to me, starting to bend down to give me a hug.
I stood up instead, wanting the movement, and managed a big hug without wincing. “Better. Improving. Where are the girls?”
“Causing havoc at the cakery for a friend’s birthday. I swear they were conceived under some strange comet’s path or something.” She went over to Amelie and stole Freddie, giving him a big cuddle. “Chunk monster! He’s grown.”
Fleur was one of the first people to meet him, briefly visiting just as I held him for the first time. She’d made sure everything was okay at home, taken care of the two cats we’d adopted from her and Thane, and generally been helpful without needing anyone to know about it.
Thane stood next to her, grinning at the baby and glancing over at Caleb. “It’s like Zoey had nothing to do with making him. He looks like a carbon copy of you.”
“Thanks.” I glared at Thane. “I had plenty to do with making him.” I felt myself blush, realising what I’d just said. A wave of laughter had Freddie opening his eyes and looking round, fixing them on his dad who came and took him off Fleur.
My heart melted like it did every time I saw him hold Freddie, contentment and love filling my chest and making it swell. I walked over to them, Caleb’s arms coming round me, a kiss pressed to my head.
“Feeling okay?” he asked, checking in as he did a hundred times a day at the moment.
I looked round the room, my favourite room of the house now filled with a few of my favourite people. In a bit Roe and Freya, Finn and Ruby, Gully and Iris and some of the others from Puffin Bay would be here. Caleb’s mum and sister, Alys who was usually behind the bar too, people we loved, people who made this town the place it was.
“I’m feeling amazing, actually.” I wrapped my arm around his waist and accepted the glass of champagne with the other.
“Congratulations, Caleb and Zoey!” Amelie gave the toast. “May Freddie let you sleep for more than two hours at a time, may he not projectile vomit over your best clothes when you’re ready to go out and may he love living in Puffin Bay as much as we all have.”
There was a cheers and a noise from Freddie that could’ve been him trying to join in but was more likely wind.
Caleb squeezed my waist, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “I’m glad you came here that summer.”
“Me too.” I truly was.
This place, this man – they had my heart.
Around Twelve Months Ago
The drive from London to Puffin Bay was a long one, only sometimes it felt like it varied in length, depending on my reason for heading there. Today I couldn’t get there quick enough; I was running away from a situation that I knew was harmful, seeking shelter in the safest place I’d ever known, with the safest, bestest person I’d ever known too.
I’d known Caleb Tominey for nearly half my life, and I’d loved him for almost all of that time too, the trouble was he didn’t know it and I wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted him to, whether I was just the friend he couldn’t get rid of, the one he had to save occasionally, and possibly had to save again.
The road from the Menai Bridge towards Puffin Bay was usually quiet, the island never particularly busy. At one point, it’d only possessed one set of traffic lights, a fact that always felt like balm on a sore after spending so much time in big cities where traffic lights and exhaust fumes acted like punctuation marks and bad storylines.
Every time I came to Puffin Bay I felt a sense of relief, the weight of responsibilities taken from me, set free from what I was meant to be in my everyday life and given my best friend.
Caleb. The man I wanted something more from. A future with where we weren’t just friends.
Something felt different this time, there was a different lilt to the breeze and a glint on the waves in the distance. Maybe this time it would happen, something that I’d often wondered whether it was meant to be, after a palm reader told us about our futures on a trip to Dublin, after I’d found him looking at me in a certain way.
Maybe this was it.
Maybe my life was about to change again, just like so many had changed in this small coastal town.
The sloping drive from the main road down towards Puffin Bay always made me feel like I was taking off over the sea, wings about to soar like I was one of the gulls.