11. Abby
Abby
It doesn’t matter how many times I redesign this site, the company isn’t happy.
I may need to step away and come back to it because I’m starting to get frustrated.
Luckily, I’ve got some time, and I’m only working because I have nothing else to do.
I’ve been feeling under the weather lately—this Boston cold already something I am ill-adjusted to—so I’m in my sweats and eating some soup, hoping to feel better before the week ahead.
I’m about to turn on some mindless television when I get a call from reception.
“Hello, Ms. Morris?”
“Yes, this is she.”
“You have a guest down here by the name of Kennedy Sparen asking to see you.”
I wasn’t expecting to see Kennedy. I’ve always known her because of Sam.
They are the closest of friends. Because of Clay’s relationship with Ash, I tagged along, and, in that time, I befriended Kennedy through Sam.
I loved spending time with her, and we always had a great laugh.
They always welcomed me in their friendship, never making me feel like an outcast, and the two of them always included me in their little jokes.
But I never hung out with Kennedy alone.
I can’t even think of a time we were ever in the same room together without our other friends.
Although Sam reached out when she found out I was back in Boston, I haven’t seen her yet.
She has asked if I’ll come visit, but I finally came clean regarding how difficult it would be due to some of my struggles to become pregnant.
I know she’s in the stage of becoming a new mother, and I don’t want to taint this beautiful time for her.
I have to be honest with my own feelings that self-care is important.
I was straightforward with her, and the truth didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.
Giving her the cold shoulder would be harder, and she was more receptive than I thought.
She was understanding and kind to my situation.
Even though Sam and Ash were aware of our fertility struggles prior to the divorce, I never went into much detail.
I felt it was such a private matter, and, in some ways, I was a little embarrassed.
I decided to shed that layer of skin and let that vulnerability shine through as I spoke to my old friend.
This is a “me” problem, and I’ve stayed consistent with my therapy sessions here in Boston.
I should have seen someone the minute I started my IVF journey because it would have saved Clay and me a lot of headaches in our marriage.
I know I can’t undo the damage I’ve caused in the past, but what I do from this point forward is what’s important.
I’m aware of that now. The way I view my fertility journey from this moment on can be more positive, including my journey through welcoming my friends in on how my fertility struggles have impacted me.
Including Sam in on this was a huge step in the right direction.
I hear Leonard’s throat clear on the line, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Oh, yeah, you can let her up,” I tell him, then hang up the phone.
The moment I disconnect, I look around, processing the mess of my apartment.
I have junk everywhere, my apartment looking more like a junkyard than living quarters.
I quickly start running around, picking up the take-out ramen I have thrown about, along with the random books and magazines I’ve let pile around.
I haven’t even taken a look in the mirror and just hope for the best when there’s a knock at the door.
I look down to find a stain on my shirt and roll my eyes at myself. I should have spent the time changing my clothes instead of cleaning the apartment, but she’ll just have to deal with the mess that I am. She caught me off guard.
I open the door to the woman who looks like a cover model. Kennedy Sparen is the woman I want to be when I grow up. Too bad we are the same age.
The minute she takes me in, she winces. “Sam didn’t tell you I was coming, did she?” she says in lieu of a greeting.
“Um, no?” I respond, more as a question than a statement.
“Damn her and that new-mom brain,” she huffs out.
“She had the babies?” I ask in complete shock. I had no idea, but I also haven’t checked in for a bit.
“Oh my gosh, yes! It’s been a crazy few weeks.
The day she had the babies, River got injured, and it’s been a bit chaotic.
Everyone is fine though. Sam is great, exhausted, of course, and the babies are wonderful.
Doing well and discharged from the NICU.
I have pictures if you want to see. I have many because Ash thinks every angle of a photo makes a difference. ” She laughs.
I open my door wider and motion for her to come in. I hold onto the door because I feel a little lightheaded. Kennedy notices me closing my eyes and calls my attention.
“Abby, you feeling okay? You look a little pale.” She grabs onto my arm, and I just nod.
“Oh yeah. I think I’ve just been working too many hours on this project. This site I’ve been working on is driving me crazy. Long hours and all. It’s sort of kicking my ass.” The CEO is an absolute dick.
“Can I get you some water or something?” I ask, trying to be a good hostess, even though I have no clue why she’s here.
“Oh no. I’m imposing. I just wanted to swing by and see how you’re doing. I know we aren’t really close, but Sam is sort of busy with the babies now, and I thought we really don’t know one another,” she says, and I have no idea where this is coming from.
“That’s nice of you,” I reply a bit hesitantly.
“Ugh, River says I’m a shit liar. I can’t really pull it off, can I?
I have a shit poker face, I think.” I just stand in place as she word vomits in front of me.
“Here’s the deal: Sam asked me to come by and check on you.
She was on bed rest for the longest time.
She wanted to see you but couldn’t just get in the car and stop by.
Then she went into labor, and now she is sort of lactating everywhere.
” She makes a face, which makes me want to snort with laughter because Kennedy is quite funny.
“So here I am. She’s enlisted me. I know you might not want the person dating your ex-husband’s twin brother, but I promise I won’t choose sides.
River’s a bit pissed. I hope you don’t mind me admitting that to you.
But River can fuck off—my words to him, I swear—I love him, but he’s a bit angry right now about Malloy and this whole date/non-date thing you went on.
I told him he’s being a baby about it and to let it go. ”
“Let me get this straight—you want to be my friend?” I ask.
“Yeah, I do.” She smiles at me. “Is that weird for you? To be friends with me without Samara around? Because she thinks you need a friend, but she also thinks she can’t give too much attention right now. So I told her I'd love to come hang out with you if you'll accept me as a consolation friend!”
I continue to just stand there in silence for a bit too long.
“It’s weird. I get it. It’s the ex-husband’s twin brother thing, isn’t it?” she asks, and I start laughing.
“No, it’s not that. I just wasn’t expecting this at all today.
That’s all. I’m sorry, I’m a mess, I feel like a slug, and this is unexpected.
I had no idea Sam had the babies; I feel like a shit friend, and I just feel like the opposite of the person I am supposed to be right now.
That’s all. I have no idea when I became this person.
” I start laughing, and then it morphs into crying. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Oh my gosh. No, don’t cry. Shit, where are your tissues? Fuck.” She starts rubbing my back, and I’m still doing this weird laughing and crying thing like a lunatic in front of this new friend of mine who barely knows me aside from the random times we’ve hung out.
I start waving my hand while walking to my couch and sit, then I bury my face in the pillow from my couch. “Mh emoshunns ahr ehvrwherr,” I mumble.
“I have no idea what that was you just said,” she says softly, trying not to be rude.
I lift my head. “My emotions are everywhere. Don’t mind me. I’m a mess,” I say while I try to calm myself down.
She moves my hair away from my face as I wipe the tears from my cheeks.
“It’s okay. It’s probably been a long day. Can I make you some coffee or tea? Or do you feel like getting out a bit?” Something about the idea of going out on a walk sounds like the best idea, even though it’s probably cold enough to freeze the tears I just shed to my face.
“Actually, a walk around the water sounds like a nice idea. You don’t mind?” I ask.
“Not one bit. Why don’t you grab warmer clothes.
It’s pretty cold out today.” I hop up and run to my room, thinking fresh air will do me some good.
Without even realizing it, I’m slowly getting my friend circle comprised in Boston again after I felt completely alone.
I thought I could come back here and blend in without anyone to support me.
How wrong I was because I’m incredibly grateful I have people to lean on.
The walk around the water is just what I needed.
Apparently, River got injured on the job and had to take some time off to rest and recover.
Luckily, it wasn’t anything serious, and he is back at work.
It seems her relationship with River is the real thing, and they’re fully committed to one another.
They seem happy together, which is surprising because all I remember of their interactions was the two of them fighting to the point that I thought the cops would be called.
As we approach my building again, I see a figure from afar that looks familiar. The closer we get, I see it’s Rios.
“Hey, Rios, what are you doing here?” Kennedy asks, just as confused by his presence as I am.