Memory Eight
MEMORY EIGHT
GRANT
The case closed too quickly. I’d hoped it would run over at the same time as hoping it would end sooner because I really did need to get home to the kids. Max had asked me three times now how long it would be until I was back and burst into tears when I told him I wasn’t working for a while when I got back so we could all look after Callum.
By Callum, I meant the rest of them too, but Max thought he was tough and didn’t want to be looked after, which I understood. He’d been looking after himself and the others for the last couple of years at least.
One day I’d tell him how I knew I failed, one day he’d ask. I had no idea when that day would be and I could only hope that by then I’d know the right words to say.
I was torn, the only solution one that was selfish and asked too much, only I was talking myself into asking it anyway.
I met Marie outside the Green offices after we’d both changed. Tonight was the last night, my flight scheduled to leave at seven in the morning, so we wouldn’t be out late and I didn’t even know if I’d spend the night with her.
This afternoon might be it and we’d go our separate ways after dinner. The prospect of an empty bed lingered like a toothache.
She wore a sundress the same colour as gentian, a deep blue that brought out the colour of her eyes. Her hair was down, blown around with the slight wind and she wore flat sandals which suggested we were walking somewhere.
“There’s something to do before you can leave New York,” she said, after standing on her tip toes and kissing me softly. Everyone knew now, it seemed. I didn’t mind, it made it easier. Better.
“There’s probably a lot to do.”
“Tons. But we have to do this.” She took my hand and led me through New York, jumping on a bus, mingling around tourists and locals, around skyscrapers that would always be bigger than anything I’ve ever seen.
“How do you like New York?” We paused for a coffee.
I still didn’t know where we were heading. “I want to spend more time here when I’m not having to work.”
“Did you ever think you’d say those words?” Her smile was victorious.
I had to laugh, there wasn’t much else I could do because she was right. I didn’t want to think about how right she actually was because all of those priorities I’d had for so many years would've been wrong, and I wasn’t ready to deal with that level of guilt yet.
If ever.
But I would choose differently moving forward. From today.
My heart carried on a too-heavy beat as we travelled through the city, Marie pointing out more of the sites and historic places that I hadn’t had chance to see yet. I’d been to New York before, but as a teen and even then it’d been filled with my father’s work commitments, showing me off as the son of the heir to his throne.
“Where are we going exactly?” I took hold of Marie’s hand, wondering how many more times I’d get to do just that.
“There.” She pointed with the other.
I squinted. “The Empire State Building? Don’t we need a reservation or something.” World Trade Center was taller, but there was something about the Empire State Building. Judging by the tourists, I wasn't the only one who felt that way.
“We have one. It isn’t often I ask my father for a favour, but I did this morning.” She shrugged. “First favour in a decade, I reckon. But you can’t not take a trip up this before you go home. And you can take photos for Max and Jackson and Claire too – you should buy them a present from New York as well before you fly back. Empire has a gift shop with stuff that might be perfect.”
I stopped walking, surprising her when I held her back by her hand. “I have had the best time being here with you.” I smoothed her hair back from her face, seeing her eyes sparkle more than usual, maybe with tears. “You’ve no idea how much this time has meant to me.”
“Stop it. This sounds too much like goodbye.” She caught my hand that was playing with her hair and pulled it down to her hip. “I don’t like goodbyes. Not with you. I hate it in the mornings when we go to our different teams and I don’t know for sure whether I’ll see you later and all I want is to be certain I will do.” She laughed, taking back a hand from mine so she could wipe away an escaped tear. “It’s only been a few days and I just want more.”
I nodded, the plan that had formed in my mind taking root. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I knew what I was doing.
Almost.
I wasn’t sure anyone ever truly knew what they were doing and were confident about it, unless they were a psychopath.
I kissed her then, my hand resting on the back of her head, fingers in her hair as her lips were soft against mine. She tasted of chocolate and coffee, the sweetness and bitterness combined so exactly her. Soft, but with a bite. Fierce. Determined. Stubborn.
I didn’t think I’d ever not know how she was feeling. Not like before.
“I don’t want this to be goodbye,” I said when the kiss ended.
I watched her as she searched for words back, nervous without being afraid, because I didn’t think I was on a different page here.
“I don’t want that either. I have options. I can switch to the London office. It might take a few months to get everything organised but I was thinking about it anyway.” Her arms stayed around my neck, pedestrians meandering around us as we really were blocking the way a bit.
“Good.” I nodded. Those words would give me the push I needed for the rest, which may be a moment of stupidity on my part, but I was doing it anyway. Life was too short to not dance when the music started, or smile when you could find even a glimmer of sunlight.
Marie was my sunlight.
“We should carry on – we do have to be there for four.” She grabbed my hand again and pulled me through the sea of people, pointing out more places to see and things to do, things she thought Max and Jackson and Claire would be interested in.
My heart raced while we queued at the Empire State Building, the landmark as imposing and crucial as the ones in London that I passed every day. St Paul’s Cathedral, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, the Tower of London and Tower Bridge – sites my children weren’t familiar with and I felt a jolt of something as I thought about how they would be when I introduced them to those places that were part of their history.
This place might be part of their history too.
I swallowed as we were led through to the upper elevator, as the Americans called their lifts. I tried to pacify my heart that seemed to be beating to the tune of an Irish jig, one that no one could keep up with.
“It’s a quick ride to the hundred and first floor,” the staff member told us. “From there, you need to walk up the stairs to the hundred and second floor observatory – not a great walk, it’ll get your heart racing – but the view’s phenomenal and then you can say you went to the private observatory.” He gave us a nod and stepped away. “You can also climb up into the spire today, but you can't really see out, so it's up to you.”
I let go of Marie’s hand and followed him. “Excuse me, could I ask a favour?”
He frowned and nodded. “I can see what I can do.”
“Can you stop the elevator? Just for one minute before we get to the top. I need to pitch something to the woman I’m with and I need a little more time to make my case.”
He looked at me as if trying assess whether I should be institutionalised now or later. “Can I ask what case you’re trying to make?”
I gave him the headline.
He nodded, still eyeing me like I was insane, which maybe I was.
“I'll let you have privacy and a sixty second pause. No more.” He nodded just once. “Good luck.”
“Yeah, I’m probably going to need it.” I headed back to where Marie was waiting, chatting to someone else that worked there like she’d known them all her life. She was much better than me at putting people at ease and I’d realised over the last few days that there wasn’t a soul she wouldn’t strike up a conversation with. “Ready?”
Her smile illuminated the day. “I have been for the last few minutes. What were you talking to him about?”
“Taking photos.” It was the only plausible thing I could think of. I could add more but then she’d definitely get suspicious.
“Okay. You are allowed to, if that was what you were wondering. Here’s the elevator.” There were numerous lifts in the Empire State, something like seventy of them which meant this wasn’t exactly Blackpool Tower, but this last leg of the journey only had the one. Basically, this worker was doing me a huge favor.
I followed Marie into it, trying every technique I could to pull myself together enough to get out what I needed to say. I figured I had around two minutes before we were back in public.
A two-minute pitch.
“So what are we doing - ”
“I need to ask you something.” I interrupted her, unable to keep it in. “And it’s probably the maddest, craziest thing I’ve ever suggested in my life and you might want to leave me on the top of this building after you’ve heard it because you’ll think I’m insane.” I paused, aware I was wasting precious seconds.
“I know we only met a few days ago and this isn’t rational and usually, I’m rational, about most things anyway.”
“Too rational.” She interrupted me. “But you’re right – it’s not been long at all.”
“It hasn’t. But I’m in love with you. I haven’t felt like this before, ever, which is a bad thing to say, but it’s true. I don’t have much to offer, just me and I’m a bit fucked up right now, and I have four wild children, but I’m in love with you and I don’t want to leave in the morning and not tell you that I love you. I need to ask you something too.” The lift came to a jolt. I dropped down to one knee.
“I don’t have a ring yet. I don’t even know what size to get you or what setting you’d like and you might say no, and I totally get it if you do.” I looked up at her, her eyes wide and dark, her expression one of shock, tears escaping from her eyes that she rapidly wiped away.
“Will you marry me?”
The pounding in my ears caused by my heart tapping itself into sprint like it’d never done before ceased. I felt light-headed, dizzy, seeing things with a clarity I hadn’t done before.
Like Marie. She still looked in shock.
I stood up, the lift starting on its journey again. In another few seconds we’d be close to the top, New York spread across the view like a lover promising the world.
Marie closed the small distance between us. She was going to say no, I knew. It was too soon, too much. I had too much baggage for whatever this was between us to be able to bear.
The kiss she started was sweet and long, still continuing when the doors opened and the voice of a small child came through clearly.
“Mom, what are that man and woman doing?”
He’d never seen his parents kissing then and I realised my kids had never seen me and Rachael being affectionate or acting like a couple.
They’d never seen me be in love with someone and they’d have no idea what that was like.
I didn’t think I knew what that was like before.
I held Marie in my arms a little longer, the lift beeping at us to get out, one of the adults waiting to head back down to the ground standing so the doors couldn’t close.
“We need to get out of the way,” she said, still wrapped around me. “And climb those stairs.”
Still no answer. Maybe she was just going to be kind.
We finally moved, heading to the narrow metal staircase up to the highest observatory in the Empire State Building, saying nothing. I felt deflated, even though I knew I’d just played a long shot, but she still had hold of my hand.
As well as my heart.
We got to the top, a workout in itself. The view across New York was incredible, the size of everything, the scope. The land of the free.
“I meant what I said.” I kept the words quiet. “I love you and I want to marry you. Even if you don’t want to say yes right now I’ll ask again in a year or ten years’ time.”
She wrapped her arm around the small of my back, pulling me closer, her eyes shining and bright, and she was still smiling.
“Ask me again now.”
I frowned. “Now?”
She nodded. “Now.”
Hope bloomed. My chest filled. I dropped again to one knee, aware that we had more eyes on us now. I laughed, seeing her face light up, nodding ever so slightly.
“Marie Green, for the second time today, will you marry me?” Time stopped still. The audience we’d acquired held their collective breath. My heart missed several beats.
Her nodding became more pronounced, her smile even wider and more tears fell.
“Yes, this is probably the maddest thing I’ve ever done, but I will marry you, Grant Callaghan.”
There was a cheer and I was up on my feet, pulling her into my arms and tipping her back for a kiss that wasn’t just for show, although I knew our audience was loving it. When it ended, she was laughing, shaking her head.
“I can’t believe you asked – I can’t believe I said yes. This is mad, Grant.”
“Is it? I know it might be a few months before we can be together again and I’m asking a lot with you moving over and the kids - ”
“I want it. I want that. I want you and them – although they might not want me.” For the first time she looked worried. “They might not like me.”
“They will. I think you’re just what we all need. I just hope we’re what you need.”
Her hand lifted to my jaw. She cupped it, her hand soft and warm. I put mine over hers and moved it so I could kiss her palm.
“I love you.” Her words were a balm. “It feels scary to say that, but I realised it a few days ago, or rather my sister did.”
“Thank god for that.” I kissed her again, wishing I’d proposed somewhere closer to a bed and privacy. “I don’t know how I’d have felt on that flight home if you didn’t.”
Her smile was soft, the way she was looking at me making me feel like the man I wanted to be.
“You don’t have to worry about that, because I love you back.” Another kiss and another, until someone tapped my shoulder.
It was one of the tour employees. “Sorry, but we got a complaint sayin' lewd behaviour in front on the kids, as if they don't see worse right out there on Fifth Avenue after sunset.” He looked rightly embarrassed. “You might want to, you know, tone it down. You’s have just gotten engaged?”
Marie nodded, trying not to laugh.
“You's got a camera? You gotta have a photo of this. Show your kids one day and tell them how there was a complaint about your lewd behaviour.” His grin was wide and friendly. “My missus is going to love this story.”
Marie handed him the camera from her bag, wrapping her arms back round me as we both looked at the lens for a photo, New York behind us. A rush of hope filled me as our photographer suggested one more lewd moment, a kiss, short this time in duration, but captured on film.
I hoped I’d be looking at it in forty years’ time, telling my grandkids about the day I proposed twice to Marie and how she didn’t say no.
We headed back to her apartment afterwards, laughing and touching and teasing until we landed on her big bed with the full sized windows looking out over the city. I’d have to leave early in the morning to collect my luggage, but I didn’t want to leave her now. I couldn’t leave her twice.
“When shall we tell our parents?” I’d bought her a ring on the way back, taking her to a jewellers she liked so she could pick her setting herself. It was already the right size, a happy coincidence and now sat on her ring finger.
It would be hard for anyone to miss and by the sounds of it, she wasn’t going to be hiding it.
Marie pulled the covers back over us, then tucked herself around me. “I’d say now with my parents, but they’re away in Cape Cod for a long weekend. I’ll tell them when they get back.”
“My dad’s flying to Singapore now so I’ll have to speak to him when I get back to London. Looks like it’s just us knowing for a couple of days.” I kissed her head, hating the fact that I’d be away from her for weeks if not months after tonight. “As soon as you tell someone, let me know. I don’t have many people to tell.”
“I have plenty. I’ll tell my parents first, or Bernadette. Then let your dad know, because he’ll probably want to speak to mine.” She tipped her head so she could see me better. “This’ll have implications for our firms.”
“It will. Possibly big ones. I’ll step away if I need to.” Because there wasn’t much I wasn’t go to do for her. Her and my kids.
“You won’t need to. We’ll merge the firms. It would make sense anyway given the sizes of opposite offices in London and New York, but that’s not a worry for now.” She nuzzled my chest, easing me into a state of peace that I’d long since forgotten existed.
It was an interesting response. “You’ve thought about us being together then. You’d thought about the firms.”
“It’s pretty much all I’ve thought about for the last week. I thought I was going insane. I don’t anymore. I think this is the sanest thing I’ve ever done.” She shifted again, moving the cover back off us and straddling me, her body exposed which meant I wasn’t going to have much attention for anything else.
My hands went to her hips, having a good idea of what she had planned for the next half an hour or so.
“There is one thing. You never properly answered it the other night.” Her finger trailed patterns on my chest.
I’d agree to anything right now.
“I asked if you would have more kids.” Her hand stopped moving. “Marrying you means I become a step-mam to Max, Jackson, Claire and Callum, and I’ll be what they need to the best I can. I will love them like I birthed them myself, but I would still like my own as well. If I can.”
“A big family.”
“A very big family. Not immediately. In a couple of years when everything’s calmer.”
“But we can practice now?” I cupped her breasts, her nipples growing harder. All thoughts of merging practices, flights home and the chaos I was about to face were sapped from my head.
“We can practice now.” She shifted her hips, taking hold of my cock that was hard and keen.
I watched as she played with it, rubbing it against her clit, raising her hips so she could tease the tip at her entrance, her juices glinting at the tip. I carried on playing with her tits, well aware of what she liked best now, knowing she was turned on when I was looking at them, or sucking on them.
It seemed like forever before she sunk her hips down on to my cock and started to ride me, her hands braced on my shoulders to help her balance. I let her find her rhythm, her tight heat tensing on my cock.
“You’re pussy feels so fucking good. You fuck my cock so well.”
Her head tipped back as I said the words, her rhythm faulting. I plucked her nipples, eliciting a moan that had my balls tightening.
That was my resolve broken. I gripped her hips, sitting myself up and started to lift her up and down, my hips moving in the same rhythm, plundering her deeper each time. Her muscles tightened further, her breath became uneven, her body boneless. She came with a sob, her cunt milking my cock almost painfully and I spilled again into her, thanking whichever fairy godmother had dealt me this hand of cards.
Afterwards, we cleaned up, making use of the big bath in her apartment, and we talked about everything apart from work yet again. The sun set over the city. We ate take out and watched as dusk turned into night.
I told her I loved her again before we fell asleep, limbs tangled, and I promised I wouldn’t wake her when I left in a few hours because I didn’t want to say goodbye.