Chapter 15 #4
“I’m gonna be honest, son. Even if you’d like to terminate, I recommend that route.
There are ways I can help, of course. For those who don’t like the doctors or don’t want anyone to know, but in this case especially, and to those who will listen, I tell them to deal with it the modern way.
Much safer. I have methods—teas, and herbs to make it happen—but oftentimes, nature’s not too kind to those tryin’ to sabotage its primary purpose. ”
“I won’t need that.” The words just slip out, clear and assured.
I blink and look up, meeting eyes with Auntie Elmira. Her gaze is one of relief and fiery determination. She has something to say, but her brief glance at the Doc tells me it’s not something she wants to share in front of him.
“Your choice, like I said,” Coleman says. He moves aside to wipe the Doppler.
I pull my shirt down and hop off the examination table. “Thanks for your help,” I say and shake his hand. He gives me a reassuring squeeze. With a knowing expression, he comes closer.
“Let me know if you need anything. I would guess that you’ll be fine. You are strong and healthy,” he says, giving me a quick look-over, “But it won’t be easy, lemme tell you that.”
I smirk. “I’m pretty familiar with not easy.”
“Not this sort, son, but I admire your optimism,” he remarks, smiling at me like he knows something I don’t.
I pull away while Hunter steps in, pulling out his wallet to pay the doc. I don’t bother arguing with him about it, because I know he would insist, anyway.
After some more nods and handshakes and thanks, we leave.
The quiet between us is thick and uncomfortable as we make our way back to the car. Aunt Elmira makes a disgruntled sigh almost as soon as her wheels hit the ground, and it gets my attention like it’s supposed to.
“You want to continue with the pregnancy. Very well. I support you in that,” she says, voice decisive and confident, but I don’t like where the determination of it is headed. “I’d support you in anything you’d do, you know that, don’t you?”
I nod, looking at her carefully. This is going to turn into a talking-to. I can feel it.
Sure enough, she gestures for Hunter to stop pushing her and grabs my hand. “But if there’s one thing I will insist on, it is that you gotta tell your city alpha who did this to take responsibility and come back.” My attempt at pulling away doesn’t work because suddenly, her grip is steel-tight.
She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know Wren and his situation, and I can’t explain it to her without completely betraying his trust and spilling all his deepest, darkest secrets.
“I— No. It’s not that simple. Please, don’t pester me about this.”
“Pester you?!” She lets go of my hand sharply. “This is serious, Russell. This isn’t something you can just brute-force your way through! That alpha knotted you, did he not? Consensually. Intentionally. He knew what that meant, and he needs to take responsibility for it.”
My skin itching all over with frustration, I spread out my arms. “What if he doesn’t want to?”
I know he would. Well, I barely know Wren, but something tells me he would. That he’d insist on doing the right thing, even if that would hurt him. Which is exactly why I can’t tell him.
Or should I? He deserves to know, doesn’t he?
Gods, I don’t know what to do…
Elmira’s face twists into a horrified expression. “Then he’s an awful person, Russell!”
I put my head into my hands and pace around the wheelchair while Hunter watches me with a look that says he’ll stay out of it as long as I don’t upset her too much.
I don’t want her to think the worst of Wren, so I stop in front of her, determined to change her mind.
“I was there too, you know? I wasn’t some senseless, powerless fuck doll for him to use.
And I’m the one making this choice, even with the knowledge that…
that he wouldn’t be happy here, which is why I won’t tell him.
Not…not now! N-not yet, I… Ugh, I need to mull this over, okay? !”
“This isn’t something you can easily do by yourself, darlin’.
” Auntie Elmira’s voice shifts into a despairing, soft, worried tone that tugs at my heart.
“I don’t want you to go through such a monumental life event like this, Rus.
You shouldn’t have to. You should have the support and aid of the person who—”
“I have you and Hunter for support. Don’t I?”
A smile appears on her face, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. They stay serious. “We won’t be here forever…”
“Stop,” I groan. No. No, I don’t wanna think about that. “Can-can we go home? I’m tired, and my head hurts. I need some time to—”
“‘Course,” Hunter says firmly. He and Elmira look at each other before he starts pushing her toward the car again. I’m glad the arguing is over, because I can barely hear my own thoughts at this point.
Dammit, of course I want him here!
I hated it when he left more than I logically should’ve, and I loved the moments we shared more than I have the right to.
But…life isn’t some fairytale. Wren is in the city trying to get his life together and he’s succeeding.
I want that for him. More than anything, he deserves to have happiness and stability after what he’s been through.
So how could I rip that away by telling him this news and pulling him back here, where he’d be haunted by so many horrific memories? Only for him to resent me, this environment, and our child, and to slip back into the horrible place I saw a glimpse of him in.
I don’t want that. For me, him, or the kid. Kids? Oh, gods…
It still doesn’t seem real thinking about growing a child. Me. Inside…my body.
If I’m the one carrying this new life, I should be the one carrying the brunt of the responsibility, shouldn’t I? Right now, this seems like the only option. And like Doctor Coleman said, the choice is mine.
Besides, part of me is happy. Selfishly, foolishly happy that I have a small fragment of Wren to myself. A tangible reminder of him that nobody can take away.
Well, I will…in a few months.
I know that what we had was extraordinary, something never to repeat, and having more than a faint memory feels almost like a blessing. I could never want him to stay here, or come back, or even ask him to give whatever is between us a serious consideration…so this is the next best thing.
As I sit in the car, I put my hand on my stomach.
But hiding something like this from him isn’t right, is it?
My head feels like it’s about to split under the weight of it all.
Maybe I’ll wise up after letting it sit for a while.
Maybe I just need time. Maybe Elmira and Hunter will convince me to do something else, but…
I was never one known for being wise. My parents realized that early on.
I’ll never forget how they sat me down one day in second grade, after I got told by one of the kids that I was dumb in the most vicious, hateful way, and came home bawling my eyes out.
“You might never be the smartest kid, but there’s one thing you can be. The bravest kid, who follows his heart, no matter what, and does what brings him joy. Not everybody is able to make that choice. You will always be the best of them all at that, Rus. That is your superpower.”
I really felt special at that moment.
I never worried about not excelling at academics or what most people thought of me again. After that, I’ve always fought to make my way through life by following my heart.
And that is what I’m going to keep doing. It’s what they would’ve wanted.
So…I’ll figure this out. I’ll make the choice. When the time is right. When my heart tells me what to do.