8. Marie
CHAPTER 8
MARIE
I ’d started inviting people round to the apartment instead of the house, and inviting myself to the houses of my friends and children, because the house wasn’t home anymore and I needed to create new patterns of behaviour for when I was in London and get used to not being in the place that had been my main home for a good portion of time.
That portion of time wasn’t now anymore. We’d been at the house less and less over the last few years, which was part of the longer thinking process behind the decision to sell it.
Now it was half empty, the furniture that was being relocated elsewhere had either gone, or was covered and ready to be moved. The rest would be left for the new owners for them to do as they wished with it. I had moments when I felt sentimental and questioned my sanity, and when I unpicked those moments and thought how it would be without the upkeep of the house, I realised I wouldn’t miss it. We were creating new memories all the time in new places and I would live for those rather than ones that’d already been and gone.
I was sitting in the tea lounge of one of the big hotels with Claire and Payton, waiting – as usual – for Ava. Once a month or so, we met up for afternoon tea, something we’d done since they were little girls, starting with Claire when I’d first moved to London and I left Grant with his boys for an afternoon so I could take Claire shopping for some new clothes and to have her hair properly done in a salon, as close to a mother and daughter day as you could be without naming it that.
We’d made a habit of it, always making a point to ask the boys if they wanted to join us (they didn’t), and then enjoyed the time by ourselves. After I had Payton and Ava, our party grew, sometimes with my sisters or nieces or the occasional friend, but my favourite was when it was just the four of us.
“One day she’ll be on time.” Payton sipped her champagne. “Hell will have frozen over and cats will rule the world by that point, but one day it’ll happen. Maybe.”
Claire laughed, briefly checking her phone. “The worst thing – Eliza is just like her. She can’t be on time for anything. She’s just messaged me to say she’s missed the bus to get back from her friends and wants a lift.”
I smiled, partly because I did like a good dose of karma. Eliza might be like Ava for never being on time, but in all other respects, she was just like Claire. Headstrong and outspoken, never afraid of an argument or standing her ground. Not easy to parent if you wanted a compliant child.
“How’s she getting home then?” I asked, knowing Eliza would be absolutely fine. “Is it the friend who’s one bus stop away?”
“Yes, it’s Laila. Eliza will have to walk or wait for the next bus. Looking at the map, she’s walking, and because she’ll be annoyed that she’s walking, she’s walking quickly.” Claire studied her phone. “She also knows she’s in trouble with her dad because she didn’t do her chores this morning before she went to her friend’s, which was the deal. He can deal with that though.” Claire beamed, put her phone down and picked up her champagne. “His children are fully his responsibility until later.”
“What’s happening later?” Payton said. “I’m child free until tomorrow because Owen’s taking them to his mum’s for the night.”
“Nice. Come back to ours if you want after. Killian and Nick are out with their team for some celebration so I have four piranhas to wrangle.” She had another sip of champagne.
“Hard pass. I have the new book in that detective series to read and no small people.” She sighed happily. “And I’m going to Cases after this for some tipsy book shopping with Owen’s blessing.”
“Have you had your new bookcases installed?” Claire asked, looking at the door. “Ava’s finally here.”
My youngest rushed towards us, laden with bags and wild hair. She looked better than she had last time I’d seen her, which was just after she’d finished throwing up the dried toast she’d had for breakfast. Morning sickness was definitely in situ for her.
“I’m so sorry I’m late.” She dumped the bags next to the empty seat and sat down in a rush. “I found a sale and got distracted.”
“I’m so surprised.” Payton shook her head. “What’ve you bought? It looks like clothes. Do you need more clothes?”
“They’re for Rose. I found a little shop that sells really lovely nightwear and they had some in that were perfect for girls Rose’s age – not childish but age appropriate. Here,” she fumbled in one of the bags. “Have a look at these.”
Two sets of pretty pyjamas were handed round, which were lovely.
“What’s in the rest of the bags?” I looked at the other five that’d been deposited.
“Pyjamas for me. I got a set for Georgia too, and some stuff for Seph.” She picked one of the bags up. “There were some really sweet overnight toiletry bags too, so I bought a few of those for Christmas presents.”
“Ava, it’s August.” Claire frowned. “When are you due?”
“February. So I’m not nesting. Just being organised.” She tidied the bags up. “I saw Rose and Georgia this morning.”
“How were they?” I’d seen them the day before, so I didn’t think much would’ve changed.
Ava smiled and nodded. “Like you wouldn’t think Rose had a heart condition. Just like normal. I think Seph’s been the one who’s found it hardest to deal with, or that’s what Georgia’s said. She said he’s found it hard to sleep some nights and when she’s got up to check on him, he’s been at the computer searching all the information he can find on the procedure Rose’s having.”
“That’s what she told me yesterday.” I smiled at the waiter who was filling up our champagne glasses, Ava asking for ginger tea. “I spoke to Seph yesterday about it.”
“What did he say?” Payton asked.
She and Seph were close, as you’d expect for twins, although it didn’t always happen like that. I would be surprised if Payton didn’t know exactly how Seph was.
“That he was sleeping better and less worried about the procedure. I think he’s okay. It’s worrying when one of your kids is sick and he’s not really had it before.” Which was fortunate. “Remember when Callum’s Bea was in hospital with meningitis?”
“That was horrible.” Claire shuddered, picking at the nibbles that’d been put on our table. “It was touch and go for a couple of hours.”
“And now she’s fine and she’s thriving. Her and Bear are so much like Wren though, it’s like Callum didn’t have any part in it.” Ava picked up two of the nibbles and regarded them like they were her new best friends that she was about to eat.
The conversation about Bea and Bear carried on, moving onto Lark, Callum and Wren’s other little girl, who was already showing signs of being rather good at dance – not a talent that ran in anyone’s family.
I listened, taking pleasure in being right where I was, in this exact moment with these wonderful people I’d had a hand in shaping.
“Mum, there was a photo we found in the secret room of when Dad proposed.”
I must’ve drifted off thinking how lovely this was when Claire abruptly changed the conversation.
“The one on the Empire State Building?” Grant had told me they’d found the albums we’d left out for them. They’d been stored in my wardrobe, all the photos already uploaded digitally because it only took a knocked over drink to ruin printed ones.
“That one. Max said something about it being the second time Dad proposed.” Claire looked puzzled. “Why did he propose twice? Did he make a cock-up the first time? I can imagine Dad doing that – he’d be a proper Mr Darcy.”
Grant’s children had a very odd view of him sometimes.
“Actually, he knocked me off my feet with what he said. I was too stunned to speak.” I had been. He’d thought I’d been silent because I wanted to say no, that it was just a fling, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Actually it was because I’d wanted to say yes so badly but I did need to think about it. I hadn’t acted on too much gut feeling. I had thought about the implications, one of them here now. “But we got a photo the second time.” I looked at my offspring and wondered how much I wanted to make them want to bleach their ears. “The sex that night was incredible.”
“Mum!”
“Really?”
“For the love of - ”
“Oh, grow up, daughters. You’re not the only generation to discover sex, you know.” I picked up one of the dainty sandwiches and bit into it. It wasn’t exactly a hearty meal, an afternoon tea, but it tasted delicious.
“You wouldn’t want to hear about our sex lives,” Payton said pointedly.
“Not in any great detail, but I wouldn’t want to hear about anyone’s in great detail. Highlights are interesting though and I probably know more than you think anyway.”
Claire was trying not to laugh. She knew where this was going.
“Why, what do you know?” Ava was looking rather horrified. “Did you read my diary from when I was a kid?”
I was definitely enjoying myself. “No. I would never do that. You brother did, because I caught him and swore him to secrecy else I’d tell everyone that he masturbated into Callum’s socks.”
Ava eyed me, disbelieving.
“I knew what you were getting up to, because I hadn’t been born yesterday, I’d already brought up two girls and I’d been a girl myself. I knew when Lawson Garrett broke your heart after he took your virginity. I didn’t need to read your diary to know that.” It was horrible watching your child have their heart broken, but I knew it was part of growing up and becoming you – those experiences were what made us.
Ava frowned at me. “How did you know?”
“You kept looking at yourself in the mirror or the glass in the kitchen doors to see if you looked any different and you bought a pregnancy test a few days later. Payton did the same thing after she slept with someone.” I looked at my middle daughter. “Exactly the same pattern.”
“What about Claire?” Payton gave a smug smile, clearly hoping to get her sister in trouble.
“Claire was at university.”
She looked serene, a shared memory or two from that time, which had its difficulties.
Payton frowned. “Was Killian the first boy you slept with?”
“He was.” Ever the big sister spoke. “I knew him since I was sixteen and had the hugest crush on him – I just wasn’t interested in anyone else. Maybe my subconscious knew something.” She cast her attention to me. “How long have you and Dad been together now?”
“Max was eight, so forty years. A long time.” I couldn’t believe it was four decades years ago. “It’s gone quickly at the same time as feeling like forever.”
“Are you glad you left New York with him?” Ava was getting through the sandwiches.
I laughed, the question almost ridiculous. “Of course.”
“Do you ever think ‘what if’?” Still Ava.
“Of course, especially when he does something utterly stupid, which is a daily basis, but you’ll all think the same about your partners. They probably think the same about you.” I knew what it was like to live with my three daughters and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
“I’m a job to live with,” Claire said, checking her phone, probably to see where Eliza was. “And my dad has never thought ‘what if’ about you. He still looks at you like you’re his saviour.”
“He’s probably imagining what I look like naked.” I threw that in there and the complaining started again.
My phone had been bombed with messages, all coming through on silent which was a necessity with a family like mine. I checked through them, curious to see what mess someone was getting into now.
Grant: I need to let everyone know that I really do look at your mother like she’s my saviour.
Payton: I’ve just about recovered from Mum saying when you look at her you’re probably imagining her naked.
Seph: Did you need to share that?
Payton: We had to hear it so you have to know it too.
Seph: I really didn’t.
Payton: Mum also told us that you read Ava’s diary. I think it was the part when she’d lost her V card to Lawson Garrett.
Seph: That was the evidence I needed. That’s also why he had to stop playing rugby that year.
Ava: Was that you? I knew he was injured in a rugby game with a broken collar bone.
Seph: Revenge was sweet. He was a twat and deserved it.
Max: How did you manage that one?
Seph: Practice. I was on the opposing side. A couple of my teammates knew what he’d done and were quite happy to help.
Grant: Good job, son. Well done on not getting caught.
Grant: Your mother looks particularly ravishing tonight.
Max: Please stop. Remember, I was just about old enough when you came back from New York to remember how you looked at each other. I didn’t know what it meant then. I now feel my childhood has been tainted.
Me: There had to be some really strong positives taking on a widow and his four children – one of them was your dad’s talents.
Jackson: And stop right there. I walked in on you once and I was scarred for life.
Seph: I know how that feels.
Me: Well, Jackson, that should’ve taught you about knocking before you entered.
Jackson: I did knock. You were both making too much noise to hear, and I thought you were being murdered.
Me: Bless you. You can afford your own psychotherapy though now. Well done.
Ava: How did you make three more children when you had four of them in the house?
Grant: We bought a big house with a secret room.
Oh shit. This was going to be fun. I prodded him with my toe. He assumed I wanted a foot massage and took hold of it.
“You shouldn’t have said that. You know they loved that room and thought it was theirs.”
He grinned and shook his head, reminding me of the man I’d first met, devastatingly handsome and intelligent, with a sense of humour buried somewhere. I’d dug deep.
“It was our room first.”
“You can take the fallout for this one.” I looked back at my phone.
A few more seconds passed before it vibrated again.
Callum: You are joking, aren’t you, Dad?
Grant: Not in the slightest. We used to take the baby monitor down there after the twins were born and get away from the rest of you disturbing us.
Me: We weren’t gone that long.
I couldn’t resist. Grant dug his fingers into my foot. Hard.
Grant: What are you trying to say?
He was good at typing with one hand. He was good at a few things with one hand, if I was truthful.
Me: We ensured we weren’t pre-occupied for very long as we took our duty as parents very seriously.
Callum: You’ve sullied the secret room for me forever.
Max: Give over, Cal. I know what you got up to in there. And it wasn’t that long ago either.
Ava: You and Wren have been in there recently?
Callum: No.
Max: Liar. You left your socks in there.
Callum: How do you know they were my socks?
Max: They were the ones the twins got you for Christmas with your name on.
Callum: Ah. That was a giveaway. Where did you put them?
Max: In the box with your stuff. There was a bra too which I assume is Wren’s so that’s with them.
Ava: This has been since we’ve been clearing out?
Callum: Yeah. Sorry. We seized the moment.
Ava: I’m never going in there again.
Claire: Just be glad walls can’t talk. Lots has happened in that room.
Ava: Let’s just not talk about it.
Ava: Please