Chapter Thirty-eight
“S cooch over,” Sloane groans with her arms full of candy and chips as she attempts to climb onto the small hospital bed. I shuffle over, giving her space where she then dumps the goods, grabs the blanket and puts it over herself, making sure not to touch any of the wires or tubes still attached to my body. It’s been over a month since the accident, and two weeks since I’ve been awake, but the doctor has said I should be good to go home soon.
But my memories still haven’t returned. Not even a flicker of them.
The doctor explained it’s known as retrograde amnesia, and whether it’s permanent or temporary is yet to be seen. I’m holding out hope that I will regain the time I am missing, I feel like there’s something important in those memories, something that is making me feel empty without them.
Sloane brings up an episode of Gossip Girl and settles onto the pillows as she hits play, passing me a bag of chips to snack on. It’s finally stopped raining, but the sky has been suffocated by clouds every evening, so I haven’t been able to watch a single sunset out the window.
I let out a sigh as I focus on the show, snuggling into my best friend’s side. This is what I needed; everyone is treating me like I am fragile but not Sloane. Sloane brings me junk food and soda and lets me lay on her while we watch our shows. But even so, it feels like she is keeping things from me too.
It’s probably the blanks in my memories talking but it makes me uncomfortable.
Three days later and I’m packing my bags, finally free to leave. I’m not completely out the clear though, I have appointments I need to attend and physiotherapy appointments to go to, but I am no longer required to stay at the hospital. I rattle with all the pills I now have to take but I’d rather that than stay in this place one day longer.
“You got everything?” Sebastian asks as he takes my bag off the bed.
“Think so,” I beam at him, “Thank you for coming to get me. ”
“Who else would get you?” He asks playfully, “Willow is getting the spare bedroom ready for you now.”
I pause, “Wait, what?”
My brother frowns, “What? You thought you’d be staying alone? Fuck no. You’re staying with me.”
“Bast,” I sigh, “I can’t.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because you and Willow have only been married a few months, Hope is still really little, you have your whole family to look after.”
“You are my family,” He snaps, “You’re not staying alone.”
“What if I ask Sloane to stay at mine?” I offer.
“No.” He begins to storm away from me, “This is final, Savannah.”
I hobble after him, “Bast!”
I wave to the nurses as I rush after my brother. It isn’t until we get to the bank of elevators that he finally stops, and he is not happy. He glares down at me.
“At what point did you think I was just going to let you go home alone?” He snaps at me, “You’re only just getting out the hospital after spending over a month here and still can’t remember everything. Leaving you to just fend for yourself isn’t something I am willing to do. ”
“I’m a big girl,” I snap at him, “I’ve been looking after myself for years. I’m not a kid!”
“Why were you driving that night?” He hits back.
I open my mouth to argue with him but then snap it shut because fuck if I know.
“That’s not fair,” I tell him instead.
“I almost lost you, Savannah,” He sighs, “I was fucking terrified I was going to have to bury my baby sister. I can’t just let you go home after all of this; you’re not even fully recovered.”
“It was an accident,” My chin dips in defeat, “I’m sorry.”
The elevators doors open and I step into the cart, Bast stepping in beside me .
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Savvy,” Sebastian rasps and I finally look over to him. It’s there on his face how terrified he was at the idea of losing me. “But just humor me on this, please, just until you’re better.”
“I’ll give you a couple of days,” I compromise, “But I have to get back to my life at some point, I don’t want this to change it.”
He sighs, “Okay, deal.”
Once the bags are in the back of the SUV, I climb up front and buckle in, a bundle of nerves suddenly tightening in the pit of my stomach. Anxiety washes through me and only heightens as he pulls out of the parking lot and onto the Main Street.
My fingers curl around the handle on the door, white knuckling it to the point of pain and all my muscles tighten, bracing.
It’s fine, everything is fine.
I can’t even place the fear, I can’t remember the accident, but I know . We pull up to a stoplight and cars whizz through the junction.
It won’t happen again .
I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to tune out the sound of tires on tarmac until the sound of crunching metal and an echoing bang go off inside my head instead. It’s screeching and hissing, and glass shattering as my body is thrown to the side.
“Savannah!” My eyes snap open to Sebastian shaking my knee, desperately trying to get my attention. “What happened?”
He’s pulled over to the side of the road now on a quieter street, the traffic still moving behind us.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, unwrapping my cramped fingers from the handle, “I thought… I think I remembered part of the crash.”
His green eyes search my face, “The doctor said it could happen,” His voice is soft and empathetic, “Routine and daily habits could bring them back. I didn’t think it would happen so soon.”
“It wasn’t… I just heard noises; I didn’t see anything.”
“You didn’t remember anything else?” He pushes.
“No,” My heart feels as if it’s trying to burst outside of my chest, battering against my ribcage, “Can we just go?”
“I’ll drive slow,” He assures me, “We can take it easy.”
“Okay,” I let out the breath lodged in my throat, “Thank you.”
Sebastian does as he promised and drives us back to his house, only using backroads and quiet streets to get there and the moment he stops us in the driveway and Willow is standing there, Hope in her arms, I begin to relax.
“You’re free,” She grins at me once I get out the car, “How does it feel?”
“So good,” I boop Hope on the nose and get a cute, gummy smile in return. “She smiled!” I gasp.
Willow softens, “She started smiling about a month ago.”
“I missed it,” My shoulders sag.
“There’s a million new milestones to come,” She touches my arm, “And her auntie Savvy will be there for all of them.”
Wiping away a stray tear, I nod and stroke down her little face before Bast ushers us all into the house and away from the cold.
“I thought it would be nice to have everyone over for dinner,” Willow says, “I would have suggested going out for it, but I figured you’d want to rest and stay in for now.”
“Oh, that sounds great!” I relax into their plush couch and Willow places Hope into my good arm, allowing me to use the couch arm to take the weight of her since I can’t use the one in the cast yet. The baby babbles and coos, her big eyes watching and seeing everything.
Being home doesn’t automatically fix everything, though I wish it were that easy but it’s a step and I am determined to regain the moments I have lost.