16. Abby
Abby
I can’t stop staring at the image of the tiny human I’m carrying. I mean, most of the fruit in my kitchen is bigger than this baby, and yet, this little human already holds my entire heart in their hands. How is that possible?
“We made that,” Clay says, standing behind me at his kitchen table. He’s just as taken by the little being as I am. I think it felt even more real when we saw the flutter of the heartbeat. Once we heard that swoosh overtake the room, our hearts melted, and we knew we would never be the same.
After the ultrasound, we were ushered over to see my obstetrician in her office, where I had more than a “few” questions.
I swear, the moment I thought I was done with my questions, several more popped up.
At one point, Clay said she was better off giving me her email address so I could compose a detailed document with bullet points because we would take up her entire day.
She was quite shocked to see us. I think she was as excited and surprised we conceived naturally as we were.
She explained that although rare, it can happen for people with my diagnosis.
In our case, luck was on our side that night, and we should consider ourselves fortunate it happened naturally.
She also said we should get a lottery ticket on our way home.
She was the only one laughing at her joke because it’s still hard to wrap our minds around the fact that a baby is coming, and yet we are no longer together.
Lost in thought, a knock sounds on Clay’s front door, and we quickly fold up the ultrasound photos and tuck them into my purse for the time being. We invited River and Kennedy over prior to the appointment in the hope of letting them know about the pregnancy.
Clay was right about Rios. If he indeed let this slip, River would be none too pleased to find out he was going to be an uncle from someone at the firehouse instead of from his own brother.
Clay hurries to answer the door while I stay seated at the kitchen table. I hear River greet his brother, followed by the sound of paws moving across the wooden floor, quickly finding me at the table.
Lola brings all sixty-plus pounds of her loving self to me and gives my arm a big lick. I can’t help the laugh that escapes, and I scratch the back of her ear.
“Well, hello, sweet girl. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. You’re such a pretty princess.” I greet her, and she leans into my touch.
“Hey, Abby, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Kennedy comes in, bending down to hug me tight. She pulls away and gives me a sly smile.
“Yeah, good to see you, Kennedy,” I say, trying to keep my reason for being here a secret. I really want Clay to do most of the talking.
I hear the guys laughing and straggling behind, so it takes a minute for them to catch up, but when they do, River halts when he sees me, looking over to his brother and then back at me.
“What’s going on?” he says, appearing concerned when he sees me sitting at the table. Lola remains seated next to me as if sitting guard to protect me, sensing I need a shield right now.
“Sit down, you two. Do you want something to drink?” Clay asks, motioning to his fridge.
“I’ll take some water,” Kennedy says, while River yells, “Same.”
“You look better,” Kennedy says when she swings her attention back at me.
“Were you sick, Abby?” River asks, concern taking over his features.
“Yeah, feeling much better.” I direct my gaze at River. “I was a bit under the weather, but better today.” I smile.
Clay comes back with two bottled waters and sits down next to me. Kennedy and River sit side by side and give each other a pointed look.
“So, what’s going on?” River asks, hesitant with his questioning.
“Well, we asked you here because we have some news to tell you,” Clay begins.
“I fucking knew it!” River declares while Kennedy breaks into a huge grin.
What’s happening right now?
River picks up his phone and seems to type something out.
“Goddamn it, Skipper. I fucking hate losing!” He throws his phone down and sulks.
Kennedy looks all too satisfied when she gazes at him, then puts her hand on his bicep and says, “Don’t worry, baby, I’ll do that thing you love later, you know, with my tongue, where I?—”
“Okay, no thanks!” Clay shouts, throwing his arms up to shut this conversation down. “You know I hate having a mental picture of both of you doing anything sexual in my head. Damn it. It’s there. Thanks, Kennedy! Also, you bet on us? What the fuck, River!”
“Kennedy started it!” He points at Kennedy, and my eyes double in size.
“You said we were friends!” I shout.
“It was before I went over the other day, I swear. I just had a feeling when I saw Clay all sad and stuff a few months ago. I just had a feeling I’d see you guys get back together, so I made a friendly wager.
I hate seeing River win, so I bet him, and here we are! ” She smiles, all too proud of herself.
“Well, send the money back!” I tell her.
“What, why?” she says, disappointment lacing her tone.
“Because we aren’t back together. Bet not won!” I tell her, sticking my nose up, much too happy these two aren’t making money off us today.
“Then why are we here?” River says, now seeming annoyed even though he didn’t lose money.
“Because we’re having a baby!” we shout at them.
That stuns them both into silence.
River rubs the back of his neck, mimicking his brother’s mannerisms. His eyes bounce from me to Clay. I don’t know what kind of reaction to expect from him, and the longer the silence stretches, the more nervous I become.
Finally, Kennedy stands from her chair and makes her way over to me.
“Congratulations to you both!” She reaches me first and pulls me into a hug. “You’re going to be the best mama,” she whispers into my ear, and I feel the lump in my throat form right then and there.
She pulls away and walks over to Clay, giving him a hug and whispering something to him as well that I can’t hear. I see Clay embrace her tighter and say thank you.
Once they pull apart, Kennedy turns to River. “Say something to your brother!”
River snaps out of it and stands, quickly moving toward Clay and pulling him into a tight hug.
The two hold each other for a long moment.
It’s during this stretch of time I let my mind wander to the fact that they must be thinking of their father.
They have little memories to share of the man who molded a small portion of their lives, but so much of who they are today comes from the legacy he left behind.
It’s hard to have these big moments without thinking of their father and the milestones he would have loved to be a part of.
When the brothers pull apart, I hear them clear their throats, and it’s hard to hold back the tears that break free from my own eyes. They both shake it off as if they weren’t emotional.
“I’m going to love the hell out of that little one. They will think I’m the best, and you know it might even call me ‘Dada’ before you,” River says.
“The fuck they will.” Clay socks River in the shoulder, making him laugh.
There’s a lightness in the room until River looks at me, and the moment settles a bit.
“Congratulations, Abby. I know this must bring a mix of emotions for you,” River says.
I see a bit of confusion cross Kennedy’s face.
I don’t know how much of my relationship with Clay he has shared with his girlfriend, but he must have kept a lot of it close to the chest because she doesn’t seem too privy to it at the moment.
I decide to fill her in because there’s no sense keeping her in the dark.
“It’s no secret to anyone in this room that it’s been difficult for me to get pregnant.
It’s sort of a miracle I was able to conceive, so this is sort of a shock right now,” I say, and Kennedy simply gives me a small nod.
I appreciate her letting that settle things and not asking for me to elaborate further.
River cuts in, “So who’s going to tell Collette, and can I be there when you do?” The smile that stretches across his face is one of pure giddiness.
I see Clay throw his head back and close his eyes, and my shoulders slump. In the chaos of finding out about my pregnancy and telling Clay, I sort of let the rest of the announcements slip away. I haven’t even let my mind go to the thought of having to inform my parents.
“Damnit. How long can we go without telling your parents, Abby?” Clay asks.
I glare at him, knowing full well my mom will sniff this out of me within one video call. I’m a terrible liar.
“What’s wrong with your parents?” Kennedy asks, not quite understanding the issue.
“Oh, I think they’re great. Her dad loves all of us, but Collette, you see, doesn’t quite love Clay here.
She does love her some River, though, doesn’t she, Clay?
” River pats Clay on the shoulder and smiles.
“She absolutely wishes Abby picked me in the brother pool. She’s always doting on me and asking if I’ve gotten enough to eat and everything.
” He sits down and leans back in his seat, crossing his arms behind his head, letting that big head of his rest in his hands.
“I’m amazed your chair doesn’t fall back, seeing that your head is as heavy as a bowling ball with that ego of yours weighing so much,” Kennedy says, rolling her eyes as she sits down next to him.
I can’t help but chuckle, but the nerves have settled back in, thinking about how we will tell my parents about the baby.
“What if you just ask them to come visit? That way, it gives you more time to figure out how to break the news. I bet they’ll be thrilled and supportive,” Clay says, grabbing my hand. “Plus, the whole grandbaby thing will cloud any other emotion anyway.”
“Hold on, are you two back together?” Kennedy asks, while River swings his chair upright and points his finger to where Clay’s grasping my hand.
“No,” I say, confusion lacing my features. “Why?”